Author: becky rttavi@aol.com       
Rating: PG
Pairing: M/M
Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with Roswell or the characters of Roswell. No profit is being made.
IMPROV #9 tender - - pale - - glory - - collage
Lyrics: ~I Don't Know How to Love Him~ by Tim Rice "Jesus Christ Superstar"
**I'm using these lyrics strictly for entertainment and out of context, no religious content at all. I just love the song. It's quite beautiful.**


~
I don't know how to love him
What to do how to move him
I've been changed yes really changed
~

I watch him sleep.

With each breath his chest rises and falls. Soft breathy sounds manage to come out in whispers from those full tender lips. I could watch him all night. Sometimes I do. Sometimes I think about what my life might be like without him in it and I shudder. Other times I think about my life with him and I shudder even more. It hasn't been easy knowing him, let alone loving him.

I can see through him most of the time and it scares me. I see his true face and it's beautiful. So gentle, so kind. I don't know why he chose me. Of all the people in the world, he chose Maria DeLuca and its scared the hell out of me ever since. I don't know what I ever did to deserve him.

~
I don't know how to take this
I don't see why he moves me
He's a man he's just a man
~

I watch him sleep.

His arm twitches and it makes me smile. In the pale glow from the streetlight outside, the highlights in his hair seem to smolder. I can see his eyes moving underneath their lids and I wonder if he's dreaming of me. It's a strange feeling I have as I watch him sleep.

In the wondrous hours after midnight and still miles to go before dawn your mind can play games with you. I touch his chin with my finger ever so slightly and try to guess if he'll wake up or not. If he'll wake up and tell me to go away and leave him alone; he's got better things to do. Or if he'll stay asleep and dream. I hope he's dreaming about me.

I lean forward and hover above him trying to stay so still my arms begin to shake. I can smell him and it makes my knees weak. I don't ever tell him how he affects me though. I tell him I love him and that seems to be enough for him.

~
Should I bring him down should I scream and shout
Should I speak of love let my feelings out
I never thought I'd come to this - what's it all about
~
I watch him sleep.

I watch him sleep and I pray that someday I'll be able to tell him exactly how I feel. That someday I can bask in all his glory and run my hands through his hair and tell him that I would die for him. I can feel him through me and I know he can feel me. I know he loves me. I know he loves me deeper than he knows how to love. In a way, we're the same.

In a way we're completely different. I surrender myself to him without question; I let down my walls and invited him in. Sometimes I still have to knock for him to let me in. As I watch him, the aggression of life and mysteries are faded from his face. The smoothness and innocence of a child is all I see.

~
He scares me so
I want him so
I love him so
~
I watch him sleep.

I curl up next to him and feel his arm close in around me and I feel safe. Safe from the unknowing. Safe from myself. My fears seem to subside as I feel his heart beat against mine. The collage of emotions trampling through my psyche seems to calm with each breath I take. With each beat of his heart I feel closer to where I'm meant to be. I smile into his chest and I think I can feel how much he loves me. I wonder if he can feel how much I love him. Sometimes I wonder if he cares and it makes me shudder.

I watch him sleep.

end


becky