Author: becky rttavi@aol.com
Rating: PG
Pairing: M/M
Disclaimer: I own nothing to do with Roswell or the characters of Roswell. No
profit is being made.
Improv #10  illusion -- detest -- luminous -- vanilla
Companion piece to Improv #9
Lyrics: ~Affair of the Heart~ Rick Springfield (1984)



~
Heart in my mouth,
The pulse in my head,
Mercury rising into the red
The smell of your skin can light up all the fires in me
~

I watch her sleep.

After the moon has shifted and is almost ready to lie down for the day and
the sun is stretching its arms ready to take on a new day, she comes to me.
She wakes me from the sleep that I know she was watching me through. I watch
her chest rise and fall, her bare breasts bathed in the light coming in from
the hallway. I could watch her for hours. Days.

I think about what my life would be like without her in and it makes me
shake. Then I think about what my life is like with her in it and suddenly I
shake even more. I want to step inside of her mind and see the things she
keeps hidden. There's a thin wall around her that I can't penetrate. She
tells me her defenses are down, but I think there's still a few things she
doesn't tell me or let me see.

I pull the blanket down off of her just a little and hover next to her, with
my hand inches above the swell of her hips I can hardly breath. When she
sleeps I see an image of beauty in the purest form, an illusion of sincere
splendor. Her alabaster skin glows and I long to touch it if only for a
second. I know she won't wake up, she never does.

I wonder if she knows how much I love her? I can tell her, but she always
looks like she doesn't quite believe me. Maybe someday she'll believe.
Someday I'll be able to make her see how much she means to me and that I know
I'm not worthy of her.

~
When we make love it's a passionate thing
You shudder and shake, sink your teeth in my skin
I almost believe you were made to be played by my hands
~

As I lay here next to her, I want to roll her over into me. I want to press
my flesh against hers until we become one. Until our bodies meld together as
they have so many times before. My body aches for her touch, my heart aches
for hers.

It makes me wonder, as I watch her sleep, how I can truly convince myself
that she loves me completely. I don't know what I ever did to deserve her; I
never made it easy for her. She used to detest me, but now I know she loves
me. I don't know how she does it, but she does. She makes my life complete,
in a way, she is my salvation.

I watch her sleep.

~
And you've got the power, it amazes me still
How you play my emotions with consonant skill
I don't have to look any further than into your eyes
~

I don't tell her as often as I should what she means to me; but I'm confidant
she knows. That thin wall she hides behind can't hide everything. It can't
hide the light in her eyes when I tell her how special she is to me. I know
the light would intensify if I told her everything, if I told her I'd die
without her. She tells me she loves me and it's enough. I watch her and I
know every move she makes, every nuance she has and I love each of them.

The luminous trajectory she gives off when she walks in a room makes my heart
race. I want to push her against the wall and force my mouth to hers, feeling
the warmth and heat rise from her and spill into me warming me in a way I
never deemed possible.

I watch her sleep.

When I close my eyes at night and she's next to me, I know she'll wake
sometime before I do and watch me sleep and worry about life. I'll never tell
her I know, that's when she comes to me, while I sleep. When she watches me I
can feel her. I'll pull her next to me and let her fall asleep before I wake
up. Then it's my turn to worry and construe all of the mysteries of life and
love.

~
But don't try to tell me you think it's all physical
It goes much deeper than that
You ought to know it's an affair of the heart It's an affair of the heart,
Have a little blind faith, believe it's an affair of the heart
~

After it's all said and done I know I can always count on her. I know she'll
always be there for me and I hope that I'll be able to convince myself that I
do deserve her. That I'll be able to convince her that she does deserve me, I
know she thinks she doesn't, but she's wrong.

I lay back down next to her and pull her body into mine. My hand runs along
the smooth curves of her body and I tuck my arm under her breasts and inhale
the sweetest smell of her neck, tonight, it's vanilla. Her hair falls on my
face, but I don't dare move it.

I watch her sleep.



becky