by Trude
Rating:
Pg
Disclaimer:
I really don’t own
Spoilers:
HOM, CYN, maybe Departure
Summary:
Alex’s POV during his dance with Isabel at the Prom.
AN:
Thanks to Jamie for beta reading and giving me the courage to actually post
it!!!!!!!!! Thanks!
Feedback would be nice, but since this is the first
I
am holding her close while I am watching her smile at some *friends* of hers.
She
looks beautiful. She always does, but tonight she looks even more amazing than
usual. I guess that’s because she’s really happy. I don’t mean her
“happy ‘cause it is expected from me” way, I mean the “happy because I
am” way.
She
is smiling at me again, maybe she wants to kiss me again. Yeah, again. She
already kissed me once and I couldn’t be happier. I mean, she kissed me! Queen
Isabel kissing geek Alex! Okay, I admit I kissed her back, who am I to not do?
But the point is, that she was the one who initiated the kissing!
Even
though I am glad to be here with her, I know that I shouldn’t be! I am afraid
that she is also happy because we are here together and that shouldn’t be the
case. It will just make her unhappier in the end. I know that sounded crazy but
the next is even crazier.
I
know I am going to die!
Not
the “everyone has to die” way, more like the way when you have an accident
and you know that help will be too late.
It
is not a pretty feeling, trust me!
I
don’t know when or why I started remembering almost everything that involved
my trip to *Sweden*, one moment I was thinking of the beautiful weather and the
other I remembered me going to Las Cruces. Then, I slowly remembered almost
everything that happened. I don’t think I would’ve stayed sane if it had
been crushing down on me in one big heap.
I’ll
lose my life
But
I won’t forget tonight
I’ll
lose my mind
But
I won’t forget a thing you said
I
still don’t know why I went or whose idea it was, but even if I did, that
knowledge wouldn’t be able to keep me alive!
Two
days ago I realized that I would die because of going to
Strangely
enough realizing my soon coming death didn’t send me into a depression, God
knows why not. I have been utterly calm since then, not making any comments to
the others, not searching for the one who is responsible for this mess I am in,
not even looking for the destiny book which I haven’t seen since
Maybe
I am still in shock or in denial, I don’t know and I don’t even care.
The
only thing I did was leaving some “clues” for Liz, about
It
wouldn’t be good to tell them, they would try to find a way to keep me alive
(if they would even believe me) and then blame themselves because they
couldn’t find a cure.
It’s
better this way.
I
hope.
Isabel
is kissing me again, much longer this time! Gasping for air, we break apart. She
is grinning at me, her eyes twinkling with happiness. I think she loves me!
Another instinct. I guess that whatever happened made me more aware of my
surroundings and the ones around me.
I
am grinning back at her, but on the inside I am near to tears.
She’ll
be hurt when I am dying and that’s something I didn’t want to happen. I
never wanted to hurt her or make her uncomfortable, that’s why I let her go
after Destiny and that’s why I didn’t really fight for her during the Grant
fiasco. I never wanted to do anything she wouldn’t like and still I have no
way to prevent it this time.
I’ll
lose my life
But
I won’t forget tonight
I’ll
lose my mind
But
I won’t forget a thing you said
That’s
why I said no to her in the library. It hurt seeing her eyes fill with pain
after hearing my answer, but it was for the best.
And
still I am here with her.
She
came to my bedroom in the middle of the night. I was strumming my guitar when I
heard a knock on my window. Thinking that maybe it was the asshole who sent me
to
We
were sitting on my bed (lifetime fantasies getting real) and she told me about
going to university. I didn’t hear everything she said, cause I could only
focus on her beauty. But I heard her asking, almost begging, me to go to Prom
with her.
I
was silent for awhile, not knowing what to do. On one hand I didn’t want to,
on the other hand this was something I never imagined to happen, her asking me
to go to the Prom with her.
I
said yes, of course. I can’t deny her anything, I never could.
For
a second I even thought that maybe, she would be so miserable without me, that
she, well, would join me in death. I know that’s utterly crazy and I
shouldn’t have thought of it, but ...
But
is it so crazy that I don’t want to be alone there, wherever “there” is?
I
immediately dismissed the thought. I want her to live, needed to know that she
would live despite everything that would happen after I translated the book. She
should live cause I won’t be able to .
If
I had the chance to change some things that happened last year, I would
immediately try to make things better for Liz and Maria. They are my sisters and
I just watched when Max or Michael broke their hearts again and again. I
wouldn’t let that happen again.
And
of course, I would act differently towards Isabel. Not letting her get through
with everything, being more persistent after the whole Destiny thing and not
letting her end our “relationship” without a real fight.
So, here I am, in the gym, dancing with the love of my life. Trying to make this
the best evening of her and my life.
Judging
from her smile and her lips coming closer to mine again, I am not doing bad.
I’ll
lose my life
But
I won’t forget tonight
I’ll
lose my mind
But
I won’t forget a thing you said
Whatever
will happen to me, I won’t forget this night. I won’t forget a single
moment, word or touch I shared with her.
I
am gonna be
Crawling,
crawling
Crying
out tonight
At
the time we never had
But
I won’t forget tonight
END