FIC: When It Rains
Author: rttavi@aol.com becky 
Rating: PG
Pairing: M/M
Spoilers: Departure--
Notes: Time after an alternate end to Departure
Improv #15
April 1 - April 15
taboo - sculpt - lonely - devour



~*~


I think of him when it rains.

I don't know why, but when it rains I can't think of anything else except him. The thunder and lightning remind me of our fights and the incredible love that followed them.

I'll never forget the way we pounded on that stupid rocky wall and prayed someone would hear us and come out; but they didn't. They let us stay outside and suffer because they couldn't hear us.

I come here, where the Granilith was, a lot. More than I used to. I used to come out here with Liz all the time. We'd sit and cry together over loves that were gone. We'd talk about the good times and the bad, but never about the one who killed Alex, that subject was taboo.

I wonder what they're doing now. That's my biggest curiosity, what they're doing now. Are they okay? Are they alive? Are they following their ridiculous destinies? Do they miss us? Does Michael miss me?

God I hope he does, after all the tears I've cried for him in the two years since he's been gone, I hope he still misses me. I hope he still remembers me.

Liz managed to move on. I don't know how, I thought for sure she'd have been the one left pining for Max, but I wrong. She's with Kyle now. I guess they found in each other something they never expected. I'm happy for them. I'm the one who's still pining for my lost love. I'm the one who thinks of Michael when it rains.

I always think its going to get easier, but somehow it never does. When I look at the night skies I try to imagine what he's doing and if he's ever coming back. I always thought he'd come back for me. Come back to me. I guess I was wrong. I've tried to move on, but I can't, not the way I should have been able to. I used to scream at the sky for taking him away, but after awhile I only screamed at myself. Now I don't scream anymore.

When it rains at night, and I'm lying in my bed alone, I try to sculpt my memories into a story that turned into a future. I reserve the past for the things I can't change but the future is completely unwritten. I always leave out one part of the past, the part where Michael leaves. When I saw him for the last time and my heart shattered.

I don't hate my life, there's just something missing. Someone is missing. A part of me is misplaced somewhere far away and I won't be whole again until that part is with me. I hope he dreams of me. I hope when it rains where he is, he's thinking of me. I'm not as lonely as I thought I'd be; Liz and Kyle keep me company all of the time. But they see it in my eyes how much I miss him. They know not to call me when it rains. That's my time. That's my time to want and need and remember. That's when I think of Michael.

The rain's hitting the window of my car and streaking down the glass. I know my cheeks must look the same from my tears. I find myself here more often when it rains. I'm in the desert and I'm alone.

I think about a reunion with Michael and make bets with myself that it will never happen, but I never said I was the betting type. So I wait in the rain. While the tears are streaming down my face, I think about the way I would hold him in my arms and kiss him if he were to come back. I would never let him go. I would devour him until I was sated and then I'd pull him close to me and whisper in his ear. I'd tell him all the things he's missed while he's been away and all the things I have planned for a future.

The lightning rocks me back into reality. My glazed eyes focus on the storm and I realize its not storming and that wasn't lightning. For two years I've waited in the rain and now as he walks to my car I don't know what to do. I can tell its him by the swagger in his step. I can tell its him by the way his head tilts as he tries to figure out if its me or not.

I get out of the car and I feel immediately drenched. My hands are shaking as he walks closer to me, then he's running and suddenly I'm in his arms. The rain is pouring over us, but I'm in his arms and I know I'll never forget this feeling I have. Now I'll think of this when it rains.



end