By Susan
E-mail: susanandtad@cs.com
Distribution: Roswell Desert Skies or anyone else that wants it can have it if they want it. Just e-mail me and let me know.
Category: AU, FF, CC, Maria’s POV
Rating: PG – R (Mostly for language)
Disclaimer: The characters and story all belong to 20th century Fox and the writers and creators of Roswell.
Summary: Continue to read and find out
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Welcome to Roswell
I haven’t
seen that sign in a very long time. I remember glancing back at it as we drove
out of Roswell, New Mexico over 15 years ago. I honestly never thought I would
come here again. I probably wouldn’t have if my cousin Sean hadn’t called to
give us the news. Amy Deluca, my mom, was dead.
I had only
seen her maybe six times since I left with my dad all those years ago. Now as I
am driving into Roswell, that last night seems so clear to me, almost as if it
happened yesterday. I was six, almost seven, when my dad woke me up in the
middle of the night. He told me we were leaving
When we were
leaving, Amy hugged me and gave me a kiss. She told me to be a good girl for my
daddy. I remember asking if she was going to be coming too, but she never
answered. Neither of them did. I don’t really think I understood at the time
that we were leaving her forever, or that she wasn’t going to be meeting up
with us later. Even when I saw “her” I didn’t grasp what was happening.
Sure I knew we were leaving
Years later
I asked Amy why she had let me go that day. She said that daddy had hurt her so
bad that she knew there was no way she could possibly take care of me. She said
that she felt broken inside and she hadn’t wanted me to be with her when she
was that way. I was 16 at the time and I think I told her she was full of crap.
What can I say? I was angry and bitter. All I saw was a woman who had given up
her only daughter and who had obviously not suffered at all because of it. Once
I was gone she was able to do all the things that she had given up because she
had gotten pregnant with me when she was 17. She went to college, traveled, saw
the world and then when she was ready went back to Roswell and opened an antique
store and a very profitable one at that. Who could really blame me for being
angry with her?
I didn’t
need Amy Deluca I had a good life. My dad and the woman had gotten married. We
were a family. We lived in a nice house, in a good neighborhood outside of LA. I
had friends, an occasional boyfriend, and I did well in school. I had been in
the Drama Club in high school and had performed in all the school plays. My dad
and step mom attended every night of each show. But most importantly, I was
loved. I was their only child and they both spoilt me rotten. My step mom always
treated me as if I was her child. So no I didn’t need Amy at all.
My anger at
Amy never ceased. I could not accept what she had done even after I found out
that Michelle, my step mom, had done something just as bad. See it turns out the
Michelle actually had a child of her own. A child that she had left behind the
night she ran away with my dad. She had left her son with his dad. Michelle told
me about her son after Amy’s last visit. Amy had left a lot earlier than she
had planned once she realized that I would never forgive her for giving me up.
Amy told me that she’d hoped that someday I would understand and if not, at
least forgive her we would be able to establish some sort of understanding.
That was
almost two years ago. After Amy left, Michelle sat me down and told me her
story. She had married too young to someone she thought she loved but didn’t
realize the truth until it was too late. She had gotten pregnant and found that
her life was very lonely. Her husband’s first love was his job and everything
and everyone came in second place. That was until she had given birth to their
son. Michelle’s husband worshipped the boy. Oh he still loved his job but his
son was now just as important. Now don’t get me wrong, Michelle was the first
to admit that none of this excused what she had done. She was in the wrong as
much as her husband had been.
The funny
thing was I knew her son. We were in the same class together. I also remember
his dad, her ex-husband; he was the Sheriff of Roswell, Jim Valenti. I think the
adult in me understood her situation where as the child in me could never grasp
Amy’s. Michelle could have never taken her son Kyle with her, especially with
her husband being the Sheriff. She would have never gotten custody. She was the
one who had committed adultery. In the eyes of the law she was the bad guy.
I can’t
say that I agree or even condone her actions but I guess a part of me at least
feels empathy for her situation. What she did was wrong. Having an affair and
leaving her family was wrong, but knowing all of things about her past, the only
thing I see is that Michelle is a good person. She truly loves my dad and she
has always been a wonderful mom to me.
As I drive into Roswell I can’t help feeling that I should have given my own mom as much benefit of doubt as I did Michelle. What Michelle did was just as bad if not worse than my mom but I never gave Amy half the chance that I gave Michelle. Regret. It is a pretty powerful thing. I guess that is why I am coming back now for her funeral. I owe her at least that much. I owe her the respect in death that I never gave her in life
Amy had died
in a car accident. A drunk driver had driven over the yellow line hitting her
car head on. She had died instantly. Sean called us as soon as he had found out.
He had been living with Amy for the past year. She was doing her best to
straighten Sean out and according to my Grandma Deluca; she seemed to be doing a
good job of it. Sean never could stay out of trouble growing up. He had spent
time in detention centers and has lived with almost every member of the Deluca
family at one time or another, us included. After one to many times of bailing
him out of jail my dad told him he had to go and that was when he had gone to
Roswell. Amy was basically his last chance.
Grandma
Deluca told us that Amy put Sean to work running her Store. It seems he was
actually doing a pretty good job of it; also Sean was dating a nice girl who
seemed to be taming his more rebellious side. He was getting it together and
settling down. I think my grandma actually told me this to rub it in that even
the bad seed had a job, which I did not have at this point in time.
I have just
graduated from college and was taking “a little time” to decide what I
wanted to do next. In Grandma’s words I was lazing about the house all day
while my dad and poor step mom supported me. In reality I was trying to become a
star. I wanted to be a singer or actress. However, my dreams of becoming a star
seemed to be just that, Dreams. I don’t think I have what it takes. Sure I was
pretty, I could sing and I could act but so could many girls my age. There was
just too much competition out there and I am not willing to do what some girls
do to make it. What good was becoming a star if you couldn’t look at yourself
in the mirror once you had gotten there?
So I am
(jobless with no career ambitions) driving into Roswell to attend my mother’s
(a woman I showed blatant dislike for) funeral. It truly does not seem real.
Sean said that the funeral would be at 12:00 pm. Looking at the clock I see that
I am going to be late. I guess it’s something else to add to my guilt.
I pull into
the cemetery and am surprised to see so many people. I wonder for a moment if I
am at the wrong spot until I see Sean at the front of the mourners. I don’t
bother to move up front with him. It isn’t my place. I don’t deserve that
honor, so I stand off to the side. These people knew Amy Deluca. They may have
been her friends; they may have even loved her. I was just someone who shared
her blood. It only seems right that I stand away from the true mourners.
The service
was nice and respectful. Sean had done a good job with the arrangements. There
were a lot of flowers and I silently kicked myself for not thinking to order
some myself. The flowers were different than the usual funeral arrangements.
They were more cheerful and colorful. There were lot of wildflowers and spring
flowers such as daisies and lilacs. There wasn’t a rose, lily or carnation in
the bunch. It was nice.
I spent the
service watching the people instead of listening to the minister recite his
prayers and words of comfort. Next to Sean was a pretty blonde, well built and
kind of sophisticated. Totally not Sean’s type, but there she was holding onto
his arm as she cried softly. On the other side of Sean was an older gentleman.
Not old but older. He was handsome and fit. It took me a few minutes but I
actually recognized him. I hadn’t seen him in so long that I am surprised that
I even knew him. Maybe it is because of those infamous cowboy boots that he was
wearing. He was none other than Jim Valenti, Michelle’s ex-husband. We had
heard a few years back that he wasn’t actually the Sheriff anymore. Seems he
was fired as Sheriff due to some questions of misconduct with some teenagers.
Next to Jim
Valenti was a handsome young man who I can only assume is his son, Kyle. He
looks too much like Jim to be anyone else. I can also see some of Michelle in
him as well. Kyle was with a pretty petite blonde who is obviously either his
girlfriend or his wife. There are other younger people upfront as well but they
are off to the side clearly showing that the Valenti’s and Sean were the
family. I have to admit, I am surprised that Amy was this close to so many
people. However, I really shouldn’t have been. I basically know nothing at all
about her. All I know is what I allowed myself to know and that isn’t very
much at all.
As the crowd
breaks up I move my way to the front to reach Sean. I put my hand on his
shoulder. He turns and I see a glimmer of surprise on his face. I don’t think
he expected me to come.
“M.”
“Sean.
I’m late.”
“It’s
ok.”
“Is it?”
I whisper and he puts his arm around my shoulder and squeezes my arm
reassuringly.
“M this is
my girlfriend Laurie Dupree.”
“Hi I’m
Maria.” I introduce myself since I don’t think M really covers my name.
Laurie
smiles at me. She is still crying a bit so she doesn’t say anything.
“This is
Jim Valenti. Aunt Amy and he were going to… Well they were engaged.”
I gasp. I
figured that they were close but I had no idea that Amy was engaged.
“Hello. I didn’t know. I’m sorry for your loss.”
I really didn’t know what to say to the man. He had just lost the woman
he loved and here I was, the daughter of the man who had stolen his first wife
and left him to raise his son all by himself, saying I was sorry. Sorry really
just didn’t seem like enough.
Jim gives me
a smile and then looks around. “Are you here by yourself?” He asks.
For a minute
I look at him confused and then I realize he is talking about my dad and
Michelle. “Yeah. Mom, I mean Michelle, couldn’t come so Dad stayed with
her.”
I could have
kicked myself right then. What in the hell was I thinking calling her that here
of all places.
“Mom?”
Kyle asks the disgust evident in his voice. “Was she actually decent enough to
not come to the funeral of the woman whose husband and daughter she stole? I’m
surprised she didn’t come so she could spit on Amy’s grave just to make a
point.”
“Kyle”
Jim shouts a warning to his son.
Several
people around us gasp in shock. I just stare at him for a moment. I guess I’m
not the only one who’s angry and bitter. I really can’t be upset at him. I
understand where he is coming from. Been there, done that.
“Kyle let
me give you a little piece of advice. Time is short. Don’t waste it being mad.
You may never get the chance to take back the mean things you say. Learn from my
mistakes.”
I turn my
back on Kyle and face Jim. “Michelle is in the middle of her first round of
chemotherapy treatments for breast cancer. The doctors didn’t want her to
travel. “
It is my
turn to make our audience gasp.
Jim closes
his eyes for a second and then adjusts his composure. I probably could have been
more politically correct about it all but quite frankly I’m not in the mood.
My biological mother was dead and the woman who I considered my mother was
fighting for her life as we speak.
“Maria
I’m sorry. What do the doctors say?”
I really
don’t want to get into this right now but I figure he has the right to know. I
take a deep breath and am about to answer his question when I look over at Kyle.
He has a shocked and hurt look on his face. I realize than that I should have
waited to say anything. Now was not the time to bring this all up. I suddenly
feel like such a bitch.
“The
doctors are pretty confident that she will be fine. The surgery went well. The
treatments are the hard part but she is tough. She is going to make it. My dad
and I won’t accept anything else.”
Sean clears
his throat. “M, Liz’s parents (he points to the petite brunette off to the
side) own a restaurant in town and they offered to host the wake. We should
probably head over there now.”
“Ok” I
start to leave but Sean grabs my arm.
“Wait let
me introduce you to everyone else first.” Sean points back over to Liz and the
others. “Liz Parker, her boyfriend Max Evans, his sister Isabel Evans, her
boyfriend Alex Whitman, umm you know Kyle, his girlfriend Tess Harding. Oh and
the guy in the back is Laurie’s brother Michael Guerin.”
I nod my
head to everyone.
“Aunt Amy
kind of looked out for all of us.” I really don’t know what to say to them.
I was her daughter but these people were probably closer to being her children
then I was. Of course that is as much my fault as anyone else’s. Sean gives me
a look letting me know he understands and then takes Laurie’s hand and leads
her to the car.
Sean really
has changed. He was always a smartass, a major pain in the butt and a
troublemaker but a compassionate human being, nope never. At least I had never
seen it, until today. I guess hell certainly has frozen over because Sean Deluca
has finally grown up and become a man. Amy Deluca must have been a miracle
worker or at the very least an amazing mother. Remorse and an overwhelming
sadness hit me so fast I stumble and almost fall. Strong arms reach out and help
me regain my footing.
“Thank
You.” I whisper with unshed tears struggling to break free.
I take a few
deep breaths to calm down and then look up to thank whoever helped me. I find
myself looking into the most soulful pair of eyes I had ever seen. They transfix
me for a moment until I am able to shake clear the fog. “Um. Thanks again.”
Laurie’s
brother Michael nods his head. “No problem” He turns away and lets me get
into my car. I hear Sean shouting to me to follow the rest of the cars. I wave
to him letting him know that I hear him.
The ride to
the restaurant is a blur. I follow the car in front of me but don’t really
focus on anything else. It isn’t until we stop that I see that the
“restaurant” where Sean is holding the wake is the Crashdown Café. I
remember eating there when I was a little girl. I suddenly also remember who Liz
Parker is. We used to play together. We were friends, funny how I didn’t even
recognize her name when Sean had introduced her at the cemetery. I get out of
the car and walk to where Sean and Laurie are waiting for me. I smile at them
both in thanks. To be completely honest I don’t think I could have gone in if
he had not been here. I have never felt like I don’t belong somewhere in my
life then I do today with these people. They loved Amy. They were her family. I
was nobody, just a girl who shared her blood, someone who hated her. Ok so I
didn’t hate her but I couldn’t allow myself to love her either. Now I would
never have the chance.
There were
many people gathered in the Café. I think there may have been more than were at
the cemetery. It seems like Amy Deluca really was a well-liked woman. Sean
introduced me to a lot of people. They all give me their condolences and tell me
how unique Amy was and how sorry they were. A little while later I overhear the
same people who had showed me their sympathy gossiping about how my dad left Amy
with Michelle Valenti and how I went with him leaving her all alone. Not one of
them said a thing about Amy giving me up. Amy was the victim and my family was
trash.
I think my
dad knew what it would be like here. He tried to warn me before I left. He told
what the people in Roswell were like. He said that was why they, my dad and
Michelle, had decided to leave in the first place. They couldn’t have had a
decent life in Roswell. Not with the small mindedness that came along with
living in a small town. I didn’t really believe him until this very moment.
I slip out
the door hoping that no one notices. However, I’m sure if they do that they
won’t really care. I enjoy the quiet until the door opens and Liz Parker walks
out to join me.
“Hi.”
“Hi”
“Sorry
about them.” Liz apologizes for the people inside.
“It’s
ok. I expected it. My dad warned me before I left.”
Liz nods.
“I guess he would know. Listen Maria, your mom, Amy, was an amazing woman. The
people in there are just reeling from her death. It is easier to talk about
someone else then to deal with it all. You know what I’m saying.”
“Denial
isn’t just a river in Egypt. I get it.”
Liz giggles.
“You know you should get to know Kyle. I think you would get along.”
She realizes what she said and starts to amend it but I put up my hand to
stop her.
“I don’t
know if Kyle and I will ever be friends but I would like to get to know him. I
owe that to Amy … and to Michelle.”
“Yeah
about that, I’m sorry about your…” Liz hesitates for a moment.
“…Mom”
I sigh. ‘This
really does suck.’ “For the
last fifteen years my parents have been Brian and Michelle Deluca. I didn’t
even know about Michelle’s past until two years ago. I never knew that she
left her family for my dad. To me she is my mom. She has loved me like I was her
own, and never once tried to keep Amy from me. I did that all on my own.”
Liz nods her
head obviously not knowing what to say.
“This
isn’t a good situation for anyone. I don’t like the things they are saying
in there but I would be a hypocrite if I didn’t say I understand.” I tell
her.
Liz squeezes
my arm and heads back for the door. I realize then that I never told her about
recognizing her. “Hey Liz.”
“Yeah”
“I
didn’t remember you at the cemetery but as soon as I saw the Crashdown it came
back to me. We were friends.”
“Yeah we
were and I hope we can be again.”
“Me to
Lizzie. Me to.” I smile when I realize that I called her by her childhood
nickname.
Liz smiles
at me as well.
Yeah I think
we will be friends again. I sigh and get up knowing I have escaped long enough.
I should get back inside. As I am about to open the door I notice a shadow off
to the side. The shadow moves and Michael Guerin steps into the light.
“Sorry.”
I don’t
know what he is apologizing for, for starling me, for eavesdropping, for Amy,
for Michelle, for the gossip or just for being there. Honestly it doesn’t
matter. I nod to him silently thanking him. He opens the door for me and I say
“‘thank you” to him once again. He smirks and fades into the crowd.
Michael
Guerin is a strange one, sexy as hell, but strange. I need to remember to ask
Sean about him later.
For a while
the wake progresses pretty much as it had before, introductions, displays of
sympathy and then off to the corner they would go to gossip. After awhile though
the oddity of who I was and my parent’s transgressions were forgotten. People
then started telling stories about Amy Deluca. I heard stories of a woman who at
times was quite outspoken and sometimes even a pain in the ass. She was an
activist. She chained herself to trees and organized marches and rallies to
protest anything and everything from war to the designated hitter in baseball.
The woman they talked about was an original. Hearing these stories about Amy
caused me more regret then any stories I could have heard about how loving and
giving she was. This Amy Deluca was someone I would have loved to know. I have
said it before and I will say it again, Regret is a pretty damn powerful thing.
It is also very exhausting.
By the time
the last of the mourners leave I am totally wiped out. All I really want to do
is crawl into bed and stay there for at least a month but unfortunately I
can’t do that. I have noticed Jim Valenti watching me throughout most of the
night. I can tell that he wants to talk. I have no doubt that if I told him I
couldn’t tonight. If I said that I feel like my life is slowly being sucked
from me and if I stay any longer I will surely expire he would understand.
However, the Regret and Guilt that is keeping me from running far, far away is
also forcing me to stay for as long as Amy’s family needs me. I will answer
all their questions. I will even listen to their tirades about my family and me.
I will do all of this for Amy, for penance for all I said and did or more
importantly what I should have said or did when she was alive.
“Maria,
can we talk for a little bit?” Jim finally asks after the last of the
non-family leave. All that remained in the Café were the group that Sean had
introduced me to earlier.
“Sure”
“Is there
anything you want to know Maria?” Jim asks.
I am
momentarily surprised. I expected him to ask me questions not the other way
around. “I don’t know. Well how long were you and Amy together? When were
you two engaged? Had you set a wedding data?” I ask quickly. I guess I wanted
to know more than I thought.
Jim smiles
at me. Maybe I remind him of her or maybe I just amuse him. “Your mom, Amy,
and I were together off and on for years. When I was Sheriff I was always
arresting her for something.” He smiles. “She was truly the most unique and
most frustrating woman I have ever known. And I loved her more than I ever
thought possible.” He clears his throat obviously embarrassed by his show of
emotion. “It wasn’t until a couple of years ago that we settled into a more
committed relationship. We only got engaged a couple of weeks ago and hadn’t
set a date yet. She had wanted to talk with you first. She wanted to tell you
before we made it really official.”
“I’m
sorry Mr. Valenti.” The Guilt is weighing me down.
“Call me
Jim, and it’s not your fault. Amy wouldn’t have wanted you to feel bad. She
understood how you felt.”
“Did she
tell you about how I treated her or the things I said to her?” I ask suddenly
wanting to know if these people knew how horrible a daughter I really was.
“No. Amy
never talked about her visits. I think she wanted to save me from hearing
anything about Michelle.”
I nod my
head in understanding.
“Maria
about Michelle…” He starts but then stops. I don’t know what he wants to
say or ask but I decide to just tell him what I can.
“She’s
happy. Up until the cancer her life was really good. Her and my dad, are amazing
together. I’m sorry I don’t mean to hurt you but I just think you have a
right to know.”
Jim nods his
head. I glance over at Kyle and see the anger brewing on his face. I know he
wants to explode but he wont for his dad’s sake.
“You
called her your mom earlier at the cemetery, has she been a good mother to
you?”
How do I
answer him without hurting either Jim or Kyle? ‘Sure Jim she was the best mother in the world. Sorry she wasn’t for
your son.’ Instead I say. “She did the best she could. She never tried
to be something she wasn’t. I always knew that Amy was my mom. Michelle never
tried to replace her. She was just there for me when I ever needed her. My dad
and her are a team. They are my parents.”
Kyle steps
over to me. I still see the anger but I can also see he has questions to ask as
well. I face him ready to deal with whatever he has on his mind. “Liz told me
that you didn’t know about us, my dad and me, until 2 years ago. How
couldn’t you have?”
I sigh. I
guess tonight is far from over. It looks like we are going to be here for a
while so I sit down and tell them my story as I remember it.
“I was six
Kyle, I didn’t have a clue what was going on. It was months before I even
figured out that Amy wasn’t going to be meeting us or that we were never
coming back. I only knew what my dad told me which honestly wasn’t much. He
said that we couldn’t go back, that Roswell wasn’t our home anymore and that
my mom wanted me to be happy, to be part of a family. He said that the three of
us were family now. I never knew that Michelle had a family of her own. I never
knew that she left you and your dad. The first I heard about you was two years
ago.”
“Why
then?” Kyle asks.
“It was
after a visit from Amy. I made things impossible for her. Amy tried, she really
did, I have to admit that but I just wouldn’t give her a chance. All I could
see was that she gave me up. I meant it took her 10 years to even come see me.
For the next three years she did everything she could to make me understand her
situation and how she felt but I couldn’t get past my own anger and bitterness
to listen to her. Michelle couldn’t take it anymore, so she told me her story,
to show me that not everyone is perfect and that the world is not always black
and white. You know Kyle, Michelle never once made an excuse for anything she
had done. She took all the blame on herself and my dad. She told me that they
should have had the courage to stand up to their mistakes. They should have
faced up to what they had done and moved on from there instead of running away
in the middle of the night like the cowards they were. And to make her sins
worse not only did she abandoned her family but she essentially stole
another’s” I look into Kyle’s eyes. “Those were her words not mine. I
was shocked and hurt by the things she told me. I had known her for 13 years. I
respected her more than any woman I knew. I thought she was amazing and then I
found out she had done something equal to if not worse then my own mother. The
thing is I was able to forgive her. I had empathy for her. She begged me to give
Amy the same chance but I never did. After awhile I decided that if Amy came to
me again I would at least listen but I was too proud, to stubborn, to full of
myself to make the first move. Like I said earlier Kyle don’t make the same
mistake I did. You will regret it.”
Kyle just
stares at me. I think he understands what I am saying to him but I can also tell
that 15 years of hatred and hurt just cant be forgotten. I understand exactly
where he is coming from. If any two people should understand each other it is
Kyle Valenti and I.
“Michelle
told me that if she could go back and do things differently that she would but
the outcome would have been the same. She would have still left your dad for
mine. She would have broken up two families but she wouldn’t have left you and
they wouldn’t have taken me away from my mom. Somehow they would have made it
work. She knows that we, you and me, paid the price for their happiness. They
were selfish and we suffered for it. That is her biggest regret and she has to
live with it. I think that is why Michelle respected Amy so much. Amy had the
courage to face her mistakes. She had the strength to deal with my rejection.
Michelle unfortunately, even though she is sick, knowing she could die, still
can’t seem to make the first move. I know she wants to though. She really did
want to come to the funeral. She argued with the doctors and my dad, which she
never does. She wanted to have a chance to see you and try to talk to you.
However, in the end she had to relent. She really couldn’t deal with the
stress of all this.” I really don’t think I had to tell anyone in the room
what “this” was. It is pretty obvious.
“It
probably would have gotten pretty ugly.” Kyle agrees.
“Yeah.
That is what we figured.” I reach in my purse for a scrap piece of paper and a
pen and write her number on it.
“Here.
Just in case you want to hear what she has to say. Just wait until next week.
She doesn’t get treatment then. She will be stronger and not so sick.”
Kyle
hesitates but does take the piece of paper. He seems torn with what he should
do.
Jim squeezes
Kyle’s arm letting him know that he is there for him. Obviously Jim and Kyle
are very close. Michelle will be happy to know that hasn’t changed.
I have had
enough of the melodrama and I look at Sean hoping he will understand my silent
plea.
“Ok I
think today has been long enough for us. I think we should all go home.” Sean
tells everyone. The group nods their heads in agreement.
“Do you
want to go with me? We can leave your car here and pick it up tomorrow.” Sean
asks.
“Yeah
ok.” I agree.
“I’ll
drive it over. I can walk from there.” Michael suggests and Sean agrees. I
hand the keys to my car to him. Michael and my eyes meet for a moment. I can’t
stop looking at them. They’re mesmerizing. He is mesmerizing.
“Thanks”
I manage to say and then smile realizing that is all I have said to him all day
long. It seems I have been thanking him for something since I came back to
Roswell.
He smirks at
me. I guess he realizes the same thing.
“Do you
want to ride with me or would you rather go with Sean?” He asks
“Um. I can
go with you. That’s fine.”
“You sure
M?” Sean asks.
“Yeah”
Michael
walks for the door and I follow. We drive in silence. It isn’t long before we
pull into a driveway of a nice yet modest 2-story home. “This my moms?” I
ask
“And
Valenti’s. They bought it two years ago.”
I guess this
is what Jim meant about a commitment.
“So
Michael, did you know Amy along time?” I ask trying to break the silence and
because I really did wonder how she was connected to him.
“Awhile. I
worked for her in high school doing deliveries and stuff then she helped me
start my own business.” He states.
“Really.
What kind of business?” I ask surprised. One because Michael did not seem the
type to own a business, and two, that my mom would do that for him. She must
have cared about him a lot.
“I repair
things. Furniture, paintings and other stuff, mostly antiques and I also make
furniture.”
“Wow that
is really great.” Quite frankly I am impressed it seems Amy really did look
after the group. I can’t help but wonder what she had done for the others.
“Did she help all of you guys out?”
“Not
really. Most of us worked at the store at one time or another but mostly she was
just a friend.”
Another wave
of regret and sadness hits me. I don’t even realize that I am crying until
Michael hands me a tissue.
“Thanks.”
I laugh a little. “That seems to be all I have said to you since we met.”
“It’s
ok.” Michael says and I know that he means it. I feel that he is someone that
is used to looking out for other people, like a guardian or protector. Michael
Guerin, protector of innocents.
I think I
have officially lost it tonight. I am starting to talk nonsense in my head.
Thankfully I am saved from actually saying something stupid by Sean and the
Valenti’s pulling up.
We get out
of the car and Michael opens up the trunk and hands my suitcase over to Sean.
“Michael,
I can take you home if you want.” Laurie says. “I’m not staying here
tonight.”
Michael nods
his head and walks over to Laurie’s car. Before he gets in he turns back
around and says “Sorry”. He has a smirk on his face.
I return the
smirk and say. “Thanks.”
It seems
that Michael Guerin and I now have a secret language that only the two of us
understand. Sean just looks at me and shakes his head.
“I guess that answers the nature/nurture question. Weirdness definitely
is inherited.”
Now that is
the Sean Deluca I remember. I smack him on the back of the head and follow Jim
into the house. I hear Kyle laughing at Sean. “Yep she is Amy’s daughter.
That is for sure.”
I just smile
at them both.
The Deluca-Valenti
house is tasteful yet unique with lots of scented candles and bottles of aroma
mixed with what can only be described as men stuff, sports memorabilia and other
very manly things. Then there is a whole wall of framed pictures mostly of the
Valenti’s but some pictures of the others and surprisingly many pictures of
me. I wonder how that is possible.
“Amy would
get them in the mail. There was never a note or anything with them. Just a
picture.” Jim says even before I have a chance to ask. He picks up a stack of
pictures that had yet to be framed. The picture on top was from my college
graduation. I turn it over and see the nicely handwritten caption Maria
after graduation.
I recognize
the handwriting immediately. “Michelle.” I tell Jim. “Michelle sent
them.” I look at the back of the pictures and see that she captions all of
them. “It’s her writing” I clarify.
Jim nods. I
guess he had recognized her writing as well.
I look over at Kyle and he seems surprised. I see him pull out the piece
of paper I gave him earlier and then he puts it quickly back in his pocket when
he notices me watching him.
I am pretty
sure he will call her next week. Yeah I think something good will come from this
after all.
Sean gives
me a quick tour and then takes me to a room down the hall. It is nicely
decorated. Very warm and inviting. It feels like it must be someone’s room
because it doesn’t have that guest room feel to it. “I’m not putting
anyone out am I, because I can sleep on the couch if this is someone’s
room.”
“This is
your room Maria. Amy made sure there was one for you when we bought the house.
She decorated it herself.” Jim tells me.
Looking
around the room I realize why the room felt different. It reminds me of my room
at home. It isn’t exactly the same with different furniture and linens but the
coloring is the same as is (for lack of a better word) the aura. I guess Amy
really did pay attention the one and only time I allowed her into my space and
that was almost five years ago.
I can’t
speak. My emotions are to close to the surface. I just nod to Jim and he walks
out of the room. Sean follows. “Oh M, Aunt Amy’s lawyer is coming by
tomorrow morning to read her will. He asked that you be here.”
“Ok.” I
whisper wondering why I would need to hear her will.
I shake it
off and try to come to terms with everything I have learned today.
I call home
and check in. I talk with both my dad and Michelle. She sounds better. Not as
weak as she had yesterday when I left. For this I am glad. After talking with
Michelle for a bit my dad takes the portable in the other room and asks me how
today really was. I tell him that it was as he expected it to be but only for a
little while. I told him about all the people who were there and about the
wonderful arrangements of flowers. He said that Amy was never the rose’s type
of woman. She always liked wild or spring flowers better. It was funny that he
was telling me that now because I don’t remember him ever telling me about my
mom when I was growing up. The anger I felt towards her overwrote any curiosity
I may have felt. I then told him about the Valenti’s and how Jim and her had
been engaged. He actually laughed aloud about that. Besides the obvious irony of
the situation he just found it so hilarious that my mom (in his words) the
hippie activist, would be involved with someone who was the epitome of
everything she was against. You know “Damn the Man” and all that. Again it
surprises me how much more my dad knew about Amy then me. I told him about all
the pictures and how Michelle had sent them. He told me he knew. Amy had
mentioned it to him the last time she had visited. He didn’t deny that he sent
them when she had thanked him for them. He didn’t think Amy would accept them
if she knew they had actually come from Michelle. Honestly I think he is wrong.
I imagine Amy knew all along who sent them especially if she knew my dad as well
as he seemed to know her. Finally I told him about the room. Now that did
surprise him. He asked (more to himself than me) if Amy really thought that
after her last visit that I would ever actually come here. Obviously she had and
maybe just maybe if she had come to me even if it was to tell me she was getting
married that I would have come here willingly. I guess some things we are just
never meant to find out.
As I hang up
with my dad, promising to call tomorrow, I can’t help thinking about what ifs
and what could’ve beens. If I had known two years ago the things I know today
about the past, about Michelle and especially the things I have learned about
Amy would I still have chased her away? Or would I have actually listened to her
and given her a chance. Would I have tried to get to know the person she had
become so that I could possibly forgive the person that she had once been.
Honestly I don’t know. I wish I could say yes. I wish that I had a chance to
find out but all the wishing in the world wont make it happen. My chance, our
chance, was gone. A stupid drunk driver took her away and there isn’t a thing
that can be done about it.
It is these
thoughts that lull me into a restless sleep. My dreams are filled with hurtful
words and painful thoughts and all I can manage to feel is an all-consuming
sorrow.
The next
morning I wake to a room full of light. It is still early but the sun is bright
and the sky is blue. It is probably one of the prettiest mornings I have ever
seen; yet it seems so wrong. I feel that it should be overcast and dreary to
match my emotions. It shouldn’t be bright and cheery.
The house is
quiet as I dress and go into the kitchen to make some coffee. Sean had showed me
where everything was last night before taking me to my room. I know it is early
so I try to be as quiet as I can so not to wake anyone. As I am pouring the
water for the coffee I am surprised to see Sean lift his head up from the couch.
“Damn
Maria. It is too early.”
“Sorry
Sean I didn’t know you would be out here. Go back to sleep I will be done in a
minute.”
“Nah it is
cool. I won’t be able to sleep with the coffee smell anyhow.”
“Why are
you on the couch?”
“Kyle and
Tess stayed the night so I got couch duty once again.”
“Kyle
doesn’t live here?” I ask. For some reason I thought he did.
“No he and
Tess got their own place about six months ago. Tess’s room was made into an
office when they moved out. Not that it was ever really her room anyhow. Aunt
Amy said she gave up trying to get them to sleep in separate beds. Tess usually
ended up in Kyle’s room by the end of the night.”
“I’m
confused.” I really was. Tess had lived here to, and what about Sean and the
couch?
“What
about?” Sean asks.
“Tess
lived here? You on the couch?”
“Ok long
story short, Tess was orphaned when she was in high school. Jim became her
guardian and moved in with the Valenti’s. When Aunt Amy and Jim bought the
place two years ago there was a room for Kyle, Tess and you. I moved in about a
year ago. Aunt Amy tried to keep up the pretenses that Tess and Kyle were not
sharing a room so that left me on the couch. Then once Kyle and Tess moved out I
got Kyle’s room and Tess’s room became an office. Understand now?”
“But why
didn’t you just stay in my room. Why the couch?”
“Aunt Amy
wouldn’t let me. She said it was your room and you were the only one that was
going to sleep in it.”
“Oh” I
whisper. I turn away to get some coffee so I can hide the tears that have formed
in my eyes.
Sean
doesn’t say anything but I know he can tell how much it affects me that she
wouldn’t let anyone sleep in the room except for me. She made it almost
sacred. It hurts to know that she never got a chance to see me in her house and
in the room she had made for me. It is heart wrenching.
“Mr. Evans
will be here in about an hour.” Sean says after looking at his watch.
“Mr.
Evans?” I ask thinking about Max and Isabel.
“Yeah Aunt
Amy’s lawyer. He is also Max and Isabel’s dad.”
“Oh Ok.”
Sean goes to
get dressed as I sip on my coffee. I am desperately in need of the life giving
substance. I say a silent prayer, thanking god for coffee. Mr. Maxwell House
must surely be a saint by now as much as I have praised him alone over the
years. Michelle has said many times that if it were possible to inject coffee
intravenously, I would have started doing so years ago. Without my coffee I
cannot even think about starting the day.
“I thought
I smelled coffee.” Jim says startling me out of at least 10 years of my life.
“Sorry didn’t mean to scare you.”
“It’s
ok. I was just saying a little prayer of thanks to God for coffee.”
“You
Deluca’s. You are all the same. Amy couldn’t even begin to function without
at least one cup of coffee and Sean is just about as bad.”
I smile over
my cup. For some reason today, hearing that I am like my mom, no matter how
small, is a comfort and not nearly as painful as it had been the night before.
There is a
quick knock on the back door and then Michael walks in. He seems used to walking
in without anyone telling him it is ok. I go to the coffee pot for a refill.
“Coffee?”
I ask Michael
He takes my
cup and drinks a few sips then hands it back “Thanks”
I just stare
after him as he goes into the fridge and pulls out a Snapple. Yep I was right
last night; Michael Guerin certainly was a strange one.
He goes over
to the couch, pushing Sean’s blanket and pillow to the side and turns on the
TV to ESPN.
I must have
been staring still slightly in shock with how at home he seems to be because
then I hear Tess say. “Don’t mind Michael we haven’t quite gotten him
house trained yet,” as she gets a cup of coffee as well.
Tess empties the pot and starts a new one to brew.
“I figured
Michael was here as soon as I heard the TV.” Kyle says as he takes Tess’s
coffee from her. He takes a couple of sips and then hands it back. He then goes
into the fridge taking out an orange juice. He then joins Michael on the couch.
Ok so they
are all a little strange. Jim just laughs at both Kyle and Michael.
“Sorry
Maria. I’m afraid that old habits are hard to break. When Kyle still lived
here this kind of thing happened all the time.”
“Um, no
problem.” I just shake my head wondering what kind of world I have stepped
into. It really doesn’t seem like these people are right in the head.
There is a
knock at the front door and Sean comes rushing out of the bathroom to answer it.
Michael and Kyle hadn’t even bothered to move from their spots on the couch.
Sean opens
the door to a smiling middle-aged gentleman. I am assuming he is Mr. Evans even
though I don’t see any resemblance between him and Max and Isabel. Jim gets
up, shakes his hand, and calls me over.
“Maria
this is Phillip Evans. He is our lawyer and friend. He is also Max and
Isabel’s father.” I shake his hand.
“Nice to
meet you Mr. Evans. I think I remember you from last night.”
“Yes I
believe Sean introduced us but it is understandable if you don’t remember. It
was a difficult evening for everybody.”
I nod. He
asks us to sit. I guess that all of us were asked to be here for the reading.
Mr. Evans
goes through a lot of legal jargon and then finally gets to the extent of Aunt
Amy’s will. The house, all its furniture, and the cars are left to Jim, as he
was co-owner. She also left him a good deal of her savings. She left full
ownership of Michael’s business to him and also stipulated that any and all
repairs needed to be done of any antiques bought or sold by Deluca’s Attic
(the store) would be done by Guerin Furniture. She left her half of Valenti auto
shop, which she and Jim owned together to Kyle. Amy also left some money to
Kyle, Tess and Michael. Finally Mr. Evans read Amy’s final decree. She left
Deluca’s Attic to Sean and me, 50% to the child of her heart and 50% to the
child of her blood. Those were her exact words.
I sat there
shocked beyond words as Jim and the others said goodbye to Mr. Evans. I
couldn’t even bring myself to say goodbye. I am just so amazed and confused.
Why would she leave half of her business to me? Why? Sean I can understand as he
had been running the place for the past year but me, her spoiled, ingrate,
hateful daughter who never once had a kind word for her. Why would she do this?
I must have
voiced my question out a loud because I hear Michael answer. “Why not. You are
her daughter.”
No one else
seems a bit surprised by her leaving the store to Sean and me except for Sean
who seems as shocked as me. He sits down besides me and says “I expected her
to leave it to you but not me, can’t say I expected that.”
I look at
Sean. He really is surprised. I thought his surprise was about me never about
himself. I guess years of being told you were no good and will never be anything
is a hard thing to forget even with all the support and guidance he received
from Amy. “Sean you deserve the Store. Grandma Deluca told me how you were
running things. She said that Amy was really proud of all your hard work.”
Sean looks
at me “Grandma told you that?”
“Yeah”
“Damn.”
He gets up heading straight for the coffee pot. I follow him suddenly feeling
the need for another cup myself.
“Well M
you want to go see what you inherited.” Sean asks after he finishes his cup.
“Ok”
Sean looks
over at Michael “You coming?”
“Yeah I
have some work to finish.”
Deluca’s
Attic is actually only a block from The Crashdown. I am surprised to see that
the store is joined with Guerin’s Furniture. I guess that is why Sean asked if
he was coming. I figured he had some work to do at the store not that his shop
was in the same building.
“Aunt Amy
owned the building that was her part in Michael’s business. She gave him the
space to do his work.” Sean explains, “According to Mr. Evans we own this
part of the building and Michael owns his part. If we should ever want to sell
Michael gets first option to buy and vice versa.
“Ok” I
really doubt that will be a problem. I can tell by the look on Sean’s face
that he really loves this place.
“So this
is the Attic.” He says motioning around. He shows me everything. His face
lights up like I have never seen before when he talks about each section of the
store. The store itself mostly consists of furniture but there were also
sections for clothing, jewelry, china and flatware and finally paintings. Sean
continues to explain that most of the inventory is obtained through estate sales
and that Alex Whitman was in charge of finding most of all the “good stuff”.
Alex is a computer geek (Sean’s words not mine). If it can be found through
the Internet, Alex is the man to do it. He also designed the stores inventory
system and does most of the accounting.
Over the
last couple of years many items from the store have been bought thanks to Tess
and Isabel. They are wedding planners and according to Sean if anyone wanted a
perfect wedding in New Mexico they would call the two of them. Isabel and Tess
both share a flare for doing the out of ordinary and Deluca’s Attic plays a
huge part in their business. Who could resist having a once in a lifetime
wedding surrounded by elegant antique pieces or by wearing some exquisite
antique jewelry?
I asked
Michael yesterday if Amy had helped all the others like she had helped him. He
had told me not really but obviously she had. Then again he was also right
because yes Amy had helped them get started but in return they helped her back.
Therefore, it became a true give and take situation. It really amazes me. So now
I know Amy’s connection to almost all of them except for Max and Liz.
“Sean what
do Max and Liz do?”
“Make
everyone sick with all their mooning and sappiness. Oh you mean do as in job.
Max runs the UFO Center down the street and Liz works at the hospital. She’s a
blood girl.”