Something I Can Never Have
By Lizzy

Pairing: Maria and Alex
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: I own nothing. The Lyrics belong to Nine Inch Nails.
A/N: The song inspired me to do this, plus I had been having an urge to write a groupie fic. Anyway I heard it once then all of a sudden the idea popped into my head and this is what came out. I hope you like it.

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It was darker then usually tonight, or at least it seemed that way to her. The only thing that lighted the way to where she was going was the moon and the stars. They shone in the sky twinkling knowing, like they knew where she was going.

She slowly walked up to the window of his room. The grass crumbled under her feet at each step she took. The wind picked up blowing her hair in her face, almost like it was a warning sign for what they were about to do. A chill descended down her spine. They had been doing this for the past few months. No one knew. Not even their best friend. They didn’t know how she or anyone else for that matter would react to this new development.

They hadn’t meant for it to happen. It was purely by accident. She was upset and he was there to comfort her. They were both having problems in their romantic life’s. Neither of them knew that it would lead to this. Something that they, she, needed, wanted.

i still recall the taste of your tears.
echoing your voice just like the ringing in my ears.
my favorite dreams of you still wash ashore.
scraping through my head 'till i don't want to sleep anymore

He was waiting for her. He always did on nights like these. He wanted to stop it but he couldn’t. It was too hard. He wanted her, needed her. After everything that had been going on the past year she made him forget it. She made it all go away. There was no way that he would turn her away. He snapped his head up as he heard a twig snap. She was here.

She cautiously walked up to the chipped cracked window when his face appeared in threw the glass. Her pulse sped up just at the sight of him.

His breath caught in his throat. She looked beautiful with her hair blowing around her face with the light shining down on her and the night behind her. She was only dressed in a tank top and jeans but she looked like a goddess. It reminded him of the dreams, fantasies he use to have. They were all about her. He swallowed as he put his hands on the sill and lifted it up.

When the sill was up he backed away and she stretched out her hand for him to help her in just like he did everytime. She climbed in and laid her feet down on the beige shaggy carpet. She looked at her shoes nervous.

come on tell me.
you make this all go away.
you make this all go away.
i'm down to just to one thing.
and i'm starting to scare myself.
you make this all go away.
you make this all go away.

He smiled at her shyness. It was the same thing everytime. She would come to him but once she got here she would get shy. But tonight he knew it would be different. How or why he didn’t know. He lifted his hand to her chin making her look at him. Her green eyes stared into his blue ones. Fiery into crystal.

Slowly he leaned down and brushed his lips over her luscious ones getting a taste, a sample. He lifted his head stepping closer to her. He usually took the next step too but tonight was different, she took it.

She raised up on her tiptoes and pressed her lips to his adding more pressure then before. He raised his hands to her hips bringing her body closer to his. She wrapped her arms around his neck, running her fingers through his brown short hair. She felt his arousal pressing into her stomach. He rubbed it against her trying to easy the ache but at the same time causing her to ache in her most private of places.

i just want something.
i just want something i can never have

Her hands slid down his body and grabbed the bottom of it pulling it over his head and throwing off to the side. She remembered the first time she had done this. It was surprising to find that he was a little muscular, leaner, then she would have thought.

He watched as her eyes roamed his body. He always thought he would never measure up to what she had had but she always said that he more then did up. He saw her hand lift from her side and watched as it glided up his chest. He closed his eyes and hissed as she raked her fingernails over his nipples and chest leaving red marks. She leaned forward and licked his nipple. His head flew back causing her to close her mouth around it and she sucked it hard. It would leave a hickey tomorrow.

you always were the one to show me how
back then i couldn't do the things that i can do now.
this thing is slowly take me apart.
grey would be the color if i had a heart.

His eyes flew open when he felt her hands go to the top of his khakis. She gazed into his eyes while she unfastened and unzipped them. His breathing took on a different pattern. More harder and breather. He gasped as he felt her hand close around his erection.

She smiled as she felt him move his hips against her hand. She was glad that she could bring him to this state. She rubbed her thumb over the mushroom tip making him jerk his hips in response.

He grabbed her by the shoulders causing her hand to slip out of his pants. If she didn’t stop they would never make it to the main course. They hurriedly backed up to the bed. Her knees hit the edge. She was surprised when he picked her up and threw her on it. He followed her crushing his lips onto hers in a bruising yet passionate kiss. Their tongues danced and dominated each others sliding along the other tongues.

He lifted his mouth from her so they could get air into their lungs. He dragged kisses down her neck going straight to her most sensitive spot. Right between her shoulder and neck. He had always imagined that it would be here. He dropped his hands and yanked her shirt over her head. She wasn’t wearing a bra. He lifted his eyes up to the heavens and thanked the gods that she wasn’t. They were more trouble then they were worth. He took a second to look at her with her swollen lips and blonde hair fanning across his bed. Looking down he brought his hands to one of her creamy mounds feeling how soft they were. Nothing could compare to how silky they felt.

She watched as his hands covered her breast. She arched up into them causing her nipples to graze against his rough skinned palm. The friction hardened them to the point of pain.

He saw her eyes closed enjoying the sensation. It would only get better from here he thought. He loved her facial expressions. He could always tell if she was enjoying herself or not. He peeked his tongue out swirling it around her nipple. She made a purring sound in the back of her of throat and gasped as she felt him cover it with his whole mouth. He sucked and pulled it between his teeth getting the nipple as sensitive as possible before moving to it’s twin and repeating the process.

come on and tell me.
you make this all go away.
you make this all go away.
i'm down to just to one thing.
and i'm starting to scare myself.
you make this all go away.
you make this all go away.

She finally dragged his lips to hers in a sloppy wet kiss. She ran her hands through his hair and pulled it. He dragged his hands to her ribs were he squeezed before going further. He looked up into her eyes making sure that he still had permission to take her pants off. She nodded her head hoping he would hurry.

He quickly undid her jeans and pulled them down with her panties. He gazed down at her glistening curls not able to describe how he felt. The first time he saw her he was amazed at such beauty. And just like the first time he started kissing her every curve. He whispered loving words to her and worshiped her like she deserved. She begged for him to touch her where she needed to be touched and he granted her wish. He could never deny her anything.

i just want something.
i just want something i can never have.

He brought one finger to her opening sliding it down her outer lips. She was so wet. He heard her moan her pleasure but knew that she wanted more. He slid the finger into her slick pussy feeling her muscles clench his finger. He couldn’t help but lean down and taste her.

She opened her legs wider giving him more access. His mouth felt so good. She arched into his mouth as his tongue replaced his finger. Her breathing came faster.

He lapped at the juices that were coming out of her. It eased the ache she felt but didn’t dispel it. She needed more. She needed him inside her and he knew this. He needed to be inside of her just as bad. So he pushed himself up her body and crushed his lips to hers. She tasted herself on his lips and felt herself get wetter.

“Are you sure,” he asked in a husky voice just to make sure.

“Yes,” she answered silkily . Neither of them could have stopped if they had wanted to. It was just too strong. This need to be together. To remind them of the normal that they could have had if it hadn’t, no. They wouldn’t think about that. This was their time.

in this place it seems like such a same.
though it all looks different now,
i know it's still the same
everywhere i look you're all i see.
just a fading fucking reminder of who i used to be.

She grabbed his erection and petted it before guiding it to her center. He took over from there pushing it into her. He felt her walls encompass him. She was so tight. He had never felt anything like this in his life.

She was holding still just so she could enjoy the completeness that she felt. He filled her but she needed more. She moved her hips causing him to groan. He slowly pulled out of her till only his tip was inside. She wrapped her feet around his butt and pulled him down swiftly causing them to yell out. He quickly covered her mouth swallowing their cries so no one would hear them.

He repeated his movement with her repeating hers. They meet each other thrust for thrust, cry for cry, and kiss for kiss. It was like none of their other times. This was more desperate, needy, passionate. Hips pushed against each other bruising. Breathing was non existent as they braced against each other.

come on tell me.
you make this all go away.
you make this all go away.
i'm down to just to one thing.
and i'm starting to scare myself.
you make this all go away.
you make this all go away.

Their peek was coming on faster then they had wanted but nothing could stop it. So when the time arrived they locked gazes and let their orgasms wash over them crying each other names.

“Alex”

“Maria”

They collapsed on each other. Alex laid his head on Maria’s shoulder trying to catch his breath. Maria couldn’t seem to put any one word together to describe what she just shared with one of the most important people in her life.

Like when she first came to his window Alex felt something was different tonight. He looked into her eyes and realized what it was. This would be the last time that they would be together like this. As long as Michael and Isabel were around then they couldn’t be together. They weren’t ready. Not yet.

i just want something.
i just want something i can never have

No words were exchanged as she got up and got dressed. Alex put on some jeans and walked over to the window. He stared at the blanketed night sky silently cursing his involvement with aliens. Mara walked over to him and touched his shoulders placing a soft kiss on it. He turned around and gave her a kiss that conveyed every emotion he was feeling. A goodbye kiss. A tear slipped down her cheek and he brushed it away with his thumb.

i just want something i can never have

Maria wished that it could be different for them. She backed away from him and climbed out the window. “Bye Alex,” she whispered.

“Bye Maria,” he whispered back. He watched as she walked away not looking back. A tear slipped down his cheek. She was something that he could never have.


The End