Author: Nes
Email: spitfireness@yahoo.com
Feedback: Oh, yeah. It gives me sparkles.
Notes: Season two in my floofy world.
"And then I was late for fifth because I'd had to run to the bathroom. You know how Old Hag Hoffer is, too. Detention for a week. Half an hour everyday all because the john in the south hall is closed and I had to haul booty from the other side of the school! It so wasn't my fault," Maria sighed in dramatic despair. "Wait, it gets worse. And then that new guy, Jack of the wicked Blue Eyes, leans over and taps me on the shoulder. I'm drooling, right, and do you know what he says in his oh-so-sexy-make-me-shiver voice? "Hey, blondie, you've got toilet paper on your shoe!' Toilet paper!"
Maria paused in her monologue for another deep sigh.
"Oh, Maria," Max answered sympathetically. He'd spent the last twenty minutes listening to his best friend recount her terrible, no good, bad day in signature whirlwind fashion. He'd actually steadied himself for her phone call, Isabel had told him about the toilet paper. "Do you want me to swing by? I heard that gas station over on Lee started carrying that new flavor of Ben and Jerry's and it's on the way to your house."
"No, that's okay, girlfriend wait, do you mean Bovinity Dovinity?"
"Milk chocolatey ice cream swirled with fudgy cow shapes," he said temptingly.
"Oh," she made a sound of delighted wonder. Then returned to her sad voice, "No, I don't think so this is the kind of month that snack food can't fix. Oh, god, and we have that chem test tomorrow. I'm gonna fail. "
"I'm studying now. Do you want to come over?"
"I don't feel like driving."
"I can come over."
"Nah, I wanna wallow in loneliness.
"Are you sure? Is there anything else I can do," he asked. It really had been a bad month for Maria between midterms and her usual bad luck. Plus, her mom was back on good terms (read: smoochies and "untucking") with the Sheriff. It didn't really disturb Maria anymore but it did put her off balance.
"Max, do you know what my name means?"
"Er, no. It's like Spanish, though right," he hazarded. "And mar means ocean, so your name has something to do with water. That's pretty."
"Bitterness."
"Excuse me?"
"Sea of Bitterness," she answered shortly. "My name means sea of bitterness."
"Oh. Well, it's still very pretty. Just like you."
She disregarded the compliment in favor of more brooding. "It's like a curse or something. I'm going to turn into a bitter old maid. Oh, god, Max!"
"What? What?" He said frantically, visions of a Maria's house burning around her entering his mind.
"It's starting already", she said just as franticallly. "Do you remember when my last date was? Last month. Oh god."
Max sighed in relief. "What about that guy, that guy in your math class? Didn't he ask you out?" "He doesn't count! He's like, a weird freak that clips his fingers during class and leaves the crap on the carpet. Let's face it, Max, the well has run dry.
"Oh, Maria."
"Don't you 'Oh, Maria' me, Maxwell Phillip Evans. I have to face the truth. I'm pathetic. I'm gonna be just like Old Hag Hoffer."
"Actually, Mrs. Hoffer is married to the gym teacher."
"Arghhhh! I'm pathetic." She screamed and Max cringed.
"Well, then I'm pathetic, too. I haven't been on a date since sophomore year."
"Oh, please. I know full well that Stacy Gibbon asked you to the movies yesterday. And that Georgia Carter asked you to the fair last week. And Thora Smith asked you out the week before that."
"But I didn't go." He felt her launching into another long speech.
"Minor details! You're a wanted man, Max. Hot stuff. Me, I'm not. I'm the complete polar opposite. I'm the anti-Max. I'm.I'mcold stuff. Totally arctic. Boys don't just not ask me out, they flee!"
He waited patiently.
"And it's no wonder! I'm just undesirable. Who would want me? I'll tell you. A nail-cutting loser. Oh, god, maybe I should save myself from old maid-dom and just go out with him. I can see it now, we'll have matching clippers. Oh god. Do you think he'll take me?"
"Maria, stop. You're overreacting. You're attractive. You're smart and beautiful and fun to be with. You're talented and supportive and you just sparkle with pure amazing Maria-ness. It's probably that, you know. Guys are just so overwhelmed by your charms that they're intimidated. Nobody has asked you out because they can't get up the courage."
"Really," she said breathlessly. "Do you think?"
"I know so." He could practically hear her smiling.
"Max, you're the best girlfriend ever."
"Thanks."
"But you know what?"
"Oh dear." He knew her so well, he could also tell when she gonna come up with a plan.
"They just need a little encouragement."
"Uh-"
"It's time to resurrect the Aqua Bra."
"Hey, Max." He looked up in surprise, to see Kyle standing at his locker.
"Yeah, hey." Live-saving episodes aside, Kyle still didn't really like him. "What's up?
"Maria?"
"Excuse me?"
"She said it was all your idea. Good going, genius."
"What?"
"Don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about, Evans. I've seen the way you look at her."
Max looked at him blankly and rubbed his still-sleepy eyes.
"Well, your little scam has backfired. No way you're getting close enough to her today to work your flirty-alien eyelash mojo on my sister," Kyle practically growled.
"Kyle. What. Are. You. Talking. About."
Maria's soon to be brother (or so it seemed to be heading in that direction) looked closer at Max, weighing him. "She's wearing that thing. There was practically a mob when I drove into the parking lot."
"Oh. That." He'd honestly forgotten, buried in the periodic table. "Oh!"
"Yeah." Kyle sighed, "Can you talk to her?"
"Me?"
"You're her, what does she call it, girlfriend.
Come on, please."
"It's just a bra," Max said as if he was trying to convince himself.
"You haven't seen it yet, man."
"We've all survived it before."
"Not like this. No, not like this." Kyle leaned in, "Tess leant her a shirt."
"But isn't Tess- oh. Oh. Where is she?"
"Turn around and look at the crowd. She's in the middle."
Max obeyed and caught glimpses of her through the sea of people. Glimpses of his sparkly Maria in a mob of horny males. Then his jaw dropped. The pink long-sleeved shirt reached to her hips in a semblance of decency that was entirely negated by the clingy material, plunging v-neck, and the view of creamy white, perfect cleavage it afforded him and everybody else.
Without looking at Kyle, he set his jaw line in determination. "Kyle, give me your jacket."
"Thank god, do you think you can her get to wear it?"
"Wear it? I'm gonna throw it over her head and take that girl home."
"What?"
"And, uh, make her wear sweats. Really baggy ones."
"Good."
"Good." Max said before setting off like a man with a mission.
"Max!" Maria threw her arms around her best friend. Her face practically shone with happiness.
"Hey girlfriend," he said ignoring all the jealous looks. "Uh, can I talk to you?"
"Sure, we are talking."
"No, uh, in private."
"Oh, okay. Buh-bye boys," she waved as the crowd dispersed.
"Maria, I see you went through with the plan."
"Yeah, isn't it great? I've already set up four dates. And school hasn't even started yet!"
"Great, yeah. Now about the bra, you know, it's awful cold today. Don't you think you should wear this jacket?"
"That big thing? Please. You won't be able to see me at all."
That's the point, he thought to himself. "We don't want you get a cold. That busy social schedule and all."
Maria looked closely at him and suddenly brushed her soft hand against his cheek. "Oh, Max, this is about us, isn't it? Don't worry, Max, I'll still have time for you. We can go on double dates."
The warning bell rang and Maria dropped her hand, "I'll see you at lunch, okay? You're my best friend, Max."
"Yeah," he said as she walked away.
Just what I always wanted.
Max sat with his sandwich on bench in the quad. He'
d already finished off an apple, bag of chips, and can of Pepsi.
Where was she?
Then he looked around and saw Tess and Kyle sititng under a tree.
"Hey," he said to them, hating to interrupt.
"She's not wearing my jacket, Evans." "Yeah, I know. I tried. You don't know where she is now, do you?"
"No," Kyle said, "Why?"
"We had plans for lunch and she's late."
"It's Maria, dude. She's always late."
"Not for lunch. Especially not when she knows I brought her cookies."
"Milano?"
Max nodded.
Kyle whistled, "You're right. Let's go look for her."
Tess made a little sound, "Uh, maybe you two should leave her alone."
Kyle turned his eyes to his girlfriend, "What do you know?"
"She's a big girl."
Max looked at her, too. "What do you know?"
"She can take of herself. She doesn't need you two goons."
"That's it," Kyle stood up as Tess peeped in protest.
Under the weight of both their glares, the former queen answered. "I saw Jack Glass checking her out last hour."
"That new guy Jack," Kyle answered.
Max's brain rewound to Maria's words last night. Jack of the wicked blue eyes.
"Yeah," Tess said. "I think they were headed for the eraser room.
"You know what Kyle," Max said. "You stay here with Tess. I'll take care of this myself.
Breathy giggles floated up through the ventilation in the door.
"Oh!" A distinctive voice said in happy surprise.
Max clenched a fist and knocked.
"Occupied!"
He knocked again and said, "Maria?"
"Max?"
"Are you decent," he said fully prepared to blast the door down.
"Well," she laughed. "I am."
Max narrowed his eyes and concentrated.
Seconds later, a shocked and scared Maria ran out of the door, careening into Max.
Her eyes flew to him, she was almost in tears.
His heart sank.
"Oh, Maria, what's wrong? Did he hurt you?"
"Jack? No," she sobbed.
"Then what's wrong, girlfriend?" He slid strong arms around her and led her into an empty classroom.
"I don't know what's wrong! Sure, I put it in the freezer last night but I thought it'd make them, you know, firmer."
"He touched them," Max said with a tone of ringing finality.
"No," she shook his head. "He was just showing me his tattoo on his back. It's a turtle."
"Oh. Oh! That's why," Max gulped in guilt and waited for Maria to finish.
"I didn't think it'd hurt the bra," she continued. "But look!"
She pointed at her chest in misery.
"They're very nice."
She wailed, "Max, feel them! They're hard as rock. I have breasts of stone!"
"I guess you could just take it off," he wrung his hands.
"But- " She looked so sad. "Then I won't be special anymore."
"Don't be silly, Maria. You're always special."
"No," she said. "I'm not. If I was special then where was Jack yesterday? They just want the bra, Max."
"And they can keep the bra if they're too stupid to see how wonderful you are."
"You think I'm special?"
"Of course."
"Then you'd do anything for me?"
"Of course."
"Will you fix these for me," she arched her back. "Pretty please."
But I just broke them, he thought.
"I know you're not supposed to use your powers in school, but couldn't you justplease?"
"Maria, you don't need them it."
"Please," she begged.
"Couldn't you just go without?"
"Pretty please," she gave him the puppy-dog eyes full-force.
His will collapsed and he closed his eyes in concentration. When he reopened them, Maria was dancing happily around the classroom.
"They're perky as ever!" She crowed. "Thank you!"
Max put his head in his hands.
Chemistry was not going well.
Max sat three rows behind Maria and he could that a good two-thirds of the guys in class were looking at Maria's chest as if she had the test answers tattooed there.
He'd finished the test early so he had nothing to do but watch them watch her.
He groaned as her tongue darted out of her pouty lips in concentration.
And growled when he heard the other guys groan in chorus.
Desperate times, he thought as he used his powers for third time that day.
Maria gasped in response and dropped her pen with a heavy thud. As heavy as a pen came make on linoleum, anyhow.
Her face a grotesque mask of awkwardness, she made her way painfully to the teacher's desk. Her walk displaying none of her usual combination on bounce and sway.
She never came back to class to finish the test.
Max had copped a squat next to the girl's bathroom when Tess found him.
"I thought you were her best friend, Max," she began as she backed him into a corner.
"I am."
The tiny blonde narrowed her eyes, "I would have expected it from Kyle, but not from you. You, Maxwell Philip Evans, formerly King Zan of an Antar, I expect maturity from."
"Uh, what are you talking about," his eyes darted towards the bathroom door. If Maria didn't come out soon, he'd miss sixth hour. He'd already skipped American Lit.
"I found Maria crying in the girls' bathroom."
He made a move to tear through the door behind them.
"Not that one. The one in south hall, they fixed it."
"That's her favorite," he said, not sure what else to say.
"Yeah, it's everyone's favorite. It's got the biggest mirrors and best lighting." Tess shook her head, "You're distracting me."
"Sorry."
"Anyhow, I found your best friend and my good friend in a bathroom stall crying."
"Did you help her?"
"Of course I helped her! The poor girl was freezing! You froze her bra! To her! She couldn't take the thing off! I can feel your power signature, Max, and it was all over her."
"I didn't mean to make it stick"
"Haven't you seen 'Christmas Story?' Of course, it stuck to her. Do you have any idea how sensitive a woman's chest is? She was shivering."
Max turned green. "I didn't mean to hurt her."
"No, you just wanted her to take the damn thing off. Were you jealous of the attention? Or just trying to be protective like Kyle? I told you before, Maria can take of herself."
"II just"
"You better pull yourself together, Max," Tess said as she walked away. "And you better apologize because I didn't tell her you did it. But I will."
"Evans, Maxwell Evans!"
Max turned around to see Mr. Aiken heading towards him.
"I see you are at school after all. Now, don't tell me why you decided to skip my class. I just expect to see you in detention today and tomorrow." Mr. Aiken handed Max a yellow slip and walked off.
"But I have to find Maria," he said to himself.
She was gonna kill him.
Or never forgive him and stop being his best friend.
Hopefully, it'd be the first one.
"Hey, Max, I need the car," his sister came up to his locker, a gaggle of girls in her wake.
"I need to find Maria."
"She's in detention, remember."
"Detention?" His eyes lit up as he dropped the keys in her hands. "Yeah, me, too."
When he walked into the Detention Room, Maria was already there. He signed in with the monitor and got into the closest seat to her.
She looked at him quizzically but since they couldn't talk, started writing a note.
You have a bad day, too. M
He pondered a response that wouldn't get him killed.
As he began to put pencil to paper, the kid next to him tapped him on the shoulder and waved him towards the door. Kyle stood there, angry as all hells. His eyes blazed with righteous vengeance and he was holding a sign that said, "I'm gonna get you, Evans. You are dead meat."
Uh oh.
Maria looked from her almost-brother to her best friend in bewilderment.
A second note beaned Max on the head.
What is that about? M
Max tried to fade into his chair.
It was gonna be a long half-hour.
Max waited out the rest of Detention, ignoring the pile of notes that cropped up on his desk.
Maybe he could talk Tess into a mind warp so Maria would forget the whole day.
And Kyle, too.
And herself.
But Tess was pretty upset, too. And she'd probably tell Isabel and then Isabel would get mad.
The detention monitor stood up then, "You're all free to go. I'll see some of you tomorrow."
Max walked up behind Maria.
"Hey, girlfriend," she said, "Why didn't you answer my notes?"
"Uh, can we talk in private?"
"Again," she commented as he led her into the Eraser Room. "Was it that bad?"
He crumpled when he saw how full of concern her eyes were. He moved to block the door and lock it. Then he sat down.
"I, uh, did a bad thing. A bad, bad thing."
"You borrow Izzy's pumps again," she joked.
"Don't make this harder, okay, Maria. Just, please, listen."
She sobered.
"Tess told me about that thing with the bra."
"You mean the popscicle-maker? Oh, sorry, serious here."
"Yeah, the popscicle-maker. Uh, did it hurt very much?"
"It was agony, Max," she said. "All I could do was cry. And wish for you. You always make everything better. But I knew one of us had to finish that test."
"Agony?" Max squeaked.
"I've never ever had a problem with the Aqua Bra before, you know. I'm going to check the manufacturer's warranty later." "
MariaIdidit."
"What?"
"I. Did. It."
"You what?
"I froze your Aqua bra. The water, I turned it into ice"
"Did you make it into rock, too?"
He hung his head, "Yeah."
"You!" Maria's glare was even scarier than Kyle's. He hadn't known that was possible.
Max tried his best not to cower, he could take it like a man.
Maria threw her hands up in the car then moved to leave.
"You locked it," she said angrily. "What, you're gonna ferment my bra now? Turn water to wine?"
"No- I'm sorry, Maria."
"I don't believe this. What is wrong with you today? What did I to you to make you this mad?"
"I'm not mad. It's not you. I'm just stupid."
"You're my best friend, you're supposed to make everything better."
"I-"
"Shut up, Max. Just let me think, okay."
He shut up and watched her pace up and down the small room. He noticed she'd taken off the bra. It didn't change much at all. Her breasts were perfect to begin with. Her hair curled wildly around them and down her back. He loved her hair, so soft and almost as shiny as her lips. God, those lips were gonna be the death of him. Not to mention her legs. Those were illegal.
"Max?"
He looked up blankly. Did he mention her eyes? Bright and crystalline.
"I don't believe this. I'm chewing you out and you don't even have the nerve to listen!" She licked her lips.
Enough. He grabbed Maria by the shoulders and pressed his lips to her bee-stung lips. He began to melt against them and slid his arms around her waist. She fell bonelessly into him, her hips thrust a little forward. He opened his mouth slightly and darted his tongue into hers. She opened her mouth and they traded back and forth, touching tongue to lip.
She sighed contentedly when they finally stopped, but they didn't let go of each other. She insinuated herself under one of his arms. He leant down to smell her hair and kiss her forehead.
"Wow," she said.
"Forgiven?" he asked.
"Uh, no." She said, though smiling. "You still haven't explained yourself."
He looked down at her and began to make tracing on her cheekbones with his fingers. He caressed to her chin before he anwered. "I was jealous. Jack and all those guys."
"Good."
"Good?"
"I wanted your attention. Nothing else seemed to be working so I resorted to the Aqua Bra."
"You scammed me."
She smirked.
"And it worked." She paused, "Though not as harmlessly as I intended."
"I am sorry about that, you know."
She laughed, "It's actually kind of funny. I wouldn't've thought you had it in you."
"But you didn't need the bra," he pointed out. "You already had my attention."
"Your best friend attention. It was almost brotherly. And I most definitely don't want you for my brother."
"Maria," he shook his head. "I never wanted to be your brother. And I've wanted to be more than your best friend for more than a couple months now."
"Really?" She tightened her hold around his waist.
"Remember what I said last night. You: smart, beautiful. Boys: intimidated by your charms. I was talking about me."
"You were afraid?"
"I thought I'd be in the same category as that nail-clipper guy."
"Oh, no, Max Evans, you're in a category all by yourself."
"Thanks," he said as he kissed her face. "But you're not the only one lacking self-confidence."
"I've been a lousy self-involved girl, lately, haven't I?"
"Nothing a couple kisses won't fix."
She snuggled in closer, "Just a couple."
"Only a start," he said before finding the sensitive place behind her ear with his lips.
"Good," she said breathlessly as her hand reached for his.
"Max," she said curiously as he continued to kiss her neck. "What did Kyle mean about dead meat?"
Fin.