Hurting for you
By StormyBear30

Author Website: Slashy Goodness
Pairing: Max/Kyle
Rating: NC-17
Summary: A simple assignment puts two foes together...but soon one of them learns a whole lot more.
Dedication: I would like to dedicate this fic to my good friend Yelsir...who nagged me for months to write another Roswell fic. This ones for you my dear.

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Chapter One..

I used to love to watch him sleep after having made frenzied love with him mere hours before hand. I loved the way that the sun would streak across his naked flesh from the curtained window in a beautiful array of colors that literally sent my heart soaring. I used to love the way that he would look at me with such loving want that it would take my breath away. The plain and simple truth was that I loved him. I loved him with the deepest of intentions that no other man could ever sway me from. I loved him with my entire body and soul and knew that he was the one that I wanted to spend my life with forever. We were young…we were naive…but we had love on our side and that was all that mattered to us at the time. Yes…he was my every thing. He was the first person I thought of when I woke up in the morning and the last person at night. He was the one who invaded my mind constantly when we could not be together. He was the one that set my heart a flutter…only to break that same heart when he looked upon me with eyes full of hurted betrayal. I loved him…plain and simple and yet I didn’t love myself enough to fight for him when the need arose. I let him walk out of my life…let him fall in love with another man that was not me…only because of my stupid cowardice and fear. My life was miserable when he left me…but I pretended that everything was wonderful in the world of Kyle. I somehow convinced myself that I could go on without him…but when I almost lost him permanently I quickly realized that I was just a fool to think that I could ever live my life without him. I nearly lost him and it quickly sobered me up to the fact that I needed him desperately and would do anything to get him back…anything.

Flashback…

I actually knew Max most of my life before that glorious night when we came together for the first time. Roswell was a small town with one Kindergarten…one Middle School and one High School. It was so small in fact that everyone knew everyone…as well as their business. From as early as I could remember I couldn’t wait to get out of Roswell. I hated the fact that everyone knew me…hated the fact that everyone knew my father…but most of all I hated the fact that I had to keep certain parts of my life locked away deep within the corners of my heart out of pure and complete fear. Looking back now…and even then I never treated Max with any sort of friendship or respect. Early on I knew that Max was different from me. No…it wasn’t that I knew that he was gay…at least not at first but in that he was different in the levels of popularity that all school kids depend on. He was the kid from the wrong side of the tracks. The one whose parents didn’t have a lot of money and because of it their children were made to suffer. His clothes were always ragged looking and worn. He never had money to go on fieldtrips when we were in Middle School…so he would have to sit in the Library all day while we went and learned about the not so exciting history of Roswell New Mexico. We used to tease him excessively…so much so that he would run away crying and we would laugh about it for hours. I made Max’s life a living hell…and back then I was proud as proud could be to have that much control over someone’s life. In my head I was important and he was not. His family was poor…where mine was one of the richest families in our small town. I had friends galore…everyone loved me…and all he had his twin sister and a geek known as Liz Parker.

High School must have been pure hell for Max…because the torture that he received during those times were ten times as bad then in Middle School. Yes…you guessed it I was at the head of those torture games…and loving every minute of it…or so it seemed to the outside world. The truth of the matter was that I hated torturing Max…hated calling him names…pushing him around…and yes even making him cry. You’re asking…if I was so miserable then why did I continue to do it?? Well what can I say except that I was a slave to the politics of High School. I was the most popular kid in the school. I had the most popular girlfriend on my arm and the most popular people surrounding me. I was a god to those people as I ruled the thrown before me and despite the fact that I should have been extremely happy…I was the most miserable person on the planet.

I know you are dying to know how it is that Max and I even came together despite our obvious class distinctions and my apparent hate for him. Well…all I can say is that our first meeting alone was not the most romantic…but it was memorable to say the least. Fate…better known as our English teacher had decided that it would be enriching and educational to learn as much as we could about the person he was going to pair us with and give a presentation on them. I just knew that he was going to pair me up with one of our lovely ladies of WRH where I would proceed to have her do all the work and I would get all the credit. Well…fate or that same English teachers whose name I do not remember placed me with of all people…you guessed it Max. I was stunned and I can freely admit it now…a little turned on at the prospect of spending some time with Max. I put up the good fight…bitched and complained so the many followers at my feet would believe that I was truly outraged. However…and I thank Buddha every day for this…fate would not back down. We had the weekend to work on our assignment and it turned out to be the most important weekend of my life.

Friday night was usually date night. It was a time where the popular kids would meet at The Crash Down…chowing down on greasy food and torturing both Max and Liz for a little while before blowing the pop stand and dissolving into the night for more teenaged fun. I was glad to have an excuse to blow off date night…because the truth of the matter was that I hated date night and with each passing day I was growing to hate my girlfriend as well. Once again I played like I was really pissed off at the world for assigning Max and I as partners…when in stark reality I was just glad to get a few minutes away from the adoring masses. Maria…my girlfriend practically insisted that she stay with me. She kept whining in my ear about how she hated the idea of going out without me by her side. She even tried to give me a little hand action under the table…quickly stopping her motions as Max fell tiredly into the booth before us. I could feel the hate for Max radiating off of Maria as she grabbed me roughly by the head and kissed me for all she was worth. I watched as she leaned across the table towards Max…after breaking our spit swap and calling him a name that even stunned me. “Later…queer” she sing-songed…gracing me with a thousand watt smile before sliding out of the booth and trouncing off with Malamute one of my best friends.

“Max…I’m…” I tried to apologize…but he was having none of it as he attempted to shoot me what I supposed was an evil glare…but I could see the hurt in his eyes.

“Forget it…this was stupid” he bit out…pushing himself away from the table. “Lets just make this easy on ourselves and just answer the questions ourselves. I have to work at the UFO center in the morning and then here at the Crash Down later in the day…you can just pick up the answers here before you head off to your night of partying” I tried to call out after him…but pride and stubbornness would not allow me this luxury as I too slide out of the booth and made my way home. I hadn’t realized that Max was working two jobs…but the more that I thought about it there was a lot about Max that I didn’t know. I wanted to go back and talk to him…let him know that I really was sorry for the way that Maria acted towards him…for the way that I had always acted towards him…but once again my pride got the better of me.

Maria and the rest of the gang showed up at my house bright and early the next morning. I couldn’t understand how it was that they all looked bright eyed and busy tailed after a night of serious partying…when I felt and looked hung over as @#%$ without the aid of mind inducing drugs or alcohol. I knew what my problem was…my problem was Max. I could not get his face out of my mind as I tried like hell to catch any hint of sleep. It was those sad eyes that haunted me brutally when I finally did fall into an unrestful slumber. I didn’t want to go out…hell I just wanted to curl back under the protection of my covers as the face of Max once again hovered before my closed eyes…but they were having none of it. Within fifteen minutes of their arrival I was showered…dressed and on my way to the Crash Down for another dose of greasy food. I was so into the tales of the previous night that I didn’t even see him…but I knew that he was near as the hurtful and incessant tauntings from my friends and girlfriend began. Turning…I spotted him out side the shitty tourist attraction known as the UFO center washing the windows. He only turned to face us for a second as their hateful and cruel tauntings continued…but it wasn’t them that he was looking at…it was me. I wanted to die…wanted to crawl under the concrete at my feet and into the protection of the earth as the sadness I had seen the previous night greeted me once again and then in an instant I was looking at the back of his head.

“What a @#%$ queer” I heard Maria giggle loudly as she took my hand and literally jerked me into the diner. I didn’t say much throughout our morning get together. There was no way that I could as those eyes…those beautiful hazel eyes continued to call out to me. I didn’t participate when my group of idiots began to torture and tease Liz Parker as she came up to our table to take our orders…but I did notice that her eyes held the same look of sadness that Max’s held. An hour later after we had eaten our meals…we one by one exited the thoroughly trashed building with nothing but time and the means on our hands. Using the excuse that I had to use the bathroom…I held back as Liz walked up to the table to clean the horrendous mess we had made.

“Here let me help you” I offered as I stacked up all the plates into one…placing them in the plastic container sitting on the table before her.

“Um…thanks” she muttered…not looking at me as she speedily finished cleaning up our morning mess. I sat there for what felt like forever before I finally got the nerve to speak.
“Uh…Liz…can you tell me what time Max gets off tonight?” I asked…not able to look her in the eye at first as I found interest in the napkin I held in my hands.

“Why…so you and your cronies can do something to him?” she bit out…stunning the @#%$ out of me for what she said…but for also having the balls to say it at all. “Why don’t you guys just leave him alone?” her cries continued as she slammed a glass into the plastic basin…cutting her finger on a sharp edge when it sliced across her tender skin.

“Jesus Liz…” I cried out in shock as I grabbed onto her hand…covering it with the napkin still held within my hand. I was so into trying to control the bleeding that I never even heard him come in…only heard his angry cries as he pried my hand away from hers as he quickly assessed the damage.

“What the @#%$ did you do to her?” he barked at me with eyes so full of hate that I nearly swallowed my own tongue in fear.

“I didn’t do anything…” I tried to defend myself…knowing that I sounded like some sort of lost little boy in the process…but not caring.

“Bullshit…” He cut me off…sending another look of death my way. “You’re always trying to do @#%$ to us…always trying to hurt us. Before it was just your hurtful words…but now you want to get physical and with a women no less. You claim to be such a big man…well you want to hurt someone physically…then you @#%$ hurt me and leave her out of this” I watched as the two of them stormed off towards the back of the café…watched as he looked at me one last time with those anger filled eyes before disappearing out of my line of vision. Tears misted my eyes…tears that I had no control of…tears that I had no idea where they came from…but there they were just the same.

“Come on Valenti…” I heard Malamute scream from the door behind me…as I wiped away any trace of those dratted tears before rushing my ass out of there as fast as I could. Hours later after having grown bored of the childish games that my so called friends wanted to play…I found myself once again at the Crash Down. I watched through the window as Max and Liz buzzed around the diner with smiles plastered upon their faces…and a bandage upon her finger. I watched the way that they looked at each other with so much love and respect that for the first time ever…I felt jealous of someone that was under my social status. I knew that I should have gone in there and tried to make things right…but as always my @#%$ pride would not allow it…so I made my way home where I spent another couple of hours in complete and utter agony. I guess I fell asleep because when I woke up several hours had passed and yet I still could not get Max Evans out of my brain. I didn’t know what I was doing as I pulled my ass out of bed…showered…changed clothes…ate a quick meal before rushing out the front door. Ok…I knew what I was doing…but what I didn’t know was why I was doing it. I made it to the café in less then five minutes as I parked in the alley waiting for Max’s shift to end. It was well past ten o’clock and I knew that the diner always closed at ten. I didn’t have to wait long before I saw the lanky frame of one Max Evans exit the back door with his best friend in tow. I couldn’t hear a word that they were saying…but I could tell they were words of love and friendship by the smiles on both of their faces. I watched in sheer unexplained jealously as Liz leaned up on her toes and kissed Max on his smiling mouth. I watched the way that he ran his hand through her silky hair as that simple kiss of friendship turned into a friendly hug…before she disappeared back behind the door of which she had came.

He waited until the door was closed before he turned and began to make his way home. I couldn’t keep my eyes off of him as he slide his hands into the front pockets of his jeans to ward off the chill of the air I assumed. I didn’t say a word as he walked by my car because the truth of the matter was that for whatever reason I had gone there…my frozen legs would not allow me to exit the car. He was almost completely past me when he turned around…rushing over to the passenger side…nearly giving me a heart attack as he plastered those same hands that had been snugly within his pockets against the window. “I figured you would come for this” he spoke through the thickness of the glass as he reached into his back pocket and pulled out the three pages of questions we were supposed to answer. “So where is yours?” he questioned as I rolled the window down and took the papers out stretched towards me.

“I…I...forgot it” I stammered like a complete idiot…but the truth was that I hadn’t even thought about that damn assignment since earlier that day.

“Figures…” he mumbled to himself. “I will just make some @#%$ up” he continued staring at me with eyes just a blazing with such distaste for me. “You’re a jock and the most popular kid in school…can’t be much more to you then that” I couldn’t believe how much his words hurt me…how much it dug into my very soul because the truth of the matter was as far as everyone else was concerned that really was all there was to me.

Part Two

“That’s not fair” I spoke barely above a whisper as he continued to stare at me. At first he just looked at me as if I had grown another head…but then I watched as that same look of hate that I had witnessed time and time again in the previous two days enter hazel pools. “There’s more to me then just that”

“Your right…there’s the fact that you have money. The fact that you can break five laws an hour and not get in trouble because your father’s the sheriff. There’s the fact that all that masses at WRH think that you are a god and you play that role to a t don’t you? Oh and of course lets not forget the fact that you live to torture the kids who are different from you…the ones that don’t have it as privileged as you do. Yeah…your night Kyle there is more to you then that” With a final look of contempt he pushed himself away from the car and began to walk away once again. I was livid…pissed off so badly that all I wanted to do was hit something and that something was Max Evans.

“Wait a @#%$ minute” I yelled out after him…spinning him around to face me once I bridged the gap between us. “You have no right to say those things to me…you don’t even know me” My fists bunched up into little balls of hate as I prepared myself for battle…but they severely deflated at what he said to me next.

“And you don’t know me” Five simple words that literally took the air out of my lungs. He was right. I didn’t know him…I didn’t know a damn thing about him except for the fact that his parents were poor and the numerous wide spread rumors that had been circulating about him for as long as I could remember. Hell…even most of them I had started myself. “What the hell do you want Valenti?” he asked sadly…the look of hate once so bright within his eyes now dimmed to simple defeat. “Why don’t you just leave me alone?" What have I ever done to you to deserve your constant hatred?” Yet again I was stunned as his words sunk into my very soul…because up until that point I had never really thought about why I treated Max as bad as I did. It was just something that I did for fun…something that I knew would get a laugh and a rise out of the sheep known as my friends.

“I don’t hate you Evans” I spoke quickly as he turned away from me…shoulders slumped as he attempted to walk once again. “I said I don’t hate you Evans” I repeated a bit louder as I once again ran after him…grabbing him by the arm as I pushed him up against the wall. I realized in that exact moment just how much I had tortured and hurt Max as he quickly threw up his arms in defense acting as if I was about to attack him or something. “I’ve really done some shitty things to you haven’t I?” I blurted out before I had a chance to stop the words.

“Please just leave me alone” he sighed…his arms still up in defense of what he was sure to come next.

“I’m sorry Max…” I spoke so softly that I wasn’t even sure if I had said it or not. “I never meant to hurt you…never meant to call you all those names…to make you cry”

“Bullshit…” he cried out angrily…causing myself to jerk back in fright. “You’ve meant every single @#%$ thing you have done to me and I have tried for years to try and figure out why….and up until now I never knew why” I listened to him go on…figuring that I owed him at least that much. “But now I know…now I know why you hate me so much…why you make my life such a living hell” he went on. “You seem to think that we are so different and in a sense you are right…except for one thing”

“What…what could you and I possibly have in common?” I barked out…fear squeezing my heart for some unknown reason as I awaited his reply.

I watched a smirk as it played across his lips…watched as it turned into a full-fledged smile before he spoke again. “The fact that we both love long…hard…@#%$” he ventured on…that same smile almost blinding the @#%$ out of me as it grew even wider.

At first I could speak not a word as I continued to stand there in complete and utter shock…but then that shock turned into anger and before I knew what was happening I had Max plastered against the wall. His smile quickly disappeared as I kept him braced against that wall…fist raised in soon to be released fury…but his eyes said something to me that was even more stunning then his smile. I could see the fear as he awaited his lashing…but what I also saw there was a complete and total understanding. He knew that he was right and despite the fact that I didn’t want to fully admit it at that time…I knew he was right. I was gay. I knew I was gay and had known it for quite a few years before that night…but fear and the unknown forced to me hide what I deemed a dirty little secret. Max was gay…everyone knew that he was gay and he in no way ever tried to deny it. I envied Max…believe it or not because no matter how badly I treated him…he never once tried to be someone else then who he wanted to be. I wanted to pound him into oblivion…wanted to beat him until he was inches from his life and yet it was not for the reasons that he deserved. I was angry…angry that someone…especially a someone that I deemed a no one…brought my horrible secret to life. I heard my knuckled pop as I tightened my fist of hate…but instead of pummeling the face that loomed above me…I did something else completely instead. It was something that stunned both he and I…but it was something that I had been dying to do unknowingly for a long time before hand. With quick and decisive measures I uncoiled my fist…grabbing onto the back of Max’s head and I pulled him down until he was level to me and then I kissed him. I kissed him roughly at first…just two pairs of manly lips pressed fiercely together…until the need for more erupted from the both of us. Before I knew what was happening he took command of the kiss and I fully expected him to push me away…but then he wrapped his long arms around my waist and pulled me tightly against his body. His tongue invading my mouth was strange and yet something that to this day I still can’t quite explain. It was my first manly kiss…but after that night I knew it was not to be my last.

However the kiss did not last long as the harsh reality of what we were doing and where we were doing it hit me head on. With harsh movements I shoved Max as far away from me as I could…before literally running like a scared rabbit away from the scene. My heart was pounding so hard within my chest that I just knew it was going to explode as I sped down the empty streets of my hometown. My head was sending shock filled pains across my forehead…my stomach doing flip-flops and summersaults as I fount the urge to vomit. I was confused…completely @#%$ confused as I tried to figure out what the hell I had done and why I liked it so much. Before I knew it I was back home…racing into the bathroom as I brushed my teeth at least five times before I turned off the bathroom light and attempted to get some sleep. Did I sleep? Well I am sure that you already know that answer to that as I tossed and turned the whole damned night. I couldn’t get the image of Max Evans out of my mind. Everything about that moment converged onto my head on as I replayed it over and over within my mind throughout the night. I could remember it all. I could remember the way that the heat of his skin felt as if it burned into mine. I could remember the feel of his plump lips as they pressed against my own…could remember the soft…slipperiness of his tongue as he gently caressed mine…but most importantly…despite the minty fresh toothpaste…I could still remember the taste that was purely Max.

All day Sunday I stayed hidden away in the safety of my home. I avoided the constant phone calls and knockings at my door because I just didn’t want to see anyone at that time. I was confused…@#%$ confused and with each minute that passed by I became even more confused. I hated the fact that Max Evans had gotten such a rise out of me that I in turn did something so stupid…hated the fact that despite the fact that it was completely out of my character that I didn’t entirely hate it. I could feel myself get hard as once again the images…the sights and the sounds of that first kiss invaded my mind for what felt like the millionth time. I was angry…I was confuse and I had a hard on the size of Montana that would just not go away…no matter how much I tried to will it away. I had never been so glad for any type of distraction as my father walked into the house after not seeing him for…I didn’t even know how many days. “Hey Pop…” I called out to him as he rushed down the hallway towards his room.

“Son…” he called out over his shoulder as he disappeared into the depths of his bedroom…slamming the door behind him. A sense of sadness rained over me as I slumped against the wall of the hallway in wait for his exit. I knew this scene well for it was the same scene that I had been witness to for more times then I could remember. “Kyle…I won’t be home tonight and possible tomorrow night” I heard him speak…jerking me from my thoughts as he surged through the door…heading once again for the stairs. “I met this hot young gal this morning and she invited me to her place over in Dexter” he grinned…smacking me on the back as he raced down the stairs and towards the front door.

“Pop…wait” I called out after him…running down the stairs myself as I grabbed onto his arm and spun him around. “I was hoping that the two of us could maybe hang out today…like we used to do when I was younger. We could hang out at the club and maybe play a couple rounds of golf and…”

He didn’t say anything at first…he just looked at me as if to see if I was serious or not. I was serious…dead serious because I wanted to do something…anything that would detour me from thinking about Max and that damned kiss…but most importantly I needed something to occupy my time so I didn’t rush over to his house and demand more. “Look Kyle…this girl is hot and she is waiting for me. Maybe we can do that some other time” he drawled…once again slapping me on the shoulder and then he was gone.

“Sure…” I said to the empty doorway knowing that there would never be a time for us to share a long over due father/son moment. The truth of the matter was that my father lived his own life…had his own agenda and I was not part of that agenda. I was his son…and I thought that maybe he did love me…but he loved his freedom more. I had been raised by nannies when I was a child and raised myself once I entered the eight grade. There were times that I hated my father for the life that he had given me…and then there were other times that I wanted to thank him for giving me complete and utter independence. Falling frustrated into a nearby chair I tried to think of what I could do to occupy my time but once again I had no control of my own thoughts as images of him once again began to invade mind. I found myself wondering when the hell Max Evans had become so damned cute…when he had gotten the defined muscles in his arms and chest as he held me against his body. I wondered if I had imagined it or not…but I could have sworn I had felt a bugle downwards in his nether regions…and if so was it really me that had caused that. I know that I had one…a huge painful one that begged for me to ease its pain almost all night the previous night…only to pop up again that morning. I didn’t want to release it…didn’t want to admit that another man was the cause of such a painful erection…but as I jerked myself stupid in the shower it was his face that I saw once again before me.

I didn’t know how I got to his house…but there I was just the same sitting in my car outside. I couldn’t move as I just continued to sit there staring at the front door of the small house that he shared with his parents and sister. My heart almost jumped out of my throat as that same door swung open and out came Max with his family. I couldn’t make out what they were saying…but I could hear their laughter…making it plainly obvious that they were a normal loving family and once again I had another reason to envy Max Evans. My heart began to sink into my chest as they walked towards their family car because it seemed that they were about to take a family outing of some sorts…but then it began to beat faster as he kissed his mother and father on the cheek…waving to his sister as they pulled out of the driveway leaving him completely alone. He continued to wave to them until they were out of sight before walking back into the house. He was alone…all alone inside that house and all I could think of was how badly I wanted to be alone in that house with him. I couldn’t stop the images of what it was that I wanted to do to Max all alone in that house…but I did give it a noble effort to try. Taking a deep breath I finally got the nerve to leave my car as I nearly crawled towards his front door…my hand in mid air as I was about to knock before the door was pulled open.

“What are you doing here?” he asked…with no real emotion behind his question. At first I was to dumb founded to move…to think of anything to say…but then I placed my hand into my pocket and then the words could not come fast enough.

“I thought that we could work on our project. I mean…maybe our teacher is right that we don’t know each other as well as thought we did. Maybe there is more to you and to me then the other believes. I just think that we should…”

“Whoa…ok” Max laughed…causing my face to flush as he leaned against the frame of the door. “I just thought that you might be here for other reasons” his laughter continued…but as I looked up into his eyes I could see the it was not to be taken in a mean and spiteful way.

“And what reasons would that be?” I feigned innocence as I batted my eyelashes at him. I was flirting. I was flirting with a man no less. I was flirting with a man named Max Evans…and I liked it.

“Just come in” he laughed again as he grabbed me by the arm of my letterman’s jacket and tugged me inside. I became nervous as I stood within the hallway of his home…nervous as he continued to look down at me with pure amusement sparkling within his eyes. “You can come in and take your coat off” he chuckled as he began to walk away from me down the long corridor. “I won’t bite you…unless you want me to” He was flirting too. Max Evans…man whom I had never really thought much about…but couldn’t stop thinking about lately was flirting with me…and again I was liking it. “Lets go up to my room” he called out over his shoulder as he made his way up a set of stairs…leaving me once again nervous as hell…but hopeful that I would once again get to further explore the art of manly kissing. I may have been confused about my feelings for Max…but what I did know was that I wasn’t confused about how much I wanted to kiss him again.

I quickly found that not only was I going to get the chance to feel those lips pressed against mine once again…but that he truly wanted to get to know me as we worked on the project that was due the following day. I finally gave up the urge to throw him on the bed and kiss his brains out as I pulled the answers to his questions out of my pocket…since I had been smart enough to remember to put them there that morning. Before I knew it hours had passed and I was completely dumb founded because as the hours passed I found that there was so much more to Max Evans then I had ever thought there was before. “How do you find the time?” I asked astonished as I finished up the last bit of notes on the man that I was quickly thinking of as a friend.

“Life’s too short” was his response as he graced me with one hell of a beautiful smile. “I may not have much Kyle…but I give all I can to this community and the people who live here”

I could not believe how guilty I felt…how horribly guilty for all the mean and nasty things I had done to him over the years. There was no doubting who the better man was in that room as I once again glanced down at the answers to his questions. Max knew the ins and the outs of the place that we called home. He knew about the homeless…the less fortunate and despite the fact that he didn’t have much money…he helped those same people with his time and effort. I didn’t even know that Roswell had a soup kitchen…didn’t know that we had a homeless shelter. Hell…I barely even know that we had as many homeless people as we did in our town until he opened my eyes. “You are an amazing person Max Evans” I blurted out before I had a chance to control the words as they sprang from my lips. “And I am so sorry for the way that I have always treated you”

“Kyle…don’t” he hushed my words as he placed his finger across my lips from where he sat crossed legged on the floor in front of me. At first I was shocked by the feeling of his skin upon my lips…the words that sprang from his mouth…but all of that was forgotten in an instant as my body once again took control of all actions. Taking his hand into my own…I just held it as I stared deeply into eyes that screamed out to me. Before I knew what I was doing my body leaned forward as I set sites on only one target…those beautiful plump lips. Ever so slowly the distance between us was forged as we finally came together in a much sought after reunion kiss.

The kiss started out as something sweet and tender…but before I had a chance to consider what was about to happen next…he had me lying on my back as he pinned me to the floor with the bulk of his weight. I was stunned to say the least as I broke the kiss that we had been sharing…feeling the overwhelming urge to bolt like a scared rabbit. “I’m sorry Kyle…” he spoke quickly as he began to remove himself from atop me…but I quickly realized that I didn’t want that to happen. I didn’t know what the hell was going on with me…but what I did know was that I wanted to feel his skin pressed next to mine…wanted to feel those lips…that tongue as it invaded my mouth. I was frightened out of my @#%$ mind at what could possibly happen next…but it was nothing compared to the fear of never having the opportunity every again.

“No wait…don’t go” I blurted out in a heated whisper…my breath catching in my throat as he stared down at me with evident shock in his eyes. I knew right then and there that I wasn’t the only one who was afraid…that Max was in fact feeling the same feelings and emotions that I was too. My hands were trembling almost out of control as I reached out and laid them across the expanse of his back…one even venturing to slide its way under his tee shirt as it came in contact with heated skin. I heard his breath catch slightly within his throat as he continued to hover above me…but with my insistent urgings he was soon where I wanted him most as he once again resumed our kiss of exploration. I don’t know how long the kiss lasted…but in my head and my mind it was far from long enough as the slamming of a door jerked us apart.

“@#%$…It’s my family” he blurted out…leaving me cold and wanting as he jerked himself from off of my rapidly chilling body before moving as far away from me as possible. At first I could not move as I tried to come off the high of making out with another man…but as the face of his twin sister entered the doorframe…harsh reality once again came into play.

“Max…were home and we brought …” Her eyes became huge as she fully entered the room…quickly realizing who it was that was occupying space with her brother. “Kyle…” she rushed out…quickly brushing her hand across her winded hair as she proceeded to make herself what I figured to be more presentable. “What…what are you doing here?” she asked…her eyes shifting from Max and then myself and then back again. I watched as registered shock covered her face…only to be quickly replaced by sure fired knowing. “We having chicken for dinner and I am sure that my parents wouldn’t mind if you were to join us” she spoke almost smugly as she once again took in my ragged and wrinkled appearance.

“I…I have to go” I stammered…jerking my frame as fast as I could from off the floor and I basically high tailed it out of that room…of their home as fast as I could. I was almost there…I could see the front door within my scope…but she was quicker as she threw her back against it…hindering all escape.

Part Three

I kept my promise to stay away from Max the previous day…that was until it was time to give our presentations. I had it all planned out…everything was set and I Kyle Valenti was still going to have my pride in tacked. I was going to clown my way through our entire presentation…giving off the façade that nothing had changed between the two of us because as far as everyone else knew…nothing had. My heart began to beat like mad within my chest as the teacher called us up to the front of the class…but not before making some sort of smart assed remark as I trudged my way up there. I was ready to make them all laugh…make them all think that I was the funniest and coolest thing in the world…but as Max began to speak of what he had learned about me…all thoughts of clowning around ceased in an instant. Years later I can still remember every word that he spoke…can still remember that despite that fact that I haunted and tortured him for years before hand…he made me seem like a really great guy. I couldn’t take my eyes off of him as he spoke of my accomplishments…my unwavering athletic record and stout dedication to our school. It made me really sad to know that everything that he told of me was related to school in some way or another…but as I thought about it more and more I realized that up until that point that was all I was about.

“Oh…I think that I am going to cry” I heard Maria tease as she wiped at pretend tears as she sent the whole classroom into hysterics. “Jesus…if I didn’t know any better I would think that you were in love with him” her tauntings continued as well as her evil laughter. Out of the corner of my eye I watched the way that Max reacted to her words…watched his face turn all shades of unflattering colors before he bolted out the classroom door.

“That’s it Miss DeLucca” I heard the teacher call out in extreme irritation from across the room. “Detention for you and your little posse after school”
I heard their cries of outrage and had to try hard to control the laughter that was dying to escape from me. Normally I would have been the one to shell out the joke…been the one that stuck out in hopes of hurting the man who had fled from my sight…but as I gazed over the seething classroom before me…I realized that I didn’t want to be that man anymore. “Go and find your partner Mr. Valenti…because if you don’t finish this project then you won’t pass my class and that means no football game against Dexter this weekend” It was there…the smart remark that was always a signature of myself…but I held it back…swallowed it down as I gave him understanding node before slinking out the door. I could hear their not so murmured gasps of surprise…hear their whispers of shock…but I didn’t care. My self appointed task to stay away from Max was now over. I had to find him…had to be close to him…to assure him that everything was going to be ok and despite that fact that I found it to be quite alarming…I knew exactly where I was going to find him.

“What are you doing here?” I heard him ask softly as I opened the door of the room I knew that I would find him in. “How did you find me?” I could only stand there in the near darkness of the erasure room as he sat on the floor before me waiting for a reply. I didn’t have an answer for him…despite the fact that I tried like hell to come up with one that made sense…but there was none. “You’ve been watching me?” he questioned skeptically…a small smile trying to break across his face. I began to fidget like mad as he continued to look up at me…still waiting for an answer.

“No…I mean…” I stammered…my throat becoming as dry as burnt toast at the realization that I had been keeping track of Max Evans in sorts…and did not even know it. It seemed that I knew more about him then I thought I knew…or even wanted to know for that matter. “Yeah…” I replied with a faint blush as I knelt down before him looking him dead within his beautiful eyes. “I guess I have been” I watched the uncertainty that played across his face…watched the way that he searched my face for some kind of come back…some kind of retaliation…but he was to get none. It was at that very moment that I realized that I was starting to feel something towards Max…something that I had felt for him before…but was hell bent on never acknowledging before that very moment. As I let the reality of the situation hit me head on…I quickly realized that I had had a full-blown crush on Max and had for years.

Before I even realized what I was doing I was reaching out to him…because at the moment in time I needed to touch him in an almost desperate need. “What are you doing?” he questioned almost fearfully as I cupped his cheek…just staring into those always expressive eyes of his. I tried to speak…tried to convey what it was that I was feeling right then and there…but the words proved nonexistent. It pained me to know that despite the strangely wonderful weekend we had spent together that he still did not trust me. However…truthfully one strange and wondrous weekend could never take back the years of pain and heartache that I had caused this man. I needed to kiss him…needed to feel the heat of his body as it pressed again mine and so with subtle efforts I slowly bridged the gap between my lips and where I wanted them to be the most.

He resisted at first…but soon I felt him open up to me and I took the opportunity to intensify our movements. Before I knew what was happening…I felt his arms wrap around my waist as he nearly pulled me into his lap. I had to chuckle as I allowed him to be the dominant…because it seemed that whenever it was just the two of us this side of his personality liked to shine through. He was this shy…silent man when it came to dealing with the masses of WRH…but with me the side of him that he constantly laid hidden came out and it was a side that I loved more then he could ever know. Closing my eyes tightly I fell into the kiss we were sharing as I wrapped my own arms around his neck in order to draw him even closer. “Jesus Max…” I rushed out as his lips traveled down my chin...nipping playfully at it before continuing his journey onto my neck. Tossing my neck back I gave him complete access to continue his exploration…only to jerk myself completely away from him as voices from the hallway reached my reddened ears. Like a caged animal I began to pace the length of the tiny room as I tried to figure out what the @#%$ I was doing.

“Kyle…” he spoke my name in shocked understanding as he too pulled himself off of the floor…placing his hand upon my shoulder in order to calm me…but all it did was cause me to stress out even more.

“Don’t…” I whispered through clenched teeth as I flung his arm away…acting as if his touch had burned me. “What the @#%$ are we doing?” I asked no one in particular as I once again began to pace the small space. This is too weird…even for you Max” I bit out…turning to face him…with the intent to hurt him…but I got something completely different.

“I don’t know what this is and you are right it is weird” he replied with a small smile…leaning against the wall behind him with his arms across his chest. “It’s like I become a different person when I am with you like this and it seems to have the same effect on you. I know you are scared…know that you have a hell of a lot more to lose then I do…but I am scared too Kyle” he went on bravely…saying the words that I longed to say…but was unable to. “I’m afraid that this is some colossal joke to you and your waiting for me to lower my defenses before you inflict pain on me. I’m afraid that your feelings for me are real and you may want to pursue something more with me…”

Blind guilt raged through me as I rushed forward…watching as he jerked back fearfully once again…before allowing me to pull him into my arms. “I don’t’ want to hurt you anymore Max and this is not some huge joke to make fun of you or to hurt you” I assured as I pulled back just a bit in order to stare into his eyes. “It’s just…it’s just that I don’t know what to make of this…of us” I continued truthfully…never once breaking contact with those shimmering eyes. “I mean last week I thought I was straight. I had the perfect girlfriend and the perfect life and then in a matter of two days everything that I thought of as normal was shot to hell”

“Kyle…I never…” he began to speak…but I cut him off as I placed my finger across the softness of his lips.

“Max wait. I never said it was a bad thing” I replied truthfully…because I wanted him to know everything. “It’s just that this is so new to me…so strange and absolutely…”

“Terrifying” he finished for me.

“Yeah…” I replied softly…smiling broadly at the realization that he too was feeling everything that I was feeling. “You were someone that I hated up until recently and now…and now…”

“And now?” he questioned…looking down at me with frightful eyes.

“And now…” I hesitated before speaking again. “And now I don’t hate you anymore” I teased playfully…breaking the tension before stealing a quick kiss from him. “But before this goes any further we have to get back to class and finish our presentation”

“Do we really have to?” he countered back playfully…snaking his strong arms around my neck as he leaned down for a kiss.

“We really have to” I spoke back…pushing him against the wall with my hand before things got to out of control. “We have to finish our report or I won’t be able to play in the big game this weekend against Dexter” I spoke rapidly…trying like hell to make him understand how important this was to me. I should have know that he would know as he kissed me quickly and literally shoved me out into the hallway. We walked towards our class without saying much of anything as we shared side-glances with each other…smiles a mile long on both of our faces. They didn’t last long as we reached the closed door of the classroom…knowing that we would once again have to fall into our expected personas. With a final smile of encouragement he took the lead as he opened the door and walked in to face the hateful onlookers. True to form they began to tease him…but not before our teacher gave them each another day of detention. I once again had to hide the smile that threatened to consume me as they bitched and moaned about unfairness. Max was extremely quiet as we continued to stand up there…not once looking in my direction as regaled the bored onlookers with just how perfect and wonderful my newest friend was.

Part Four

Life after that took on a strange…yet wondrous turn. Max and I began to spend more time with each other…in private of course. I cared for him…more and more each day…and yet despite that I was not willing to give up my position of power at WRH. I loved spending time with Max…loved getting to know the real man behind the geek. I loved learning new things about Max…but I especially loved to be taught new things from Max as well. We had yet to make love to each other…but he had taught me the finer points of giving a blow job and I quickly learned that I liked it…I liked it a lot. Now I won’t lie to you and say that I was a quick learner…far from it. The first time that I attempted to give him head I was all over the place. By the time I was done…due to a sore jaw…his penis looked like a greased pole and he had still yet to cum. I felt horrible as he lay there panting and painful after my failure to bring him release…and it only got worse when he literally took matters into his own hands and jerked himself off. I was a stammering mess afterwards as I pulled myself as far away from him as I could in an attempt to hide my shame. “Kyle…” I heard him speak out to me as he slid over to where I sat…my feet hanging off the bed. “Kyle…it’s ok”

“No…it’s not @#%$ ok” I ground out…jerking away from his touch as I slid even farther away from him. “It’s my first time and I’ve @#%$ it up” I continued to yell…flinching away from his touch once again as he tried to sooth me. “Maybe I wasn’t meant to suck @#%$…maybe I was only meant to eat @#%$…because I know that at least I am good at that” The words escaped my lips before I had a chance to clamp them down and I knew that I had @#%$ up royally when Max retreated to the far end of the bed…covering his formally naked body with his comforter. “Max…I...” I stammered as I made an attempt to go to him…but this time he was the one that pushed me away.

“No…don’t” he whispered sadly…clutching the comforter even tighter towards his body. “We can’t do this anymore” he spoke so softly that I almost didn’t hear him…but it caused my heart to freeze in fear just the same. “This is to much for me Kyle. I can’t keep allowing myself to fall for you…not knowing if this is just a fling for you or morbid curiosity. I’m gay Kyle and I want to be with a man that knows that he is gay as well. I can’t keep wondering if you’re thinking of some girl’s twat while we are making love. I need to know that you are all gay and want only to be with me” his cries went on…tears forming in his eyes with each word that he spoke.

I couldn’t move…couldn’t speak as his words slowly sunk in. I wanted to console him…wanted to give him the answer that he wanted to hear…but I couldn’t. The truth of the matter was that I was confused…@#%$ confused. I liked being with Max…I can even admit now that I was falling in love with him…but one part of me just refused to give up the idea that I was fully gay. “I’m sorry Max” I rushed out as I jumped off of the bed and into my clothes before rushing like a bat out of hell as far away from him as I could. “Holy @#%$…” I cried out as I collided fully with an unseen entity.

“What the @#%$” I heard an all to familiar voice cry out in shock as I pinned her to the hallway floor in my clumsiness.

“Isabel” I cried out…trying like hell to untangle our limbs in order to continue with my escape.

“Iz…” I heard Max cry out behind me as I finally pulled myself off of the floor…taking one final look at the half dressed man standing in the doorway…before turning my attention to his obviously upset twin. I felt like a deer caught in the headlights as I tried to read her facial expressions…but fear finally got the better of me as I sped like a demon out of that house with plans to never return. I was finished with Max Evans and my little trip to the other side…at least that is what my mind screamed over and over again in my head…but my heart it cried something totally different. I went immediately to Maria’s house intent on @#%$ her senseless in order to prove just how straight I was to myself and the world. I was going to cease the voices in my head that were constantly telling me that I was lying to myself…that I was denying myself the chance to truly by happy…even if it killed me.

”Kyle what the hell are you doing here?” Maria asked groggily as she stood in the doorway of her home.

“I need you baby…” I rushed out overly manly…throwing her over my shoulder as I raced towards her bedroom. I wasn’t worried about running into any family members there since neither of her parents were ever home. I had her naked and ready as I undressed myself quickly before literally jumping atop her squealing body. My hands and mouth were everywhere as I tried to prepare her for the @#%$ of a lifetime…but with each touch…lick…each kiss the face of another would invade my mind. “No…” I cried out…forcing the image of a tearful Max away once again.

“No what?” Maria asked confused…looking up at me as if I had lost my mind.

“Nothing…” I belted out determinedly…once again crushing my lips to her own.

“Oh god Kyle…@#%$ me” her cries of passion echoed around me as I fought like hell to maintain an erection…but I quickly found that it was to no avail. My dick was as limp as a piece of over cooked asparagus and no matter what I tried…there was only one thing…one person that was ever going to get it up again.

“@#%$…” I cried out in total frustration as I slide off of her body and as far away from her as was possible on the twin bed.

“Kyle…what is it?” she asked concerned as I hide my face within the darkness of my hands.

“I can’t do this anymore” I spoke cryptically…refusing to meet her eyes for I knew that they were going to break my already @#%$ up heart.

“Do what??” she asked…fear edging her voice. “What the hell is going on with you?” her line of questioning continued as she pulled a robe over the body that I used to love to look at. “For the last few months you’ve been acting so strange. You hardly ever touch me anymore and whenever you do its…its…”

“I want to break up” I blurted out…cutting her off in mid sentence before she had a chance to bring up any of my recent shortcomings.

“What…no” she cried out in complete shock as she fell before me on her knees. “Kyle…what are you talking about? You don’t want to break up. We’ve been together for to long to break up now. We have obligations as a couple to fulfill. What would people think if the golden couple of WRH were no more. What would…”

“Did you ever love me Maria?” I asked plainly…knowing the answer as soon as I gazed into her eyes.

“Love you…” she repeated the words as if they had no meaning…because to her they did have no meaning.

“Yes…it’s a simple question. Did you ever love me?” I repeated.

“Kyle…I care for you. We are the perfect couple. Together we make sense. We are the envy of all the lowlifes of our school. Together we are perfection…so why screw that up with something so insignificant as love” was her honest reply and despite the fact that I knew that it should have devastated me…for some reason it seemed to free me.

“Thank you Maria…” I replied…giving her a sad smile before once again dressing myself after another failed attempt to have sex.

“Kyle wait…” I heard her cry out behind me as I made my way for the door. “Don’t do this now Kyle. We have the prom coming up and then the after parties…and I won’t even go into the graduation”

“I think that you better try and find someone else to fill my shoes and I don’t think that it will be too hard” I laughed slightly. “Since it seems that you are not happy unless you are leading some good looking guy around by his dick. Well…I’m not that man anymore Maria. I can’t do this anymore…and I won’t” and with that said I made my way once again for the door.

“Who is she?” I heard her question…stopping me dead in my tracks.

“What…” I asked…turning to face her once again.

“I said who is she?” she repeated. “Since I know that you would not be dumping me if you didn’t have some @#%$ @#%$ waiting to replace me in the wings. So…I ask again who is she?”

“There isn’t anyone Maria” I lied…my heart weighing heavily within my chest at having to deny what I could finally admit to myself…that I was in love with Max Evans. “I just can’t be your lackey anymore. I need to be on my own…need to try and figure out what I want to do with my life…because I don’t plan on staying here in Roswell for the rest of my @#%$ days”

“Get the @#%$ out” I heard her yell…ducking as a glass figurine went flying over my head…shattering into a millions pieces against the wall behind me.

“I’m sorry Maria” I spoke truthfully as I closed the door and sprinted out of her house and into my car…heading towards home. I had a lot of things to think about…had a lot of issues that I had to deal with before I could be truly happy…if he would allow me to be truly happy. I knew that I had hurt Max deeply and I also knew that I had probably @#%$ up any chance I might have had with him…but I convinced myself that I would deal with it later.

I was actually forced to deal with it sooner then I had expected as I pulled into the driveway of my house and found Isabel sitting on my front porch. “I need to talk to you” she spoke smugly…arms crossed over her chest in defiance. I wanted to tell her to leave me the @#%$ alone…wanted to enter my house and slam the door in her face…but I knew that if I was ever to get back into the good graces of Max that she was going to be key. I didn’t say anything as I unlocked the door…ushering her inside before closing the door behind me and the fate of my relationship with her twin brother.

“Would you like something to drink?” I asked…trying to avoid the confrontation I knew was coming for as long as possible. “Something to eat?”

“I want to know what the hell you are doing with my brother?” she asked point blank as she stood before me with a determined look upon her face. Her bluntness stunned me…so much so that all I could manage to force out was an unmanly squeak before she went on. “Look we all know that Max is gay and has had a crush on your for god knows how long now…but what I don’t know if what the @#%$ is up with you?”