Going Under

By April

 

 

Disclaimer: Nothing is mine. You know it. I know it. America knows it.

Summary: Maria POV set after "Graduation".

Rating: PG-13

Author’s Note: I’ve challenged myself to write a series of VERY short POV fics, each with the title of a song by Evanescence off of their AWESOME CD Fallen.

~*~*~*~*~*~

"I’m going under

Drowning in you

I’m falling forever

I’ve got to break through

I’m going under!"

-"Going Under", Evanescence

~*~*~*~*~*~

Just when I thought this alien chaos couldn’t get any worse, it did. Lizzie had some kind of vision, a sure sign that her powers are developing even more. She had a vision of death, her death, and Max’s death, and Isabel’s death, and Michael’s death.

I’ve asked her not to tell me about it, but because Liz Parker and I have been best friends and confided in me forever, she has told me about it, despite my wishes. She’s described what she saw in detail so much that I can now see it myself. I don’t need alien powers to see my lover fall to the ground, blood smeared across his face. I’ve seen it every night in my dreams since I’ve learned about it.

Michael tries to hold me in the night, but I don’t let him. When he holds me, I feel warm, and I’m reminded of how cold I might feel if he is not there.

He doesn’t understand why he can’t put his arms around me like he used to. He doesn’t understand why I don’t want him touching me anymore. He doesn’t understand why I don’t want to feel his body next to mine. He still thinks it’s because of Billy, but it isn’t. It’s because of fear, fear that I might find Michael again just to lose him.

Fear can be extremely powerful. It can haunt you until your dying day. It can destroy you, if you let it.

Lately, I’ve felt like I can’t breathe, because every second of every hour, I am haunted by this fear, plagued by this vision of Michael dying, and I’m powerless to stop it. I feel like I’m in a pool, drifting down farther in the water, letting myself sink, just going under, and I want to. I want to give up and stop fighting the fear, and I want to just let it destroy me.

Michael tries to put his arms around me again that night in the hotel room. I try to shake him away, and he asks me, "Why?"

"Why?" I echo. "Michael . . ."

"Why won’t you let me touch you?" he asks me, touching me cheek.

"Because . . ." I choke out, "I couldn’t bear it."

"What?" he is utterly confused.

"I couldn’t bear it if you did die, Michael. I couldn’t bear it if I felt you one night, and the next I didn’t."

"Maria . . ."

"I’m so afraid, Michael," I cut him off, pushing him away. "I just wanna die."

"No," he says, shaking his head and wrapping his arms around me, pulling my body up into his. "No, you don’t Maria. You can’t."

"Why not?"

"Because," he answers, "if you died, then . . . then I would die. I mean, who am I without you?"

We stare at each other for a long and intense time, and, finally, when I can not take not having him any longer, I push past the fear, I come to the surface and start breathing again. I grab onto Michael Guerin and crush my lips to his. He kisses me so hard that it hurts, and his hands begin to mold my body.

"Michael, I love you," I whisper between kisses.

"I love you, too."

And that night, I realized that the only thing that can defeat fear is love, that as long as Michael Guerin is still by my side, I’ll never have to worry about going under again.

THE END