Michael,
the Guys and the Great Snapple Caper…….
Karl, the general manager glanced at his applicant. “So,
Mr. Gweerin …”
“Guerin.”
“It says here you've been an emancipated minor for the
last two years.”
“Yeah.”
Karl seemed impressed. “A lot of responsibility for
someone your age. You like responsibility?”
“Yeah, sure. I like to stay on top of things.” Michael
said ignoring the fact his power was disconnected due to non-payment after four
notices. “I'm a big believer in self-discipline.” Michael told the
prospective employer thinking of his large screen TV he bought and returned.
Hey, he did return it.
“What about school? Aren't you worried that a second job
might interfere with your studies?”
“I think I can handle it.” Well except for BIO 101
which was riding his ass, if only he could stay awake through it.
“Ok. Let's cut to the chase, Guerin. You already have a
job flipping burgers. Why do you want a second job?”
“Well, there are many reasons. Uh …” Michael
scratched his eyebrow. “But I think the primary one is …” Michael
remembered Maria and the end of the summer picnic they went to on the lake. They
stayed late and laid on a blanket under the starry sky trying to figure out the
different constellation. The next day, he stood in front of the jewelry store
staring at what he wanted more than anything. “Financial. Definitely
financial.”
“I see.”
“And I guess I sort of want to see what it's like out
there in the world.” Michael confined in the man. The Granilith was gone, he
wasn’t going to Antar ever, and now his dream of moving to some larger city
with Maria was a real possibility. He needed work experience.
Karl smiled. “Congratulations. You are now Meta-Chem
pharmaceutical's newest security guard.” The
man shook his hand.
“When do I start?”
“Orientation's tomorrow night.”
Michael frowned. “I'm not going to be done at the
Crashdown until
“We don't need you till 0200.”
Michael paused for a moment, unsure if he heard right.
“0-2 … That's
“That's right. 2 to 7 every night. You're working the
graveyard. I'll see you then.”
Michael sighed. Every night? He wouldn’t be sleeping with
Maria anymore. Her mother and Sean had gone to
~~~
“Maria …”
“God, no! Liz. Please, I beg you. No more letters! I’m
not the US Postal Service.” Maria begged hating to have to deliver to Max.
They were still not getting along, and it was due to her, but she wasn’t ready
to forgive and forget. In her opinion, that was what was wrong with Max …
everyone forgave him so easily and he was used to getting away with murder.
“Please, Maria?”
“Oh, for the love of Pete!”
“I wrote him how I dream of him, of us, flying through
the night holding hands just like Superman and
“I’m going to be sick.”
“It is so unfair that my father is being so hard over
this.” Liz looked over to see Max looking in the window of the Crashdown as
her father walked up. “He wasn't coming in,” she told him.
Mr. Parker glared at Max until he walked on. “Let's get
back to work.”
Liz shook her head in anger. “He wasn't coming in here.
He wasn't breaking the rules.”
“We'll talk about it after your shift,” her father
suggested. “Okay?”
“This is so ridiculous. You can’t keep us from seeing
each other.”
Mr. Parker ignored his daughter’s current bitch fest.
“Oh, table 11's waiting.”
“Ohh!” Liz said sarcastically, “look at that.” She
stomped off to pick up the order.
Mr. Parker shook his head. He looked at Maria who held up a
hand. “Please, don’t. I’m still nauseous from before. You’re killing me.
The two of you are killing me.” Maria went into the back to see if Michael had
drunk all her Maalox.
~~~
Kyle entered the house, slamming the door to wake his
father from his slumber in the lounger.
“Kyle?” He sat up knocking the potato chip pieces off
of him. “Hey, son, how was work?”
“It sucked as usual.” Kyle said staring at the stack of
mail on the table. “Toby has me rehab’ing brake pads again. Hmm.” He read
a letter aloud, “Your credit
rating may be adversely affected by this action. Well, it's nice of them to
let us know.” He dropped the letter onto the pile with the rest of them
from the bill collectors. “So how's the job search going? You got any
prospects for a full-time, well-paying job in your future?” Or getting off the
sofa and bathing? Clean the house? Anything?
“Well, actually something did sort of come up.”
Kyle mouthed opened in surprise. “You got a job?”
“Well, it's not exactly a job. It's a sort of a … How
do I describe this? It's a business. Kind of a small business.”
“This I like. I like this.” Kyle said, showing
increasing enthusiasm. “Small business?”
“Mm-hmm.”
“That sounds profitable.” Kyle rubbed his hands in
glee. “Ok. Hit me. Pitch me. Make me proud.”
“I think I should pursue this a little bit further. I'll
tell you about it in a few days.” Jim told his son, wanting to have it all
laid out before he told him the details.
“Ok. I can handle that. I think.” Kyle’s enthusiasm
was waning.
~~~
Maria was reading a magazine. Glancing at the time, she
called to the other room, “Michael, please. Come out. You've been in there an hour!”
“Go home.” Michael said from the bedroom. “I will see
you tomorrow.”
“No. I want to see it.” Maria turned when Michael came
out of the bedroom in his security guard uniform. Maria’s mouth opened. He
looked … oh god! He looked so damn cute!
Michael immediately saw her smile. “Maria …”
At that moment Max entered the apartment, stopping when he
saw Michael.
“Hey, Max,” Maria greeted him, reaching over to shove a
stack of Liz letters towards him. “Special delivery.”
Max stared at Michael and then Maria. “Oh, sorry. Bad
time?” Maria chuckled and went over to help Michael who was struggling with
his tie. “Is this some deranged sex thing?”
Michael eyes met Maria’s. She was laughing to herself.
Michael made a face at her. “I got a job.”
“Security guard?”
“Gotta start somewhere.” Michael put his hands on
Maria’s waist and sat her down on a stool. “Sit. No laughing.” He glanced
over to Max who was at his place late. “What are you doing here?”
“Nothing. I just …”
“Maxwell, it's the middle of the night. What's going
on?”
“Well, you heard about my dad and I … That I moved
out?”
Michael fussed with the front of his uniform again. It
didn’t fit right, the tie still looked crooked. “Yeah, you left the loving
parents, the cushy home, college fund et cetera. Smart move.”
“Yeah, I just … Look, I need a place to crash for a
couple days, until I figure something else out.”
Michael glanced up from his fussing. “So, how does the
Cheville figure into this?”
“My car?”
“Do I get driving privileges?”
“Yes, Michael.”
“The couch is yours.” Michael said with a grand
gesture.
Max nodded. “I’ll go get my stuff.” He was out the
door before Michael could change his mind.
“Stuff?” Michael glanced at Maria. “Did he say
‘stuff’?” She nodded. Michael rushed to the door. “Whoa, whoa, no stuff!
Just a few days, remember?” Michael heard Maria chuckling. “What?”
Maria went to get something to drink. “Looks like you got
a roommate.”
“I don’t need one. I already have one.” Michael came
over to take her drink and take a swig. “Where are you going to be tonight?”
“I don’t know. No one is at my place. You’ll be
working. I guess I’ll go home.” Maria was resting against the refrigerator
as Michael leaned over her sharing the drink.
“You could stay here.”
“Max is here.”
“So? He’s on the sofa.” Michael hated to leave her
alone. “Look you sleep here, and I’ll see you in the morning.”
Maria reached up and fixed his tie. “I could drop you off
and pick you up, that way you don’t have to ride your bike.”
“Better idea. You go to sleep. I’ll take the Jetta, and
I’ll wake you up for breakfast when I get home.”
“You need to go to sleep when you get home.”
“Food and short nap. You can wake me up for school.”
“Okay.” Maria patted his stomach. “You got two hours
before work. We should feed you. What you want?”
Chinese. Extra eggrolls.”
“I’ll order.” Max came in the door noisily with his
stuff. “Actually, you better help Max. I’ll just go order and wait for
it.” Maria smiled at Max. “Max, you want Chinese?”
“Sure.”
“What?”
“Chicken cashew.”
“Gotcha.” Maria kissed Michael’s cheek as she reached
into his back pocket and stole his wallet. “You’re buying!”
“Hey!” Michael laughed as she danced away. “Extra
spice on mine!”
“Like I didn’t know. God help your new co-workers.”
Maria left the apartment not bothering to ask Michael what he wanted. She knew
his favorite order by heart.
Max watched her leave. “Is she okay with this?”
“She didn’t say. It wouldn’t occur to Maria to
protest it or to have anything wrong with it.”
“You didn’t tell her why you stayed?” Max couldn’t
understand that. The two literally spent the entire summer together, even took
two vacations, and they never found the time to talk about what made Michael
walk out of the Granilith chamber that day.
“Look, I don’t want to push things, okay? She still
reeling over Alex, and to tell the truth, I think I’d like to give her time to
really start to believe that I’m staying. Taking care of my school work,
getting a real job, you know … all of that I’m doing is for her. So she
feels secure.”
Max scratched the back of his neck. “She still upset with
her mom leaving?”
“A little,” Michael sighed. “She doesn’t sleep well
… not since Alex. With me working every night, it’s not going to help
things. School, two jobs … I don’t want to get behind on things with her, so
do me a favor and don’t provoke her.”
“Me?”
“Yeah. She’s still mad at you.” Michael rubbed his
neck. “I guess I’m asking you to keep an eye on her since you’ll be
here.” Michael paused for a second as a horrible thought occurred to him.
“You’re on the sofa. If I catch you sleeping with Maria, even in comfort,
I’ll kill you.”
“Michael.”
“She’s my girl, so keep your damn distance. Just call
me if she has a problem.”
Max took Michael’s warning seriously since the other
man’s eyes left no doubt. “So the two of you are finally officially dating
… not just buddying around?”
“That’s right. Maria doesn’t realize it yet, I
thought I would just let her get used to it. Acclimatize to the facts of life
… so don’t screw me up.”
“She doesn’t know yet.”
Michael shrugged. “Maria can be dense like that at time.
I figure, it works to my advantage. By the time she figures it out, it’ll be
too late. I’ll be under her skin.”
“Michael, I’m not sure that’s the best strategy.
Maybe you should just ask her out on a date … officially.”
Michael glanced at Max. “Um, you know what, Max? I think
I’ll pass on your relationship advice. In the last year, you haven’t really
done anything to inspire confidence. And in case you haven’t noticed, my girl
… she sleeps with me. Albeit it platonically, but from my view … I’m in
the door. Things are looking good. I just need to step up my dating campaign.”
“Step it up?” Max didn’t know why, but for some
reason that made him break out in a sweat. Michael and Maria were already
practically inseparable. Stepping it up, that sounded … Max cleared his
throat. He might need a cold shower.
~~~
Michael was bored. This job sucked. The room was quiet with
his four other co-workers staring at empty monitors. Sniffing, Michael shrugged
and hit a tape button. The game came on. Smiling he sat back to watch.
Monk one of the other guards glanced over at Michael’s
monitors noticing the game. “What are you doing, man?”
“Watching a replay of tonight's game,” Michael said
taking a sip of his Snapple.
Fly stretched his chair past Monk’s to glance at what
Michael was watching. “Hey,
Steve glanced over. “Aren't you supposed to be checking
the motion sensor logs for the anomalies?”
“Done,” Michael reported. “But here, I'll check
again.” He flipped a few buttons, as the screens changed, then flipped it back
to the game. “Checked … and rechecked.”
George pushed Fly out of the way. “Hey,
“Hold on.” Michael made a few adjustments and flipped a
switch. The game showed up on other screens. Fly, Monk and George all smiled
sitting back to watch the game.
“Michael, turn the game off, man. That's not cool.”
Steve told him.
“Ok, Steve, here's the thing.” Michael said turning to
the older man who had about six years on him in age. “This job sucks. It's the
most boring thing I've ever done in my life. I don't know about you guys, but
I'm gonna do what I can to improve the work conditions. That means this.”
Michael took off his evil tie that never was straight and looked stupid to boot.
Steve frowned hating his tie too. “The company has a very
strict dress code.”
“Yeah, but who's gonna enforce it?” Michael asked,
lifting an eyebrow at the man.
Monk smiled taking off his tie. “Suddenly, I feel very
bad.” The two others joined in on the shift mutiny.
Michael didn’t want to undermine Steve, just get him to
loosen up a bit. The tie would be a nice start. “Now, I know you want to take
that off. Come on.”
Steve looked at the others who made gestures for him to
join in on their uniform independence. Steve slowly pulled off his tie.
“Somehow … I know I'm going to regret this.”
“Yeah!” Michael yelled enthusiastically as Steve and
the other joined him on a bit of fun. They all went back to the game.
“Score! Yeah!” Monk said almost tipping out of his
chair.
~~~
Michael entered work with a smile and a packed bag.
Addressing the ‘guys’, he pulled out his bag of tricks for the night.
“Boys, I come bearing gifts.” He proudly held up poker chips.
“What you got, man?” Monk asked when he saw what it
was. “Oh, sweet, dude!”
Michael and the guys sat back for a nice long shift of
messing off at work playing card, watching TV, eating takeout pizza, and
drinking Snapple. Michael laughed as he won another hand. Had he known working
could be so much fun, he might have tried it sooner.
~~~
“Okay, officially, I’m starting to worry about you.”
Maria told Michael when they left the late show.
“Why?”
Maria glanced at him. “You checked your watch three
times, and commented on how you didn’t want to be late for work.”
“So?” Michael put his arm around her shoulders.
“Maybe I’m becoming more responsible?”
“Oh, sure that must be it.” Maria sniffed. “Do I need
to mention that I paid your electricity bill to have it reconnected?”
“That was a fluke. I told Max the Mooch to catch the
utilities.”
“Uh-huh.” Maria breathed deeply moving closer into his
side. It was getting colder in the evenings. She should’ve worn something
heavier. The movie theater was still running air conditioning as well. “I’m
cold.”
Michael took off his jacket and shoved her into it. His
jacket drowned her. Sometimes, he forgot how tiny she was. He searched her face.
“You okay?”
“Yeah.” Laughing when he buttoned her up, they
continued walking.
“C’mon, I’ll buy you a hot coffee or chocolate.”
“Big spender. We sneak into the movies, and you buy me a
chocolate.”
“Hey, I flipped for a large corn with extra butter.”
“True.” Maria snuggled closer to him. “Hey, can we
skip coffee?”
“Sure. You wanted to do something?”
“I haven’t been sleeping well. You want to come take a
nap with me before you have to go to work?”
Michael glanced at the time. Three hours. He had three
hours. “C’mon. You look like you could use some rest.”
“What? Are you telling me I look haggard?” Maria
whispered in horror. Michael just dragged her along with him.
Michael left his bedroom quietly a few hours later swearing
at the time. He only had half an hour to eat and get to work. Max was reading on
the sofa.
“Hey, sorry. Did I wake you up?” Max asked.
“Nah. I sort of overslept. Maria’s still asleep. She
was tired after the movies so we took a nap.”
“She rarely sleeps here now and when she does, she
isn’t sleeping well.” Max told Michael. “I hear her tossing around all
night long, and a few times she got up in the middle of the night and went
out.”
“Where?”
“A walk, for about an hour or so.”
Michael nodded. He used to do that too. Usually when his
brain was overactive and he couldn’t settle to let sleep in. “Is she talking
to you? Telling you what is upsetting her?”
“Isn’t that your job? I mean, she barely can tolerate
me some days.” Max admitted. Sighing, he saw the look on Michael’s face.
“I guess while you’re having a great time playing at work, she’s …
lonely?”
“I can’t quit. I have bills to pay. Things I need to
buy.”
“Hey, I wasn’t criticizing. I’m just saying that she
spent a lot of time depending on you, and now she’s having to do it alone.
Maybe you should give her time to adjust.”
Michael started to take down dry cereal for a quick dinner.
He put it back, suddenly he wasn’t hungry. Most days, he forgot to care or
remember what he was working for when he got caught up in socializing at work.
“Maybe I don’t want her to learn to find me expendable.”
“Well, I’m just saying that your subtle ‘dating’
practices might be a tad too subtle?” Max pointed out. Instead of Maria
feeling closer to Michael, she was actually feeling further and further out of
his sight. “Maybe you need to rethink your efforts.”
~~~
Michael was bouncing a basketball down the hall while
checking doors with Steve.
“Door 52 secure, sir.” Michael said saluting Steve’s
authority.
Steve shook his head at their youngest puppy demeanor crew
member. “You've certainly made the guys a happier crew. Fly was actually on
time tonight.”
Michael made a face. “Just trying to make things more
interesting. Door 53 secure. Job still sucks.”
“Look, Michael, I just don't want this to get out of
control. Some of us need this job.”
“You take this job way too seriously.” Michael told his
friend. “What's the worst that could happen?”
Steve shook his head. That was a question he really
didn’t want to have answered.
Fly glanced at Michael as he ate on his pizza. “Hey,
Maria sounds like a good girl.”
“She is that.”
“Got a picture?” Michael nodded and dug out a picture
of him and Maria on vacation that summer in
Michael took back his picture smiling at it for a moment
before safely tucking it away someplace Maria wouldn’t find it. “Yeah. I
just need power back in my apartment, and I'll be living the American dream.”
“So, you gonna marry her?” Fly asked curiously. Hell,
if the man wasn’t, maybe he could get her number.
“Maria?”
George laughed at the expression on Michael’s face at the
unexpected question. “Yeah. Maria. The chick that is too hot for you in that
picture.”
Michael made a face at the other guard. “I don't know
about marriage,
Fly called to Michael. “Yeah. Hey, Mike.”
“Mm-hmm, yeah.”
“I don't think you should say, "
“Right. Yeah.” Michael glanced at his monitors noticing
Karl. He was coming towards the guard booth.
“Red alert!” Michael whispered loudly shoving all the
garbage off his station and trying to get back into uniform.
Monk looked at George while adjusting his tie. “Is this
straight?”
“Good evening, sir.” Steve said. “Can I be of some
assistance?”
Karl looked the graveyard shift over. “It's come to my
attention that there has been a serious security breach here at Meta-Chem.”
“What kind of breach?” Steve asked feeling sweat
breaking out on his skin.
“Theft! Someone broke into the company cafeteria and made
off with a substantial amount of peach Snapple. Several cases, in fact. The food
service manager seems to think it's an inside job. What do you think we should
do about this, Mr.,” he glanced at Michael’s name tag, “Uh … Guerin?”
“I think we should get right on it, sir.” Michael
responded seriously congratulating himself on a real good answer. “Where
should we start?”
Karl picked up a Snapple cap and looked at the men. “I
think that the first thing you should all do is clean out your lockers. You're
all fired.”
~~~
Michael was bitching while Maria listened. She watched him
tossing the ball around burning off spare energy.
“So somebody steals a case of Snapple, and what do they
do? They blame the little guy. They point the finger at the people at the bottom
of the ladder, the people who are actually working for a living.”
Maria made a face. “You actually worked?”
Michael scratched his eyebrow. “We screwed around a lot,
but let me tell you something, nobody got in or out of that plant without us
knowing about it. We had that place wired tight!” Michael informed her.
“Meta-Chem was lucky to have people like us on duty.”
“Uh-huh.” Maria got up and went to open the
refrigerator. She stood staring at the huge supply of Snapple. Standing back
from it she gestured to it while looking at Michael.
Michael rolled his eyes. “Ok, so technically I stole it,
but they didn't know that.” Michael pointed a finger at her to stress his
point. “They assumed.”
“Right,” Maria took out a peach Snapple and opened it.
“Karl fired us because he only thought one of us took
it.”
“But you did take it.” Maria pointed out.
“That's not the point.”
Maria sat down at the kitchen counter and gave him her full
attention. “Ok, tell me the point again.”
“That corporate
“All right. So, I'm assuming I'm gonna have to keep
paying for dinner and supplying the kerosene to light the apartment?” Maria
asked. She didn’t mind helping out, but where he was putting his money was a
huge mystery to her.
“I'll get another job.” Michael said, not letting this
temporary situation be a huge problem.
“Uh-huh.” Sure jobs grew on trees for eighteen year old
high school students. “Now, what did other guys say about this happening?”
“What other guys?”
“Your coworkers, Skunk and Flea.”
“Monk and Fly.”
“Whatever.” Maria waved off the names as unimportant.
“Did they at least stick up for you?”
“No. They were fired, too.”
“What?!” Maria’s mouth dropped. “Okay, so you
missed some important facts in the regaling of this sordid tale that gets
sleazier every moment.”
“We all got fired.” He admitted. Was that important?
“Wait.” Maria held up a hand. “You got the whole
department fired?”
“Whose side are you on?” Michael asked. Unbelievable!
She was spending too much damn time with Max. “I didn't get everybody fired.
We all drank of the Snapple.”
“Wait, ‘drank of the Snapple.’ When did we get on
biblical terrain here?”
“I'm not going to take the blame for this whole thing.”
“Okay, how about you take your portion of the blame.”
“It wasn’t a big deal!”
“Obviously it was! You got them all fired.”
Michael made a face. “I’m not taking the whole blame
here, Maria.”
“But it's your fault. You acted irresponsibly. Now
everyone's unemployed.”
Now she was just being unreasonable. When did she get so
thick headed? “I gotta get some fresh air.” She was supposed to be on his
side.
Maria watched him leave. “Oh, honey?” She called
after him. “Think you can pick me up a few cases of Snapple?” Michael
slammed the door on his way out. “Unbelievable.” Maria said drinking the
ill-gotten Snapple. Seeing what she was doing, she frowned at the drink.
~~~
Michael walked for a while shaking his head. So maybe he
had taken things a little too far. Maybe he did turn his work place into his own
private social club, but who said there was anything wrong with liking to go to
work? So the Snapple was perhaps a tad bit on the overboard side, but it
wasn’t like the first time he stole things. He used to steal food all the time
when he was growing up with Hank. If he didn’t find food, he starved. Oh
course, he wasn’t starving currently or even thirsty, but the opportunity had
been there, and a lifetime of conditioning was hard to break.
Michael stopped at the jewelry store to stare at his
purchase. Six more payments. Walking back he saw a ‘Help Wanted’ sign in the
MiniMart. Going in to fill out an application and pick Maria up a box of milk
duds, he was surprised to see Steve filling out an application.
“Steve.” Michael greeted his friend reluctantly with
Maria’s words still ringing in his ears.
“Hey.” Steve said glancing up from his application.
“Sorry about what happened.” Michael apologized. “I
didn't know Karl would blow a gasket like that.”
“It's over. So …” Steve shrugged.
“You applying for the clerk job?”
“Apparently.”
“Isn't it like half as much as much as we were making at
Meta-Chem?”
Steve sighed. “Gotta feed the wife and kids.”
“Yeah, really.” Michael nodded, but then he paused, a
frown moving over his face. “That's an expression, right? Feed the wife and
kids?”
Steve laughed shaking his head. “Didn't you see the
picture on my desk? Cheryl? The kids?”
“Yeah. I guess, but I thought she was your girlfriend.
And I thought the kids were your brother and sister or your … your nephew.”
Steve finished up passing the application over to the day
manager. “I've gotta get over to Burger Hut. There's a job working the
drive-thru.” Steve nodded to Michael. “See you, Mike.”
Michael scratched his eyebrow. “Hey, Steve.” The man
turned back to him. “I'm sorry, man.”
“That doesn't help me, Mike.”
~~~
Kyle was sitting at the counter eating when Isabel came up
and took a seat next to him. He had noticed Liz running around, and a whacked
out Alien picture on the wall suddenly with cartoon words about being in the
kitchen, he just assumed it was Max being … an alien.
Speaking to aliens, Kyle said, “Hey,” when Isabel
joined him.
“Hello. You're probably wondering what you saw in the
convenience store the other day.”
Kyle lifted a brow. Hmm. Her macking on an older man. What
was to wonder about? “Nah. A stone unobserved is a stone …”
“Is this Buddhist?”
“Yes.”
“Could you not?”
“'Kay.” Kyle took a bit of his meal.
“Thank you.” Isabel said pleasantly enough actually
smiling. “His name is Jesse Ramirez. He's my boyfriend.”
“Correct me if I'm wrong, but haven't I seen that guy
leaving your father's office?”
“Yeah. He works for my father.”
“As an assistant?” Kyle guessed.
Laughing a bit self conscious, Isabel said, “As a
lawyer.”
“So he's, like … twenty-two, twenty-three?”
“Twenty-six.” Isabel admitted.
“Twenty-six?! That's a problem.” Yeah, with Isabel
barely legal and the old guy macking on the boss’s almost underage daughter.
Kyle made a snorting noise, getting more and more into this conversation.
“Well, uh … just out of curiosity, have you …?”
Kyle cleared his throat and lowered his voice. “Have you … told Jesse about
your secret identity?”
“No.” Isabel shook her head emphatically. “No. Max
and Michael would never agree to letting anybody else in on the secret. I guess
the truth of the matter is I sort of love Jesse not knowing. It's … like we're
this normal couple.”
Kyle sighed. “Nothing's ever easy, is it?”
“Nope. But, hey, I'm actually glad that you found out.
It's kind of nice to talk about it.” Isabel got up to leave.
“No problem.” He lived to serve. His rewards would be
numerous in his next life.
“And Kyle … if you tell anybody, I'll be forced to use
my formidable alien powers on you.”
“Cool. Cool. My day's never truly complete until my
life's been threatened by an alien, so …”
“No problem. Ok, bye.”
Kyle chuckled, but then he turned to stop her before she
could leave. “Wait, wait, wait. Um … good for you. I mean, Max has Liz, and
Michael has Maria, and you never really had that, so … good for you.”
“Thanks, Kyle.”
~~~
“So where is Maria?” Max asked.
“I don’t know. She was gone when I got back.” Michael
made a face. “I hate it, but I think I actually disappointed her.”
Max and Michael stared two cases of Snapple that Michael
bought. “So you're gonna return the Snapple?”
“Yeah.”
“You think that's gonna get you your job back?” Max
asked out of curiosity.
“You got a better idea?”
“Why don't you just go get more hours at the Crashdown?”
“Because that's not what it's about, Max.” Michael told
him. “It's about the principle of it.”
“You stole the Snapple, Michael. How could it be about
principle?”
Michael sighed not liking this, not one bit. “Because
it's not fair to ruin one person's life over a few bottles of Snapple.”
“And this is ruining your life?” Max asked surprised
that Michael would care.
“Not mine. This guy at work, Steve.” Michael explained.
“He's a killjoy, and he got fired along with the rest of us. Turns out he's
got a wife and kids.”
“I see.”
“Which isn't my fault,” Michael quickly added. “I
mean, why should I worry about it? If he takes it upon himself to marry someone
and then knock her up before he's got a decent job, how is that my problem?”
“It isn't.”
Michael sighed staring at the evil Snapple. Maria loved
Snapple. “So why do I feel like this?”
“Like what?”
Sighing, Michael shook his head, hating how he felt. “I
don't know.”
“Like you care?” Max hazarded.
“Yeah. It's weird. See, there's you and Isabel, and you
guys are like family … familiar. And then there's Maria, and she's …”
Michael stopped. He couldn’t find the words, not ones he could say to Max,
especially not before he ever said them to Maria. “Ah, she's Maria.”
Max hid a smile as Michael’s voice gave away more than he knew just in saying
the name. “And besides that, I've never had this feeling. She makes me feels
things, do things,” Michael ran a hand through his hair. “She makes me …
undone. But these guys …” Michael didn’t want to hurt Max’s feelings,
but there was so much more to his relationship with these guys. “It's cool. We
can hang, and we talk, and we laugh, and it's like, uh … They're …”
“Friends.”
“Something like that.” Maria was the first real
non-alien friend he ever made, but even then, there was a whole range of
difference between his friendship with Maria and the Guys. He never had
‘pals’ before. “Anyway, I gotta go.”
“Wait. Uh … You're gonna return them now?”
Michael picked up the two cases of Snapple. “Yeah. I'm
gonna break in and put the Snapple back behind the fridge.”
“Oh. And then what?” The plan didn’t sound to well
thought out. “Did you ask Maria for help on this plan?”
“No. I can do this. I put it back, then I'm gonna call 'em,
and I'm gonna tip 'em off. Anonymously. And when they realize that nobody stole
the Snapple and it was all just a big misunderstanding, they have no choice but
to give our jobs back.”
“Michael, what you're about to do is not a plan. It's not
an idea. It's something you think about in your mind, and then you come up with
something … better.”
“Yeah. I don't have anything better.” Michael glanced
at the time. “Look if Maria comes back, will you tell her to just wait?”
“Can’t. I have plans I need to take care of. Me and
Liz, we’re illegally meeting tomorrow night at
“Happy for you. Sure. Got to get it where you can.”
Michael said quickly before Max offered too many details. He already felt bad
enough. “Well if you see Maria …”
“I’ll tell her.”
“Right.”
Michael got outside before he realized it wouldn’t work.
Stashing his Snapple in his back area, he got on his bike.
~~~
“Hey.” Michael called from Maria’s doorway.
“Hey.” She didn’t look up from where she was painting
her toenails on the bed. “You didn’t ring the doorbell.”
“Nope. Just used my key.”
“You don’t have a key.” Maria reminded him knowing
full well he didn’t need one.
“Sure I do. Your mom gave it to me.”
Maria looked up at him. “Yeah, my mom. I’m beginning to
find this relationship you have with my mom a little creepy.”
“Yeah, but you’ll get over it. You’re an only child.
It’s not in your nature to share.”
“Like it’s in your
nature to steal.”
Michael sighed. He tossed her Milk Duds on the bed next to
her as a peace offering.
Maria glanced at them. “Did you steal them?” Michael
gave her a look. Maria quickly swept them up and hid them before he could take
them back. “Look, I’m being pretty mealy mouthed about this since we break
into free movies all the time, but stealing from your job … it’s this, God!
I don’t know? A trust thing between you and the employer?”
“If I tell you that you’re right and I was wrong, and
that I want to fix it … make amends, will you cut me some slack and help
me?”
“Okay, say it.” Maria ordered lounging back waiting for
him to tell her how he was wrong, and she was right.
“Maria …”
“Fine! What do you want me to do?”
~~~
Michael used his powers to unlock the doors, allowing
himself and Maria into the lab. Using her Jetta, they transported the Snapple
back to Meta-Chem. It was easy to by-pass the security since he knew how it
worked, and Karl was the only one on duty. While putting the Snapple back, they
almost got caught by Karl. Pushing Maria back against the wall, they watched
Karl take something out of a vault and pass it to a guard.
“Karl's a thief.” Michael whispered to Maria.
“Takes one to know one,” Maria tightened her hands on
Michael. “Takes one to catch one too,” she suggested with a knowing look in
her eye.
Michael glanced down at her as he caught that look. She had
a plan.
“That’s my girl!” he said smiling.
~~~
Michael was standing in the doorway leading to his
backyard, or what could be considered a backyard while the other guards, Fly,
George and Monk were playing foosball.
“How's he getting away with it? Every square inch of the
place is being taped 24-7,” Fly said hitting the ball.
George made a snorting noise as the ball sank for a score.
“Think, little man. Karl's got the master security card, so he can turn the
cameras on and off whenever he feels like it.”
Monk, who was watching the game, took a drink of the
Snapple, “What do you think he was stealing?”
“I didn't get a good look at it,” Michael confessed,
“but they do all kinds of genetic research in that lab.”
“I bet it was the cancer vaccine.” Monk told them.
“All the big corporations have one just sitting on the shelf doing nothing.
They don't put it on the market, 'cause there's too much money in cancer
treatment, you know? Same thing with AIDS, tuberculosis, Legionnaires' disease,
measles, scabies...”
George made a face at his friend. “Monk, are you wasted,
man?”
“No. Maybe. Leave me alone.” Monk had grievances. Major
ones. “You don't know what it's like workin' at Burger Hut. Fries, no fries,
extra ketchup, no ketchup. I need an escape.”
Maria walked into the apartment, and all the boys stood up
straighter. They smiled at her, and Michael shook his head when George sucked in
his gut. “Hi, Maria!” They greeted her in unison.
“Boys, brought you sustenance.” Maria put the takeout
on the counter. “Man can’t live on illegal Snapple alone, that is unless
you’re Spaceboy.”
Michael ignored that remark and walked over to check out
the hot food, easily moving Maria to the side. “It doesn't matter what's in
the vial. What matters, is that Meta-Chem's head of security is stealing from
the company. We expose him, show the company that the man who fired us is the
actual thief, and we got a chance of getting our jobs back.”
Monk smiled at Maria when she handed him a plate. “How do
we get the goods on Karl?” he asked digging into the food.
“We catch him in the act,” Michael answered him between
bites as Maria reached around him for his Snapple.
“What, break in?” Fly asked as he went through the
containers to find something not too spicy. Maria handed him a simple dish of
chicken with broccoli.
“Thanks, Maria.”
“You’re welcome, Fle … Fly.”
Michael frowned at the boys flirting with Maria. “Maria,
come over here.” He gave Fly a glare.
“I’m fine. I’ll eat over here.”
“You’ll be more comfortable over here,” Michael looked at the others. “Make space!” They all
moved so Maria could have a seat. Once Michael had her away from the adoring
attentions of the other men, he went back to Maria’s plan … um, his plan.
“Yeah we break in.”
George held up his hands. “No, see, that sounds a bit too
risky for a black man.”
“What does Steve say?” Monk asked noted the one other
member of their crew that was absent.
“He didn't return my phone calls.” Michael confessed.
That did it for Monk. “Well, you guys do what you want,
but you can count me out.”
“I'm with Monk.” George said. Breaking into Meta-Chem,
a black man … that was riskier than watching a game on the monitor or playing
poker.
“Me, too,
Maria stopped eating to share a look with Michael. He
gestured for her to convince them. “Me? Uh-uh. Your party. Your Snapple
hi-jinx. I’ll help, but this is your job to get their help.”
Traitor. Michael sighed, “Do you guys know why we were
fired?”
“Yeah.” Fly said between bites. “Cause you took the
Snapple, dude.”
Michael waved off his duplicity. “No, who fires an entire
shift over Snapple?” They didn’t answer. “Nobody.” Michael waited for it
to connect, but since it didn’t, he continued, “Karl needed to fire an
entire security shift so he could steal whatever it is he's stealing from the
company. We were easy targets. That's why we were fired. Karl made us out to
look like incompetent fools, and that's what the world's gonna think of us if we
don't do something about it.” Michael warmed on his subject. “Used to be I
didn't care about that. Turns out I do. So, yeah, we stole the Snapple. But you
know what? We did our jobs well. And that's why I say we have no choice here but
to screw Karl.”
Fly stopped eating. He liked that idea. “All right. I'm
with you. Let's screw Karl.”
“I'm there,” George said. Hell, wasn’t like he had a
job to lose anymore.
Monk was the last. “Screw Karl, man.” Then seeming to
realize his language, he blushed at Maria. “Um, sorry.” Maria just smiled at
him and pushed more food his way.
“So …” George looked at Michael, and then at Maria.
“What's the plan?”
~~~
Michael laid it out. “Ever since he fired us, Karl's been
working the nights all alone. The longer he delays hiring a new crew, the more
freedom he has. But the truth is, one man can’t watch everything.”
“How do you know he isn’t hiring new crew members?”
George asked. Sounded like speculation to him.
Maria cleared her throat. “I sort of found out. I got a
friend to apply for a job. He’s highly qualified and needs a source of
employment.” She had to do some serious sweet talking to get Sheriff … um,
Jim Valenti to apply. It seemed that he had already lined himself up a new gig
singing in a band called the Kit Shickers at the Cow Patty. It took some work,
and a promise to sing with him a few times cover songs to get the job done.
“So I take it Karl wasn’t hiring?” Monk guessed.
“No. He told the ex-Sheriff of
“Oh! We are definitely screwing Karl!” George said.
Fly giggled slightly nervous, but actually more giddy over
the caper. “He is goin’ down!”
“It’s not going to be a cake walk.” Michael informed
the others. “The trick will be to make him think everything's right on
schedule, that nothing has changed ... When in reality everything has changed.
He's not alone tonight. Tonight he's got the entire graveyard shift to deal
with.” Michael glanced over at his partner in crime. “Maria, the floorplan!”
Maria went over and pushed up half of the ping pong table
upright to reveal a floorplan that she and Michael had worked on late last night
after returning the Snapple.
“We got a few high power cameras that can be accessed
into the security system, but we need someone that can do the computer work and
hook up.” Maria said showing them the left over cameras from a previous FBI
incursion on the alien group. Alex had always been their wire man.
“I can do that,” Monk told her. “I know
electronics.”
“Thank you, Monk.” Maria handed him the devices.
“I can help too,” Fly quickly offered smiling at Maria
while Monk made a comment about how sweet the electronic camera was.
“Are you coming with us?” George asked Maria.
“No, she is not. So back off!” Michael said sharply,
irritated by the other men. “So we use the cameras, put them in place, and
catch him.”
“In place?” George wasn’t sure he got how to do that.
“Yeah, I’ll put them in place. I’m going to move
along the duct system inside the artificial ceiling. Once we have him we can
turn in the information and get our jobs back.”
“There is still the problem of the Snapple,” Monk
reminded them.
“Not any longer,” Maria said. “Last night late we
returned the missing Snapple to the kitchen. After you nail Karl for theft, you
can assert that Karl framed you for the theft so he could remove you from your
posts making it easier for him to steal from the company.”
“We’ll be heroes!” Fly said with something akin to
awe in his voice.
Michael looked at the others. “So is it a go?”
“I’m a go!” Fly said.
“Go,” agreed George and Monk.
Michael pointed at Maria. “And you are to stay away from
this until it is finished. I don’t need you in trouble too. We have a reason
to be on property, but you’d be a trespasser.”
Maria glanced at the four men. “Technically, so will
you,” she pointed out.
“Maria.”