Title: Lose You

Author: Cristina

Category: Kyle POV. K/I. Angsty.

Rating: PG-13

Disclaimer: Nothing clever to say, just not mine. The song is “Lose You” by Pete Yorn off of the Orange County Sdtrk.

Spoilers: Tale of Two Parties.

Summary: I love and want Kyle. Not the summary, but whatever.

Author’s Note: As part of my new found need to get some testosterone in my writing, I decided to write a fic from Kyle’s POV, which I’ve actually been meaning to do for awhile (since I love that boy) but never got around to doing until now.

I’m taking a ride off to one side

It is a personal thing.

Where?

When I can’t stand up in this cage

I am not regretting.

It’s taken me a long time to realize what I am, to recognize what kind of person I am.

I am a loser.

I have lost every single person I have ever loved or cared about… Mom, Dad, Liz, Tess.  They’ve all left me.  When decision time came and it was either me or something else.  It was always something else, someone else, anything else.

I lost.

I am a loser.

I’m not bitter about it, much.

It’s just who I am.

I don’t need a better thing,

I’d settle for less,

It’s another thing for me,

I just have to wander through this world alone.

I never wanted to fall in love with Isabel.

The last thing I needed was another beautiful blonde alien jerking me around and breaking my heart, I think I’ve had enough of that to last me a lifetime, but love her I do.

I know that she’s married and that Jessie’s a great guy, but honestly I know she’s miserable in that marriage.  Jessie may be too oblivious to see how forced her blinding smiles are or how sad her eyes get when she looks at him and sees all the normal things she’ll never be, but I’m not.

I see her.

I’ve had her head on my shoulder, held her in my arms while her body shook with agonized sobs and her troubled tears soaked through my shirt.  I’ve witnessed and felt Isabel’s pain and I love her all the more for going on and being strong while living through it.

I don’t need a whirlwind romance or anything so normal.

I just want Isabel damaged, but strong.

Stop before you fall

Into the hole that I have dug here,

And rest even as you

Are starting to feel the way I used to.

I think Isabel could love me too given half the chance.

I know she already loves me like a friend.

We seek each other out.

We have our own corny little jokes and funny stories.

I know who she is and what she’s been through.

I know about Alex and she knows about Tess and I don’t think falling in love would be out of the question except that I am a loser.

I don’t need a better thing

(Just to sound confused)

Don’t talk about everyone,

I am not amused by you.

I’m not the kind of guy you love forever and stick by.

I don’t inspire feelings of undying love just mindless lust or warm friendship.

Apparently, I’m the type of guy who’s either your friend or your fuck buddy. Now, don’t get me wrong fuck buddy status can be pretty cool, but it’s not enough. I don’t want to be the guy used as amusement before the real men arrive. I want to be that man. I want to be Isabel’s man, but I can’t be.

‘Cause I’m gonna lose you

Yeah I’m gonna lose you

If I’m gonna lose you…

I’m not gonna lie.

It hurts to admit this to myself, but it’s better that I admit it now.

I need to be prepared to make the biggest mistake of my life.

I need to be prepared to tell Isabel that I love her.

‘Cause I’m gonna lose you,

Yeah I’m gonna lose you

If I’m gonna lose you…

I don’t care that the odds are stacked against me or that I have never been lucky at love.

I love Isabel too much to sit by and be afraid.

I need to know if she loves me enough to choose me more than I’m afraid to know that she doesn’t.

I just need to know if someone can love me like I love her.

I’ll lose you now for good.