Author: Gaudicia
E-mail: life_mistery@hotmial.com
Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the Roswell characters.
Rating: R/NC-17??? I have no idea how to rate things!
Category: UC, L/?? You have to find out. This is one of my “guessing” fics.
Summary: It’s from Liz’s POV. It picks up right after the finale of season two. It’s a UC fic. It’s not a polar fic though or a Rath/Liz fic.
Distribution: Please ask first.
Author’s note: This is a really different fic from what I usually write. Theirs is very little dialogue. But just give it a try.
Feedback: Is always appreciated.

Fading

“What do we do now?” “We have to find my son.” I heard a different voice for each sentence. I didn’t even know if they had really been spoken, but I knew without a doubt that if the question had been asked, that would have been Max’s answer.

“How do we do that?” I heard Maria ask, and couldn’t help but think, ‘We are back to we, huh?’ Now I realized that Michael had been right, Max was indeed a self-centered bastard, that as long as he thought everything was going okay he didn’t need help or anyone for that matter. But once he messed up he was back to we, asking for understanding and forgiveness, but if we dared to ask him for it, it would be spit back in our faces.

As we stood there, I asked myself, ‘Why were my arms wrapped around Max?’ That’s when I realized that I hadn’t gotten that warm tingly feeling I always got when Max would touch me. I also realized that the only reason I hanged onto him was because I hadn’t noticed that my love for him had faded. That the only reason why my arms were wrapped around him was because it was a natural reaction, something I was use to doing, but there was nothing behind that act, there was no love.

We began to walk back to our car and I could hear them already planning their next move. I still hadn’t let go of Max, I noticed. I looked up at the sky and I became angry, and that’s when I knew why I hadn’t let go of Max. I had my fist tightened around his arms, he thought it was because I wanted to touch him and be close to him, but I just really wanted to squeeze him to death. I looked up the sky again, and I wanted to scream, and cry. He had let her go, because she was carrying his son. His son, not ours. He didn’t care what she had done. He didn’t care she had destroyed us. He didn’t care that because of her my heart had been broken. He didn’t care that she had killed Alex. All my efforts to find Alex’s killer had been in vain, wasted because of him. I couldn’t avenge Alex, and it was all his fault.

I looked around and I saw each of us like it was for the first time. Michael stood next to Maria, and for the first time I noticed how much he had changed. He was more open with his emotions, and the way he stood beside Maria just screamed, “Stay away, she’s mine.” I think he is the one that better came off. Maria was talking anxiously, agreeing with Max, and I realized how much we had drifted apart. Next I saw Kyle and Isabel, their friend-ship was blossoming, but they both looked destroy, yet no one else noticed, and last but not least it was my and Max’s turn to be analyzed. I didn’t have to see us in a mirror. I had long ago learned to control my emotions; you could say I turned into Michael. I was disgusted with myself and with the others, because they didn’t have to voice it. I knew. They thought that because the truth had come out that I had automatically forgiven Max, that we were back together. At that thought my blood began to boil in anger.

Max moved my hand to his lips, and kissed it. “Are you okay, Liz?”

I nodded, because I was really okay. I had never felt better, but I just wanted to rip my hand out of his, and wipe it off. Just to get the feel of his lips off of my hand.

We were very uncomfortable in Maria’s car, I even had to sit on Max’s lap, and I hated it, but my thoughts distracted me. ‘How long does it take for a living person to fade away and be forgotten?’ The question passed though my mind as a random thought. A thought that became an obsession for the rest of the way, when they dropped me off, I had made up my mind. I was going to find out.

It took sometime to get an answer for my question, and I still don’t like the answer. The only word I can use to answer my question is slow. I don’t know if it’s because I’m so anxious for it to happen to me or it’s just really like that. Slow. But as I watch the people around, I’ve doing that a lot. Watching. Observing. I’ve noticed how to some people it’s natural. A year can go by, and people don’t notice they exist.

I began my experiment slowly. I’m starting to like that word. First, I stopped being so active in school. Sure, I kept up my grades, but I wasn’t as active as I used to be. I wouldn’t go crazy if I didn’t get to answer a few questions. I started to eat by myself, only eating with the group when I had no other option. Then I stopped going to their meetings. I really didn’t care what was going on, or what other threat came their way, I just wanted out. I didn’t avoid them or was mean. I just stopped being the Liz they knew.

I was walking down the hall, alone in my thoughts, people were staring at me, and I didn’t blame them. I had heard the rumors, I was on drug, the gang wasn’t my friends anymore, etc. But my favorite was the one that said that I was abducted by aliens.

I was just reaching my gym class when Kyle cornered me.

“Hey,” I said, nonchalantly.

Kyle worriedly looked at me, and asked, “Liz, what are you trying to do?”

I blankly stared at him and answered, “Fade. I’m trying to fade, Kyle.”

I used Kyle’s confusion to my advantage and left to the girls’ locker room. After that day Kyle would sadly watch me from a distance, but he would leave me alone, he never brought up the subject again and I respected him for that.

Max was so into finding his son, that to fade from his life hadn’t been so hard, in truth he had faded from mine.

My friendship with Maria was close to non-existent, for her I was only good for one thing. Covering up for her, so she could spend the night with Michael. After a month of the same dance I got tired of it. She even stopped asking me to agree, so I stopped promising to not tell Amy. I’m not saying I just whistle it out, but if one day she asks about Maria, all I can say is that I won’t lie.

One day I did something I never imagined I would do. I took my journal and ripped it into little pieces and threw them in the air, I began to spin before they would fall to the ground, and it was like being in a rain of small pieces paper. I had never felt so free, like all the chains had finally come loose. When I analyzed my life again I knew I had managed to fade away. I occasionally talked to Kyle and Isabel, they insisted on keeping me inform, just in case, but that was it. The only thing that plagued me was Max, because I knew he would come back to me, after all he still thought I was waiting for him, that I wouldn’t move on. ‘So let him think that,’ I thought. A part of me couldn’t wait for Max to come back to me. I wanted to be the one to push him away, for real this time.

I didn’t feel comfortable in school anymore, so I did what I could have done since before I entered high school. I dropped out. I only had stayed there to live in an environment with people that had my own age. I could have started college and I wouldn’t have needed to go through high school, but because of Alex and Maria I stayed behind.

I told my parents my decision and that I still wasn’t ready to start college either, that I just needed to put my life back together, but this hadn’t been what shocked them. I don’t know how but they had seen my decision coming. They were really shocked when I told them I wouldn’t be working at the Crash Down anymore. I told them I had already found a job. I just didn’t tell them where.

Who would have guessed, that I, little Lizzie Parker would work there? That where my life really changed again, and it began to make sense. Who would have believed that I would have found what I was looking for in a strip bar, wearing a tight, short dress that barley left anything to the imagination? I wasn’t a stripper I was a waitress, not much of a change from the Crash Down, but the environment was different. And exciting. I didn’t even know Roswell had a strip bar, but there I was.

I already had been working there three weeks and I loved it, and that’s when my life changed, again. Just after only working three weeks. I was on my shift talking to one of the strippers.

“You should try it,” she said. “The pay is better than being a waitress”

“I can’t,” I replied, but the idea was tempting enough, but I shook my head. ‘I’m such a prude that I would probably fall just taking a step.’

I saw the bartender signaling that my break was over, so I went to refill the customers’ glasses with beer and that’s when I saw him. Dark, mysterious, and just plain gorgeous. He was a mixture of David Boreanaz, and Michael, I could already feel my blood rushing, and my knees going weak. I knew who he was, I don’t know how, but I did, and I didn’t care. It actually made me want to go near him, more than ever. His presence had an effect on me I never thought could be possible, what ever Max made me feel was nothing compared to what the stranger did to me.

I felt his eyes on me during my entire shift. When my shift was over I changed attires, and when I came out again, he was still there. I worked up my courage, and I walk up to him. “Hey,” I said, sitting next to him.

“You want to get out of here?” He asked, not wasting time with pleasantries.

I didn’t think twice about it. I got up, and followed him out. I didn’t know what came over me, and I didn’t want to know. I didn’t ask any questions, I just stepped into his car, and let him take me to wherever he wanted. He stopped the car in front of a building, and I knew it was his apartment. He led me to the door, and when we were inside, he closed the door, turned me around so I could face him, and he ravished my mouth, and I did nothing to stop him.

I felt his hands run over my body, he was everywhere at once, he squeezed my breasts, my butt, and all I could do was moan and gasp. I could tell I was going to have marks the next day, but I didn’t care I just wanted him, so I just followed his lead. Soon our clothes disappeared, and I was entranced by his form, smell, taste, and touch. I felt his tongue pushing mine, it was like we were at war for dominance, I had never been kissed like that. He would occasionally bite my lips, and I felt like I was in heaven. He didn’t ask for anything, he just took what he wanted. He parted my thighs and roughly entered me, only stopping when he reached my wall, he looked into my eyes and I was the one that took that final step. Everything he took, he gave. My hips moved in sync with his, I could tell we were made for each other. I held onto him, and it was like magic. We connected, and I found his soul was a dark, cold place, but I was comforted by it, I thrived on it. I was home. When we were done I just laid next to him, and watched him. After a while I got up from the bed and dressed, and with one last look back I left, and I was already missing him. I knew he had many one nightstands, but I also knew that if he wanted me, he would find me.

As I walked back home a thought suddenly hit me. I had given my virginity to a total stranger, but as I thought about it I discovered it didn’t bother me.

I climbed up the ladder and entered my room through the window, and I almost tripped when I saw my parents sitting on my bed. ‘Oh-oh, this is not good,’ I thought. I was a mess, I looked like I had been ravished, and I smelled like cigarettes, and I just knew I had a hickey on my neck. “Hi.”

“Where have you been?” My mother asked, her disappointment clear in her voice.

“Working,” I truthfully answered.

“Where? Why would you have to sneak out?” The broken voice of my father rang through my head.

“At a strip bar,” I replied, not bothering to hide it.

Since that day I was working in the Crash Down again, and I was completely miserable. I was coming out of the back when I saw him, and I lost my balance. ‘He was there,’ I thought, excited. He was drinking coffee, taking in his surrounding. I took a deep breath and continued with my work. The gang was seated in a booth, they were looking at me, I guessed they wanted me to take the step to approach them, but if they had wanted that, they would have sat in my section.

“Liz, we need to talk to you,” Maria said to me, as soon as my shift finished.

“About what?” I questioned.

“Chezclovaskia,” Maria replied and then whispered, “They think the enemy is really close.”

“Yeah...” I looked back to were the stranger sat, and our eyes met. “Well, I can’t right now. I have something to do.” I completely discarded her, and passed through her directly to him.

“Hey,” I shyly whispered. There was a glow in his eyes that I couldn’t explain or even understand, but it totally made me want him.

“Hi,” he whispered back.

“I knew you would find me,” I confessed.

“Let’s go,” he ordered, and I followed.

It was like that almost every day, and the others were getting on my nerves. “What are you doing with him?” “Isabel, Michael and Max says there’s something wrong with him.” “You have been avoiding Max, and he’s been dying to talk to you.” “Can you trust him?” They asked every chance they got.

“Do you even know his name?” Kyle once asked, and he almost had a heart attack when I didn’t have an answer.

I was laying on his bed, he arms wrapped around my waist, we were both naked, and I thought he was asleep.

“Marry me,” He said, not asked.

I turned and kissed him, slowly, deliberate, and then we made love, and just as I hit my climax. I hissed, “Yes.”

We told my parents every thing, and I was leaving in a few days, but now it was time to tell my friends the truth. I could tell they were surprised, and curious as to what was going on. “I’m leaving,” I stated, surprising them, not giving them time to get used to my presence

“What?” “When?” “Why?” “With who?” They asked all at once.

“I’m leaving in a few days. I’m getting married to him,” I answered.

“But you don’t even know his name,” Kyle protested.

Liz smiled, “Yes, I do.”

“Liz, please, you don’t know who he is. Think about it. You’ve missed so much,” Isabel begged.

“I did think about it, and I made my decision, and I’m going through with it,” I informed her, and left just as I came in.
*        *        *        *

A year had gone by since I got married, and every day was magic, beautiful as my wedding day. This dark world became my home, and my husband became my king as I became his queen. I once saw Tess with her child.

“Give Max his child back.” I begged and pleaded my husband. “Leave them at peace. If not for them for me.”

He agreed, “But only the child leaves.”

I nodded, that moment Tess met my eyes and said, “Thank you.”

I neared her. “I didn’t do it for you or for him. I did it for me. I don’t need the a reminder of my old life in my home.” As soon as I gave my back to her, they killed her.

I prepared for bed, and got on the bed, and he quickly wrapped his arms around me, he treated me like a queen, and he had changed, he was less ruthless towards others, but I just learned to accept who he was.

“How are you and the little ones?” He asked.

“Fine, just see for yourself.” I put his hand on my belly, and he connected with them.

He kissed me, and pulled me down, so I could lay next to him, his hand still on my belly, and even after he fell asleep, I watched him. I really didn’t blame Vilandra for betraying her family. He could just entrance you; he took over your life and being.

I kissed his cheek a tried to get some sleep. “I love you, Kivar, my husband,” I sleepily whispered.

The end!

Okay, guys, I know that my description of Kivar wasn’t accurate, but I don’t get UPN, so no Roswell for me. I just found out what Kivar looks in the show, but I’m not going to change it.