Everything You Want

Author: Jess (aka JNJ)
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: S3, but most importantly, Enigma
Summary: Isabel got everything she wanted, but Kyle knows that’s just not enough.
Disclaimer: I do not own any characters from Roswell, I'm just borrowing them...Oh, and I don't own the song 'Everything You Want' by Vertical Horizon that this is based on...


He sees her everywhere he goes. She’s always in his mind, her face flashing through his eyes all day long. Today it’s different. Today she’s really there, walking down the street, losing herself in a swarm of people. He watches as she wanders by, her head looking to the sky, and then he frowns. Jesse is beside her. He always is. The cinnamon skin of his strong arm brushes against hers, and she nods, pretending to acknowledge him. He makes a small joke, and her raspberry lips form a smile perfect enough to fool anyone.

But it never fooled Kyle.

He shakes his head and turns away, trying to recall if he’s ever really seen her smile. Then, he remembers a time before Alex was dead, a time when Isabel smiled a true smile. She’s changed since then. Everything step she takes and every move she makes, screams of her emptiness. She’s not happy, and Kyle wonders why he’s the only one who can see that. Her soul seems missing, but everyone else just seems immune to it all. Does Jesse not notice how broken his wife’s brown eyes really are?

She’s fooled everyone, maybe even herself as well. With a wave of her hand, she changed her hair, started a new school, and got married. She created an entirely new life. Kyle knows she wants to forget. Forget whoever she was before, that girl in the red dress who danced so happily for Alex’s eyes. That Isabel seems so far away now, so much more distant than she should be. She really wants to lose herself, and Kyle frowns because he sees that she’s succeeding more and more everyday.

One day, a day far away from now, she’ll wake up beside a man whose in love with another woman, the one she’s created in herself. Then she’ll know. She will finally realize that she’s been hiding away for too long. Her nightmare has come true, and she’ll never remember who she really was ever again.

But that day has yet to come, and for now she’ll pretend. After all, Isabel loves to play make believe.

Jesse is perfect for her.

He’s just everything she’s ever wanted. A stable, handsome, smart, and, most importantly, simple man. With him, there are no complications for her to overlook. He’s sweet and safe. Just perfect...for now.

Kyle often wonders if she really even loves her husband, even a little bit. But the way she moves when Jesse’s watching, cautiously, gives him his answer. Isabel will never show her true self around him. Never. To her, Jesse’s not really her lover. He’s just someone, anyone, to grasp onto. He’s a pair of strong arms wrapping around her body as she sleeps. Period.

She spends hours, sometimes days, trying to figure out why she frowns when she says his name. She tries, so hard, to love him, with a broken result. It’s all a mystery to her, and she’ll be trying to solve it for the rest of her life.

But Kyle knows she’s still waiting. Praying for the heavens to open up their skies and send down the only person she didn’t have to hide from. The only one who ever saw her laugh. Until that angel returns, she’ll live her lie for another day.

Sometimes she comes to Kyle, knocking on his door as she stands in the dark rain. She asks him to come with her somewhere, and he follows. Every single time.

Those mornings, Jesse awakes in a cold sweat, and he looks beside him to see an empty space. She’s gone again. He promptly pulls on his clothes, terrified she’s finally left for good, and climbs into his car. He spends the rest of his day searching for Isabel. Sweet, sweet Isabel.

While he does this, Kyle stands by a cold cemetery, watching her as she lays down flowers. She’s kneeling across a white tombstone, tracing the letters of Alex's name with a trembling finger. Countless tears fly down her soft cheek, and she shivers. It’s pouring now, and her hair is drenched in rain, but she doesn't leave. She stays, and says the things she should have whispered into his ear when he was alive.

Kyle sits down on a cold hard bench, the drops of rain covering his body. He watches her every move, and he realizes sadly.

She can’t love him either.