Say Goodbye

Rating: PG
Pairing: M/M
Disclaimer: I own nothink.

Spoiler/Notes: This is Michael’s thoughts of the day of Departure plus dialogue taken the episode
Muse #15: the theme is "Good-Bye"

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How do you say goodbye to the one person in the world who is your life?

We are leaving today for Antar. Tess is pregnant with Max’s kid and he is sick and cannot survive in Earth’s atmosphere. We have no choice we have to go. At dawn Max set the granolith in motion. It would be warmed up and ready to leave 24 hours later. That was 10 hours ago. Ten hours left on this planet.

From the moment I stepped out of the pods my quest, the only thing that has kept me going day by day is the thought of going home, to my real home with my real family. As I told Maria that day in the nookie motel “there's gotta be something better out there for me than Roswell, New Mexico.” Lately I have been starting to feel the maybe, just maybe, what I have been searching for my entire life really is here in Roswell. And it comes in the form of Maria Deluca.

Maria will be here in a couple of hours. I told her this morning that I needed to see her tonight. I should have told her then what was going on but I just couldn’t bring myself to say the words that need to be said.

I have spent the day getting everything just right. Making her favorite meal, served on her favorite dishes with candles lit around the apartment. I am doing everything tonight that I know she has wanted from me from day one but in the end I am going to break her heart. And to be honest mine as well. I want to share with her one perfect night. I want it to be absolutely clear that I love her above all else so that when I do somehow voice the words that I know I have to say she will know that my heart will remain with her always. I want her to have at least one good memory of us. She deserves it. She deserves it and so much more.

Maria will be here in a few minutes. I have been pacing the floor for the last hour trying to get everything right in my head that I want to say. I want to tell her all the words that she has always wanted to hear but I just don’t know how. I am not a words person. Maxwell is the words person. I am the action person.

Ok so my actions usually get me in trouble. I have always acted before I think things through. Maxwell has been yelling at me for years about that. I have lived my life in reckless abandon with no consideration of the consequences of my actions. Once though my actions, however stupid at the time, bought the best consequences that I could ever imagine. Kidnapping Maria Deluca and her car changed my life forever. I knew from that day on that she was the only one for me. She was and will always be the love of my life. She drives me insane. She never shuts up, she is always bitching and complaining. And she has the purest heart that I have ever known. No one has ever loved me as much as Maria and I doubt that anyone ever will.

I want to tell her all of these things, I want to say how much I love her, how much knowing her has changed me, how things would have been beyond unbearable if she had not come in my life when she did but as I walk to the door to answer Maria’s knock I know that I will never be able to.

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Maria: Michael

Michael: I know you like Italian, so... And I know Scooby's your favorite.

Maria: What's going on?

Michael: Sit down.

Maria: What's this all about?

Michael: Sit down please.

Michael: There's a lot about you Maria. There's a lot about you, but I think what means the most to me is that you're open. You know I can look into your eyes and I can see you. I can see what you're thinking. I can see what you're feeling. How much I mean to you sometimes, how much I piss you off sometimes. But I can always see you.

Maria: I see you too.

Michael: No, no you don't see me. You know when Max and Liz would kiss, and Liz would get the flashes? And when we would kiss you didn't. I know how much that hurt you.

Maria: That doesn't matter to me anymore Michael.

Michael: The reason you didn't get the flashes is because I didn't let you get them. I didn't let you see me. I've never let anyone see me before...because there are things inside of me that I don't want people to see. There's things inside of me that I'm not so proud of. But I've thought about it, and I want you to see me.

Michael: Take my hands.

Maria gets flashes of Michael as a little kid, leaving the pod, fighting with Hank, finding Max and Isabel in the desert, and then flashes of their time together.

Maria: Michael...

Michael: There's something I have to tell...

Maria kisses Michael, interrupting him

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Michael and Maria lying in bed together

Maria: I think we just took a huge step in human-alien relations. I love you Michael.

Michael: I love you too... but I have to leave. Max, Isabel, and Tess and I are going home.

Maria: Yeah, I know. Like eventually, right?

Michael: We're leaving in a few hours. We have to, I have no choice. I don't want to leave you. But we both knew someday this would happen.

Maria: How much time do we have?

Michael: About an hour.

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I walk out of my apartment leaving Maria inside. Max and Isabel are waiting in the Jeep. Maria will leave in a few minutes when she is sure that the Jeep has pulled away. She told me that she couldn’t watch me leave and I have never been so glad of anything in my life because I know that I would never be able to go with her standing there.

I never did say the words, any of them except the most important. I told her that I loved her. I know, in my heart, that even millions of miles away I will never be able to Say Goodbye.

The End