Sexual Healing…..

The subject was sex. Or maybe it was all things leading up to sex, who could say? Since the moment the humans became involved with the aliens, there was this question on everyone’s mind. Could humans and aliens be intimate, and if so, would there any consequences?

The two camps of thought pertaining to these questions were mixed. Max and Liz, who wanted to be together said no, that it was meant to be, or specifically that they were ‘soulmates’ and therefore, destined. So what was to fear?

Isabel took a more middle of the road approach, skeptical, yet hopeful that out there somewhere was someone for her. Since she wasn’t as attuned to her alien side, as say, Michael was, she tended to think of her future mating being a mixed relationship of alien and human. After all, the three were alone, they were related, and the possibilities were slim of alien-alien mating. Alex agreed with Isabel, hopeful in the same regard that he would be the one for Isabel, but he liked to hold his cards to his chest just in case something strange happened.

Michael was at the farthest extreme. There would be consequences. Of course there would be. They were aliens, and they didn’t belong there. There was a world far away waiting for them to find it, and strange things happened, well, because they were aliens. That was a mantra of Michael’s life. He was the most willing to accept the strange, bizarre and unnatural, because his entire life…he expected. Maria agreed with him. Perhaps it explained their ever growing friendship. Michael expected things to be weird, and in his view, there wasn’t much out there weirder than Maria DeLuca. Maria, on the other hand, felt that aliens more than likely carried unknown diseases, and should be held with utmost suspicion, except for Michael, of course, who was more than willing to keep himself apart.

So when Liz started to experience strange occurrences while kissing Max, everything from hot flashes, visions, and feelings best not mentioned in polite company, the party lines began to buzz, as the topic of the day turned to what the heck was happening. Again, the factions all lined up. Max wondered if it was real. Isabel thought it was a pile of stupidity, and Michael needed it to lead somewhere.

~~~

Michael had come to accept that Max would never be able to comprehend his budding relationship with Maria. For Max, it had to be more intimate, only because he couldn’t imagine Michael opening up enough to anyone who wasn’t an alien. Michael never bothered to correct Max’s assumptions, merely because explaining it would require Michael to understand it, and he didn’t. It was what it was. Simple to everyone of concern, namely him and Maria. It wasn’t that great a mystery except for those annoying people who needed everything spelled out.

Walking down the hall in the school, Michael listened to Max halfheartedly, his mind on the class he forgot to go to the previous week. His luck, there would be a pop quiz today. He really should give it a miss as a bad idea.

“Did anything like that ever happen to Maria when you two...”

“No.” Michael quickly went on, before Max could ask for more details. “Maxwell, let me assure you, you have not experienced anything I have not experienced many times or caused to be experienced.”

Max raised a brow, smiling at his friend. “Then how can you call yourself my friend?”

“What?”

“A friend wouldn't have kept something like that to himself.”

~~~

Maria found Michael at his usual place high in the bleachers. Joining him, she handed him a bottle of Snapple.

“Oh, Michael, why did I know I would find you here?” She sat down. “Hi.”

“Hey.”

Maria opened her Snapple taking a drink. “Did you hear?”

“The Max-Liz thing, with the flashes?” Michael nodded sipping his drink, checking the inside of the cap for a free bottle. “She's your friend. What do you think?”

“That Max and Liz have discovered some new sensation?” Maria frowned. “It seems somewhat unlikely.”

Michael thought so too. “Extremely unlikely.” He drank from his Snapple, thinking.

“Are you worried?”

“More curious. I really could care less about what passes as passionate interludes between Max and Liz, but this begs a question.”

“You mean that this might have some alien connections, a part of your quest.”

Michael mulled that over. What else could it be? “Maybe.”

“I hate it when you’re like this.”

“Like what?” Michael asked her, confused.

“Enigmatical. Like you think you know, but you’re not sharing. And knowing you, this is probably more B.S. than anything, since you don’t know any more than I do.”

“Did I say I did? Nope. I just think that this is alien driven. That’s all.”

“It could be a connection between Max and Liz.”

Michael snorted. “You think so?”

“I don’t know, but I’m worried. What if she gets sick? Where do we take her? Can we even take her to the doctor?”

Michael shrugged. Maybe it was one thing to speculate, but for the most part, they should just wait and see.

~~~

Max and Isabel were at Michael's new apartment. Max and Michael were talking about what happened with Liz, while Isabel put away Michael’s groceries.

“She said it was as if she was inside the ship looking out,” Max said, “...when it came crashing toward Earth.” Michael lifted an eyebrow. Then it couldn’t be from Max, since they were in pods, and not able to see.

“Did she see anyone else on the ship?” Michael moved closer, trying to appear nonchalant, but his excitement level was rising. “Like our parents?”

Isabel snorted. “Yeah, or Captain Kirk and the Klingons?” She looked at Michael. “You got a paper-towel holder?”

“No.” Michael tried to ignore Isabel, he was busy. “What if it's real?”

Isabel rolled her eyes. “It's not real. What's wrong with you guys?” Opening the refrigerator to put away food, her nose shriveled and she stepped back. “Oh, God! Not even baking soda's gonna help with that.”

Michael had enough of her snotty comments and snobbish behavior. “You know what, Isabel? If you don't like my new place, you can leave.” He looked at Max, ignoring Isabel…the new Martha Stewart. “Continue.”

“I see things from inside her head. Maybe she's seeing things stored deep inside me.” Michael doubted that. They had been incubated until they were six. How could Max know things about the crash unless aliens had a collective consciousness? Michael stored that thought away to talk to Maria about later. This might require research, or at the very least, a Sci-Fi movie night.

“What do you see inside her head?” Michael had his own opinion what was in Liz Parker’s head, but here he had a possibility of Max confirming it.

“I can't tell you.” Max shouldn’t have said anything. Michael wouldn’t let this go. “It's private.”

“Since when do we keep secrets from each other?” Michael’s eyes narrowed suspiciously. Liz Parker again! She had clues to his past, and Max was calling it private? “Maxwell, come on.”

Isabel looked up in the cupboard ignoring the discussion. “Do you have a juicer?”

Michael gave Isabel a nasty look, mentally tossing her annoying self out of his home. “Isabel, you're pushing it.”

“They're Liz's personal thoughts, Michael...not secrets.”

“Ok, yeah, so they're personal thoughts.” Michael’s face clouded in thought. He had personal thoughts…fantasies, and imagining them didn’t make them real. “How do you know they're real?”

“I'm not sure.”

Isabel sighed. All this over some stupid Liz fantasy. Wanting it over, Isabel couldn’t see what the big deal was. “Can't you just ask her?”

“I don't want to embarrass her.” Max had the grace to turn slightly red, and Michael made a face, glad Max was the one to see those visions, and not him. Only visions he wanted to know about were the ones that found him a way home.

“Maxwell, if this is real...if there's any chance this is real...you owe it to us and to yourself to find out.” With that said, Michael’s mind began to churn out different possibilities. He couldn’t trust Max to be completely honest, especially when Liz Parker was involved. “And in the meantime, I'm gonna pursue my own avenues.”

They never got to ask Michael exactly what those avenues were. The door opened to Maria struggling to get a key out of the lock. “The lock sticks. We’ll have to put that on the landlord’s list of things to repair. Where did you put the check-in papers?” Maria looked up seeing Max and Isabel “Hi, guys! Great apartment, huh?” Maria shut the door with her foot as she dragged three huge bags inside. Michael quickly went to help her.

“What is all this stuff?”

“Stuff. I told you not to worry. I collected a few things you’ll be needing.” Maria happily shoved two bags at Michael. “Some of the pans are old, but they’ll work.”

“You have a key?” Isabel asked, sharing a look with Max.

Maria didn’t appear to hear. “I got the industrial cleaner for the refrigerator.” Maria went and opened it. “Hey, I thought I told you not to put anything in there until we cleaned it.”

“I didn’t.”

“Whatever.” Maria quickly removed the milk and refrigerator items. “You get to clean it. I’ll take the bathroom.”  Maria made a face at Isabel and Max. “You can’t believe some of the places we looked at! One barely had running water. This was the best of the lot within Michael’s price range. We were lucky to find it. Lots of space. Needs some cleaning and work, but not too bad, and it qualifies for the Public Assistance discount.”

“Isabel hates it.” Michael said. “It’s not up to her standards.”

“I didn’t say that.” Max quickly grabbed his sister.

“We better go. Mom will be waiting dinner.” Max dragged Isabel out, ignoring her questions about why Maria had a key.

Michael started unpacking the bags Maria brought. Dishes, pots and pans, and a few other essentials. “I thought they’d never leave.”

“Oh? Why?” Michael shrugged, but he kept peeking over at Maria as she rearranged the cupboard of food that Isabel had unpacked. “Michael, you want the cereal high or low? I was thinking it would be better low since you’ll probably eat it more often.”

“Definitely low.”

“Coffee?”

“On the countertop, not that it matters, I don’t have a coffee maker.”

“Sure you do. I brought you a percolator. It’s a little old fashioned, but it makes a mean cup of java.” Maria looked over at him. “So what’s up?”

“What?”

Maria sighed. He was scratching his brow. A dead giveaway. “Just ask me, okay?”

“Fine.” Michael cleared his throat. “You know these flashes that Liz is getting?” Of course she did. It was all any of them were talking about. “I’ve been wondering if I could give them too.”

Maria dropped a box she was holding. “You want to kiss Liz?”

“No!” Michael picked up the box and put it away on a shelf. “Actually….I was, um…hoping that maybe you would help me out.”

“Help you out?” Maria’s face cleared as she came to understand his request. Her voice squeaking unnaturally. “You want to make out with me?”

Michael wavered on his feet again, scratching his neck, then rubbing it. “Yeah…not really make out, but more of an…experiment.”

“Experiment?” Maria bit her lip, searching his face it was hard not to see how important this was to him.

Michael bent close to her, his mouth close to hers. “It doesn’t have to mean anything, just a kiss or two, to see…”

Maria stared at his mouth, her own mouth suddenly dry. He…she…oh god. She stepped back quickly, her face red. “I don’t think so!”

Michael’s face fell. He had expected her to agree, to offer to help him out. Her refusal hurt. “Why not?”

“Why not?” Maria saw the look, but she couldn’t. She couldn’t. “I don’t know? Maybe because my best friend is getting weird rashes? Running a fever! Maybe because I’m worried about her, and no one else is, including her! Maybe because all you care about is what you get out of this, but not what this would mean to me! I don’t know! Maybe because I don’t want to kiss you!”

Michael’s face shut down. “Well, since you don’t really want to know me…maybe you should leave?”

“Michael…”

He turned away, and Maria stood there watching him for a moment. Sighing, she grabbed her bag and left.

~~~

Isabel frowned as Michael banged around in his apartment. She had been afraid that he would be busy with Maria, but he had been alone. Max was meeting them, but so far he hadn’t shown up. Discussing how these images could be created, at times Michael appeared distracted, almost out of sorts. Maybe his other avenues hadn’t worked out.

“So if Liz is accessing hidden memories in Max, that would mean each of us has this information in some part of us we're just not conscious of.”

Michael very much doubted that. How could Max know things before he was born, while on the trip from their homeworld? “Or she's getting messages from somewhere or someone else.”

“Nasedo?”

“I don't know. I mean, why did she see the crash, the soldiers?” It didn’t make sense. He, Max, and Isabel weren’t born yet. They wouldn’t have seen the crash. It had to be an eyewitness. “Maybe it was all planned this way...that this is how we'd find out who we really are,” Michael said sourly, “...by connecting with humans.” He hated that thought. He was never going to find out anything if it was true, because one mean spirited human girl refused to…be easy.

“Connecting?” Isabel frowned at his attitude. He seemed distracted.

“The more they connect, the more we find out.” Michael shook his head. Great, now he had to rely on Max and Liz. He hated that. Think of the devil, and he appears. Max entered his apartment without knocking.

“Uh, listen...Liz is on her way over.”

Isabel stood up, wiping imaginary dust from Michael’s apartment off of her. “Ok. We'll leave.”

“You guys don't have to leave.”

Michael slid into his jacket and clapped Max on the shoulder. “Go for it, Maxwell, for the good of all mankind, you lucky, undeserving dog.”

“Michael, that's not what this is about for me.”

Michael made a face. Like he cared? Once again, Max wasn’t seeing what was important. “Don't make me beg you to do what you and Liz obviously want to do anyways. I really don't see a problem with it.” They wanted to get all hot and bothered, and if it came with a little bonus of flashes that gave the aliens clues, then what the heck was the problem?

“The problem is treating someone I care about like a thing...to be used.” That hit a mark, a sore spot, one Maria had left behind earlier.

“What, and that's what I'm about?” Michael resented the implication that he was an unfeeling user, willing to sacrifice whomever to achieve his goal. It might be true, but he resented that his friend didn’t think better of him. “Is that what you're saying?”

“The words are coming from your mouth, Michael.”

Isabel quickly stepped between them before it got out of hand. “Ok, you guys, stop. Enough.”

“Listen, Maxwell...you are a sensitive guy.” Michael refrained from snickering at that. “And you have available to you one of the top three seduction lines in history...with ‘It's gonna help me find my home planet’. And you're refusing to use it.” Michael stared at his friend in disbelief. “No guy is that sensitive. Use it.”

Isabel turned off the light next to the door, and with a snap of her fingers caused the candles in the room to light up to form a romantic atmosphere.

Michael looked at his apartment. He remembered protesting when Maria set out the different candles from her mom’s shop, but now, it was made his place look different. “Nice.”

“Mmm.” Isabel surveyed her handy work as the door opened to admit Liz. Another person forgetting to knock, and later Michael would remember to care, but right now, he had another agenda in mind. Isabel moved out of the way. “Hi.”

“Hi.” Liz said, suddenly uncomfortable facing the aliens.

“How's it goin'?” Michael asked, hoping for more information.

“Strange.”

“I'll bet.” Isabel looked at her watch, hating this small talk.

Michael agreed. They were out of there. “All right. We're leaving now. But I got some Chaka Khan cued up in the CD player.”

“We're leaving. Bye.” Isabel followed Michael out of the apartment. Shutting the door softly behind them. Isabel looked at Michael curious about where he was going since his home was being otherwise used. “You going to do something?”

Michael frowned. At a loss of how to occupy his time, he shrugged. “I’ll go hang around, until Liz leaves.”

That sounded….Isabel shrugged. “Let me know how it goes.” She took herself off to find her own avenues to explore.

~~~

Maria stood at the door, staring at it, as if it would open on its own. Holding the key in her hand, she breathed in deep not sure that facing the wounded lion in his den was such a great idea. She should give him time to get over it, but knowing him, he would just seethe. Opening the door, she wished she hadn’t.

“My God!” Maria covered her eyes, turning around. “I was looking for Michael. Um, something tells me he isn't here.”

~~~

In the Jetta, Maria was giving Liz a drive home, her beautiful face drawn and concerned by her friend’s actions.

“Liz, what was going on in there?”

Liz frowned. “What was going on?” she repeated.

“Yeah, it looked like it was getting pretty serious...like,” Maria glanced at her friend, “very serious.”

“Maria, I have my mother for these lectures.”

Maria bit her lip returning to her driving, her eyes suspiciously wet. “I'm worried for you.”

“Why?”

“Because this isn't you.”

“Yes, Maria, see,” Liz gestured to herself, “...this is. This is me. I'm sitting right next to you.”

“I just don't want you to go too far.”

“I think I want to.”

“Are you crazy?” Maria stopped watching the road for a moment. “This is dangerous. This isn't like a game!” Maria swerved, cursing under her breath. She turned her attentions back to her driving before she killed someone. “We don't even know what could happen!”

“Look who's talking! You were the first one to take the plunge, Maria!” Liz voice rose in anger. This was no one else’s business, but hers and Max’s. “You’re the one hanging with Michael in cheap motels!”

“Michael and I are just friends! Ok, fine. I kissed him once, but it was a friendly kiss. But, look, I wasn't getting visions, and I didn't have glowing hickeys and rashes and...,” Maria was upset that Liz was not listening, not taking this seriously, “...look, Liz, the bottom line is that we don't know what this is about, all right? Female spiders can, you know, bite off the males' heads after they mate. What if they need someone to mate with to get certain information, you know? And then...Pfttt! You know?”

“What're you been trying to say? That Max is just gonna bite my head off?

“Uh, no.” Maria tried to stress her point. “What I'm saying is, how do you know that he's not like using you?”

“Maria, because it...it...it feels right. I'm sorry. It feels right in a way that nothing has felt right in my life before.”

“God! You’re sixteen! Have you even asked yourself why? Very few people our age ever feel something right…God! Stop growing up so damn fast!” Maria’s head hurt. “The fact that you aren’t even worry over tossing your virginity away for some smooth talking alien Lothario has me worried! My Liz, my best friend would toss and turn, think it to death, and then think some more. You’re not doing that! You’re acting on an urge, without thinking the consequences, and that alone makes me worry.”

“Dammit, Maria. This is none of your business. No one but mine and Max’s.” Liz’s throat hurt. A part of her had heard Maria…and she was right. There was this other part that wanted this, wanted this special connection to Max, because she could do this. Only her, and it made her important to him, important to his life.

Maria pulled over dropping Liz off behind the Crashdown. Liz had snuck out, despite being grounded by her parents. “Fine. I can’t stop you. I can’t even talk sense into you. You can’t give this up, not even at the risk of your own health.” Liz got out of the car there was nothing else to say. “I guess begging you to take care is going to fall on deaf ears as well. I just wonder if this ends…knowing Max, if it ends with you changing irreversibly, affecting your health negatively, will it be worth it?”

“It will,” Liz said. She walked away climbing up to her room. Maria watched for a moment.

“I hope you’re right.” She whispered, ignoring a tear on her cheek. “I hope you always feel that way.”

~~~

Maria was on her way home when she saw Michael lying on the hood of a car outside the Crashdown. Finding a parking space, she pulled over and went to talk to him.

“Michael.”

“Hey.” His tone was unfriendly, and he avoided her eyes. Okay, so he was still pissed at her.

“I was, uh...I was looking for you at your apartment, but I found Max and Liz instead.”

Michael shrugged, not in the least bit surprised. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.” So he knew. Left them to it.

“They still there?”

“No. I just drove Liz home.”

Michael jumped off the car still ignoring her. He walked off in the other direction. “Great. I don't have to miss the hockey game.”

Upset, Maria couldn’t believe him. “Yeah,” she called after him, “the night is still young! If you hurry you can maybe go pimp off Isabel to some greasy fat trucker at the local diner!” Maria turned on her heels and walked away.

She missed Michael stopping in his tracks. He turned back in time to see her car pulling away.

~~~

Tired, Maria brushed her hair back from her face. She awakened early by a call from Liz and Max’s parents frantically searching for their children. Her mother involuntarily stared at Maria’s shut window, and Maria gave up. She couldn’t sleep. Not that she had slept all night. Her fight with Michael was weighing on her.

She knocked on his door, but her feet wanted to leave. Michael opened it, and he stood there unmoving.

“Max and Liz aren't...” Maria never finished telling him that their friends were missing.

“I heard.” Michael looked away uncomfortably. Her parting shot hurt, but having Liz and Max’s parents search his place for their children, as if his apartment was some seedy place for underage sex, smarted on top of Maria comments. He didn’t appreciate the image they all seemed to have of him, and worse, he hated that he was the one who created it.

“Look, I just really need you not to be cold or mean. If that's impossible, you can just let me know.” Maria went to leave.

“You wanna come in?” Michael asked quietly.

“Yeah.” He stood aside, letting her enter. Going to the sofa, he folded the blankets. He still hadn’t gotten a bed. Guess some part of him was relieved that Max and Liz hadn’t done the deed on his makeshift bed.

“Have a seat.”

“Thanks.” Maria cleared her throat. “Can we talk about what happened?”

“Talk on.”

“I want you to know that it wasn’t you, that my not wanting to help with the flashes, it wasn’t about you. It was about me.”

Michael sat down. “I don’t understand. I mean, so you’re not attracted to me, and the thought of kissing me is repulsive. I can deal.”

“You’re wrong you know.” Maria put her hands between her knees and squeezed them hard. She didn’t want this, but she had promised to be honest with him. “It’s not that I’m not attracted to you that made me refuse.” Maria licked her lips looking up at him. “It’s the opposite. It’s because I feel very attracted to you…and I don’t want that.”

“You don’t want to be attracted to me?”

“Yes…no! I mean…” Maria stopped confused. Michael bit the inside of his cheek, but a smile slowly moved over his face. She couldn’t know how adorable she looked when she was confused. He could see that little girl she once was…the one he saw in flashes. “I don’t know what I mean!” Maria moved her hair off her sweaty forehead. Damn him, he was making her nervous.

“Want some help?”

“No! I can do this! I can…just give me a second.” Maria breathed in hard. “I…I was afraid. Liz, she’s changed. Max let her see his soul, or whatever, and my friend hasn’t been the same. I’m afraid that if I see inside you…deep, that you’ll become my ‘Max’, that you’ll become the one thing I can’t let go of, and I know I’ll have to. Maybe not to today, tomorrow, or even next year, but someday you will leave.”

“I will.”

“I know that. My eyes are wide open to that fact, and I can’t…I don’t want to have to feel that again…being left behind. I don’t want to look up at the sky wishing you’d come home to me. I rather look up there, think of you, and hope you found everything you dreamt of.”

“So…you were afraid to kiss me in case we actually made a connection.”

“More than that. I was afraid I would connect with you, and for you, it would be just conveniently using my friendship to get something you need. And, I don’t want to be used like that…not by you. I don’t want to use you, and I don’t want you to use me. I want all the help I give to be of my own free will, and you to accept it the same way. A two way street, Michael. I need our friendship to be a two way street, equally. Neither of us ever doing anything we can survive or live with.”

“I did want to use you. You were right about that.” Michael looked at his hands ashamed how he wanted everything from her, with him giving nothing back. He was ashamed to admit that he was mad because she refused. Maybe she saved them both from something neither of them could afford. “I don’t think it would’ve been a one way street,” he conceded. He confessed that he was attracted too, but he didn’t want it either…at least not now. He wasn’t ready to exchange one dream for another, and he might never be. Maria acknowledged what he was saying with a nod. They were on the same page…attracted, but unwilling to go any further. Friendship was enough, for now.

“There was something else I was afraid of, and maybe it is stupid, but…”

“Tell me.”

Maria cleared her throat, feeling foolish. “I was more afraid that we would kiss, and I wouldn’t get any flashes. I was afraid of you needing me for something, and failing you.” Michael sat up a little straighter at that. His heart was heavy in his chest. So much uncertainty and doubt she had in her, and he made it all come to the surface. “I…I was afraid I wouldn’t be good enough, because I’m not Liz, and we’re not Max and Liz. I didn’t want to be a failure in this…not good enough.” Maria looked at him. “I don’t want to change the way I feel about you.”

“Maria…”

“No. It’s okay. I was wrong and unfair to imply you were nothing but an alien pimp, using people to achieve your goal. If something went wrong, it was because of me. I'm the one who's scared. I mean, I fake all kinds of things all the time with everybody. It's just you were the first person I actually ever admitted it to.” Maria looked at her hands between her knees. There, so he knew. She was flawed in so many ways.

Michael laughed more in self derision. “Well...thanks for sayin' that,” he took one of her hands, “but it's not really true.”

Maria finally looked at him. “What do you mean?”

“It's not true about you being shut down all the time.” So maybe if she could be honest, so could he. “I happen to know that for a fact.”

“Really?” Maria turned to really look at him. “How?”

“Because you let me see you.” Michael nodded his head. “I get flashes from you…not all the time, but a few times, and it didn’t take any magical ‘letting you look into my soul’ crap to get there. I saw you, Maria. When you were a young girl and your dad was leaving. The red sneakers, Maria. One had a Kermit patch on it, and the shoelaces were blue, and you had your Dalmatian dog with you there, licking off your tears. And I saw a whole bunch of other stuff as well.” Michael scratched his brow. He didn’t know if the flashes Max got from Liz was real, but he always felt the ones he got from Maria were. “Was I right?”

“Yeah. Um...that dog died when I was, like, seven. Right after my father left.”

“Kinda rough?”

“Yeah. I'd say so.” Maria looked at him in wonder. He saw her, understood things, without even a kiss. “I really didn't care about the stupid flashes. I knew you did, but I didn’t want us getting closer to be about that. I wanted…” Maria wasn’t sure how to phrase it, or even what she wanted to say. “I just wanted us to be close. If you ever do kiss me in that way, I think I want it to be for me and you, and not some higher alien purpose.”

Michael got it. She didn’t want to cheapen the feeling by using it. She wanted it to be about them, and how they felt, and nothing else.

“Thanks.” Michael reached over and pulled her into his body, hugging her close as he kissed her on the temple. Somehow, she took a simple thing as a kiss, and made it more than that. Strange as it might be, he wanted it too. He wanted it to be for real, and if he couldn’t have that, then he’d rather not know what he was missing. She might have just saved him from finding it impossible to leave.