Author: becky rttavi@aol.com       
Rating: R for now
Distribution: ask first, always.
Pairing: M/M
Disclaimer: I own nothing to do with Roswell or the characters of Roswell. I don't profit from anything. Original story is solely mine.
Spoilers: nada
Notes: Future Fic…Please disregard last six episodes of S2 & S3 completely.

Chapter One

Ten years. Ten long years have passed since I've seen her. I don't know what the hell I'm doing going back there now. It seems like such a bad idea; but I got the invitation in the mail and like an idiot, I called and said I'd be there. I might have said something a little dorkier like being there with 'bells on', I don't really remember anymore. All I can think about is seeing her again.

* * *

Michael Guerin drove his beat to hell pick-up truck into Roswell and everything looked the same. Ten years had passed since he had last stepped foot in the town and now he was there on radials. Driving slowly past his old haunts; his mind on one thing and one thing only, seeing the love he left behind.

It had seemed like the rational thing to do at the time, skip town that is. Looking back he knew it had been a mistake. Now was the time to correct the past. To rewrite history to his expectations. To make his wrongs into rights. It might take a miracle, but if he could do it, then it was all worth it.

He hadn't spoken much to anyone from his past in years. The phone calls from Max Evans had decreased over time and as much as Isabel promised to come visit, she never did. The only one who remained semi-close was Kyle Valenti. That was a shocker in itself. For some reason Michael liked the fact that Kyle called every month or so and let him in on what was happening back in Roswell.

He didn't really care all that much about most of the town, only about one person: Maria DeLuca. The woman he vanished on. The woman who gave him her heart and he left. He rethought his plan and decided he was an idiot. Ten years is a long time. Sure, he knew every pivotal point in her life over the last decade. He knew about the wedding and the divorce. He knew about the heartache he had inflicted for the first few years that he was gone. He knew about the drinking and the brush with drugs. He knew about the lost jobs and evictions.

Now, he knew her life was turning around. She was fighting back to regain control and he was just going to waltz right back into her life and probably screw the whole thing up again.

"I have to," he mumbled to himself and drove past the location where the Crashdown Café used to be. "I have to see if there's anything left."

He drove past West Roswell High School and felt the bitter pang of graduation. Graduation day was the last time he had seen her. The last time he had kissed her and told her he loved her. The last time he felt more human than anything else.

He knew she'd want to know the reasons why he left but he wasn't sure if he was able to tell her. He wondered how he could tell her she was the reason he left and now she was the reason he was coming back. He smiled to himself and wondered if she'd go on a famous DeLuca tirade or if she'd fall into his arms and tell him everything was okay. He knew neither of those was probable. A slap across the face was more likely and much more deserved. After all, it had been ten years.

He drove to his hotel and passed a sign draping over the street. The sign reminding him of the other reason to be here. "Welcome W. Roswell High Class of 2002--10 Year Class Reunion."

A class reunion.

* * *
Chapter Two

Michael got settled at the hotel and when he heard knocking at the door knew it could only be one person. He opened the door and was surprised to be engulfed in a giant bear hug by Kyle Valenti.

"Man!" Kyle stepped back and looked at him. "Never thought I'd actually see you again."

Michael shrugged. "Never really wanted to be seen again."

"You just get in?"

Michael nodded. "Yeah. So, how are things?"

"If by saying 'things' you're referring to Maria, she's okay." Kyle kicked the ground. "She doesn't know you're here yet, does she?"

"Not unless you told her." Michael stepped back allowing Kyle to walk in.

"I haven't told her. She's not exactly accessible right now."

"What happened?"

"The last guy I told you about? Well, let's just say he wasn't very nice to her and she's hiding out in her apartment. I know she's getting ready to lose her job if she doesn't go in and I can't imagine her having money to pay for rent." Kyle shook his head. "She fell a long way from the Maria you knew in high school…"

Michael nodded knowing deep down that he was to blame. He was the one who just left without even saying good bye. He had written her a letter but never sent it. "Will she be at the reunion?"

"Would you go if your entire class already knew every fucked up thing you've done since you got out?" Kyle laughed bitterly. "No. She won't be going."

Michael nodded. "I should see Max, I guess. And Isabel."

"Yeah, I figured you'd want to." Kyle grinned. "We're having dinner with them tonight at the Chinese place. I rented a back room for privacy. Alex and Liz will be there too. My dad might stop by, but he's still pretty pissed about you leaving like that."

"It's been ten years…"

"So," Kyle shrugged. "He holds a grudge for a long time."

"Can you call…"

"She won't come, man. Okay? She's in a bad place."

"Is she hurt?"

"She's been hurt for the last ten years."

* * *

Michael Guerin parked in the lot of the Chinese restaurant and took a deep breath. Ten years was a long time. Ten years without seeing the people he considered family. He took another deep breath and got out of the truck. He walked slowly to the front doors and wondered if he should turn around and head back to Los Angeles and get lost again in the city of strangers.

If he would have stayed outside and thought about it, he would have left. Instead he walked inside and told the hostess he was meeting the Valenti party. She led him to the backroom and he stood outside, just out of everyone's line of vision. They were all there. Max looked older; his boyish good looks were replaced by a distinguished demeanor. Liz was at his side and looked about the same. He knew they were engaged from Kyle. They had been engaged for the last eight years.

He smiled when he saw Isabel. She had grown up and was drop dead stunning. Her long golden locks had been replaced by a contemporary cut. Her hair was darker, but he could see the blond highlights when she tilted her head back laughing. Next to her was her husband, Alex Whitman. At least he thought they were still married. Kyle had told him they separated so much it was hard to keep track. Watching them hold hands and laugh, Michael assumed they were together, at least for the night. Alex looked as Alex would always look.
Tall, lanky and smiling.

They were all sitting around an oval table, Kyle was telling a story about right before high school graduation when him and Michael had gone fishing. Michael smiled remembering the day. It had been only a week before he left. A week before he split town and didn't look back.

"And then Michael starts screaming like a girl when the worm falls on his hand!" Kyle laughed.

"It was a manly scream," Michael stepped into the room and met each face.

"Michael…" Isabel smiled and stood up. She ran to him and sank into his arms.
* * *

Chapter Three


"Isabel," he rubbed her back and kissed the top of her head. "How are you?"

"I'm good," she looked up to him and kissed his lips gently. "I've missed you." She whacked him in the chest and smiled. "Jerk."

"I've missed you too," he smiled and hugged her tightly. "God, I've missed you!" He looked over her shoulder. "I've missed you all."

Isabel broke away from him and let the others greet their newly returned friend.

"So, you came back for a class reunion, huh?" Liz Parker was the last one to greet him and with a cold handshake she did.
"One of the reasons," he said slowly and ran his hands through his hair.

"The other reason won't want to see you," she tilted her head to one side and walked away leaving him standing alone in the front of the room.

All eyes were on him as he walked around the table and took the open spot in-between Kyle and Isabel. He looked at Kyle who only offered him a frown. Kyle had warned him, things were not going to be easy when he came back to Roswell.

"So," Isabel turned in her chair to face him. "What have you been doing?"

"Uh…" He smiled and felt stupid. The people who he used to be close to were now virtually strangers. Kyle had been their only link for a few years. "Working, actually. I own part of a business."

"Really?" Max asked letting some astonishment seep through. "Doing what?"

"Painting."

"Like art?" Isabel asked.

"No, like houses." Michel ran his hand underneath the neck of his shirt. He wondered if it was hot in there or if it was just him. "I uh… Own half a small company with this other guy."

"That's great," Isabel smiled brilliantly.

"Thanks," Michael focused on her and felt a little better. He chanced a glance at Liz and saw the hate pouring from her eyes. Damn. "What are you guys doing?" He asked slowly.
Isabel rambled on for a few minutes about her job as a department store buyer and then explained that Alex was in security.

"Security?" Michael's eyebrows arched. "What kind of security?"

"I'm not really in security," he glanced at his wife. "I manufacture nanny-cams and other small cameras like that."

"Oh," Michael looked at Kyle and saw him suppressing a grin. "That's great."

Max went next. He followed his father's footsteps and was a lawyer. Michael was impressed and asked what kind.

"Personal injury," Max nodded.

"Ambulance chaser," Isabel winked in her brother's direction. "Tess, you remember Tess? Of course you remember Tess." She shook her head. "Sorry, sometimes I forget how long you've been gone. Anyway, Tess is his secretary."

He chanced a glance at Liz just in time to see her roll her eyes. Some things never change.

"She's out of town tonight though, right?" Isabel looked back at Max.

He nodded. "She'll be back for the reunion tomorrow."

Michael nodded. He was the only one privy to the clandestine dating of Kyle and Tess. Tess, how could Isabel ask if I remembered her? He thought. He remembered every detail of his time in Roswell. The times he had spent with Maria were carved in his memory because he had relived them everyday for the last ten years.

Dinner came and Michael was glad for the distractions. As time moved on, the uneasiness of conversation was replaced by the familiarity of old friends. Michael found himself laughing with the others as they stirred up memories of past events. He noticed the delicacy used trying not to mention Maria.

He ate, but not because he was hungry. He ate to make sure no one asked him any questions about why he wasn't. He didn't want to have to tell them, any of them that he was nervous as hell about being back in town after ten years. And as much as he wanted to, he was scared to see Maria.

He found himself drifting in and out of the conversation as he played out all the different scenarios that could happen when he finally saw the real reason he came back for.

"Maria's not going." That was Liz.

Hearing her name said out loud snapped Michael back into the conversation. He began to sweat as all eyes were on him. "Not going?" He repeated.

"No, she's not going to the reunion." Liz said while obviously ignoring the stern look she was getting from Max. "She's not going and she won't want to see you. Maybe coming back to Roswell after all this time was not the brightest move you could make, Michael."

He bit his lip unable to come up with the right words. Maybe Liz was right.

"Shut up Liz," Isabel rolled her eyes at her.

"I'm serious Isabel, Maria has enough problems without having Mr. Deserter pop back in." Liz balled up her napkin and threw it on her plate. She stood, grabbed her purse and walked from the room.

"I'm sorry, Michael." Max looked to his boyhood friend before following his fiancé out.

"See," Kyle cocked his head to the side. "Seems like you never left, huh?"

Michael shook his head. "Is she really that bad?"

Isabel looked away and Alex looked down at his plate. Michael knew she was every bit as bad as Kyle described her, probably worse.

"Michael," Isabel put her hand on his. "Why did you leave?"

* * *

Chapter Four

Michael took a deep breath and with a nervous laugh he avoided the question. "Is everyone else going to be at the reunion?"

"You're not answering my question." Isabel stated, her eyes burning holes through his.

"I can't…Not yet." Michael pursed his lips and smiled. "I have to tell someone else first."

"Maria," Isabel sighed. "I'm sorry. You just left so long ago and our conversations were never that long when I called and then I…"

"Quit calling," Michael raised his eyebrows. "I'm not mad, Iz."
She nodded and let out a laugh. "Sorry. So, do you know about Maria?"

The way she said it made Michael cringe. It was what bad TV movies were made of. Do you know about Maria? He glanced at Kyle and nodded. "Some."

"Only what I've told him," Kyle admitted and rolled his eyes. "He knows the basics."

"Oh, okay." Alex joined the conversation. "So you know about the drugs and alcohol abuse. So you know she can't hold down a job and has been evicted from the last two places she lived at." His tone was bitter and Michael knew it was directed at him. "You know that Kyle has made sure she doesn't get evicted from this dump she's at now. You know she hasn't spoken to her mom in almost five years. You know that the only time she'll even be around us anymore is when she's high. You know all of that Michael?"

Michael let out a slow deep breath. No, he thought, I didn't know all of that. Kyle had been very selective in what he told Michael, he realized. It was a lot worse than he had thought. Guilt was pulling him down.

"Alex!" Isabel glared at her on again off again husband.

"He said he knew."

"I said 'some'. I said I knew some." Michael cleared his throat and looked at Kyle. Kyle was avoiding his gaze. "I didn't know all of it. I thought it was getting better for her."

"It was, for a time." Kyle said. "We all thought she was cleaning up her act."

"She's in bad shape Michael," Isabel touched his hand. "I mean, we've all tried to help her, but she fell into this pit and can't get out. I don't think she really wants to get out."

"You think she likes it in there?" Alex snapped at his wife. "You think she likes being doped up and getting hit by boyfriends who don't deserve to breathe? You really think she likes all that?"

Isabel closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "I know she doesn't like it Alex, that's not what I was saying. I don't think she wants to get out of her lifestyle. She knows we'd all be there to help." She turned her attention back to Michael. "Liz is the only one she'll even talk to anymore. Well, and Kyle, but he forces her." She sent a smile in the direction of an old friend.

"I told you man," Kyle looked at the table but spoke to Michael. "She's in a really bad place and has been for ten years. That's a long fucking time."

Michael agreed. Ten years was a long time. "Will you take me to see her?"

"I don't know if that's such a good idea," Alex laughed. "Liz was right, she won't want to see you." He folded his napkin and stood. "Isabel? Will I see you at home?"

"I don't know." Her eyes narrowed. "I guess if you see me, then yes."

"Whatever," he pulled his keys out of his pocket and walked to the door. Glancing over his shoulder, he looked to Michael. "Welcome back."

"Wow," Isabel shook her head. "I am so sorry. Alex was so far out of line."

"It's okay," Michael reassured her. "I've been gone for ten years Iz. A lot can happen in ten years." He looked back to Kyle. "Will you take me?"

Kyle and Isabel exchanged a look past him that Michael didn't like.

"Is it really that bad?" He asked quietly already knowing the answer.

"Yeah, Michael. It is." Kyle answered.

"Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't anyone tell me how bad she was?" Michael felt his anger rising to the surface. "I could have…I would have…"

"You can't even say it," Isabel said. "You can't even bring yourself to say that you would have come back for her. You wouldn't have Michael. You did what you had to do for whatever reason; end of story."

"Are you calling me selfish?"

"I am. You were selfish. You just left. You left all of us hanging and it wasn't fair! You're part of my family and you took off. You left us all, not just Maria, all of us."

Michael bowed his head. Would they understand why I left, he thought. Do I understand myself why I left? I'll never understand why I didn't come back sooner.

"I should have never left," he admitted something out loud he'd only told himself before. "But it was years after I was already gone that I realized it. I was wrong, but at the time…"

"C'mon," Isabel frowned. "Let's get out of here and see if Maria DeLuca is home."

Michael smiled and stood along with Kyle. He reached for his wallet but stopped when a familiar silhouette stood in the doorway.

"Sheriff," Michael whispered. He pushed his chair back and walked around the table to Jim Valenti.

"So you came back," Jim's voice was gruff. When Michael extended his hand, he ignored it. "Why'd you come back to Roswell, Guerin?"

Michael licked his lips. "I had to."

"You destroyed Maria when you left. Maria hasn't talked to her mother in years and it's about damn near killed Amy. If you came back to try to slide into the cozy place you had when you left, don't bother."

"I came back to right some wrongs."

"Then I guess you plan on staying for awhile? Because you've got a lot of wrongs to fix." Jim glanced to his son and Isabel and nodded before leaving the room.

"I told you he might be stopping by," Kyle shrugged. "The bill's been taken care of, let's go."

Michael followed his two friends out of the restaurant into the parking lot. By mutual decision, Kyle drove. Isabel sat in the backseat with her arms hanging over the front. She pointed out places as they cruised through town and the somber mood began to lift. Laughter replaced the uneasiness.

Michael realized they were almost to the edge of town, close to where he had grown up in the trailer with Hank. The bad part of town. He eyes widened as Kyle slowed the car to a stop outside of an apartment building.

"Here?" Michael asked incredulously as Kyle and Isabel both nodded. He looked out the window at the building. It was old and brick. The bricks were cracked, chipping and in dire need of some masonry work. Some of the windows were boarded up; some were just left broken. "She lives here?"

"Right there," Kyle pointed to a darkened window on the first floor. It was one of the few that seemed complete.

Michael let out a breath and then covered his mouth with his hand. "Shit."

"Yeah," Isabel nodded. "There's no lights on so either she isn't home or the electricity got cut off again…"

"Shouldn't have, I paid the last bill." Kyle said and then shrugged when Michael faced him.

"I should go to the door?" Michael asked as his knees went weak. He wasn't sure if he could even get out of the car right then.

"No, I don't think she's home." Kyle shook his head. "We'll come back tomorrow. Okay?"

Michael nodded as the car pulled away from the curb. He looked over his shoulder at the place where Maria DeLuca lived as his heart ached.

* * *
Maria DeLuca sat on her bed with her knees pulled up to her chin in the dark. Threadbare blankets were tucked in around her. She rocked back and forth as tears streamed down her face over the bruise that encircled her left eye.

* * *

Chapter Five


Kyle Valenti dropped Isabel off at home after much protesting that she was ready to stay out all night and play with the boys. She smothered Michael's face with kisses and winked at Kyle as she walked up the sidewalk to her darkened house.
Kyle drove Michael back to the Chinese Restaurant and they sat in silence.

Michael eventually was the one to speak. "Why didn't you ever tell me?"

"What would you have done?" He laughed bitterly. "You were gone from her life and it didn't look like you were ever coming back. Hell, it took you ten fucking years. What could you have done living in California? Called her?"

"I don't know," he ran his hands through his hair and let out a deep breath. "How bad Kyle, be straight with me. I'm here now to fix things. I want to know what happened to Maria DeLuca."

Kyle took a deep breath, "Here or do you want to go back to your hotel?"

"Are you coming on to me?" Michael asked with a smile. "I'm kidding. I'll follow you back to the hotel."

He got out of Kyle's car and made the short trek to his pick-up truck.

* * *

Maria DeLuca, who had been Maria Bolin for about ten minutes years ago, cried. The blankets she had pulled up around her were thin; her bones were chilled. She didn't know if it was from the cool of the room or the cool that lived inside of her.

She touched the skin around her eye absently, wincing when she made contact with the bruise. A gift from the newest loser in a succession of them she called boyfriends. Mark wasn't any different than the rest. Treated her nice at first, then roughed her up and left her.

She knew she would have stayed with him, even after the black eye, but he was gone. No one wanted to be with a used up woman like Maria DeLuca. No one in their right mind but Maria craved company, craved attention of any kind and she had been like that for years.

Whenever she saw Isabel Whitman, Isabel told her the same thing over and over. 'It's better to be alone for the right reasons than with someone for the wrong ones.' She heard what Isabel was trying to tell her and she appreciated her concern, to an extent. It was different for Isabel and Maria knew she meant well, but Isabel would never understand. No one would ever understand. Isabel was a goddess and happy. She married her high school sweetheart and lived happily ever after. Maria never had that option.

Her high school sweetheart had left her.

"Bastard," she said underneath her breath. She hadn't said his name out loud in years.

She glanced across the dingy room to a photo album she refused to open. The pictures inside were of a sunny Maria. A happy Maria; one who had her whole life in front of her. One who was in love and planned on a future with bastard. That girl was dead. She died a long time ago.

She squeezed her eyes shut and wondered how she was going to pay the rent. Waiting tables in 'Moxie's' wasn't exactly a good job, but now that was irrelevant. Her boss had left a note under her door telling her not to bother coming back in; she was fired.

She prayed for Kyle Valenti and the goodness in his heart. Liz offered to help all the time, but when Maria said 'no' Liz backed away. When Maria told Kyle 'no', he did it anyway. Sometimes she thought she'd never eat again until Kyle would stop by with a bag of groceries and something to make her smile, like a flower or a stuffed animal.

She let out a startled yelp when something scurried on the floor. Probably a mouse, she told herself.

"Bastard," she wiped away tears of a forgotten love and curled up under the blankets.

* * *

Michael followed the small taillights and wondered what Kyle had been keeping from him. He parked in the hotel lot and met up with Kyle. They walked to his room together and Michael was convinced it looked like they were dating.

"There's a soda machine across the hall," Michael offered.
"Too bad it's not a beer machine," Kyle grumbled and left. He returned a few minutes later with a variety of soft drinks in his hands. He opened a can and sat at the small round table underneath an antiquated, yet gaudy, hanging light. He gave one of the cans to Michael and took a deep breath when Michael sat across from him.

"How long has she lived there?' Michael asked thinking about the condition of the outside of the building. The neighborhood had slipped from 'not so good' to deplorable in the decade he'd been away.

"Almost a year now," Kyle nodded. "It's not quite as bad on the inside as the outside looks." He shook his head. "No, see I'm lying. It is as bad on the inside. Man…"

"I told you, give it to me straight."

"Why'd you come back Michael?" Kyle asked instead. "Why after so long did you really come back?"

Michael ran his hands through his hair and took a deep breath. "Like I told your dad, I'm back to right some wrongs. When I left I thought I was doing the right thing, for everyone. It took me years to realize it wasn't the right thing for anyone. I fucked up Kyle, I'm here to fix it."

"I don't think you can fix Maria," he shook his head slowly. "Isabel was sort of right at the restaurant. Maria's in a pit and she doesn't want out."

"I think you're wrong."

"You can't march back into her life like some kind of damn knight on a white horse and whisk her away!" Kyle's eyes widened. "She's not the girl you left behind anymore, Michael."

"Tell me."

"When you left town, she was hysterical for months. She drove around trying to find you, trying to find out any reason why you might have gone. It consumed her. The big plans for college? They left with you. Her life became 'Where is Michael and why did he leave?' I mean, we all did the same thing for awhile until you got a hold of Max. At least then we knew you were in California, we accepted it, but Maria couldn't. She's the only one you really left."

"I wrote her a letter trying to explain, but I never sent it." Michael took a giant swig of soda. "I guess I should have."

"No, Michael. But you should have done something. While the rest of us were going off to school and making plans for our futures, Maria slipped further away. It started with skipping work, I think, then beer. I don't think the drugs came until later with one of her illustrious boyfriends."

"She's had a lot?" Michael asked with a ping of jealousy that he knew he had no right to have.

"Yeah, there's been a lot. Real charmers too, let me tell you. Wanna even try to guess how many times my dad has had to step in? How many he's taken to jail for beating the shit out of her and how many she's refused to press charges against and was back with that night?"

"Maria," Michael shook his head wondering how different it would have been if he had stayed.

"She doesn't want to be alone," Kyle shrugged. "She's scared of being alone so she hooks up with complete losers who treat her like shit and leave her."

She's still getting left. Michael shook his head feeling the weight of responsibility on his shoulders.

"You want to know the rest? You really want to know about everything? The man she was married to for three months before he sent her to the hospital? The blow-jobs she had to give an old boss to keep a crappy job? You really want to know what happened to Maria DeLuca, Michael?"

Michael nodded and leaned back in the uncomfortable wood and vinyl chair. He didn't think he had any right to be comfortable. Not now. "Tell me Kyle, tell me what I caused."


Chapter Six


Kyle took a deep breath and wished there really was beer machine across the hall. "Okay, so here were are at graduation and everything is cool. The big party is planned for that night and when Maria goes to your house to get you, you're gone. Your clothes are gone; everything that seemed important to you was gone. She freaked. It was horrible, I guess I should bitch you out for ruining my graduation too."

"I'm sorry," Michael sighed.

"Save your apologies Guerin," Kyle shrugged. "Maria was lost when you left. She had all these plans and dreams of a future with you and then poof, you were gone. She blamed herself, you know."

"No, I didn't know."

"Yeah, well, you should have. Maria thought she had done something wrong that drove you away and it was pretty hard to convince her otherwise when we had nothing to go on. How could we tell her it wasn't her fault when you left without a word to anyone?"

"She didn't do anything wrong."

"No shit," Kyle downed the rest of his soda and slammed the aluminum down with a bang. "Well, you should have told her. Called her and left a message or sent her that fucking letter. That's when she began to drift away from us, from herself.

"While Liz, Max and I were making plans to go to school and Isabel and Alex were thinking about getting married, Maria was alone. She didn't have anyone but us. We all shared your stupid secret and she gave herself to you, to all of you actually, but she was the one to get hurt. She was the one to fall by the wayside."

Michael offered his can of soda to Kyle who took it without hesitation.

"She started not going to work then. Mr. Parker tried everything he could think of to keep her there, but she wouldn't play. When she did show up, she was either late or sometimes right before she got fired, she was drunk or high on something. It was hard to watch the girl who gave everything get nothing in return. We watched her fall and there wasn't a damn thing we could do about it."

"She didn't want help?"

"No Michael, she wanted you." Kyle snorted. "She tried so hard to not be alone, it was scary. Amy eventually asked her to leave when she kept bringing men home. She was getting used and she didn't seem to care. The important thing to her was that she wasn't alone. We all did everything we could think of to keep her part of our group but she didn't want anything to do with us for a long time. I think we brought back too many memories of you."

Michael ran his hands through his hair; the guilt was painfully obvious on his face. "I never thought I was that important."
"To Maria, you were." Kyle shrugged. "She met a guy a few years later and got married. Todd Bolin. He seemed okay for like thirty seconds. She didn't tell anyone that he hit her. That he took out his frustrations of being an unemployed asshole on her. At least not until he put her in the hospital with a fractured jaw."

Michael's eyes became misty wondering how anyone could ever lay a hand on Maria. The epitome of pure beauty. Damaged.

"My dad took care of all that and we bought her a divorce for her birthday," Kyle smiled. "I think that was the last time she was happy. She quit talking to her mom at all after that. Amy still tries to get her to come home, but Maria is still strong willed and she won't. So they just don't speak except through me and my dad."

"God Kyle, I should have known about all this."

"No, it was your fault. You didn't need to know because you couldn't have helped. No wait, let me rephrase that, you wouldn't have helped. Hell, we didn't even know where you were until you called and by then, I think it was already too late. You had set up a neat new life for you in the City of Angels and Maria DeLuca had found a nice new home in hell."

"I always loved her."

"Yeah, well my brother, she hasn't said your name out loud in years. I think she might actually have turned the all that love and wonder into a solid hate."

"She hates me."

"Yeah Michael, I hate to be the one to tell you, but she does."
"But you took me over there tonight…"

"Maybe you can fix all this, maybe you can help bring Maria back to all of us." He shook his head. "Damn Michael! She was an amazing woman and now she's…She's lost. You could be the one way to bring her back."

"I want to try."

"Good. But don't forget, it's been a long time Guerin. A very long time. She's not the Maria you remember, but very far from it. Can you help her? Can you help her see that there is a way back?"

Michael nodded slowly. "Yeah, I can try."

* * *

Maria shivered underneath the threadbare blankets. She had been clean and sober for almost twenty-four hours now and it was hard. She reached under her pillow and pulled out a fifth of gin. She unscrewed the cap and took a small sip. It burned her throat, the first sip always did, but after a few more all was good.

"Bastard," she cried out and kicked at the blankets.

She threw the bottle across the room and cringed when it shattered on the opposite wall. She touched her bruised face and wept.

* * *

Chapter Seven

As the early morning hours crept in, Michael sat across from Kyle in a stupor. The sunny happy Maria he remembered, the one he loved and would have died for was gone. He knew the whole story wouldn't read exactly as Kyle had described, the truth would have to come from Maria herself. That is, if and when she might talk to him.

"I want to try to bring her back," Michael finally said after minutes of silence. After hearing and embracing all the degrading details about Maria's life.

"I hope to God you mean it Guerin. I really do. No one misses Maria like I do. I see what she's become and what she's put her mother through and hell, even my dad. No one wants to see her like this. She was the one who gave and never took and she's still not taking." Kyle shook his head and knocked over the fourth empty soda can of the early morning.

Michael didn't know what else to say. The Maria he had known was gone. In her place stood a shell of a woman, used by the world, used by herself. Part of him wanted to runaway and never come back. Part of him wanted to forget he had ever returned to Roswell at all. The biggest part him, the majority of him, wanted to run to Maria and sweep her in his arms and tell her he was sorry. He wanted to kiss her and tell her everything was going to be okay.

He couldn’t fathom how such a wonderful and happy girl had fallen so far. He didn't think he had that kind of power over anything.

"Tomorrow," Kyle looked at his watch, "shit, tonight. Tonight is the reunion, why don't we hold off on trying to visit Maria until afterwards, like the next day? I don't know what to expect when she sees you, Michael. Give it another night. I won't tell her you're here and I doubt anyone else will either since there's not that many that are really happy about it."

"Why didn't anyone stop her?"

"Stop Maria?" Kyle asked with a smirk. "Right. That's not exactly an easy thing to do. By the time she fell, it was too late. No one could bring her back, at least no one that was still here. We did do everything we could think of, all of us." Kyle pointed at him, anger creeping into his words. "Don't you ever think for a damn second that we didn't try, okay? None of us liked to watch her slide away. We each did the best we could, but Maria DeLuca wanted nothing from us."

"Rehab?" Michael knew he was grasping at straws but sitting there feeling so helpless he had to react to something.

"Tried it, how many times?" Kyle looked to the ceiling. "Hmm…Maybe three times. One time she was doing really good. She was clean and sober for about three weeks afterwards. Then she hooked up with psycho boyfriend number four hundred and what d'ya know, she was right back where she was before. This time, she had no job and no place to live.

"Liz and I got together on this one and got her an apartment, which she was evicted from three months later." Kyle shook his head. "Man, I'll do anything to have Maria back. It's been a long fucking ten years watching her decline. I'm always waiting for the call that tells me she's dead. Man, I do everything I can for her; at least what she'll let me. Hell, I even offered her a room at my place, but she's still proud."
The smile on his lips was bittersweet. "After everything is said and done, Maria is still proud." He stood and glanced at his watch again. "I gotta go, okay. I don't want you going over there by yourself Michael. Maria's not the same. She's not going to fall into your arms and magically everything's going to be okay." He snapped his fingers. "This isn't a fairy tale."

"I won't go over there." He stated and then promised himself he wasn't lying. "I won't screw this up. Not again."

"Good. Get a good nights sleep because tomorrow night, all your high school nightmares are going to become reality. Again." Kyle reached the door and opened it. "Even if no one else is, I'm glad your back." He cocked his head to the side and walked out into the breezeway before he got a response from Michael.

Michael looked at the bedside clock. It was almost five, he had been listening to the sordid details of Maria DeLuca's fall from grace for hours and it was just now sinking in. Not what she let happen to her, but the layers behind the reason why.

How could I have been responsible for this? How could it have been only me leaving that made her like she is now? How could I have not known? I can handle being called selfish, because in essence I was, but to cause the deterioration of someone…

He ran his hands through his hair and sighed. Shaking the doom and gloom away, he stripped down to boxers and slid underneath the coolness of unfamiliar sheets in an unfamiliar room and wondered how he was going to approach an unfamiliar woman.

* * *

Maria woke before the sun rose with a blinding headache and the shakes. She picked up the handset of the phone and put it to her ear. Nothing; it had been turned off.

"Damn it!" She cried and slammed it down. She rolled out from underneath the blankets and stood still dressed in her clothes from the night before. She slipped on dingy running shoes and walked over the broken glass from last night's bottle.

Fumbling around in an almost bare kitchen cabinet, she found an unopened package of pop-tarts. She smiled when she remembered Kyle had brought them over with some other groceries. Kyle. So sweet.

She nibbled on them until the shakes grew worse. She needed something. She needed to get out of the apartment and find something to make her feel better. Something to make the pain of life go away. Something that would keep her semi alert for the day and make her go to her class reunion that night.

She looked out the cracking blinds in the window; it was going to bright out. She shielded her eyes from the sun that hadn't quite risen yet and tried to remember the last time she had been up this early for any reason.

"Screw it," she let the blinds shut and walked into the bathroom, stripping off her clothes as she went leaving them on the floor amidst other discarded clothing. After an ice cold shower complete with no-name bar soap and stolen shampoo, she dressed in jeans and a T-shirt and ran her hands through her wet blond hair and looked in the mirror.

She cringed at the bags and dark circles under her eyes and wondered if they always looked that bad. She briefly thought back to a time when she cared about her appearance. To a time when she felt she had something to offer. Back to a time when she was a part of something special.

Grabbing a few crumpled dollars and all the change she could find on the nightstand, she put on very dark sunglasses and walked out of her apartment in search of what she needed. Anything to get through another day.
* * *

Chapter Eight

Michael wasn't sure when he eventually drifted off to sleep, but the knocking at the door signaled it was time to get up. He got out from under the blankets and out of bed, immediately tripping over his shoes.

"Shit!" He swore loudly as he reached the door. He put his hand on the knob and then looked through the peephole into the beautiful face of Isabel Evans, or Whitman, whatever, he smiled. "Hold on." He called and pulled a pair of jeans from his suitcase. He put them on and opened the door expecting the sun to come crashing in. Instead, there was darkness.

"Nice look," Isabel raised her eyebrows at him after eyeing him from head to toe. "You going to sleep all night?"

Michael regarded her as he wiped the sleep from his eyes. She was stunning in a little strappy black dress and spiked heels; her hair slicked down against her head. Tasteful earrings and a silver necklace were the only accessories; Isabel didn't need more than that. "God, you look great."

"Thank you," she smiled. "Now go get ready, I want to be fashionably late, not incredibly late."

Michael nodded and wondered where the day had gone. His plans to at least drive by Maria's were nixed and now he was going to have to wait for Kyle and go tomorrow. He wondered how he'd ever get through the night with all the nostalgia of high school and not think of Maria DeLuca every second of it.

"Alex?" Michael asked turning around from the bathroom door. "Is he here?"

"Alex, my dear sweet Alex." Isabel rolled her eyes. "Nope. He will be arriving at the reunion alone. He isn't exactly thrilled that I wanted you to come with us, so he bailed."

"Iz…"

"Ack!" She held her hand up to him. "Don't fret, this is an ongoing battle between us. Whatever I want to do, Alex doesn't. Whatever he wants to do, I don't. We'll fight like this for a few weeks and then make up and be happy for a few months and then the whole thing will start over again." She rolled her eyes. "It's a love/hate kind of thing."

Michael nodded and stepped into the bathroom. The heat from the water steamed the small room up in minutes. How could I have slept away an entire day? All the plans he had formed in his head about a joyous reunion where shot. He had slept instead. He figured his body must have needed the rest from yesterday's events. All the driving back to the only place he had considered home, back to a town that wasn't all that happy to see him. Hearing about the degradation that Maria had sunk into must have been too much; his body had shut down.

The water swung from hot to lukewarm and Michael got out. He wrapped a towel around his waist and opened the door letting the steam out.

"Whoa!" Isabel shouted from the bed where she was sitting. "You been working out or what?"

Michael rolled his eyes at her and gathered the attire he had brought for the reunion. He ignored her snickering and playful blatant stares and went back into the bathroom to change.
The pants were black, as well as the shirt and tie. Basic black. He ran his hands through his hair after applying just the right amount of gel and looked at his reflection. He wasn't the same boy who had run away ten years earlier. He was a man who was returning to repair what was broken. To rebuild what had been lost. And it all started with a class reunion.

"Come on handsome," Isabel looped her arm through his. "I want to go show you off."

Michael smiled and let Isabel escort him from the room. She tossed him keys and informed him he was driving her car, she was not going anywhere in that truck of his. Michael raised an eyebrow at her and opened the passenger door to a black convertible, the top was up.

"You really could have gone with Alex," Michael said as he got a feel for the vehicle. "I could have gone alone or with Kyle."

"Alex is being an ass and Kyle's going with Tess," she checked her lipstick in the visor mirror. "You wouldn't want to be a third wheel with Kyle and Tess would you?"

Michael tried to stifle his surprise. "Uh…" And did so very inelegantly.

"Give me a break Michael," Isabel rolled her eyes as she smudged the eyeliner under her right eye. "I can see right through them. They're so transparent. Anyway, I think it's a good thing. They both needed someone and who better than someone who already knows all the nitty gritty sordid details of the secret life?"

Michael smiled at Isabel's ramble as his thoughts turned to Maria and her incessant babbling that used to drive him crazy.

"Are you even listening to me anymore?" Isabel snapped a compact shut.

"Yeah…No. I'm sorry, my mind's on other things." Michael admitted as he drove the now painfully familiar streets towards his alma mater. He couldn't believe that the reunion was being held in the high school gymnasium. On TV shows and movies they're always in fancy hotels. Not West Roswell High, we're in the gym, he smiled.

"No, your mind is on other people," Isabel said letting the softness ooze from her voice.

Michael nodded. "Yeah."

"You gonna stay in town for awhile Michael?"

"I think I'm going to stay for as long as it takes."

"Good, because I really did miss you."

The short drive ended and Michael took a deep breath. High School. The root of all things evil. He looked to his escort and nodded. Isabel grinned and waited for him to get out and open her car door.

"This won't be so bad, Michael." She tried to reassure him. "Max and Liz will be here too. And you'll get to see Tess again."

He nodded and concentrated on his breathing as they walked arm and arm into the gym. He was immediately struck by every moment he had ever spent with Maria in the halls. Every kiss and every shared touch hit his central nervous system; he found his arm tightening on Isabel's.

"You okay?" She asked.

"I'll be fine," he nodded and licked his lips. Yeah, right. He nodded at his date again and picked up his nametag. He smiled when he saw Isabel drop hers in the trashcan as they passed it.

* * *

Maria DeLuca stood in the shadows in the front of the school. She inhaled deeply on a cigarette right down to the filter. She looked at her reflection in the tinted windows and knew she looked presentable. Hell, she thought she looked great.

The windows couldn't reveal the darkness under her eyes and the redness lining them and ignored the jitters making her hands shake. The windows didn't show the rips at the bottom of her long ago altered prom dress. The windows hid the bones jutting out beneath her skin from lack of nourishment. The tinted glass hid what Maria didn't want to acknowledge.

"Yeah," she nodded to her darkened reflection. "You can do it DeLuca. Piece of cake." She lit up another cigarette and walked around the back of the building to the gymnasium entrance.


Chapter Nine


Michael felt uneasy as he was bombarded with people he hadn't even thought about, let alone missed, in the last ten years. He knew most of them came up to them because Isabel was still on his arm.

He saw Kyle and Tess across the room and dragged Isabel through the crowd to get to them. A couple of familiar faces that he actually wanted to see what was he needed if he planned on making it through the rest of the evening.

"Michael!" Tess chirped as only Tess can do. She flung her arms around his neck pulling him down to her level. She kissed the corner of his mouth then pushed him back to arm's length. "Oh my God! You look fantastic Michael. I mean really, Los Angeles must be treating you quite good."

"It's okay," he murmured as butterflies stormed through his stomach. He looked over his shoulder and there was Max and of course, Liz. He sighed as they made their way over to them.

"Michael," Max held out his hand.

Michael nodded and shook his hand. The gesture was symbolic and Michael really did appreciate it. "Looks about the same around here or what?" One thing Michael knew he was never really good at was small talk.

"Yes it does," Isabel answered and looked around the gymnasium. "Except a lot of people either got fat or bald or both. I mean look at some of these people, they really let themselves go."

"You're just saying that because you're still a goddess," Michael grinned as some of the tension began to ease out of him.

Isabel laughed a little too haughtily and ran her free hand through her hair. "I really did miss you Michael," she smiled at him and pulled him into her for a hug.

"Me too," Max said quietly. The two old friend's eyes met and something close to a balance was restored. "Things haven't been the same since you left."

Michael acknowledged the sentiment without speaking. His attention had turned to Liz and her incessant eye rolling. "Am I making you that uncomfortable, Liz? I mean, should I leave?"

"You are not leaving," Kyle interjected. "No one is leaving." He looked to Liz and shook his head. "This is a party. We're supposed to be having fun. Fun! Have fun! Woo fun!" He waved his arms exaggeratedly.

"It's hard to be here and not remember…" Liz said quietly, her words faded as she turned her head.

"You can say her name for crying out loud! She's not dead!" Isabel snapped. "Her name is Maria! Maria DeLuca!

"Iz-" Michael squeezed her arm.

"No, this is stupid. We're grown-ups now; we're not actually in high school anymore. Liz, I feel just as bad about Maria as you do, but you can't blame Michael for everything. Not anymore. Maria gave up. She. Gave. Up. We all moved on and she could have too, but she chose not to."

"You don't know-"

"Yes, I do! I've been here Liz, I've seen what Maria has done to herself and it's broken my heart."

Liz nodded and turned away from the small crowd, tears poised to fall on her lids. "I'm sorry."

"I want to make things right," Michael touched Liz's arm. She faced him and nodded with obvious and severe doubt in her eyes.

The seconds felt like minutes as Michael waited for something to happen. For someone to say something or do something. It was eventually Isabel who dragged Michael by the arm to the dance floor. Something slow and funky came from the speakers.

"Thanks for the rescue," Michael said in her ear.

"Anytime, dearest, anytime." She kissed his cheek. "You had your reasons for leaving Michael, I know that, but Liz can't see pass…Her and Alex both. They can't see that Maria didn't fall apart just because you left. That may have started her downward spiral, but…"

Michael nodded with a crooked little smile. "I know. There's a lot of things I have to atone for."

"Atone?" Isabel laughed. "What, you go to LA and come back with a whole new vocabulary?"

Michael smiled at her unyielding boldness. The longer he was back in Roswell, he realized that some things really never did change. He swung her around and for the first time in a very long time felt like he belonged again.

* * *

Maria stubbed her cigarette out on the wall outside the door and made her grand entrance. Smiling faces changed to ones of blatant astonishment; the snickering followed but she didn't seem to hear it.

She grabbed her nametag from the table and peeled the backing off dropping it on the floor. "Maria DeLuca," she read it out loud and affixed it to the dress, right above her left breast. It covered a rip she didn't know was there.

The paleness and beauty of a simple dress from a simpler time was tarnished. At a time when Maria was only falling, she had the dress altered to wear it to the wedding of Alex Whitman and Isabel Evans. Now the rips in the seams and the stains had become part of the fabric. The cigarette burn at the hem in front was ringed with black shocking against the paleness.

She smiled and lit up another cigarette. Inhaling the richness of the tobacco, she wandered across the gymnasium completely oblivious to the stares and pointing. She saw her final destination and was salivating at the thought of it, the bar in the corner.

She said 'hello' to people she thought she knew as she ordered a drink. Gin and tonic, light on the tonic. She slammed it down and felt her throat burn. The next one was a little smoother.

She took the third one with her and mingled back into the crowd. A hand on her arm forced her to turn around.

"Alex!" She shouted and hugged him, her drink splashing out of the glass and onto her arm.

"Maria," his voice was low as he held her tight against him. "What are you doing here?"

"I was invited," she stepped back from him. "Kyle gave me the invitation!"

Alex nodded and looked around nervously. He had seen his wife come in escorted by Michael Guerin earlier but thankfully neither of them appeared to be close enough to see or hear. He looked back at the broken woman in front of him and closed his eyes.

"D'ya want to dance?" Maria asked. She dropped her cigarette on the floor and stepped on it.

"Why don't we go get some fresh air instead?" He touched her elbow in an effort to lead her outside.

"I just got here."

"Maria."

"What?" Her voice was growing louder and the shakes in her hands were more obvious. The clear liquid splattered out of the glass onto the front of her dress and the floor. "What Alex? What!"

"Let's just go outside."

"Fuck that!" She shouted causing the dozen or so people close enough to them to turn around and stare.

"Shit," Alex mumbled under his breath. "Maria, let's just go outside for a little while." He looked to her red rimmed eyes with the dark circles underneath. He noticed the tremors in her hands and cringed.

"Can't you even tell me how pretty I look?" She demanded.

Alex heard the snickering in back of him and grabbed her by the arm. "Now." He pulled her through the crowd towards the fire exit in the back.

Too dead set on getting her outside before she made a bigger spectacle of herself he didn't see he was getting ready to run into the one person he didn't want to until it was too late.

* * *

Chapter Ten


"Shouldn't you find your husband?" Michael asked Isabel as the music started to fade.

"He'll find me when he's ready to," she sighed and rolled her eyes. "Like I said, it's a love/hate kind of thing. We're okay. Most of the time. No, some of the time. Don't worry about my marriage Michael, really, it's okay."

"I feel bad…"

"Don't okay?" She smiled her brilliant smile. "Don’t worry about anything except yourself, Michael."

"Let me worry about you and Alex. Hell, let me worry about everyone. I've been worrying about myself for the last ten fucking years." He laughed bitterly.

"Don't worry about us, we muddle through things. I love Alex, I always will, but sometimes we irritate each other. We have a pretty good relationship."

"Kyle said you've separated before."

"Yeah, well, Kyle has a big mouth," she smirked. "Seriously? I wouldn't give Alex up for anything in the world."

"That's a good thing to hear," he sighed. "Max and Liz?"

"They're still the Max and Liz show. Sometimes I wonder if they'll ever get married; but they're good too, Michael. Everyone's good. Well, almost everyone."

"Yeah…"

"Did you leave for a good reason?"

"At the time it seemed like one, now…I don't know. I don't think it was Isabel," he sighed shaking his head. "I think it was the biggest mistake of my life."

"Mistakes can be corrected." She shrugged. "Everything can be corrected. It just may take a little time."

"Time? I have time," he kissed the corner of her mouth. "Thanks Iz. Thanks for everything." He pulled her tight against him.

"Me?" She smiled coyly. "I didn't do anything, I'm just glad to have you back Michael."

"Yeah, well, you're in the short line."

"Fuck the lines!" She threw her head back in a wild laugh.

* * *

"Shit," Alex muttered under his breath as he gripped Maria's arm tighter and tried to steer her away from the area. He heard his wife's laughter.

"You're hurting me!" Maria shrieked and pulled her arm away from him in the process dropping her plastic glass on the floor.

The shrieking caught the attention of the entire back half of the room; including that of Michael Guerin.

"Maria," he said the name so softly he barely heard it himself. He let go of Isabel and took a step towards Maria DeLuca.

Isabel grabbed his arm and held him back. "No," she hissed.

Within seconds music was pumping back through the speakers and Kyle and Tess were at Michael's side. He looked to Michael and closed his eyes shaking his head.

"What is your problem, Alex?" Maria yelled facing him with her back towards Michael and the others. She lit up a cigarette and blew smoke out of her nose. "What the fuck is wrong with you?" The lit cigarette bobbed in her shaky hands.

"Maria," Alex chanced a look behind her at the small party that was watching. He saw the sympathy in his wife's eyes and sighed. "Let's go, okay?"

"Go?" She snorted. "I'm not ready to go. In case you forgot, this is my fucking reunion too." Her voice rose with each word as other guests paused to watch and listen to her. "I got an invitation…" She looked from side to side. "What the fuck are you all looking at?"

Kyle walked to her and slid his arm around her waist. "Maria."

"Kyle!" She smiled and it was genuine. "Hi!" She threw her arms around his neck and hugged him.

"Why don't we go outside for a minute? We can-"

"I don't want to go outside!" Ashes flew from the cigarette as she pointed it at him. "Kyle, I don't want to leave…" Her red eyes became clouded with wetness.

He tightened his grip on her waist. "Maria, please…"

"I'm not going outside!" She swung out of his clasp and turned around and came face to face with Michael Guerin. She studied him for a few seconds as the face registered in her confused brain. A face from the past. A face she dreamt about every night. Her breath caught and she took a step towards him.

"Maria," Michael said her name softly and stepped towards her.
Kyle positioned himself in-between them while the others made a semi-circle around them. Max and Liz appeared out of nowhere and waited with the same bated breath as the others.

Maria looked to Kyle and then back at Michael. Her thoughts weren't visible in her eyes; the redness and darkness hid her emotions. She took two steps towards Michael and looked into the face that she used to love. She looked in the face of the man that she blamed for the destruction known as her life. "Bastard." She spat out at him as she dropped the cigarette to the ground.

"Maria," Michael's voice was breathy.

"Bastard!" She swung out at him and slapped him across the face. Then again before Kyle pulled her away. "Fuck you! Fuck you!"

Michael stared at her in shock, his hand touching his cheek. Maria DeLuca had fallen from grace and he was a witness to it first hand. He felt someone touch his arm but he didn't know or care who it was. The only thing important in his life was screaming obscenities at him in what looked like the remnants of a remembered dress.
* * *

Chapter Eleven


Michael cringed as he watched Maria being pulled away from him, from everyone, by Kyle Valenti. Her screams of protest and hate rang throughout the gymnasium. The hand on his arm belonged to Isabel; he turned to her as helplessness filled him.

"She's…" The right words couldn't form in his mind. The clashing of thoughts was making his head swim.

"She's strung out Michael," Isabel shook her head as her husband stood next to her other side. "She's strung out."

"I tried to keep her away…" Alex bowed his head in defeat.

"We know," Isabel touched her husbands chin until he looked at her. "It's not your fault."

"I didn't want her to see," he nodded at Michael, "him. I didn't know what it would do to her."

"She wasn't supposed to be here," Liz stepped up to Michael but her words held no disdain.

"Yeah, well, she showed up didn't she?" Isabel snapped at the shorter woman. "And now…Now what?"

Michael listened to the words around him but not one was sinking in. The vision of Maria DeLuca in a torn and stained dress, painful eyes and a broken essence were burned into his brain. The images of a happy girl with the world and her whole life in front of her became clouded. The memories of a young love, a true love, faded as he felt her hand slapping his cheek. Bastard.

"Michael?" Isabel shook his arm bringing him back to the present he didn't want to be in.

He looked at her, then each face of those around him. "I gotta go."

"Forget it," Max stepped in-between his sister and Michael breaking their physical connection. "You're not going after her."

"And you became my keeper…When?" Michael tilted his head to one side.

"Just wait Michael," Tess smiled warmly at him and he knew who was on his side and who wasn't. "Let me find out what's going on first. I'm going to go find Kyle."

"I'm going to go too," Liz walked to the bouncy blond. "Okay?"

"Liz, why don't you just wait here?" Isabel suggested as she stepped back next to Michael pushing Max out of the way. "I don't think anyone but Tess needs to go anywhere right now."

"Maria-"

"Maria is my friend too, but right now the last thing she needs is a bunch of people standing around fawning over her like she's some hurt kitten." Fire burned in Isabel's eyes. "No one did this to Maria but Maria. Keep your blame to your damn self because I'm not in the mood to hear it. What Maria needs right now is about thirty gallons of coffee and someone around her who's going to tell it to her straight. That person is Kyle. That person is always Kyle."

Liz bit her bottom lip before turning around abruptly and stomping off with Max at her heels.

"Being a bitch, much?" Alex smiled at his wife before he kissed her cheek.

She rolled her eyes. "You know how Liz can grate my nerves. Tess, go find out what's going on."

Tess walked away silently.

"She's…" Michael tried again and failed. He stepped away and ran his hands through his gelled hair.

"She's in pain," Alex stepped over to him. "She's been in pain and she's a mess. God, I just didn't want her to see you. I guess I also didn't want you to see her like that."

Michael looked quizzically at the man who had all but blamed him for the demise of Maria DeLuca the night before.

"Sorry if I was a little rough on you last night," Alex shrugged and dug his hands in his pockets. "It's just been so hard to see her like this for so long…"

"I'm sorry," Michael took a deep breath astonished that he was able to put two words together.

"Isabel's right about a lot of things," he looked over his shoulder to his wife and smiled. "It wasn't just you that did this to Maria. Maria did this to Maria."

"Isabel's a smart person," Michael glanced in Isabel's direction. "You're lucky to have her."

"I know," Alex smiled. "So, some reunion, huh?"

Michael nodded in agreement. "Yeah, some fucking reunion."

* * *
Kyle walked Maria to the entrance she had come in and out the door before he released her.

"I hate you," she seethed behind clenched teeth. She lashed out at him striking him in the chest with balled fists.

Kyle grabbed her small hands and pulled her against him. He backed them up against a low brick wall and sat down holding her on his lap, rocking her as her body trembled. He soothed her hair and kissed her forehead.

"I know you don't hate me," he whispered.

Maria shook her head slowly and began to weep. Kyle held her tight and whispered things she needed to hear in her ear. He saw Tess come out the door and walk a few steps towards them, worry flush in her face. Kyle held up his hand to her and mouthed the words 'go home' to her and smiled. He watched as Tess blew him a kiss and retreated back into the building.

"He's here," Maria couldn't find the breath to speak, her words were coarse as she hiccuped uncontrollably in-between them. "He's here…"

"I know sweetheart," Kyle kept rocking her on his lap.

"Bastard," she cried the only name she'd called Michael in years. Her tears soaked into the collar of Kyle's shirt.

"Let me take you home, okay?"

She looked at him through damaged eyes and an altered mind. "Stay with me?"

He promised and led her to his car.

* * *


Chapter Twelve

Kyle opened the car door for Maria and helped her in. He watched as she curled up into a ball on the front seat. When he started the car, he rested a hand on her shoulder. He kept his hand there for the ride back to her apartment.

Maria didn't utter a word on the ride home. An occasional whimper was the only sound in an otherwise silent car. Not wanting to break any physical contact with her, he drove with his other hand clenched around the steering wheel. Sadness enveloped him every time he cast a glance over at the shaking form on the seat next to him.

Never. Never did he imagine that Maria would have shown up at the class reunion. In a moment of clarity, she had told him that was the last place she'd go. He shook his head as he pulled up to the dilapidated apartment building she called home.
"Maria," he said her name softly and rubbed her shoulder. "C'mon, let's go inside." He got out of the car when there was no sign of movement from her and walked around to the passenger side. Opening the door, he took a deep breath and reached inside extending his hand to her. "Maria."

She looked up to him and Kyle's heart broke. Fear and embarrassment were on the surface of her skin. She reached a thin arm out to him and clasped his hand. He helped her from the car and held her thin frame as he walked her into the building. As they reached her door, he held his keys in his hand, Maria's apartment key poised.

"What the hell?" He looked confused at the padlocked lock box covering the doorknob. "Maria, didn't you pay the rent?" She shrugged and cowered closer to him. "Maria!" His voice held more reprimand. "Damn it…"

"Sorry." The word was muffled against his suit jacket.

He let go of her and kicked the door. He didn't see Maria hold her hands over her ears with her eyes wide. He kicked the door a couple of more times before the lock gave, splintering the wood around it. He cocked his head to one side and extended his hand to her. She took it and followed him into the apartment.

"Get your stuff Maria," he grabbed at some empty bags on the floor. "You're not staying here anymore." He began to cram whatever he could into the bags while she stood in the middle of the room and watched him. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Maria. Help me."

She nodded and walked towards the bedroom. She pulled her clothes from the closet and picked some up off the floor laying everything in a pile in the middle of the bed. Her belongings were meager, changing apartments so often and without the conscience to take care of her things, Maria's possessions were abused.

From in-between the mattresses she produced five items, five cherished items, in pristine condition. She laid them on top of the small pile of clothes and began to rock back and forth. Four yearbooks from high school and a photo album. She clasped her arms around herself and closed her eyes.

"Maria?" Kyle stood in the open doorway watching Maria DeLuca as she succumbed to whatever it was that haunted her. He walked up in back of her and put his arms around her. "Come on, let's get out of here." He looked at the paltry pile of things on the bed. "Is this everything?" Her nod was barely noticeable. Kyle let go of her and grabbed an armful of clothes and handed them to her. After some prodding, she accepted them. "You have to help me so we can get out of here before your landlord knows we broke in. I don't really feel like having my dad arrest us tonight, okay?" He smiled and got a small one back in return. "Good."

The duo made several trips to the car before they had everything that Maria DeLuca owned piled in the backseat and trunk. Kyle carried out a small boom box he had given her for Christmas last year and the cherished books. When he came back in he found Maria sitting in the middle of the floor. A cigarette dangling from her hand hovered over a chipped ashtray on a scarred coffee table.

"We're leaving the furniture, okay?" He told her and offered his hand to her. He looked down into the confused and soulful eyes and wondered if the real Maria DeLuca was still in there somewhere and if she'd ever make her way back out.

She took his hand and let ashes fall to the floor. Looking around the bare apartment, she let Kyle Valenti lead her from it. She dropped her cigarette on the sidewalk and got in the front seat, at once she swiveled around and saw her photo album. She reached for it and clasped it tightly in her hands against her chest.

Kyle turned the radio on down low and drove through town back to his own small house close to where he had grown up. He pulled into the gravel driveway and wondered if he was doing the right thing. He'd been over it so many times in his head before; he would do anything for Maria, but was this the right thing? He looked at her sagging body next to him and knew in an instant that it was the right thing. It was the only thing.

Maria raised her head and looked out the windshield as Kyle turned the car off. She looked questionably at him, her brow furrowed.

"You're staying with me, okay?" He raised his hand to block out the argument he knew he wouldn't get tonight. "I should have forced you to do this a long time ago." He got out of the car and walked around to the passenger side to let Maria out.

Guiding her by her elbow he walked her up the two steps to the small porch and opened the front door. He flipped on a light and looked at her standing in front of him in a ruined dress and mussed hair. Eyes no longer able to see the real world. A rich soul so deeply buried. He closed his eyes unable to take in the sight that had become Maria DeLuca.

"Thank you," her words were so soft, barely even a thread of a whisper. She reached out to him and touched his cheek with a nicotine stained finger.

That one touch let Kyle know that Maria was still buried in there somewhere, underneath years of abandonment, Maria DeLuca wasn't gone for good. He led her to the second bedroom furnished only with a twin bed and a nightstand. He left the room and returned with a pair of Tess's pajamas from his own bedroom.

"These will fit you," he handed her the royal blue silk.

"Tess." Maria smiled at him causing him to blush.

He had told Maria about him and Tess more than six months ago, but it had been in a drug-induced state and he didn't think she'd even heard anything he had told her let alone retained it. He was wrong.

"Yeah, they're hers." He smiled. His smile faded when he saw the tremor in her hands, the blue silk rippling like water in her hands. "Do you need some help?"

She nodded as tears washed down her face. Kyle took the photo album from her hand and set it on the nightstand. He reached in back of her and unzipped the dress letting it fall to the floor. She stood nude before him, her shoulders hunched over; bones jutting out where deep flesh should be on her thin frame. He slid the top on her over her head and then helped her step into the bottoms.

As small of a woman as Tess was, the silk hung on Maria. He pulled back the blankets on the bed and helped her underneath them after turning on the small bedside lamp. He kissed her forehead and walked out of the room, closing the door behind him.

Kyle paced the living room and eventually made his way to the kitchen where he popped open a bottle of beer and drank half of it down. He called Tess and left a message on her machine, then his dad. His dad answered the phone on the first ring.

"Is Amy home?" Kyle asked speaking of his dad's long time live-in girlfriend.

"Yes…"

"Okay, I just wanted to let you know that Maria's here with me at my place. I think she's going to be staying here for awhile. Let Amy know she's okay."

* * *

"I guess you're not going to be sticking around here, huh?" Isabel asked joining Michael and her husband.

"No," Michael shook his head. "I think this was one reunion I could have passed on."

"Why don't we get out of here?" Isabel asked with a wicked grin on her face. "We can go back to our place or something?" She looked to her husband and then took his hand.

"I think I'll just go back to the hotel…"

"Forget it," Alex shook his head as Tess walked up. "Don't go after her tonight."

"She's with Kyle," Tess joined the conversation. "He'll take care of her."

Michael looked at Alex. "Do you really think-"

"Yes," Alex, Isabel and Tess answered at the same time.

Michael smiled. Something he wasn't sure he'd be able to do in light of the evening's events. "Alright." He nodded. "To the Whitman's?"

"Can I get a ride from someone?" Tess blushed. "I came with Kyle and well…"

"Oh give it a rest Tess, we know about you and Kyle." Isabel rolled her eyes. "Only Max and Liz don't. Okay?"

Tess blushed again and walked next to Michael on the way out of the gymnasium in back of the handholding Whitmans.

"He will take care of her, you know that right?" Tess looked up to Michael while trying to match his strides.

He nodded and slowed down. "I know, but…"

"A lot has changed since you left Roswell, Michael. Not everything can be fixed with a witty comeback or a cute smile. Some things will take time."

Time, Michael mused, at least that's something I have plenty of.
* * *

Chapter Thirteen


Kyle paced the living room after hanging up with his dad. He finished his beer and wondered if he was going to be able to do this or not. He didn't know the first thing about taking care of someone of who couldn't take care of their self. Maybe he had gotten in over his head with this endeavor. The bad ass show he had put on at the apartment building was exactly that, a show. This was real. This was real life. Maybe he was taking on too much.

"Fuck that," he said out loud. "It's Maria."

Michael. Michael Guerin had returned to Roswell and had vowed to do everything he could for Maria. Kyle knew how much he still loved her and maybe Michael was exactly what she needed to pull herself together. Maybe. Kyle knew it wasn't just the actual leaving that sent Maria into another world, he didn't blame it on Michael. But he knew Maria did.

He walked back to the second bedroom and pushed the door open. The lamp was on, Maria was still under the blankets and in her lap was the treasured photo album. Her bony hand was touching a picture. Her hair was pulled back off her face in a lazy ponytail, Kyle wondered briefly where the rubberband had come from. With her hair off her face, her gaunt cheeks were more noticeable and her eyes, he hated to look at her eyes. The dark circles seemed tattooed on.

He stepped closer to her before she realized he was there. In a fast motion, she closed the book and put it under the blankets.

"Maria," he sat on the edge of the bed and touched her leg. "How are you feeling?"

"Stupid," she shrugged and wiped at her nose with the cuff of her pajama top.

"Don't feel stupid, you're not stupid." He smiled and squeezed her thigh. He fought a cringe when he felt bone beneath the thin layer of skin. "What were you looking at?"

"Pictures."

"Of what?" He prodded and wondered if she was lucid enough to follow the conversation. As he'd learned in the past, Maria DeLuca could be a great actress.

"Past." She brought the album back out and opened it up on her lap.

Kyle scooted up next to her and smiled at the pictures of a much younger Maria and Liz Parker. Freshman year. He looked at the picture before him and then the woman next to him and wondered how one person could fall so far.

She turned the pages for him while Kyle smiled and pointed and sometimes laughed. He had never seen some of the pictures before and was amazed what good condition they were in. When everything else in Maria's life turned to shit, the photo album was in mint condition.

The Michael-era pictures began to surface and Kyle noticed the tremor in her hands return. He held one as she flipped pages with the other.

"Bastard," she whispered and slammed the book shut on a picture of her and Michael taken sometime during their senior year. She slid the album back under the blankets and then followed it. She pulled the blankets up to her chin.

"Maria-"

"He's here," she nodded as her whole body began to rock. "He's here and no one told me."

"I didn't want to get you upset…" Kyle knew the excuse sounded weak because it was weak. "He wants to see you."

She shook her head vehemently and tried to talk. Her words were lost in heart wrenching sobs. Kyle slid down next to her and wrapped his arms around her. In an unsafe world with an unstable mind, he wanted to make sure Maria DeLuca understood that he was there for her.

* * *

Michael got lost in his own mind as the small group of friends around him chatted on about old times. About high school times. He noticed early on that Maria's name was used sparingly. He couldn't imagine a high school story, good or bad, without having Maria centered in it. He knew why her name wasn't being used as much as it should have been and he thought those around him were the best for trying to be considerate. But unfortunately none of that mattered right now. The only thing that mattered was Maria DeLuca.

"Is that how she is most of the time?" He interrupted Tess. He didn't know what she was saying, just that she was speaking. He didn't really care what she was saying. "Maria. Is she always like that?"

Isabel and her husband exchanged a brief glance between them before Isabel nodded. "We tried to warn you."

"She's a mess." Michael stated the obvious. "I know you guys are trying to skirt around what happened tonight, but I can't deal anymore." He stood up and sighed. "I have to go, okay? Will someone drive me back to my hotel?"

"Take my car," Isabel picked up her keys from a side table and tossed them to him. "Take Tess home & I'll pick the car up tomorrow." She stood and walked to him then wrapped her slender arms around his neck. Her mouth close to his ear. "Don't try to be a hero Michael, okay?"

He shrugged. "Who knows, maybe I am a hero in the shape of a bastard." As he said it, he heard Maria and felt the sting of her hand on his face. Bastard .

"You can't save her!" Isabel stepped back from him. "No one can save her but her. No one will accept that!" She looked over her shoulder at her husband. "Not you either! You've been blaming Michael for the last fucking decade too! It's not his fault. Maria made a choice to live the way she does and she has to be the one to make the choice to come back from it."

"Isabel…" Alex stood and touched his wife's arm. "We know that, and do I blame Michael?" he shrugged. "I think we all do in some form or another, even you."

Isabel shook her head. "Don't jump back on the bandwagon Alex. That's crap and you know it."

"I'm just saying that-"

"Listen, thanks guys for a memorable evening. Tess?" Michael looked to the blond still seated on the couch. "Ready?" She stood obediently. "Iz, call me when you're going to come get your car." He kissed the corner of her mouth and then offered his hand to Alex who shook it without comment.

Michael walked from the front door with Tess at his side. He opened the passenger door for her and then walked around the car swearing under his breath. He got in and started the engine.

"You're not taking me straight home, are you?" Tess asked innocently.

He shook his head slowly and gunned Isabel's car down the street.

* * *

Chapter Fourteen


Michael cruised through streets that were almost familiar to him. He avoided the constant stares from Tess until he didn't have a choice but to look at her at a stoplight.

"Which way, I can't remember."

"Right," she said with a sigh. "But if you want my opinion, this is not the best idea in the world right now. I mean tonight."

"Right," Michael turned the blinker on. "And I do appreciate your opinion Tess, except right now. Right now all I want to do is see Maria."

"Michael," she touched his thigh. "Maria's not exactly-"

"I know she's not the same Maria I left behind. I am perfectly aware of that. I am also aware that most people blame me in some way, shape or form. And yet, I just can't seem to care about that."

"May I finish?" Her normally docile voice was tweaked with annoyance.

"You may, I'm sorry." Michael eased up on the accelerator. The neighborhood was looking rougher so he knew they had to be close to Maria's apartment.

"Maria's not exactly in this world," she sighed. "I know Kyle's told you the horror stories about her and I'm sure you're probably picturing them not quite as bad as they were. Maybe Kyle even gave you a prettier picture, I don't know. Well, Mr. Guerin, I have news for you. They are that bad, worse."

"Tess-"

"Holding her hair away from her face while she vomited up whatever crap she had put in her body is not a fun way to spend a night," Tess spoke bitterly; she spoke from experience. "Visiting her in the hospital after one of the great guys she dates beat the hell out of her is heartbreaking. Seeing what vile things she has, or others, have done to her body would make you gag. She needs serious help, Michael."

"I want to help," he said slowly.

"You damn well better because if you left again, I think it would kill her." She ended looking out the window. "It's the next block up."

"Why aren't you stopping me?" He asked as the decrepit apartment building came into view.

"Because maybe with you here, Maria might get her act together. She might take charge of what the hell her life has become. I believe in you Michael, so does Isabel and Kyle." She nodded and pointed to the building as he slid the car into park. "I think what happened tonight needed to happen. Maybe having you back in Roswell is exactly what Maria needs. If for no other reason than her own damn pride." She got out of the car without warning.

Michael pursed his lips and smiled after the small blond in her short blue dress and spiked heels. He got out of the car and followed her into the building. He stood in back of Tess as she raised her hand to knock on the first door inside. She stopped and looked at the lock. Michael followed her gaze; alarm ran through him. He pushed the door opened and barreled in.

"Maria!" He called out to the empty apartment. He looked around the barren emptiness and knew in an instant that no matter what or who had been in here, it was always empty.
He walked from the main room to the bedroom. Looking at the disheveled bed, he reached for the pillow and held it against him. He could smell Maria mixed with alcohol. He inhaled again before dropping the pillow. He returned to the main room to find Tess with a cell phone pressed up to her ear.

She held up a finger to him and then turned the phone off. "I checked my machine, they’re at Kyle's. Maria got evicted."

"Fine, let's go to Kyle's then. Tell me how to get there."

Tess sighed and rattled off directions as they got back in Isabel's car.

* * *

Kyle smoothed her hair and kissed a gaunt cheek. "It's okay Maria. Everything's going to be okay."

"Bastard," she whispered and looked at Kyle with a wet tear stained face. Her cheeks were red, almost raw. Her lips were tight, her sorrow abundant.

"Sweetheart-"

"You can't make me see him," she shook her head. "You can't…"

"I won't make you do anything you don't want," he promised. "Just rest tonight Maria, okay? You're safe here with me. You know I won't let anything happen to you, right?"

She nodded the nod of an understanding child. Kyle kissed her forehead as he let her go. He knew whatever she was on was going to eventually force her into a deep sleep; it always did. He turned off the bedside lamp and walked to the door, with a last look at her, he walked back into the sanctity of normalcy.

Shaking his head with the same disillusions as before, he wondered how he'd ever be able to do this. He had Tess to help and he knew she would. Tess Harding was good at heart and although she may have a standoffish exterior, the Tess he knew and loved would give the shirt off her back to help someone.

Through all the Maria-shit he had subjected her to over the last few years; she never backed down. Even before they were dating, Tess was still there. He remembered the nights that Maria had gotten into trouble or arrested or was left deserted somewhere. Tess was always there to help. He couldn't count the number of times that Tess had to help Maria in the shower to get off whatever was on her or to try to sober her up. Dependable.

That's one of the reasons that he fell in love with her. He shook his head thinking about the shell of a woman who lie in his spare bedroom. The shell of someone he used to know. The shell that would be filled again with life.

A soft knock at the front door jerked him back into reality. He opened the door and saw the woman he had been thinking about only minutes before with the man he still considered a friend. He looked nervously over his shoulder but didn't let them in. "What are you doing here?"

"Where is she?" Michael asked without the contempt he was expecting.

"Sleeping," Kyle sighed and let them in. "So keep your voices down."

"Is she okay?" Tess asked after a chaste kiss to Kyle's lips.

He shrugged and shook his head. "I don't know. All I know is she got evicted and I brought her here and here is where she's going to stay."

Michael nodded but couldn't help to cast glances down the darkened hallway.

"How did you get out of Isabel's clasp anyway?" Kyle asked trying to hold back a grin. "I mean, she's been dominating you since you got back."

"I told her I was going back to the hotel." He shrugged and wondered if either Isabel or Alex had believed him. He wouldn't have if he were in their shoes.

The phone rang and Kyle lunged for it. The one sided conversation was enough to let Michael and Tess know it was Isabel on the other line. "I know…They're both here…Right, Maria got evicted...Here…Hell yes…Hold on." He handed the phone to Michael like it was on fire.

"Isabel," Michael said into the phone.

"What the hell is going on? Do you want me to come over?" The panic in her voice was unsettling.

"No, everything's okay. Tess and I just got here and Maria's here." He looked at Kyle. "She's safe here with Kyle. I won't do anything stupid, I promise."

"Not tonight Michael. Wait until she's straight, okay? There's still a little of the old Maria DeLuca in there, but not when she's strung out."

"I'll wait," He sighed into the phone. "Someone told me not to be a hero; who knows, I might listen."

"Or you might not." Her disdain dripped through the phone. "I'm taking you out to lunch tomorrow, don't argue. I'll be at your hotel at noon. Be ready."

Before Michael could answer a dial tone was blaring in his ear. He handed the phone back to Kyle. "How is she? Seriously?"

"Seriously freaked," Kyle answered. "Whoever told you not to be a hero was dead on."

"He's right, Maria doesn't need a hero," Tess looked up at Michael and touched his hand. "She's needs a White Knight."

* * *

Chapter Fifteen


Michael looked at Tess with confusion in his eyes. "What's the difference between a hero and a White Knight?" He asked trying to push away the absurdity of the question.

"A hero is someone in a cape who swoops in and saves the day," Tess explained. "A White knight is someone who rides the horse in and takes the maiden away from her troubles to a happily ever after. Sort of."

"So," Michael smiled at the explanation. "You're saying that I should pack Maria up and take her away?"

"No." Kyle shook his head. "That's not what she's saying. Not at all. No one is taking Maria anywhere."

"Figuratively," Tess rolled her eyes. "Damn it, I don't know why I even said anything at all. She needs more than a White Knight." Tess shook her head. "She needs a lot of things. But she doesn't need a hero. Whoever told you that was right."
"Isabel," Michael said absently and caught a look from Tess to Kyle he wasn't sure he was supposed to.

"You can't save her alone Michael, I've already told you that and I'm sure the others have too." Kyle sighed. "You have to believe me when I tell you this, I do think that you'll be able to help her. I do. But you have to give her some time."

"I have time," Michael answered.

"Good." Kyle shook his head.

Michael looked from Tess to Kyle. He looked tired. "You were paying her rent, right? That's what Alex said last night. The reason she hadn't got evicted was because you made sure of it. What happened?"

"For the last two months I gave her the cash for rent," Kyle shook his head in disgust. Disgust with himself. "Remember when I said things were looking better? Well, apparently they weren't. I trusted her to pay her rent with the money and she apparently blew it."

Tess slipped her arm around his waist. "I believed her too, Kyle."

He turned to Tess and kissed her cheek while giving her a half hug. "I won't be fooled again, that's why she's staying here. Indefinitely."

"You're going to take care of her?" Michael asked almost wistfully.

"Yeah, I'm going to take care of her." He nodded filled with a new sense of responsibility. "But I'm going to need some help." He looked to the woman next to him and got a smile for an answer.

"I'll help. You know I'll help. Right?" Michael said too eagerly to please himself.

"You are going to stick around Roswell, right Guerin?"

"I'm not leaving. I promise." He cast another glance down the hallway. "So, she's sleeping?"

"Probably," Kyle nodded and then changed the gesture into a shake. "Michael…"

"Just let me see her, okay? I won't disturb her, I just want to see her. I need to see her."

"I don't know…"

"Please." Michael felt his words close to the border of begging. He didn't care.

Kyle nodded and let go of Tess. He walked down the short hallway with Michael on his heels. He turned on a dim hall light, just enough to see by. Opening the door letting the dim light wash over the room, he stepped in and motioned for Michael to wait. He stood next to the bed and looked down into the sleeping face of Maria DeLuca. So innocent and unafraid. At peace when she was at rest. The dark circles were still prominent in the dimly lit room, one was now obviously darker than the other was, and he sighed knowing it was a bruise.

He swore to himself that if he ever got his hands on the people that took advantage of Maria…Kyle didn't finish his thought, instead he looked at Michael and beckoned him into the room.

Michael took a deep breath and walked as quietly as he could to stand next to Kyle. He looked down into the sleeping face of Maria DeLuca and reached a hand to touch her. Kyle grabbed his hand and pulled it back shaking his head.

Michael let out a breath he hadn't known he was holding and nodded. His brow furrowed, his heart on his sleeve. With pursed lips he watched the rise and fall of her chest under the blankets. The slow even breathing of sleep. He saw the darkness around her eyes, he imagined the discoloration on the upper rim of her eyelids was red. Her once full cheeks were gaunt and shallow. He studied every curve in her face and he knew in a heartbeat how much he still loved her.

The men, the drugs, the mess she'd made of her life. None of that mattered to Michael Guerin. Deep within the armor sleeping in front of him was Maria DeLuca, the girl he had once loved. The woman he still loved. The only woman he would ever love.

Ten years ago he had made a mistake and walked away from her. Now, this time, it was going to take a bullet in his head to make him leave her whether she wanted him there or not. He bent his head quickly and brushed his lips over her clammy forehead.

"Bastard," Maria mumbled in her sleep.

Michael jerked away and Kyle led him from the bedroom. He closed the door behind them and faced Michael. "What the hell was that? What were you doing?"

"She called me a bastard even in her sleep." Michael smiled bitterly ignoring the accusatory glare.

"That's all she ever calls you," Kyle ran his hands through his hair and let out a deep breath. "I told you she hasn't said your name for years; that's what she refers to you as."

"Oh."

"Man, I didn't want to tell you that. Fuck! I didn't want to tell you anything, okay? I mean I know you've always wanted to know about her over the years and even now, but there's so much you don't know. She's been to hell and back and she's scarred."

"I don't have to know anything else, Kyle." He shook his head slowly as the two men walked back into the living room. "None of that matters to me. All that matters is that she comes back. With or without me in her life, I can't fail her again. I won't fail her. She's in there and I won't stop until she's free."

"Do you have any idea what this means? It's going to be hard and she might not ever want to see you again." Kyle shook his head. "I don't know what to do. Okay? This is a new thing for me." He looked at Michael and wondered if the pleading in his voice was as severe as the pleading in his heart.

"Let me help you Kyle. Let me help you bring Maria DeLuca back to life," Michael ached at the sincerity of his own words.

Kyle nodded filled with the knowledge that he was going to need all the help he could get. "She doesn't want to see you, she did tell me that a little while ago." He shrugged and tried to ignore the hurt he had just placed in Michael's eyes. "She's strung out on something, Michael. Let her be tonight. Tomorrow could be different."

Michael nodded knowing that the only thing different about tomorrow was that it had a different name. From the hate he had witnessed in Maria at the reunion, he knew it was going to take more than just another day. He was ready and willing to wait. He wouldn't leave her. Not again.

"Do you want a ride home?" Michael looked at Tess and then smiled. "No, I guess you're probably going to spend the night, huh?"

"Yeah, but thank you anyway." Tess smiled and reached her arms up to Michael's neck pulling him down to her to kiss his cheek. "I'm glad you're back too." She stepped back to Kyle and slid her arm through his.

Michael took in the way she looked at Kyle and saw there was something strong between them. Something that couldn't be put into words. A feeling he used to know that was now unfamiliar. He nodded to them both before stepping out of the house. The walk to Isabel's car was painful; with constant looks over his shoulder at the house where Maria was sleeping.

Bastard. The sting of the word wasn't lost on Michael as he revved the engine to life. He drove to the hotel he was going to call home for awhile and climbed the steps to his room.

* * *

Chapter Sixteen

Michael pulled into the parking lot of his hotel before he realized he was even driving. The sight and sound of a broken woman were heavy on his heart and mind. He parked next to his truck and not so gracefully kicked the wheel before trudging up the steps to his room.

Running his hands through his hair as he walked the stairs, opening the door with his key card while he unbuttoned his shirt. By the time he got inside, his shirt was unbuttoned and untucked.

With a fluid movement, he picked up an ashtray and slammed it against the wall. The glass shattered. Pounding on the wall from the next room didn't get a reaction out of Michael more than giving it the finger. He knew he could destroy whoever was impeding his display of self-pity with the flip of his wrist but now wasn't the right time. It was never truly the right time.

He let his shirt slide to the floor and kicked his shoes off with a vengeance into the closet door knowing that taking his aggression out on an innocent pair of shoes wasn't going to help anything; but they were accessible.

He turned off the light by the bed and sat down in the coolness of a room he was growing to hate. He made a promise to himself that tomorrow he would make sure Isabel started trying to find him somewhere more permanent to stay. Michael Guerin wasn't leaving Roswell anytime soon. Maybe ever. That all depended on the woman who hated him.

* * *

Tess sidled up next to Kyle and led him to the couch. With a nervous glance down the hallway, he sat next to her and let out a deep breath.

"You're taking on an awful lot, you know that though." Tess ran her hand through his hair and kicked off her heels; she curled her legs up under her.

"I have to Tess," Kyle smiled. "I have to take care of her. She doesn't trust anyone else, except for Liz, and sometimes Liz isn't exactly as helpful as she thinks she is."

Tess rolled her eyes. "I know, but still…"

"Sweetheart, it's Maria. She's the closest thing I have to a sister. That I'll ever have, unless, God forbid, the parents get knocked up." He shuddered. "This has been going on for too long to let it last any longer. Michael's here-"

"He'll help her," she nodded interrupting him. "You know that, right?"

"I know he wants to try and frankly, I hope she'll eventually come around and let him." He looked at her as a smile crept across his lips. "I'm lucky, you know that?"

"Yeah," she smiled coyly at him. "Me too. You know, I can get off work for a few days and stay here with her, Max won't care."

"I thought about that. I'm going to have to be here, work can deal without me there for a few days. I do have vacation time saved up." He shook his head wondering how his boss at the clinic would react to the news that one of his physical therapists just wasn't going to be there for awhile. He shrugged. Something's were more important. Maria was more important. "Screw it, they can fire me."

A moan from the hallway got both of their attention. Within seconds Kyle was running through the house. He threw open the door to the second bedroom. The bed was empty. The blankets were pushed back and Maria was gone.

"Oh fuck." He took a deep breath. The moan came again and Kyle saw bare pale feet peeking out from the opposite corner of the bed on the floor. "Maria!" He dropped to his knees and saw her.

With hair in her face and knees tucked up under her chin, Maria sat on the floor rocking back and forth. Tears streamed down her face. Kyle wrapped his arms around her.

"Maria," he whispered into her hair and then kissed it. "What are you doing?"

She shook her head as she quit rocking. She looked at Kyle through watery eyes. "I didn't know where I was."

He smiled at the normalcy of the statement. Through the tears and rough exterior, Maria sounded coherent. He smoothed down her hair and sighed. "You're home, my home."

"Right," she smiled and wiped away tears with the sleeve of her pajama top. She laughed quietly and shook her head. "Thank you."

He nodded and kissed her forehead. Kyle stood and then took her hand helping her stand. "Go back to bed, you need the sleep."

Maria looked at him and nodded as she climbed back under the blankets. Her deep eyes, with the pupils still large, stared at him and Kyle felt a sense of liability. Forcing a smile of comfort to hide the anxiety, Kyle bent over her and kissed the corner of her mouth.

"Stay with me." Maria's voice was pleading. Her eyes so scared.

Kyle looked to the open door and then back at the person he was going to help or die trying.

"I'll be right back, okay?" He got off the bed and looked at her, then pointed. "Stay on the bed, okay?" He smiled wider when he saw her eyes light up.

He walked with trepidation from the small room, he found Tess still on the couch, an anxious expression on her face. He stood before her and let out a deep breath. "She wants me to stay with her tonight. Do you…?"

"Mind?" Tess asked while shaking her head. "Of course I don't mind. Keep her safe Kyle, okay? I think you're the only one she knows she can count on right now." She stood and kissed his lips. "I'll be in your room."

Kyle watched his girlfriend walk down the hall and into his bedroom. He followed her and stayed long enough to change out of reunion clothes and into a T-shirt and a pair of shorts. With a chaste kiss to her forehead Kyle said goodnight and returned to his charge.

He laid down on top of the blankets that Maria was underneath. He felt her shift and then rest her head on his chest. He put his arm around her as they both eventually drifted off to sleep.

* * *

Laughing. He could see her smile light up an entire room. Her laugh was the trigger that set everything in motion. Holding her in his arms and telling her he loved her. Telling her he'd always be there for her. Lying to her.

She was so young; her face held nothing but the innocence of youth and young love and excitement for the future. He touched her chin and then kissed her lips tasting fruity lip-gloss.

"We start a new life now," she whispered in his ear knocking his graduation cap sideways on his head. "The real world."

"Together," he held her hand and brought it to his lips kissing each knuckle. "Big party tonight, huh?"

"Yeah," she smiled. "Pick you up at seven?"

He nodded and walked away from her.

Michael sat up straight. The dream was always the same. Images of Maria laughing and happy. Then the final words that were spoken between them. The dream was fairly regular for the first few years he was gone then it began to fade away until it's visits dwindled into near oblivion. The phone call from the Reunion Committee had brought the dream back to the surface.

"Damn," he ran his hands through his hair and wondered how Maria was. He fought the urge to call Kyle's; he knew the hotel number and Michael was confident he'd call if there were a problem. Besides, Maria had already told Kyle she didn't want to see him.

Bastard. Even in her sleep she calls me a bastard, Michael rubbed his eyes with his palms. Even in her fucking sleep.

"Maria," he said her name as he fell back on the bed and pulled the covers over his head. "Let me help you. Please let me help you."

* * *


Chapter Seventeen

Kyle woke up and looked at the sleeping body next to him as he remembered who was there and why. At some point during the night, Maria had turned away from him; the length of her body against his.

"Maria," he whispered her name. Nothing.

Kyle let out a breath and wondered what happened next. It had been easy to bring her to his home and make promises to take care of her the night before. Now the sun was up, it was a new day and Kyle Valenti felt incompetent. There had only been seconds of doubt about taking this endeavor on and zero seconds of thought about how he was going to actually do it.

First things first. He knew he couldn't leave her alone. He didn't trust her not to make a run for it. Not yet. He felt her body shift and looked back down at her noticing the severe crick in his neck he had gotten from sleeping crooked. When she smiled at him he was filled with the confidence of completion.
"Hi," she yawned and covered her mouth. Her hand absently touched the discoloration around her eye.

"Hi yourself," Kyle nodded. "How are you feeling?"

She shrugged and struggled under the blankets to sit up. "Like I should be clawing my skin off, kind of." She looked around the room as if seeing it for the first time. "This is your place."

Kyle nodded wondering what else about the previous night she might have forgotten.

"Last night…" She trailed off as some form of remembrance shown on her face. "You brought me here." She looked down at the royal blue silk that she was clad in. "Tess."

Kyle nodded and urged her to continue with his eyes.

Her eyes shifted around the sun-lightened room and stopped at a pile of dim pale fabric on the floor. "My dress." She nodded as full realization hit her. "Bastard. He was there; he's here in town. Right?"

Kyle nodded as he felt her heartbeat quicken. He watched her as one would watch a rabid caged animal with an open door. Her next move…He couldn't even imagine what her next move might be.

"School," she shook her head once and then continually. "Class reunion! I was at the class reunion!" Her joyful explosion only lasted a few seconds. "He was there, wasn't he? I didn't dream him, not this time." A new day brought new tears. "He's here."

"He is sweetheart," Kyle slid his arm in back of her and squeezed her shoulder.

"Bastard," she smiled but it held no happiness. "Why's he here?"

Kyle tilted his head in obvious thought. She was acting too calm, aside from the tears, too rational. He was torn on what to tell her. The truth that Michael wanted to see her, to fix things with her was sounding like a bad idea. A lie about him only being in town for the class reunion would probably make her feel worthless, again.

"Kyle?" She faced him; her brows were knit together.

"I don't know." He shrugged. Not the truth, but not exactly a lie, he tried to convince himself.

"Okay, well. I should go home, you know. I have to work today."

"You don't have a job Maria and you don't have an apartment anymore."

"I don't?"

He shook his head. "Your things are in my car. You’re staying here, indefinitely."

"Right," she nodded and pulled the covers off of her. "Okay." She got out of bed and walked around it, picking her dress up off the floor. Under the dress was a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. She shook one out and lit it. "What the hell is going on, Kyle?" She twirled on him, her eyes wide. "What the fuck am I doing here?"

Kyle got off the bed and stood in front of her. "You're staying here. Period."

"What if I don't want to?" She exhaled slowly letting a trail of smoke stand between them.

"I don't care," he ran his hands through his sleep tousled hair. "Matter of fact Maria, I don't give a shit if you fight me on this or not. I'm not taking a backseat to anything anymore."

She narrowed her eyes at him. "Backseat?"

"Yeah, a backseat to watching you throw your life away. It's done."

"Done?" She questioned, anger in her tone.

"Yeah, done. I will do everything in my freaking power to get you better."

"Oh yeah? What if I don't-"

"Want to get better?" He laughed bitterly. "Oh I think you do. I won't be alone here Maria. There are a few more people out there who have waiting around for a long freaking time for you to come back. For you to take care of yourself and this time? There is no backing down."

"You can't keep me here." She tapped her cigarette ashes into an empty vase on the nightstand.

"Do you want to watch me?"

She shrugged and turned towards the door. Without a movement Kyle didn't think she was capable of, she ran out of the room and down the hall.

"Shit," Kyle followed her and caught her as she was opening the front door. Picking her up around the waist he carried her back to the bedroom and gently set her on the bed. He took the cigarette from her hand and walked across the hall to the bathroom. He flushed the offending butt and stormed back in. "I don't want anyone to smoke in my house."

"I don't have to stay," she tried to walk past him.

"Yeah, you do." He grabbed her again by the waist and picked her up. His thumbs dug into her ribs like they would an emaciated animal. He set her on the bed and held her hands out in front of her.

With wounded eyes she looked up at him. Her voice barely rising above a whisper. "Help me."

* * *

Michael felt himself coming out of a deep sleep he had eventually swam into at some point during the night. Without opening his eyes he pushed the blankets down to his waist and sighed. Another day. Another day.

Visions of Maria lying in bed at Kyle's danced in his consciousness as his lids slowly opened. In the darkened room it took him a few seconds to adjust his vision and focus on what was above him. A face.

"Good morning!" Isabel looked down on him, her face inches from his. She kissed his lips and stood up with her hands on her hips.

"Oh God," Michael covered his eyes with his hands. "Why?"

"It's noon, I had to let myself in." She raised her eyebrows as she raised her voice. "We have a lunch date, remember? What is the deal with you sleeping all the time?"

Michael shrugged and squeezed his eyes closed as the bedside light was turned on. "Noon?" He mumbled as alarm raced through him. He sat upright gaining a head rush and looked at Isabel. "Noon."

"Lunch."

He reached for the phone and dialed a number he didn't know he had memorized. He ignored Isabel's questioning stare and waited for someone, anyone, to answer the phone.

* * *

Chapter Eighteen

Kyle looked down into her eyes and wondered, no, prayed that Maria was being sincere. He touched the top of her head and brushed his thumb over her forehead.

The phone ringing in the other room caught his attention. He had a pretty good idea who was on the other end. Glancing down at his watch he was surprised it was so late and even more surprised that the suspected caller had waited so long.

"I'll be right back," he told Maria as he walked to the door. He turned back at her over his shoulder. "Don't move." He waited until she nodded before striding into the kitchen for the nearest phone. "Hello."

"How is she?" It was Michael, Kyle had been right.

"We just got up so…" Kyle nodded to himself unable to come up with answers. "I don't know Michael." He weighed the option of telling him what had transpired minutes ago or not. He went with the latter, for now at least. "It's still early."

"Early," Michael laughed into the phone. "If anything it's late. I hope it's not too late. Seriously Kyle, how is she?"

"I don't know," Kyle repeated and glanced out of the kitchen. He didn't see anything out of the ordinary and became pleased that Maria had listened to him. He saw a note on the table from Tess telling him she called Max and he picked her up for work and that she'd call after noon to check on Maria. She had drawn a heart next to his name. As Kyle remembered how grateful he was for Tess to be so understanding, he tuned out Michael.

"Are you even fucking listening to me?" Michael shouted into the phone.

Kyle sighed and then lied. "Yeah, I'm listening."

"So I can then?"

"Can what?"

"So I can come over. I really need to talk to her, Kyle." Michael's annoyance flew out of the phone.

"No you can't come over."

"I have to explain to her why I left, okay? I have to do it and I have to do it soon."

"Not today," he caught of some movement behind him and twirled around. A flash of blue? He wasn't sure. "Fuck."

"What's wrong. Maria?"

Kyle stood still and listened. Barely a sound in the quietness of the day. The hum from the fish tank filter in the living room, ticking from a clock on the wall above him, the click of the front door closing. "Fuck!" He dropped the phone and bolted to the front door. "Fuck!"

* * *
"Kyle!" Michael yelled into the phone as he threw the blankets off of him. "Kyle!"

"What's wrong?" Isabel grabbed his arm as he dropped the phone and grabbed a pair of jeans from the chair. "Michael?"
He put on boots without tying them and slipped a T-shirt over his head before answering her. "We have to get to Kyle's. Now!"

"What is it?" She demanded, panic in her voice.

"Maria." Michael headed for the door with Isabel on his heels.
They ran to Isabel's car and got in with Isabel behind the wheel. She backed out of the parking spot and squealed the tires as they roared out of the parking lot.

"Tell me Michael." She pressed as she sped down the boulevard.

"Maria's at Kyle's house," he ran his hand through his hair. "He said 'fuck' and dropped the phone. I think something happened to her."

"She's at Kyle's," Isabel said slowly and nodded. "Good."

"She got evicted from the apartment and Kyle took her home. He said he's going to take care of her."

Isabel let out a deep breath.

"What?" Michael snapped at her.

"I'm glad that he's stepping up to do the right thing." She shrugged and took a left turn on a red light ignoring the honking from cut-off motorists. "It's about time someone did."

"I came back-" Michael started but was interrupted.

"Yeah, I know you came back. We all know you came back. Me personally, I'm happy as hell because I missed the shit out of you. But Maria needs more than just you coming back."

Michael nodded in agreement. "I'm going to try to help."

She reached into her purse and dug out a pack of gum and handed it to him. "I know you're going to try and I hope you can do it. Start with your breath, we'll work on the rest later."

Michael smiled and took the gum. "I need to find a place to stay, you know, of a more permanent thing..."

"I know," she smiled and blew through a stop sign. "I already started looking this morning."

* * *

Maria ran from the house and around the back of it. The sun was high and she knew she couldn't hide too well in the flashy royal blue of the pajamas she was wearing. She looked in either direction and tried to remember which way would take her to her apartment. Take her away from here.

"Maria!"

She heard Kyle calling her from the front of the house. Kyle, sweet Kyle. She knew he was trying to help and she felt bad for her actions. Kind of. Maria DeLuca realized she hadn't felt bad about much in a long time.

She ran through the shallow woods at the back of Kyle's property hoping it would lead her to the main road and the way back to her life.

* * *

Kyle ran his hands through his hair, perspiration breaking out on his brow.

"Maria!" He yelled at the emptiness in front of him. He ran to the edge of the yard and stared down in each direction. Nothing. "Fuck!"

He twirled around and wondered if she'd go through the woods, he couldn't think. Maria had proved she was capable of anything at this point. He shook his head and ran down the block one way and then back past his house in the other direction. Nothing.

"Maria!" He screamed her name while his heart raced. He was scared and he was pissed. Not pissed at Maria, but at himself. He knew better than to leave her alone; but he fell for her wounded puppy act. Again. "Damn."

* * *

Isabel and Michael rode in silence as they neared Kyle's. She looked over at him and noticed his fists were clenched tight in his lap.

Michael kept his fists tight; the feeling of the pressure seemed to relax him somehow. He looked from side to side across the street wondering what he was looking for. It was almost too late when he saw it. A flash of blue on the side of the road. A tangle of blond hair.

"There!" He shouted and pointed, his other hand already on the door release.

Isabel looked and slammed on the brakes as Maria DeLuca, in royal blue pajamas, turned around and ran away from the road. The car rested on the shoulder in a garden of gravel and weeds and Michael was out of it within a second; Isabel was on his heels.
* * *

Chapter Nineteen


Michael trampled through dirt, sand and weeds never taking his eyes of the blue in front of him by at least ten yards. He felt Isabel right behind him and heard her panting.

"Maria!" He screamed her name and watched her stop running. He stopped with Isabel next to him, her hands on her knees and head down. "Maria." He said the name softer and stepped forward.

"She's going to run," Isabel whispered standing up straight next to Michael. "Michael…"

Michael walked slowly towards her; the skeleton of a woman with royal blue draped over her. As he neared her he forgot Isabel was with him. He forgot that Maria hated him. He forgot everything as he got close enough to look in her eyes; they were filled with fear. "Maria."

Maria stood frozen. Her gaze never wavering from Michael's face. Her breath coming out in sharp jagged sounds. Her arms trembling beneath the silk. She wanted to run but found her legs seemed like they were made of lead. She couldn't move.
In front of her was the man who had left her ten years ago. The man she blamed the deterioration of her life on. The man she hated. Bastard.

"Maria," Michael whispered as he neared her within ten feet. His brow furrowed, sweat formed on his upper lip. She was so close. "Maria." He reached his hand out to her before he had time to think.

Maria shook her head, her body swaying from side to side. Her eyes locked on the face of a bastard. "No."

"Please…" Michael said the word but didn't know what to follow it with. Please what? Please don't run? Please don't hate me? Please call me Michael? Please forgive me? Please come back to me? "Please."

Maria bowed her head as Michael and Isabel closed in on her. She took a deep breath before facing him again. He was so close she could smell him. She remembered the smell. She used to dream about the smell; she still dreamt about it. She shook her head slowly. "No."

Michael took a deep breath before narrowing the gap between them. When he was only a foot away she turned towards the woods. Without thinking he reached to her and grabbed her forearm.

"No!" She screamed and fought to get out of his clasp.

"Wait!" Michael didn't let go as she began to thrash her body from side to side trying to work her way out of the grip.

"Bastard!"

Michael tightened his grip on her arm, pulling the pajama top towards him. The three buttons holding it together popped off exposing her chest. Maria either didn't notice or didn't care.

"Maria." Isabel's stern voice caught her attention. Isabel extended her manicured hand to her and smiled when Maria took her hand. Isabel looked to Michael and nodded.

He let go of her and watched as Maria fell into Isabel knocking them both to the ground. Isabel wrapped her arms around her and bowed her forehead against Maria's hair.

Michael watched as the small woman shook. He could hear the sobs from her throat and knew they were because of him. Running his hands through his hair, he stepped back unsure of what to do next. She was right there, right in front of him. Right in front of him and she didn't want anything to do with him.

With a sudden bout of confidence, he strode to them and knelt on the ground beside Maria. He silently leaned in close while ignoring the warning stare from Isabel.

"I'm sorry," he whispered into Maria's ear. "I'm so sorry."

Maria didn't move as Michael said the words into her ear that she had longed to hear so long ago. It should have meant more to her, she realized, but at the moment it didn't mean a thing.

"You left me," she said the words into Isabel's shoulder before she knew it.

"I had to," his voice came out shaky.

Maria swung around to face him. "You left me!" Her voice rose with each word, she kept her hand clamped tightly onto Isabel's. "You left…" The words broke off into sobs.

"I'm sorry," Michael felt weak with his explanation. There was more he wanted to tell her. More he had to tell her. Words eluded him as he looked into the fearful and foreign eyes of Maria DeLuca. He didn’t break away from the gaze; he wouldn't run this time.

The years of agony and defeat were so obvious in her eyes. The troubled and horrible experiences of a decade were clear. Michael saw more that the outside world. He saw past the addictions. He saw past the abuse, both physical and mental. He saw the woman behind the pain and she was beautiful.

"Maria," the name rolled off his tongue as it had for so long. The name carried with it than just a name. It carried his heart. The heart that had been frozen for years was warming.

The trio turned towards the woods when they heard thrashing. Kyle was running towards them and his look identified him as not happy. He slowed as he neared them, his attention solely on Maria.

"What the fuck were you thinking?" His voice boomed down on her. "You scared the shit out of me!"

Maria looked up to him knowing the wounded animal look would get her no where. Not this time. She stood with Isabel's help and faced her protector. Her keeper.

"Damn!" Kyle ran his hands through his hair and turned around.

"Kyle," Maria let go of Isabel and reached a tentative hand towards Kyle. She tapped the back of his neck with her index finger until he turned around. "I'm sorry." She stood a broken woman in front of him. Her shirt hanging off of her, her breasts exposed in the sunlight.

"C'mere," he opened his arms to her and took her into them hugging her.

Isabel stood next to Michael as he gaped at the scene in front of them.

"I'm going to take her home," Kyle said over Maria's shoulder. "We have to work on a few ground rules."

Maria pushed away from him, her eyes suddenly bright. "Rules?"

"Yes Maria, rules." Kyle pulled the front flaps of her top together and then placed her hand over them for her.

She nodded like a child and pivoted towards Michael and faced him for a few seconds. She mouthed a word to him and him alone before walking away with Kyle. The word was a name and it was 'Michael'.

* * *

Chapter Twenty


Isabel touched Michael's arm. "C'mon."

Michael stared after Maria and Kyle as they disappeared into the woods. He didn't hear Isabel, but felt her hand on his arm. He looked deftly at her and tried to focus.

"Michael?" She said his name slowly and waved a hand in front of his face. "Michael."

He blinked rapidly and shook his head.

"Are you okay?" She asked, deep concern in her eyes.

"Are you seriously asking me if I'm okay?" Michael laughed but it was a bitter sound. "No I'm not okay, Isabel. Fuck!"

"Michael-"

"No," he held up his hand to her. "Don't try to sugarcoat anything, this is all bullshit. This is crap. How could you people let her get this way? She's like a fucking child!"

Heat raced up Isabel's neck. "Have you ever known me to 'sugarcoat' anything, Michael? I don't even bother to try. I've defended you, even though I still don't know your reasons for leaving, to everyone. But how dare you stroll back into town and accuse me, or anyone else, of letting Maria get the way she is now. I told you before, only one person let this happen and that's Maria."

"Someone should have stopped her," Michael softened his tone.

"We all tried Michael, it wasn't because of lack of effort." She narrowed her eyes at him. "But you have no right to stand there all high and mighty while coming down on everyone else. I never really blamed you, neither did Kyle or Tess, don't make me start now."

"It's been ten years…"

"Yeah, and it feels like forever to me," she sighed and closed her eyes. "Who do you think she came to first, Michael? Who do you think held her hand and let her cry after you left?"

Michael met her eyes in surprise. "You?"

"Yeah, it was me," she snorted. "The night you disappeared we were all so worried. I mean, Max and I for obvious reasons, but the others were scared too. Deep down I think Maria knew that nothing had happened to you, that you just left." She shrugged and shook her head. "But it didn't matter. I held her and let her cry and comforted her when no one else understood."

"But you?" Michael shook his head, the confusion obvious in his eyes.

"Do you really think I could turn her away? She was heartbroken, Michael." Isabel let out a deep breath. "I sat with her for hours why she tried to understand why you left. She could talk to me. She couldn't talk to Liz because Miss Parker was so damn absorbed in her own life she couldn't take two seconds out for anyone else, including her best friend. I was there and Kyle was there."

Michael opened his mouth to speak but the words wouldn't come.

"So Mr. Guerin, while you were off starting your new life in the City of Angels for whatever reason, I was here holding your fucking girlfriend while her world fell apart." She shook her head and sighed.

"I would have never thought she'd come to you."

"Yeah, well, me neither." She laughed. "But she did and I got sucked into her drama. I'm not complaining and I'm not trying to be a bitch. I love Maria, but after ten fucking years of cleaning up after her…It gets hard."

"Kyle-"

"Kyle is a saint. He'll never stop. It'll do her good to be with him." She looked towards the woods where Kyle and Maria had disappeared. "You'll do her good when she gives you a chance." She reached to him and took his hand. "Come on, let's get out of here."

"Where to?"

"Where do you think?"

* * *

"I can't believe you," Kyle scolded Maria with his arm wrapped around her shoulders. "What were you thinking?"

She shrugged against him. The bright light from the sun was making her eyes ache.

"Seriously Maria, where were you going?"

"Home." She whispered.

"You were at home. Your new home."

She shook her head as they trampled over brush and weeds.

"Yeah Maria, my home is now your home. I can't take it anymore, okay?" He sighed and shaded his eyes from the light. "I can't take seeing you like this anymore. You can't tell me your happy because I'd know you were lying. You can't tell me you like living the way you do because I know you better than that."

"Kyle." She said his name softly and waited until he looked down at her before speaking again. "Why is he here?"

He shook his head and faced forward again. "I don't know anything Maria. Okay? All I know is that I'm not giving up on you anymore. I know you're in there and I know you want out."

"But-"

"Screw it, I don't want to hear any excuses, okay?"

"It's not an excuse!" She broke away from him and stood up straight holding her pajama top together. "I'm just…" Big tears welled in her eyes. "I'm just scared."

Kyle held his arm out to her and she cradled against him. "Don't be scared Sweetheart. No one's going to let you down this time."

Maria nodded into his chest and wondered if what he was saying was true. She wasn't sure she could handle another let down in her life.

He escorted her into his home and made sure she was on the couch before going out to the car and retrieving some of her things. He brought in an armload of clothes and dropped them on the floor in front of the couch. The stench of stale smoke was overpowering.

"First thing we're going to do today is laundry, okay?" He kicked at the pile of fabric on the floor. "Then we're going sit down and figure out what we're going to do next."

"What do you mean?" She narrowed her eyes at him.

"Exactly what I said. I don't know what to do next Maria, I have no freaking idea." He plead honesty with her. "But we'll figure it out and we'll do it together."

"Can I take a shower first? Then I'll do my laundry, okay?" She stood up and waited for an answer.

He nodded and walked her to the bathroom. He watched as she stripped out of the ruined pajamas and turned on the water.

"I know the next thing we're going to do."

Maria looked over her bare shoulder at him expectantly.

"We're going to add about twenty pounds on you, you look like a freaking skeleton. How does BBQ sound for dinner?"

She smiled and nodded and stepped into the shower closing the curtain. He heard the knocking on the front door as she closed the bathroom door behind him. Maria wouldn't have much privacy from now on, a shower she could have.

When Kyle opened the front door he wasn't surprised to see the two visitors. He stepped on the porch and closed the front door.

"Is she okay?" Michael asked while running his hand through sweat soaked hair.

"She's okay," Kyle answered and looked at Isabel.

Michael caught the look and waited for an explanation. When he didn't get one, he felt his blood pressure rise. "What the hell is going on?"

"Michael-" Isabel touched his arm.

"What the hell was the look about? What is it you're not telling me?"

Kyle looked down then to Isabel who shook her head slightly at him.


* * *


Chapter Twenty One


Michael observed the less than candid look between two old friends. Two old friends who were sharing a secret.

"Someone better tell me what the hell is going on right fucking now." Michael said the words slow and deliberate.

"Michael," Isabel let out a sigh and touched his arm. "Why don't we-"

"No," he pulled his arm away from her, his eyes boring into hers. "Why don't you two tell me what the hell you're keeping from me."

"I should go check on Maria," Kyle looked longingly at the door.

"Like hell. I want answers. Right now." He ran his hands through his hair and waited, shifting his weight from one side to the other. "I have nothing but time."

Isabel shook her head and sighed. "This isn't right Michael. We shouldn't be the ones to tell you anything. I mean, you sure as hell aren't sharing with us why you left-"

"This isn't about me," he spoke behind clenched teeth. "This is about Maria."

"She wouldn't…" Kyle trailed off and closed his eyes. "It's not our place Iz."

"Ii don't give a damn what you think your place is," Michael spun around and faced his friend, fire looming in his eyes. "Kyle, you know how much I care, if anyone knows it's you. I won't fuck up again, I swear to you, but you have to let me in so I can try to understand what to do next. I know about all the heartache and drugs and men and none of that matters. What else happened? What are you keeping from me? If it's significant enough for you two to be hiding it, then it's important enough for me to know. I have to know. Especially if it will help me get her back."

"Get her back?" Isabel repeated slowly. "Is that was all this is about? Getting her back?"

Michael let out a deep breath and ran his hands through his hair resting them on top of his head. "I don't know. I miss her, okay? God I've missed her for so long. I just…I just need to talk to her."

"I don't know if you'll 'get her back', Michael." Isabel said. "It's been a long time and she's…"

"She's what?" Michael bated. "She's what? That's what I have to know. Tell me. Please, tell me."

"A few weeks after you left," Kyle looked at Isabel who nodded in return. "A few weeks after you left Maria tried to kill herself."

Michael leaned back against the porch railing, his head dropped to his chest.

"She almost succeeded," Isabel leaned next to him.

"What happened?" Michael's voice was hoarse; wetness brimmed on his eyelids. Complete devastation rocked his body.

"She took pills," Isabel draped her arm over Michael's shoulders. "A lot of pills. Kyle and I stopped by her house to check on her and there she was, in her room, dying."

"It was fucking horrible," Kyle added. "It was the single worst moment I can remember. Ever."

"We called Max and he…He brought her back," she shook her head. "Sometimes I wonder if that was the best thing to do. I think the life she's led since that day-"

"Are you saying you should have let her die?" Michael asked incredulously.

"She hasn't lived since that day Michael." Isabel stepped away from him and looked in the front window. "She hasn't wanted to."

Michael shook his head not believing what he was hearing. "How can you say that?"

"Isabel doesn't mean we should have watched her die," Kyle tried to amend the already bad situation. "But that was a turning point. Maria gave up. No one else knows about it, Guerin. Not her mom, or Liz, Alex or Tess."

He looked past Kyle to the closed front door. "I have to talk to her."

"That's not your decision to make!" Kyle stuffed his hands in his pockets.

"But I have to tell her…"

"Why you left her?" Isabel stood in front of him. "Tell me Michael, why did you leave all of us?"

He shook his head. "I have to tell Maria first."

"Damn it!" Isabel stomped her foot. "This is crazy. Kyle," she looked at him, "Get Maria, she's going to sit down with Michael and they're going to see what happens, okay?"

"Forget it," Kyle laughed. "She's got enough problems right now."

"I can help her," Michael's voice was barely above a whisper.

"Maybe you can, no, you probably can, but she has to want the help first. You can't just barge back into her life, like you've done, and expect a freaking miracle, I've already told you that. She's in a bad place and she has to want out of it before she'll accept help from you."

"Kyle's right," Isabel nodded. "Maria is the only one that can help Maria. Give her a little time, Michael. Give her a little time to find her place before turning everything upside down again."
"You do blame me," Michael saw the truth in one of his oldest friend's eyes.

"I guess in a way I do," she admitted. "Not like the others, though. I blame you for being selfish, not for what happened to, no, not for what Maria did to herself. I thought she was stronger."

"She was always so strong, she was my backbone." Michael trailed off, his attention became fixated on the window behind Isabel. "She…"

Isabel's brow furrowed as she followed where his gaze had landed. Maria stood on the other side of the window, her hand pressed against the glass.

"Kyle," Isabel said his name softly and nodded towards the house.

Kyle spun and saw the face of the one he was caring for. He could read the pain in her eyes a million miles away. He stepped towards the door and stopped, observing the bizarre interaction, ready to move if necessary, his hand on the doorknob.

Michael stood up straight; his eyes never wavered from the window. With two long strides he was in front her. He raised his own hand and pressed it against the glass, mirroring hers. He tilted his head to one side and looked at the woman before him. Wet hair hung down the sides of her face, a royal blue bathrobe was tied tight around her, the armholes were gaping. He stared into her eyes and felt the pain.

Isabel touched Kyle's arm and lowered it from the door, together they watched the reunification of two lost souls.
* * *


Chapter Twenty Two

Maria stared into the eyes of a lost love. A love that had turned to blame and hate over what felt like a lifetime. Her hand touched his, with a pane of glass in-between them, and the emotions of not living for ten years ripped through her. The passion that had leaked from her began to refill her soul. The essence of life was drifting back into her uncontrollably. Michael.

Michael kept his eyes on hers and fell into them. He witnesses every agonizing moment she had gone through since he left and part of him died. He watched in disbelief as light filtered into her dull eyes. Maria was in there. The Maria he had known and still loved was in there and so close to the surface.

Isabel covered her mouth with her hand and watched the reunited lovers met in a convergence of understanding. Her grip on Kyle’s arm tightened as tears welled in her eyes.

Kyle’s mouth hung open watching Maria through the window. She looked so young with her wet hair hanging down around her face. The robe she was wearing was his, he knew it had to be pulled tight around her. The wild Maria in the woods just a little while earlier seemed to fade. The Maria he had missed for so long was just on the other side of the glass.

“Kyle,” Isabel whispered his name and looked at him. “What is…?”

He shrugged and pointed as Maria placed her other hand on the glass. Michael met her other hand with his.

“Maria,” Michael whispered. He watched her lips form his name and he smiled. “Can I come in?”

“Shit,” Kyle said under his breath. He knew the situation wasn’t right, something was off, it was too easy and he had felt since he found out Michael was coming home that nothing was going to be easy.

Maria nodded and stepped away from the glass. Michael didn’t hesitate and he didn’t look at his two shocked friends by the door as he opened it and went inside. He stepped into the living room, less than three feet away from her, his heart racing. He took a step towards her and fought a cringe when she stepped back.

He took her in, the thin body covered in a sheath of royal blue robe, the belt looped around her waist twice and tied at her waist. The dirty blond hair hanging wet, strands sticking to her face. The gaunt cheeks and darkened eyes. He studied her and realized a fading bruise engulfed one eye.

"Maria," he whispered her name.

"You left me," her voice cracked in a thin whisper.

"I had to," his words were shaking, he realized so was his body. "Maria."

She stepped to him and slapped him across the face then took a step back. "You left me all alone."

Michael instinctively raised his hand to his cheek. "I have to explain."

Isabel and Kyle stood in the open doorway, each of them on alert to intervene if needed. To Isabel the slap was minor, if it had been her in Maria's place; Michael wouldn't even be standing.

Maria sat down on the couch and crossed her legs; the robe slipped open exposing thin calves and a small tattoo above her right ankle. Upon further investigation, Michael would discover it was a small red heart with a jagged line through the middle.

He sat on the coffee table in front of her and tried to catch his breath. Maria DeLuca was in front of him and she looked like she was willing to listen. He ran his hands through his hair and then met her eyes. Still reeling from the awkwardness of the situation, words wouldn't form in his brain.

"Go ahead Mi-" Maria caught herself, she wasn't ready to say his name out loud. She wasn't sure what the hell she was doing either. The rampage through the woods and the refreshing shower had changed her. The touch of his hand around her arm had stirred things in her she thought were dead.

For ten years Maria had been walking and talking, but she was nothing more than a carcass of a woman. A shred of a woman that she thought she would have become. As she sat across from him and looked at the face she had loved, she wished she were dead. She wished that Max would have never brought her back from peaceful death.

"I'm sorry," he said the words slowly and cautiously. He glanced over his shoulder into two faces filled with both anticipation and apprehension. "Can you give us a minute?"

"No." Kyle shook his head and crossed his arms over his chest. Isabel mimicked his action and shook her head.

"Just one minute, Kyle," Maria called to him. "Please."

Kyle and Isabel bowed their heads together in a whispered conference. Eventually they broke apart and looked at Maria. Kyle was the spokesman.

"Isabel and I will be in the kitchen, with the door open. We will respect your privacy, kind of. One raised voice, one sound that doesn't quite fit and we will be back in here." He directed his attention to Michael. "Don't let her fool you and don't let her sneak by you."

"I'm not going anywhere," Maria smiled at Kyle. "I promise."

Kyle and Isabel walked slowly into the kitchen where Kyle propped open the swinging door with a chair.

"So, talk." Maria felt the shaking in her legs and wondered if he could see it. She looked to her hands folded in her lap and saw them shaking as well, she clasped them tighter together to thwart the movement. When she looked at him again she saw his attention was on her legs. "Talk."

"I don't…" Michael let out a deep sigh. "I don't even know where to start."

"Okay," Maria nodded and wanted a cigarette. "How about I get you started and you can take it from there."

"Maria-"

"Okay, I was supposed to pick you up for a party. A party we were going to together to celebrate our fucking high school graduation, sound familiar yet? Well, you weren't there, you weren't anywhere. You were simply fucking gone. Do you want to know the last thing you said to me? I can tell you. I can tell you the whole fucking conversation if you'd like," angry tears welled up in her eyes and streaked down her cheeks. "I said 'we start a new life now, the real world' and you said 'together' and kissed my fucking hand!"

"Mar-"

"Shut up," her voice quivered. "Shut the hell up! I don't know why you think you can come back here after ten long fucking years, you shouldn't have come back. You shouldn't have…" She drew her knees up to her chest and laid down on the couch curling up into a fetal position. Her sobs echoed throughout the room.

Michael parted his lips to speak, but words weren't what she needed. He wiped his hands on his pants and stood on shaky legs. He stepped closer to the couch and sat down next to her. With tentative hands and unsure emotions, he grasped her shoulders and pulled her up to him. His panic subsided when he felt her slip her hands around his waist. She cried into his chest and he held her. He held her the way he should have for years and let her cry.

The words were muffled against him, but he heard them anyway. Words that would haunt him.

"I wish I was dead."

* * *

Chapter Twenty Three


Michael stroked her hair as he felt her frail body shudder.

I wish I was dead.

He closed his eyes and drew her body up into him until she was on his lap, her arms around his neck. He brushed his lips over her neck and made silent promises to her.

Maria felt safe. Safe in the arms of someone she wanted to hate. Someone she had tried to hate but failed even if she didn't admit it to herself that often. She felt safe in the arms of someone she loved. She leaned her head back and looked at him through blurred vision.

"Maria," he whispered and wiped away her tears with the back of his hand.

"Don't," she shook her head and squirmed off his lap. Maria DeLuca didn't want to feel safe. Safe was a feeling that could be taken away from her. She sat next to him and tucked her legs underneath her.

Michael parted his mouth and licked his lips. All of the things he wanted to tell her, say to her, faded. This wasn't the situation he had envisioned for years. Hearing about Maria and being a witness to it were two completely different entities.

The part of him that made him leave ten years earlier was telling him to run, he was relieved he didn't listen to that side anymore. Michael Guerin was done running. He reached to her and took her hand. He felt the reluctance in her, but he pushed. To feel her skin again, the soft pads of her fingertips, was too much. He damned himself for missing out on her for the last ten years.

"I have to explain to you-"

"That's right," fire flashed suddenly in her weepy eyes. "I forgot where we were. I was telling you that you shouldn't have come back." As she said the words she didn't put any truth behind them. She was glad that he had come back, whether she chose to admit it or not. Maria was beyond ecstatic that Michael Guerin had stepped back into her life.

Even if it was for just a little while, it was better than nothing. It had to be better than the life she lived since he left because there was nothing on this planet that could be worse.

"I had to come back," he shrugged and glanced towards the kitchen where he saw two shadows too close to the door. The guardian angels. The keepers of secrets and burdens. He was proud to be in their company.

"To see me?" She asked trying to keep hope out of her voice. She longed for a cigarette, to feel the nicotine inhabit her body. Smoking always calmed her down.

"Yeah," he smiled. "To see you."

She nodded and looked over her shoulder towards the kitchen. "Kyle, may I step outside and smoke please?"

Kyle stepped into the doorway with Isabel as his shadow. "On the porch. No further," he looked at Michael. "She tries to run, tackle her."

Maria giggled and wondered when the last time she had giggled about anything. Kyle. Kyle was always the one to make her smile. The one to bring her silly presents and help her pay the bills. Kyle was the one who wanted to save her when she didn't want saving.

Isabel. Maria thought about Isabel and how happy she had been to see her in the woods with Michael. When no one else understood, Isabel did. Maria knew that Isabel might be the only one who understood completely. She knew that Maria hadn't lived since the day she was brought back.

As much as she knew she loved both Kyle and Isabel, at the same time she hated them. If it weren't for them she would have never had to endure the last ten years of her own personal hell. As much as she praised them, she damned them.

She stood up and reached inside the robe pocket pulling out her crumpled pack of cigarettes. She walked to the door and felt Michael on her heels. Once on the porch she leaned against the railing and lit up. "Okay, so you came back here to see me, right?" She grew proud of herself and the conviction in her words. She wondered how long it would last.

"Yeah," Michael stuffed his hands in his pockets and kicked at imaginary things on the porch floor.

"Why? Why now?" She felt strong. Stronger than she had in years. Strong enough to face the demons of being alive.

He didn't have an answer for that question. Why now? It was a perfectly valid question and he had nothing.

"Because of a fucking class reunion?" She asked as her hand began to tremble, ashes fell to the floor. She felt her calm and cool slipping away with each passing second. The resignation she had minutes earlier was fading as fast as it had arrived.

"No," he shook his head as he saw an unfamiliar background filter into her eyes. The Maria he knew a few minutes ago was slipping away.

"Then why?" She bit back his name.

"You," the word came out breathy, a whisper. "It's always been for you."

She tossed her cigarette into the yard, a bitter laugh trailed from her mouth as she faced him. Her voice was low, almost unrecognizable. "Always for me. You came back for me? So, you left for me and stayed away for ten fucking years all for me?"

He didn’t answer her, he couldn't. Not like this.

"Answer me!" She raised her voice as newfound tears stung her battered eyes. "Damn it! Answer me!" She raised her fists into the air and brought them down on his chest, falling into him. "I hated you," she cried into his chest. The emotion of a decade crashed inside of her. "I hated you for leaving me."

"I'm here now, Maria." He wrapped his arms around her pulling her tight against him. "I swear I'll never leave you again."

"I hated you, Michael." The forbidden name was muttered out loud and a weight lifted off of her. "And I loved you."

* * *

Kyle and Isabel sneaked as one unit into the living room. They positioned themselves just inside the cracked door. Isabel kept her arm looped through Kyle's. She lowered her head to his and whispered in his ear. "What the hell is going on?"

Kyle shrugged. "Maybe Maria wants to live again."

Isabel smiled and blinked back tears. "Do you think that might ease some of the guilt we've been carrying?"

"I hope so, Is, I really hope so."

* * *

Chapter Twenty Four

"And I loved you too, Maria," he kissed the top of her head. "I still love you; that never changed. I'll always love you."

She turned her head up to face him, a witness to the truth in his words. The truth in his eyes. "Then why did you leave me behind?" She heard the desperation in her voice but she didn't care anymore. Holding onto the belief that the moments with Michael wouldn't last very long, she had to know. She had to know what she did wrong. "Please, why did you leave me?"

Michael fell into her eyes; he tried to fight the emotion of guilt. His eyes were still so pure and innocent while hers had seen so much ugliness. He'd betrayed her and she had worn it like a fucking Scarlet Letter for ten years. The woman he held in his arms had wanted to die.

He took a deep breath and cast his eyes towards the door. "Hey! Do you think we could have a minute here? We're not going anywhere." He smiled as he watched the front door close completely. He placed his hand on her back and led her to the stairs. He motioned for her to sit on the top step. He took his place beside her; their legs touched familiarly. He reached for her hand and his heart swelled when he didn't feel any resistance from her. He brought her hand to his lips and kissed each knuckle.

"You made me so many promises," Maria wiped at her nose with the back of her other hand. "And you broke each and every one of them."

"I know," the words were thick in his mouth. The 'I'm sorry's' weren't enough now. The apologies were all used up. She didn't need to hear any of that from him, she needed reassurance.

"Why Michael?" The name hung on her lips. So familiar, so underused. A resolution welled up inside of her. A resolution of life. "Please, tell me why you left me. What did I do to make you leave?"

He shook his head; a bitter smile played on full lips. He ran his free hand through his hair. "You never did anything wrong, Maria. Ever."

"Wasn't I good enough?" Words she thought were buried in the Maria that had died flowed out of her. Words that she never wanted to utter to another person poured from her mouth. "Wasn't I good enough for you?" The anger of life. "I kept your fucking secret Michael, I did everything you ever wanted me to do and you left me. You never even said good-bye!"

"Maria-"

"I would have gone with you," her voice trembled. "I would have done anything for you, didn't you know that?"

"I did know that," he admitted looking down into his lap. "Maybe I didn't know it all then, though."

"Didn't I prove to you time and time again that I would do anything for you? That I would die for you?" The sentence held more truth than she wanted to admit. On some level she had died for him.

"I was so young," the words sounded cliched to him as he said them, but they were honest. "We were both so young-"

"But we were in love!" She raised her voice. "Weren't we? Or was it just me?"

"Oh God, Maria, I loved you so much. Not a day has passed that I haven't thought about you."

"But you never called me," her words came out in a whisper. "You never told me anything. You just left me."

"Back then, the world was open to you. There were so many choices for you to make," he began his speech not exactly the way he wanted to. The rehearsed words didn't seem appropriate anymore. "I wanted to keep every promise I ever made to you.

"Right before graduation I started feeling a little strange. This was the real world we were going out into. The real world that wasn't even made for someone like me."

"If you tell me you left because you didn't want to hurt me I swear I'll fucking kill you right here." The contempt in her voice was obvious.

"I didn't think I'd ever hurt you," he shook his head. "Not on purpose anyway. Do you remember all that time that I wanted to be as alien as I could? All the time I wanted to find a way home? I liked that life; it made me who I was. Then I fell in love with you and wanted to be more human than I would admit. I wanted to be the perfect boyfriend, but I couldn't."

"I never asked for perfection, I asked for you." Heavy tears dripped off her eyelids.

"I wasn't being fair to you, I wasn't being fair to me." The words were running together in his brain.

"Fair?" She laughed bitterly. "Do you really want to talk about being fair? Is it fair that I have wanted to die for the last ten years? Is it fair that I couldn't because they would know and they would bring me back into this hell?" She pulled her hand away from him.

"Oh God…"

"I've thought about it every single day since he, since Max, saved me and yes, I use that term very loosely." She spat the words out at him. "He can't even look me in the eye, did you know that? Did he ever tell you that?"

Michael shook his head slowly. "I didn't know…"

"Right, because you left because it would be good for both of us." She reached into the robe pocket and pulled out a cigarette. She lit it and inhaled deeply letting the smoke roll off her tongue. "You left because us being together wasn't fair. You have to do better than that Michael because I'm not buying it."

Michael nodded, his shoulders sagged. "I couldn't handle…" He ran his hands through his hair. "I couldn't handle anything."

"Do better." She demanded as she tapped ashes nervously off the side of the steps.

"I was scared." He admitted and faced her.

"Scared?" She shook her head. "Scared of what? Scared of growing up? Scared of being with me? Scared of what Michael?"

*        *          *

Chapter Twenty Five

"Yeah," he answered stupidly. "I was scared of everything."

"That's great," she felt a fire rise in her that had extinguished years before. "You know what? That may be the biggest cop out I've ever heard in my life!"

"Maria-"

"No, don't 'Maria' me, that won't work anymore. We, you and me, we were a long time ago Michael," she crossed her legs and sighed. "You made me think that I had done something so wrong that you hated me. None of that was fair. None of anything I've gone through is fair because you were scared. That is bullshit. What else?"

"What do you mean?"

"What else made you leave like a coward? What else made you run away without saying a word?"

He liked his bottom lip and let out a breath he hadn't known he was holding. "I was scared you wouldn't need me anymore." He shook his head as his reasoning became clouded.

"That I wouldn't need you?" She smiled and shook her head. "That I wouldn't need you."

"I was scared that you'd grow out of me, I guess. That you'd somehow not need me all the time." He faced the steps in front of him and fought not to run. "I didn't want the rejection from someone I loved so much, I don't think I could have handled it. I didn't want to be hurt…"

Maria took his arm and squeezed it as tight as she could. "You left me before I could break your heart?" Her voice held the anger of a decade as she pushed his arm back into him. "You broke my heart before you thought I would break yours?"

"You have to understand," he faced her anger; something was underneath the anger and almost overwhelmed it. Pain. "When I look back now it seems so stupid, but at the time it was the most real thing in the world."

Fat tears stayed heavy on her eyelids. "You destroyed me."

"I never meant to, you have to believe that. I never thought…This would happen to you."

"This," she laughed bitterly. "This is what my life has been like since I died. This is my world and I pray like hell someone will let me out of it."

"Let me help you," he touched her thigh and waited for her to look at him. "I'm not leaving this time Maria."

"How can I believe you?" Her words were barely audible.

He looked down to the tattoo on her ankle, the small broken heart. He touched it with his fingertip while she watched. When he withdrew his hand, the jagged line through the center was gone leaving just a perfect red heart.

* * *

Kyle Valenti and Isabel Whitman knelt on the floor in front of the window. The window was barely open an inch and they both had to struggle to hear what was going on outside. They turned around together and rested their backs against the wall.

"What do you think?" Isabel turned to her friend, a friend who helped carry a burden without redemption.

"I almost wish I didn't know all of that," Kyle admitted. "Maybe we should step away from the window."

"Not a chance," Isabel was adamant. "This is the most life I've heard in Maria in a long time."

"Did you know that Max couldn't look at her?"

"No," Isabel shook her head and sighed. "Maria seems to be more intuitive than she led us to believe."

"I always said she was a good actress."

* * *

Maria touched the tattoo as a tear dripped down on it. She looked back to Michael and smiled. "I can't believe what you did to me."

"Did I do it to you, or did you do it to yourself?"

Her eyes gleamed. "Now you sound like Kyle. I know what I did Michael, but I still blame you."

"Well, I don't think you're alone."

"I am, though. I am truly alone in everything I do." The admitted words stung her throat. "The others don't understand. They try, but they'll never understand."

"Let me understand."

Her brow furrowed as she thought about his request. She touched the modified tattoo and nodded. "Isabel and Kyle tried to help me, they still try so hard, but I didn't want their help."

"Why not?"

"I thought I was horrible. I thought that no one would ever want me and I didn't want anyone but you." Maria hated the truth. "I thought I wasn't good enough for you and that's why you left. I fell Michael, oh God, I fell so hard."

"Do you want help up?" He placed his hand on top of hers and stood, he gazed down into her face fighting back visible emotion when she nodded. He helped her stand and pulled her body into his burying his face in her hair.

Round two of life was ready to begin.

* * *

Chapter Twenty Six

Michael held the woman he had loved always against him and wondered if he had said the right things to her. Were they the truth? Partially. Would she forgive him? He didn't know, but they seemed to be off to a good start. He wondered if he'd ever be able to tell her the rest. He didn't even like to think about it, let alone say it out loud. Was the rest of it something she would be able to understand when he hadn't understood it himself?

* * *

Kyle stood and held out his hand for Isabel. She accepted and he pulled her to her feet.

"What do you make of that?" he asked and pointed out the window at the embracing couple.

"I think there's probably more to it than meets the eye," Isabel said, her voice weighed down with sadness. "It's too easy Kyle. He just comes back and tells her he was scared of getting his heart broken and she's okay with it? It's not right."

"Shit," he muttered. "I was thinking the same thing. I was actually hoping you'd tell me something else."

"Maybe tell you a little story about a white knight and a fair maiden?"

Kyle narrowed his eyes at her and laughed. "What is the deal with women and all these white knights?"

Isabel raised one shoulder and looked back outside. "Maybe deep down we all want the same thing. Someone to rescue us."

Kyle nodded, he understood. Even if it wasn't white knight for him, he knew the feeling of wanting to be rescued; although probably not as much as Maria did. "So I guess we just wait and see what develops?"

"Yeah," Isabel sighed and wrapped her arms around herself. "And hope we don't have to pick up the pieces. Again."

* * *

Michael took Maria's hand and led her towards the front door. With his free hand he reached for the doorknob and looked back at her. "What do we do now?"

"Kyle said he was going to bar-be-que, "she smiled as she fell back into an almost forgotten world. "Would you stay? You and Isabel both?"

Michael nodded and smiled. Happiness that couldn't be controlled spilled out from him. From the not knowing, to the not wanted and now to this, was mind blowing. He opened the door and they walked inside hand in hand.

"Hi," Isabel beamed but the smile held more than happiness. In the undertone of a joyful moment she sensed something else. Something not quite as good. "Well, what's going on?" She shifted her eyes towards Kyle and shrugged.

"Would you care to stay, Kyle said he's going to bar-be-que." Maria's voice wasn't quite her own. The words felt foreign coming out of her mouth.

"Uh…"Isabel stammered; never being the one for a loss of words. Her attention turned to Michael and she smiled. Smiled at the face she had missed and the exalted giddiness all over it. She nodded. "Sure, Maria. Thanks."

"Dinner, not lunch." Kyle waved his hands in front of him. "Dinner, I'm going to Bar-be-que for dinner so you two can go away and come back later. Hell," Kyle sighed, "bring Alex and the others and we'll kind of have our own welcome home party. How does that sound?"

"I don't want to leave," Michel shook his head and tightened his grip on Maria's hand.
"Michael," Isabel stepped up to him; she pressed her body into his arm and took his other hand, pulling him gently away from Maria. When she saw him drop her hand, she nudged him into the kitchen.

"What the hell are you doing?" Confusion evident on his face.

"It's too much Michael," she sighed, her words were soft. "It's too much for her-"

"She invited me Iz," he grinned. "She wants me here!"

"After ten years of not knowing what the hell happened," she sighed and shook her head hating to be the devil's advocate. "Don't you think it's kind of weird that she just opens her heart up to you with your lame excuse for leaving?"

"I…I," Michael nodded. "I don't know."

"I can tell you, something's off." She ran her hands through her hair mimicking Michael's actions. "C'mon, let's get out of here. We're going to go find you an apartment so you can get the hell out of that hotel room. We'll come back for dinner and bring Alex and the others. Okay?"

He relented with a nod. "I could use a shower first."

"Oh yeah," she slung her arm over his shoulder. "And some serious tooth brushing. She'll be here when we come back."

Michael followed Isabel out of the kitchen; they found Kyle and Maria on the couch, he was inspecting the tattoo on her ankle.

"Nice work, maybe you should open up a tattoo parlor, Guerin." Kyle nodded while Maria smiled.

Michel raised his eyebrows and laughed slightly. "We're going to go," he spoke to Maria. "But we'll be back for dinner. I have to look for an apartment." He stepped towards her as she tucked her knees up under her chin. "I will be back."

She nodded and curled up resting her head on the arm of the couch and closed her eyes.

"Six?" Isabel asked as she picked up her purse. Kyle nodded. "Great. Do you want me to call the others or will you take care of it?"

"I can do it," Kyle nodded, his attention back on Maria, worry lines prominent on his brow.

Isabel led Michel from the house and tossed him the keys to her car. "I am so sick of driving."

Michael got in and started the engine before Isabel said anything more. He knew her well enough to know she had something on her mind, he just didn't know when she was going to spill.

He was surprised that she waited to speak again until he pulled into the parking lot of the hotel. "Okay, so you told Maria you left because you were scared she wasn't going to need you anymore." She stated the question.

"You and Kyle weren't eavesdropping were you?" He asked sarcastically while opening the car door. He started walking towards the building with Isabel on his heels.

"Of course we were, you know that." She rolled her eyes in back of him and caught up. "That was crap."

"What was?" He asked over his shoulder as they ascended the stairs.

"The reason, Michael. You didn't leave because of what you told her, maybe part of it, but it had to be more than that." She touched his arm as they reached the top step. "Whatever it was, it was bad wasn't it?" Her eyes narrowed, her tone was delicate.

He turned around and faced her, sorrow in his eyes, and nodded. "Yeah, Iz. It was bad."

"When you're ready, I'll be here to listen. You know that, right?"

He smiled, breaking through the deepened shadow he had momentarily slipped into. "Thanks for not pushing me."

"Oh, if I have to wait too long, I'll push." She laughed and followed him down the hallway to his room.

* * *

"So, why the sudden change of heart?" Kyle asked; he glanced at the tattoo and laughed. "Sorry, no pun intended."

Maria rolled over and looked at him. "You're a good guy Kyle. There's not too many around like you." She sat up and touched his unshaven cheek with the back of her hand. "Thank you."

* * *

Chapter Twenty Seven

Michael leaned against the tiled shower wall as the water beat down on him; the heat so intense he wondered if it'd leave welts on his skin.

The feel of her hand in his, the skin of a goddess touching his own.

He took a deep breath and finished his shower knowing Isabel was waiting for him. He smiled bitterly thinking about how everyone was always waiting for him. He turned the water off and stepped out into the coolness of the room. Wrapping a towel around his waist, he emerged from the bathroom to find Isabel picking up his clothes from the floor. Isabel would never change.

He reached around her and grabbed a pair of jeans from the suitcase she was folding things into, then a shirt. He shook his head and walked back in the bathroom to change.

"I think I'm going to call Kyle," Isabel announced with her hands on her hips when Michael reemerged fully clothed from the bathroom. "I think this might be a bad idea."

"What?" Michael asked while applying a generous amount of gel to his hair.

"This thing at Kyle's tonight, you know, with everybody there."

"I'm going back there, Iz." He faced her image in the mirror.

"I mean everyone else," Isabel shook her head in a motion as if she was trying to clear her mind. "I don't think this is what Maria really needs right now. All of us clamoring around her, watching her, waiting…"

"I am going back." Michael turned around, his expression holding more than a simple demand.

"I know Michael," Isabel delivered a smoothness of articulation that she had mastered over the years. A voice holding so much compassion without being overbearing. A voice she reserved for the ones she cared for. "You and me, we go back tonight."

He nodded and turned back to the mirror.

The smoothness of a skin he had never forgotten. The weight of a woman he had missed in entirety, once again in his arms. Feeling her heart beat next to his. Faultless.

"And Tess, I'm sure she'll be there too," Isabel added quickly with a coy grin. She looked him over from head to toe and nodded. "You look nice; if I were a potential landlord, I'd give you an apartment." She got her cell phone out of her purse and began dialing.

Michael sighed with a smile embedded in it. Isabel. Irreplaceable.

* * *

"That was not an answer," Kyle smiled at the woman next to him, her hand still on his cheek.

"I don't know." The words were small. "Maybe it is time for a change of heart," she smiled sadly at the tattoo. "Maybe it's time for a change of everything."

"Because Michael came home?"

She shook her head, the motion so slight it was hardly noticeable. Her eyes shifted downward and then back onto his. "Because Maria came home."

The breath that Kyle took in was full of promise of a new way of life. A life that held the potential of not having the worry and the impending relief of guilt.

* * *

"Four miles," Isabel smiled after Michael had signed the lease on his new apartment. "You're only going to live four miles from me!"

Michael smiled as he looked around his new home. It was modest and clean; but being completely devoid of furniture made it cold.

"Do you even have furniture?" Isabel put her hands on her hips, her eyes alive with the possibilities.

He shook his head. "I did, but I left it all behind. You know, when I ran away from the City of Angels," he winked.

She reached out and touched his hand. The connection they had always felt was alive. "You okay, Michael? I mean I know you're not okay, but…"

"I'll be fine. When Maria's okay, I'll be okay. Okay?" He grinned at his words and then stopped Isabel from continuing. "Can we get back to the hotel now?"

She nodded and then stopped him as he reached the front door. "I know I've already asked, but I need confirmation. You're not leaving again, right?"

"Iz, I just signed a lease-"

"Which can be broken."

"Which won't be. The only things I've ever had in my life that mattered are all here in Roswell. I had nothing in LA. Nothing."

"No one?" Her eyebrows arched.

"No one. Ever."

"You've been alone this whole time?"

He nodded; the embarrassment he thought he would have felt with that admission was nowhere to be found. Instead of embarrassment, he found pride. He opened the door for her and followed her out.

A fresh start. A fresh start with the haunting memories of why he left right below the surface.

* * *
As promised, Maria did her laundry. She felt unnerved as Kyle stood behind her watching her every move. Pouring detergent into the cup, she spilled some of the liquid down the side and fought the want to cry.

"Are you always going to follow me?" She asked after dropping the lid on the washing machine.

"Until I can trust you," Kyle nodded and followed her up the basement steps and into the living room.

"I don't have anywhere else to go," she smiled weakly taking her place on the couch, tucking her knees under her. Her hand trailed her leg and lingered over the mended heart.

"That didn't stop you this morning."

"Maybe I should take a nap," she smiled skirting the previous statement. "I want to be at my best when everyone comes over."

"Oh…" He pursed his lips. "We decided that maybe it should just be us, Tess, Isabel and Michael tonight."

"Oh, okay." She nodded. "Sure."

Kyle watched her facial expression and saw the disappointment was obvious. He knew Isabel was right by saying this shouldn't be a big get together, it was too soon and there was still too much that wasn't adding up.

He watched as she curled up into a ball and closed her eyes. He sat with her, watching as her breathing slowed and knew when she fell asleep; the disappointment etched on her face. Always do the right thing for Maria.

* * *
Chapter Twenty Eight

After the twenty minutes it took of moving into his new apartment, Michael Guerin was scared. Not scared of starting his life over again in Roswell, but scared of what might develop.

After sending Isabel off in search of suitable furniture, Michael was left alone with his thoughts and they scared the hell out of him.

He paced the empty room wringing an article of clothing in his hands. It was the piece of fabric that had kept him away from Roswell for so long. He could remember the last time he had seen it on its owner.

The sunlight reflected off Maria's hair giving the illusion of a halo. He watched her smile as she slid down the slide in the park's playground and then jump off the end and clap.

"You have got to do this, Michael!" She grabbed his arm and pulled him excitedly over to the ladder. "It'll make you feel like you're six years old again!"

Michael shook his head and smiled at her excitement. "I'm too old for this."

"You're not too old for anything!" Maria laughed and started up the ladder. She turned around once and looked over her shoulder to make sure he was following. He was.

She sat down and waited for him to sit behind her, sliding his long legs around her. He slipped his arms around her and tightened them over her chest; he leaned forward and rested his chin on the dramatic orange T-shirt she was wearing.

It hit him like it never had before. His breathing intensified as Maria pushed them off from the sides of the slide. He let her go and followed her down the slick metal.

It was two weeks before high school graduation.

The orange T-shirt had never been far away from him in the last ten years. He was always able to get to it within a matter of minutes. The smell of Maria had vanished from the shirt years before, but the value had stayed the same. It was the one thing Michael Guerin had used as a gauge since he ran away.

* * *

Tess Harding opened up the front door to Kyle's house and grimaced when she saw Maria on the couch sleeping. She tiptoed in and laid her purse in the chair by the door. She looked around for Kyle to no avail.

"I'm not asleep Tess, you don't have to be so quiet." Maria yawned and sat up pulling the robe tight around her.

"Maria. Hi." Tess wondered if Maria could see the tension on her face.

"Hi," Maria smiled at the tension on Tess's face. "I won't bite."

Tess smiled and then laughed before walking closer to her. She sat down next to her and really looked at her. "You look different today Maria."

"I am different today," Maria faced her sitting cross-legged, her tattoo exposed. "Don't look so worried, I promise I won't throw up on you or anything like that."

Tess smiled demurely as she remembered the times of holding Maria's hair back. She felt uncomfortable around the woman she had never quite grown close to, but who had seen her in some of her worst moments. Her brow furrowed as she tilted her head to one side and touched the small tattoo. "That was broken."

"Michael fixed it for me." She didn't smile and she didn't frown, her words were as monotonous as she could grasp.

"You saw Michael today?" Tess looked back into her eyes and saw a light she hadn't seen since high school. Behind the light was darkness, although carefully hidden, it was still there.

Maria nodded but her words were lost in the noise Kyle was making coming up the basement steps with an armload of clothes. "Tess. Hi." He carried the clothes into Maria's room and came back to the two women. He was smiling. "When did you get here?"

"A few minutes ago," she stood up and walked to him. She kissed his lips and smiled. "How are things here?"

"We're having a bar-be-que." He grinned and motioned over her shoulder to Maria. "Maria invited Michael and Isabel."

Tess narrowed her eyes at him and made the silent promise to ask him more questions later when they were alone.

"Those were my clothes," Maria stood up and smiled at Kyle as she passed by the couple down the hall. "Thank you."

"You were sleeping…" Kyle watched her walk down the hall before turning back to Tess; his eyes alive with excitement. "It's good Sweetheart, everything's looking really good for her."

She nodded, but the darkness behind Maria's eyes told her that everything was really not good for her.

"Tess?" Maria's voice came from down the hallway. "Could you come here for a minute?"

Tess shrugged and left Kyle standing alone. She pushed open Maria's door and waited, watching Maria go through a pile of clothes on the bed.

"I need your help," she looked pitifully at the woman in the doorway. "My clothes are trashed. Could I borrow something of yours? I want to look nice."

Tess heard the woman's words but wasn't completely convinced of the sincerity of them. She nodded once and left the room. She returned a few minutes later with clothes in her arms. "I don't have a lot here, but I could go home and get something…"

Maria pushed her own clothes to the foot of the bed and laid out what Tess had brought in. Tess held up a pair of jeans. "These are really tight on me, they should fit you great."

Maria nodded enthusiastically and then picked up a low cut black T-shirt. "Can I wear this?"

Tess nodded and gathered the rest of her clothes while Maria dropped the robe to the floor. Tess couldn't help but stare at her nudity. Alabaster skin looked to be painted on her skeleton. She watched as Maria stepped into the jeans and pulled them up, they were still too loose around the waist, they were fashionably low on her hips. The T-shirt went over her head and Tess smiled when she turned around to face her.
"Do I look okay?"

"You look good Maria," Tess reached out to her and laid the back of her fingers over the faded bruise around Maria's eye. The bruise vanished. "You know, you'd think someone else would have thought of doing this."

Maria touched her eye and smiled knowing what Tess had done. "Thank you." She looked over her shoulder into the bureau mirror then back at Tess. "Could I ask you for something else?" Tess nodded. "Could you help me with my hair? It's been a long time since… You know."

"Sit down," Tess smiled and left the room returning only minutes later with a brush and hairspray. She sat down in back of her and brushed her hair. She pulled it up into a ponytail and secured it with a black rubberband. A few spritz's of hair spray and she was done.

"Thank you Tess." Maria looked in the mirror and smiled. She smiled through a wall of wanting to get high and run away. Through a wall of needing to belong again. A wall of anger.

* * *

Chapter Twenty Nine

Tess helped Maria with subtle eye make-up and gave her some of her perfume to put on. Tess grinned and felt like a makeover consultant on a talk show. The Maria with the dirty stringy hair and deep black eyeliner was gone, for now, in her place stood a vibrant woman who looked to be full of life.

"Thank you Tess," in an unprecedented move, Maria turned around and hugged the woman. "You made me look…Real, again."

"You've always been real, Maria," Tess took a step back and looked at her. "If nothing else, you've always been real."

Maria smiled shyly. "I guess sometimes too real, huh?"

Tess laughed. "Yes Maria, sometimes you've been too real." She saw the shadow flicker across the newly vibrant green eyes and felt dread. They weren't close enough for Tess to ask if everything was really okay. She knew Maria would lie to her anyway, nothing was okay. "I'm going to go change out of these work clothes. You want to help Kyle get the food ready?"

Maria nodded eagerly and followed Tess out of the bedroom. She watched the sometimes too perky blond walk into Kyle's bedroom and then proceeded down the hall. She saw the back of Kyle at the kitchen counter and walked up in back of him.

"Do…Do you need some help?" She asked timidly.

"Sure, you can…" He turned around and took in the sight of Maria DeLuca. "Oh, wow. Maria. You look great."

"Tess. Tess did it." She smiled bowing her head hiding the blush.

He put his hand underneath her chin and raised her head until she faced him. "God, you look…So good."

"Thanks," she smiled and wondered why she had been so lucky to find as good of a friend as Kyle Valenti. He was more than just friend to her, he was a savior of a soul that hadn't wanted saving. A giver or life to the dead. She stepped towards him and wrapped her arms around his neck, burying her face in his chest. "I'm sorry Kyle. God, I am so fucking sorry."

He pulled her tight against him and closed his eyes. "What are you sorry for?" His voice came out in an unintentional whisper.

"I'm sorry for making you take care of me. Always."

He pulled away from her and faced her. "You're the sister I never had. I'll always take care of you, it doesn't matter what happens, I will always be here for you."

She nodded and loosened her arms from his neck. "I know. You and Isabel both." There was more she wanted to add, but not now, it was too soon. In a small pool of knowing deep inside of her she knew her apologies were going to last for awhile and they had to be heartfelt.

Right now she wasn't capable of heartfelt. As much as she hated the way it made her feel, she knew she'd sell Kyle's soul to get high if given the chance at that very minute. Soon, she promised herself, soon she'd be able to make true apologies to the people she'd hurt on her path of self-destruction. As she looked into the deep, dark caring eyes of Kyle Valenti she realized the path she was on wasn't only about her. Every horrible moment she had suffered, so had the people who cared about her. The guilt of that alone might keep Maria clean. Maybe.

"They'll be here in about an hour or so," Kyle shook his head, a new grin seemed permanently etched on his face. "You want to make salad?"

Maria nodded eagerly and went to work on the salad. Something as mundane as ripping apart lettuce made her feel something she hadn't in a very long time. Useful.

* * *

Isabel walked into Michael's new apartment without knocking. She looked around and listened. Hearing the floor creak in what would become the bedroom, she followed the sound and stopped in the doorway.

She watched as Michael paced in front of a window, something orange balled up in his hands. He was mumbling to himself but she couldn't make out what he was saying. She saw the worry lines on his forehead and it made her heart ache. Michael was hiding something so big; it seemed almost painful. A man who was like family to her had been hurting for ten years and there was nothing she could do to fix it.

As she watched him, the realization dawned on her why she might be doing all of this for Michael. Besides the fact that she thrived on control, it seemed to make her feel better to help him. To help Maria. In an emotional war zone where she didn't know the rules, she stood on the sidelines and tried to make everything better the only way she knew how.

She understood that she might never know the true reason Michael had run away from Roswell. She might never understand why or how Maria DeLuca had lived without living for the last ten years.

"Iz," Michael had stopped pacing and stood still staring at her, the orange fabric from his hands was hiding in back of him. "How long have you been back?"

"I just got here," she shook her head and smiled. "So, what're you hiding?"

"Nothing," he smiled and wished he had a drawer in back of him to hide the shirt in.

"Okay," she grinned and let him off the hook with a toss of her head. "Do you want to know about your new furniture?"

Michael smirked and nodded. He listened and watched as Isabel animatedly described the new furniture that would be delivered in the morning and where exactly it should go. When Isabel walked out of the bedroom, he opened the closet door and laid the shirt on the shelf after one more lingering tight grasp.

He followed her around the rest of the apartment as she pointed out where various items should go and grinned. It was nice to have someone else care about him; nice to have someone who wanted to help in her own special way.

"So," she spun around and handed him his credit card retrieved from her back pocket. "You ready for this tonight?"

"I think so," he sighed and leaned against the kitchen counter. "What do you…I don't know. Is everything really going to be okay?"

She shrugged and fought with herself if she should divulge the apprehensions both her and Kyle were feeling. "I don't know, Michael. To see Maria like she was this afternoon, not the walking dead, is positive."

"Do you think she can forgive me for leaving?" He asked the question to the floor.
"Will you tell her the real reason? The one you're hiding?"

He looked up at her with incredible sadness in his eyes. "I don't know if I'll be able to…"

Isabel closed the gap between them and wrapped her arms around him, pulling him flush against her. "I'll still be here Michael. No matter what happens, I'll be here. God I missed you!" She kissed his cheek and let go of him. "So, you ready?"

* * *

On the deck at the back of the house overlooking the woods, Kyle Valenti and Maria DeLuca prepared dinner. Dinner for friends.

Maria laughed at something silly Kyle said about the chicken he was putting on the grill and it felt good. Kyle smiled at her, his soul swelled with blue skies.

"I'm so glad you're coming back," he sat down the poultry and looked at her, the early evening sun casting an orange glow around her in the background. "I've missed you."

Maria nodded and cocked her head to one side. "I think they're here."

Kyle nodded as they listened to two car doors close. "We're around back!" He called out.

Two heads appeared at the bottom of the steps as Michael and Isabel made their way up to the deck. Michael stopped when he saw Maria. She looked so pure. So innocent. He shook his head slowly as he fell in love with her again and fought the images of why he had left her ten years earlier.

He clasped the orange shirt Maria had left in his apartment in his hands and then dropped it to the ground as if it was on fire.

"Fuck!"

Walking around the small apartment in a frenzy, the deciding factor came to him in a hailstorm. A picture of the two of them together. Alive. Waiting for the next chapter of their lives to begin. A chapter he couldn't control.

"No," he shook his head and wiped at bitter tears. "It's not fair."

He packed whatever he could get his hands on and then picked the orange shirt up from the floor. He held it to his face, smelled her, and fought with every ounce of strength he could gather. Useless.

He dropped the shirt in a suitcase and put the picture on top. He couldn't control it, but he could run away from it.
* * *

Chapter Thirty

Michael snapped back into reality pushing away images he had tried to forget. As he saw the girl inside the battered woman he knew he had to tell her the truth. She deserved to know the truth. Soon.

He walked straight to her, ignoring the subtle intake of breath from both Isabel and Kyle.

"Hi."

"Hi" she smiled.

"You look amazing," he shook his head slightly.

"Better than a tortured prom dress or Kyle's robe, huh?" She winked at him and remembered what it was like to be alive. To be in love.

"Yeah," he halfway laughed.

The sliding deck door opening caused the entire group to turn. Tess walked out and waved at their new guests.

"Tess helped me…" Maria smiled over her shoulder at the accused.

"I would have helped you, you know that, right?" Isabel asked sitting down next to her on a redwood bench.

Maria squeezed her hand, "I know."

Isabel nodded and smoothed down a loose strand of hair on Maria's head. She watched Michael as he sat down on the other side of her. She saw the look in his eyes and hoped the illusion of Maria being whole wasn't going to overshadow Michael and his quest. It wasn't over, Maria wasn't instantly better, she looked around and wondered if anyone realized that as well.

Tess and Maria excused themselves and brought out everything they needed for dinner as Kyle removed the chicken from the grill.

Maria felt her hands begin to shake as she sat down at the round patio table in-between Michael and Kyle. She took a few deep breaths trying to calm her nerves. Trying to fit in. She caught Michael looking at her and wondered how he could have ever left her. She felt his love for her, still so strong, in every action and every word. How could he have left her without saying a word?

One word would have been better than nothing. Him telling her he didn't love her and didn't want to be with her would have hurt, killed, but it would have given her a reason. Instead, he just vanished into the night and waited ten years to come back. Was ten years too long? Was it too late?

"Oh my God!" The voice coming from the bottom of the deck steps was familiar to them all. They all watched as Liz Parker, trailed by Max Evans, ran up the steps to them. "I went to Maria's…" Her words dragged when her eyes fell on Maria DeLuca. "Maria?" She smiled and knelt down in-between her and Michael, her back towards him. "Oh. Wow."

"Hi," Maria smiled.

"You look so…Good." Liz gushed picking up Maria's hands in her own. She looked past Maria to Kyle, her eyes narrowed. "You should have told me she was here."

Kyle nodded and exhaled slowly. She was right. He should have told her. "I'm sorry Liz. It just kind of happened really fast."

"Yeah," Liz stood up and placed her hands on her waist. "Well, a simple phone call would have done it. I went to Maria's apartment about an hour ago and saw the place had been trashed, I got worried…"

"Why?" Maria looked up into her friend's face. "Why did you go to my apartment this afternoon?"

"To see how you were," Liz's eyes shifted nervously from Maria to Max who had taken the position in back of his sister.

"Then why didn't you come by last night, or this morning? Why did you wait for so long to see if I was okay?" Maria asked with a calm drudged up from somewhere deep inside of her.

"Maria, I…" Liz looked down in her face and shook her head. "I'm sorry."

Maria nodded and excused herself from the table. Kyle, Michael and Isabel stood, ready for the next move. Maria looked over her shoulder and ignored everyone except for Max. She kept her eyes trained on him, willing him to face her. When he finally did, she motioned for him to follow her.

Max Evans took a deep breath and followed her into the house, closing the sliding glass door behind him.

"Max," Maria leaned against the doorway leading into the living room and crooked her finger at him. She walked to the couch and sat down, safe from prying eyes, and waited until Max sat uncomfortable at the other end. "Hi."

"Hi," he fiddled with his hands, his head tilted towards the floor.

"I'm not mad," she said in a quiet voice and scooted closer to him.

"Liz means well, she wants to help…" He replied quickly defending his fiancée's actions.

"No," she touched his arm and watched his fight within himself not to pull away. "That's not what I'm talking about."

He tilted his head towards her but avoided eye contact. "Then what?"

"I'm not mad at you for saving me." She touched his chin and forced him to look at her, into her. "I should have done this a long time ago, but I didn't want to. I didn't believe it and I was…I was somewhere else. Max Evans," she smiled and wondered if it was truly as heartfelt as she wanted it to be. "Thank you."

Max's brow furrowed; confusion heavy in his eyes as he met hers. "I always wondered if I did the right thing. I mean, I knew I did the right thing, but at the same time…"

"I know," she made a sound somewhere between a laugh and a sob. "I hated you for it, I hated Kyle and Isabel too. I hated everyone for making me live. But something happened recently and I realized that I wanted to live again. So, this is where the thank you comes from. Max, thank you for saving me when I didn't want saving."

He opened his arms to her and enveloped her in a hug. A friendship that was once on the crowing edges of beginning was reinstated as life-giver and life-hater reunited.

"Maria…"

"Will you be able to look me in the eye again?" She pulled herself away from him and waited.

Max smiled and cupped her face in his hands holding it directly in front of his own. "I will be happy to."

Will this ease your guilt? She wondered as the answer became clear. Yes, it already has.

"Is this, all this, I mean you and your sudden change; is this because Michael came back?"

She shrugged, not ready to answer him. Not quite sure if she knew the truth to the answer she had been prepared to give. Was it all because Michael had come home? Was the metamorphose she was fighting through all due to Michael Guerin and his comeback? Or did it lie somewhere much deeper inside of her. In a part of her that had been shut down for so long that it had been deemed dead? Or was she lying to herself as well as everyone else? Maria didn't know the answers; she didn't know what she was going to do ten minutes before she did it.

"I don't know Max," she finally answered. "I don't know what brought me back to life this time, but thank you for giving me the chance to live again. Period."

* * *

"You know that was crap, don't you Kyle?" Liz stated minutes after Maria and Max had left the deck. "You should have called and told me what the hell happened right away!"

"She got evicted, so we moved her here." Kyle wondered if anyone else could sense the complete freak-out he was about to go on. He shifted his eyes to Isabel and knew she did by the wide eyes and clenched hands. "Yes, I should have called, but I didn't. Please forgive me Oh Great Liz."

"Didn't you know I'd be worried?" Liz asked either oblivious to or ignoring Kyle's anger.

Kyle closed his eyes and counted to ten before speaking. "Frankly Liz, you were not top priority for me. Maria was. She still is. And now, I suggest you either calm the fuck down or leave."

Michael, Isabel and Tess stared wide-eyed at the normally overly calm Kyle Valenti. None of them knowing if they were in shock or in awe.

* * *
Chapter Thirty One

"Kyle," Liz said him name slowly. "I'm sorry, I just got scared when Maria was gone."

Kyle clenched and then unclenched his fists. "Like I said, Maria is my number one priority right now. I don't have time to listen to you whine about how unfair everything is for her or you. I don't have time to listen to you place all the blame on Michael."

"Well," she looked to the man she blamed, fire in her eyes. "None of this would have happened at the reunion if he wouldn't have come back!"

Kyle took a deep breath and calculated his words before he said them. "Tell me this Liz, of all the times you've spent any substantial amount of time with Maria, has she ever done anything to make you want to believe her?"

"What are you asking me Kyle?" She stood her ground with her arms folded over her chest.

"Have you gotten anything accomplished with Maria. Have you helped her in any way, besides with monetary donations of pity?"

"That's not fair!" She rebutted and looked around at the table nervously.

"Yes, it is fair. Michael has been here for a couple of days and has gotten Maria more stable than you, or anyone else, has in ten fucking years. Before you come in here and act like the wounded victim, take a good look at yourself and ask yourself what have you done for her."

Liz shook her head in mortified indignation.

"Kyle," Michael faced his defender and shook his head slightly.

"No, Michael. It's okay." Kyle smiled as only Kyle can. "Liz, do me a favor, do Maria a favor. Either be a friend or don't. None of this flip-flopping crusading when it fits into your schedule. Okay?"

Liz narrowed her eyes at him and him alone; words of anger heavy in her throat. She looked to Michael and licked her lips. "Make her better. Keep her better." She turned away from the group and retreated down the steps from where she had come from.

"Do you think you might have been a little hard on her?" Tess touched Kyle's thigh underneath the table.

He shrugged. "Maybe." He looked over his shoulder at the still closed sliding door. "What the hell are they doing in there?"

No one answered. No one had an answer. The unpredictability of Maria DeLuca these days was just that, unpredictable.

* * *

Max smiled and nodded. "I hated to be around you."

Maria nodded and smiled back at him. She knew that feeling too, she had hated to be around herself as well, but she didn't have a choice. "I never wanted you, any of you, to feel that way."

He took her hand and squeezed it. "Go easy on Liz, she does try."

"I know she tries," she stood and pulled him to his feet. "C'mon, we better get back before they send out the Calvary after us."

He followed her through the kitchen and smiled when she dropped his hand before opening the door. They walked out onto the deck and they both noticed the absence of Liz Parker.

"Where's Liz?" Max asked and looked from face to face.

"I think she's in the car," Isabel answered with a stern nod at her brother hoping the bond that tied them together let him know to just walk away.

Max understood and said his good-byes without incident. His eyes lingered on Maria's before he walked away.

Maria didn't acknowledge the questioning stares coming at her from all sides, she just sat down and started to eat.

"So, Michael," Tess cleared her throat after several minutes of silence. "Isabel said you got an apartment today."

The tension hovered over the table. The first words spoken out loud that corroborated with what Michael had promised, that he wasn't leaving again, ever, were spoken. A concrete statement about a permanent situation in an otherwise unstable world.

"Yeah, it's really nice. Not too far from here," he smiled and cast a glance in Maria's direction. He didn't see a change in her demeanor; maybe she didn't care or didn't want to show she did.

"It's great!" Isabel gushed and took over the awkward conversation telling the table about Michael's new apartment and all the furniture that she had picked out for it. She kept the conversation alive describing in her animated way everything that Michael could do with the place.

"How many bedrooms does it have?" Maria asked joining the conversation when Isabel stopped talking long enough to take a breath.

"Uh…Two," Michael stammered as his heart felt like it was going to beat out of his chest. "It has two."

Kyle held his beer in midair waiting for Maria to follow-up with the reason why she wanted to know how many bedrooms it had. When she turned back to her food and started picking at the chicken, Kyle raised his eyebrows and shook his head in Michael's direction.

Maria pushed away her plate and turned towards Kyle. "Thank you Kyle, thank you for dinner."

"You're welcome," he said slowly. The calm that had settled around Maria was anything but settling.

"Do you want to take a walk?" She asked wide-eyed at Michael. "There's a path in the woods."

He nodded and stood up laying his napkin on his unfinished dinner. He spared a glance at the three others around the table before taking Maria's hand and leading her down the steps. He kept his grip tight on her, not afraid of her running off, but afraid that if he let go everything might change.

* * *

Chapter Thirty Two

Michael let Maria lead him once they reached the nearly hidden opening in the woods. He wanted to ask her how she had known about the obscure path, but didn't. It wasn't his time to ask her anything. He didn't have that right.

She looked over her shoulder at him and smiled brightly in the dying light before turning back around. "There's a place I want to show you, just up ahead."

He nodded and followed like the obedient puppy he knew he could be. That he wanted to be. His hand still tight around hers, he watched her walk and wanted to scream out how much he had missed her. How much he had loved her. How much it had hurt him to leave her.

The woods became denser, tiny openings in the canopy of trees were the only sign of life and air outside of the woods. Crickets chirped and leaves rustled underneath the legs and paws of the other inhabitants of the woods. Michael tightened his grip on her hand, nervous in the aliveness of nature.

The sound assaulted his senses first, then the sight. He stood behind Maria as she stopped in the middle of the path and turned her whole body to the right. Mossy rocks and ferns almost hid a small waterfall over black river stones that trailed into a creek. The gentleness of water tapping on the smooth surfaces of rocks was calming. The splash and babble of the water running into the bed filled Michael with a contentedness he never imagined he'd feel.

He stepped closer in back of her and wrapped his arms over her chest, resting his head on her shoulder. "It's beautiful."

"I know," she turned her head and smiled at his profile. "I love it here."

Michael looked around and noticed a picnic table on the other side of the path. He loosened one arm from around her and pointed. "What's that?"

"Picnic table," she smiled and rubbed her hand along his forearm. "Kyle put it back here a few years ago, we used to eat lunch down here sometimes." A wistful expression of need crossed through her eyes. "You want to sit down?"

Michael released her for an answer and followed her to the table, they sat side by side facing the waterfall, and for minutes words seemed unimportant.

* * *
"Do you ever feel like you live in the Twilight Zone?" Tess asked as casually as she could after her, Kyle and Isabel had watched Maria and Michael disappear into the woods.

"I feel like we're in for something more like a war movie, actually." Isabel said thoughtfully as she tapped Tabasco into her iced tea.

"How about a thriller?" Kyle offered. "You know, the whole calm and surrealness before all hell breaks loose?"

"That's a bad image Kyle," Isabel looked out over the deck rails into the consuming darkness. "But could be accurate."

"What do you think she's doing?" Tess asked, a fork of salad poised at her lips. "I mean, she seems so…"

"Real?" Isabel offered.

"Strange?" Kyle shrugged.

"Alive," Tess nodded. "She's always been real," she smiled at Isabel who agreed with a slight nod. "And she's always been strange," she smiled and tilted her head to one side. "But this is real strange. I mean, remember last night? She was a mess, she was hysterical, and today she's so calm its…" she waved her hand in the air searching for the right word to use.

"Unsettling," Kyle and Isabel said at the same time and laughed uncomfortably.

"Exactly," Tess smiled with them. "It's unsettling. And you're right, it's like the calm before a storm. Maria's got more going on with her than she's letting anyone know."

"Ten years is a long time to harbor all the feelings she had for Michael," Isabel sipped her tea. "First the hurt and betrayal and then the anger. The anger she's held on to for so long couldn't just disappear as if it was never there to begin with. She's treating him like he never really left, that she's not mad about anything and I know for a fact that's not true. She is mad, she is angry."

Kyle nodded and ran his hands through his hair after pushing his dinner plate away. "I just want her back so bad, I guess that I'll believe anything on the surface, but you're right. She's not following the natural path. She should be jonsing for a high by now, or a drink or something, but she isn't."

"She doesn't need chemicals," Tess met Kyle's eyes. "She's thriving on her own drug right now. Emotion."

Isabel closed her eyes and covered her face with her hands.

* * *

Michael put his arm around Maria and pulled her closer to him, their legs touching, their upper bodies becoming one. He kissed the top of her head and tried to work up the nerve to tell her why he left. The moment was so peaceful, blooming with a remembered life full of second chances; he didn't want to disrupt it. Not now.

He looked down when he felt her hand on his thigh, electric tingles raced through his central nervous system, and watched slim fingers knead his flesh over the denim of his jeans.

He stiffened, a sexual want that had been dormant roared back to life filling him with the essence of a lost soldier on a path to paradise. His fingers gripped the side of her shoulder, digging into her flesh when he felt her fingertips trace a line over the seam in the denim. He spread his legs as slightly as he could, unbridled desire overriding sense.

"Michael," she whispered his name and looked up to face him. She licked her bottom lip and then parted her lips to speak. Instead, she raised her hand from his leg and cupped the side of his face. Moving smoothly, she turned and straddled him, never taking her eyes off of his. She felt his hardness in-between her legs and ground her body down until she was able to elicit a moan from him.

"Maria…" His breath became heavy as ten years of frustration began to evaporate. He wrapped his arms around her waist, his hands sliding under the T-shirt. He pressed his palms into her bare skin and moaned.

Flesh.

Safe.

"Michael," she breathed his name before she brought her lips to his.

A kiss.

A simple kiss.

Michael sighed into her mouth as her tongue darted inside of his. He felt her hands on his own, guiding them up under her shirt. She let go of him and raised the black T-shirt above her breasts. His hands flew to breasts he hadn't touched in ten years but thought of everyday, just like he thought of all of her everyday.

Her nipples were already hard when he rolled them between his forefingers and thumbs. He wanted her. He needed her.

He pulled away from her kiss, his hands still on her breasts, and looked into her eyes. "I love you Maria, oh God, I've always loved you."

She ground herself down hard on him; her hips swiveled, and watched the excitement in his eyes.

Achievement.

"And you'll stay here?" She whispered while reaching down to the button on his jeans and undoing it with one hand.

"I swear I'll never leave you again," his words came out in-between heavy breaths.

"Never?" She unzipped the jeans expertly.

"Oh God, never, I swear I never meant to hurt you and I'll never do it again. Oh God," he closed his eyes when he felt her fingers touch his skin. "I should have explained…"

"Do you really love me?" She tightened her grip around him, pulling him out of the denim.

"I love you more than anything in the world, more than my life," he looked at her through slitted eyes. "I always loved you and I'll never leave your side, ever. You and me, Maria, together. Always."

"Promise?"

He nodded and felt her release him. He opened his eyes and stared into the eyes of someone he didn't know. "Maria?"

She scooted off of him, pulled down her shirt and took a step down off the table and then another backwards. "Now you know what it's like to surrender your heart to someone and have them leave." She turned around and started back down the path towards Kyle's.

"Maria!" He called to her trying to zip his pants back up, heartache in his voice. "Maria!"

She turned around and faced him. "Fuck you." She turned back around and took a few steps on the path before she heard him behind her. She picked up her pace while her heart raced.

"I had to leave!" He shouted and stopped in the path when he saw her quit walking away. "I had to leave you Maria!" Tears streamed down his flushed cheeks, he rested his hands on his knees and let the salty tears fall into the dirt path. "I didn't want to, but I had to. If I would have stayed…If I would have stayed I would have killed you…"

* * *


Chapter Thirty Three

Maria turned around and faced Michael with anger burning through her eyes. With calculated steps, she walked back to him and pulled his hands off his legs forcing him to face her. He stumbled back a step, thrown off balance from her force and she stepped closer into him, inches from his flushed face.

"Well, I have news for you, bastard!" She spoke between clenched teeth. "You did it anyway. When you left, it killed me and I would have stayed that way if it wasn't for your fucking alien friend! I guess in the end, it really didn't matter what you did because I died anyway!"

"Ma…ria…" Her name was broken by sobs. A decade's worth of pain emitted from him in broken sobs and deep breaths.

Maria's face remained unchanged. The anger in her eyes was wild, but the pain behind the anger was beginning to emerge.

"Let me explain," Michael wiped harshly at tears he hadn't wanted to spill. His hands shook against his face wishing the turn in events hadn't rendered him as inept as he felt. Standing in the woods, crying like a baby, trying to explain why he had left her. Why he had walked away and it came out in a flurry of words that he had intended on leading up to, not opening up with. I would have killed you.

"I don't want to hear your explanations," she shook her head slightly. "I don't want to hear anything from you except how you thought you could come back here and step right back into this hell I call my life and make everything better? How you thought I was going to fuck you and everything bad was just going to go away."

He shook his head as slightly as she had hers. "I don't…"

"You don't know," she finished for him. "I didn't expect anything less from you Michael Guerin. The boy who didn't know grew up into the man who still doesn't know." She smiled sadly at him.

"I have to tell you things Maria, I have to tell you everything." He said ignoring her last remarks. Ignoring how close they had come to hitting home.

"Right, you have to tell me why you left," she licked her bottom lip and placed her hands on her hips. "Maybe it doesn't matter anymore. Maybe it hasn't mattered since the day I died. Maybe nothing has mattered to me since then."

"Don't say that."

"Don't tell me what to do," she snapped, showing the first hint of emotion in an otherwise statuesque face. "You don't have that right. Not anymore."

Michael's head was filled with words he wanted to say. Everything he wanted to tell her fell apart as deep sadness took control of him.

"Tell me this Michael," her words were shaky as if she was fighting to regain control of them. "For every woman you fucked since you left me, did you think of me? Did you think of me the way I used to think of you every time a new man was inside of me?"

Michael knew her words were meant to hurt him, and they succeeded. "There hasn't been anyone else since you."

It was obvious on her face that Maria wasn't expecting that from him. The next barrage of ugliness was subsided, momentarily.

"There's never been anyone but you." Michael gained control of his words.

"I'm not the same sweet girl you knew a long time ago," her hands began to tremble. She clasped them together and held them at her waist. "I'm all grown up now, I turned into a woman with a drug problem and dusty knees. I don't need you Michael. I haven't needed you for a long time."

Michael glanced down, his gaze lingering on her obviously shaky hands. He reached to her and grabbed her wrists before she had time to react. "You do need me Maria. You need to know why everything happened. You need to know the truth that I hid from you!"

She pulled her hands away from him and lunged forward, her palms splayed in front of her, pushing against him. Michael had time to react and took the blow from her without losing his balance. Grabbing her hands, he forced her to still.

"Let go of me," the words dripped from her mouth like acid.

"Not until you listen to me," he sighed and willed himself to finish what he had started. The hurt and pain and fear rushed through him.

"It doesn't matter!" She screamed and pulled her hands free from him. She stumbled backwards away from him and turned around; she ran on the path back towards Kyle's house, her breath was ragged, her vision blurred through the tears. She knew she could have navigated the path with her eyes closed as many times as she'd been down it with Kyle and that was working in her favor with the night sky closing in.

Michael swore and took off after her, losing sight of her; he still heard her trampling over leaves and brush. The unfamiliar path was unnerving, his feet and brain not connecting with the nature underneath him; he was clumsy.

Maria saw the opening in the woods and then fire from the house. She knew Kyle had lit the torches on the deck like he loved to do when the sun set.

Citronella.

She could almost smell it from where she was.

Secure.

She ran towards the deck at top speed, not even seeing the three people who were now standing and watching her, alarm on their faces.

"Maria!" The yell from Michael came from behind the forest curtain.

Kyle and Isabel exchanged worried looks as Maria barreled up the steps and ran towards the sliding glass door. With trembling hands, she slid the door open and ran into the house.

"Go," Tess was the first to speak snapping the other two out of the dazed state of confusion they were in. "Kyle."

Kyle nodded and followed Maria inside. Tess waited for a beat and then stepped in the house closing the door behind her.

"What the hell is going on?" Isabel asked out loud although she was directing it to herself. She stared into the darkness as Michael burst from the woods and ran towards them. She stood in front of the door and waited.

"Maria!" Michael yelled the name as he ran up the steps. He stopped when he saw Isabel blocking his path.

Isabel looked at her friend and wanted to cry. The wetness and red in his eyes let her know she wouldn't be alone. She didn't know what had happened in the woods, but from the dishevelment of Michael, she knew it had been bad.

"Maria," he looked at Isabel as new wetness rolled down his cheeks.

The cool demeanor of the man she had witnessed for the last few days was gone. Now in front of her stood a broken man. "Stay out here, Michael."

He shook his head, all reasoning was gone. One thing was on his mind; he had to get to Maria. He tried to push past Isabel, but with a roll of her hand he flew back into the deck railing and then slid to the floor. Her chin quivered as she approached him and knelt beside him. When he looked at her, she wanted to nothing more than hold him and tell him everything was going to be all right.

"Michael," she touched his head with the back of her hand. She wrapped her long slender arms around him and slid down next to him taking him entirely in her arms while he cried.

* * *


Chapter Thirty Four


Isabel didn't know the right words to say to him. Were there right words? She cradled his heaving body against her and rubbed his back with one hand, her other one smoothed his hair. Her lips touched his cheek and she tasted the salt from his tears.
"Michael," she whispered his name, her tears mingling with his. "What happened?"

Michael shook his head; his arms lay flaccid in his lap. His sobbing began to decrease and he looked to his friend, his life long friend, and then rested his head on her shoulder.

Isabel turned towards the house and saw Tess in the kitchen through the glass door; she was pacing. Isabel was torn, the man in her arms needed her but she didn't know what was going on inside the house. She didn't know what was happening to Maria. To the woman she had helped take care of for the last ten years.

"Michael," she kissed the top of his head feeling useless. Useless was not a feeling she was accustomed to and she didn't like it. The important people in her life were falling apart and all she could do was watch. "Please, what's going on? What happened?"

He looked at her through blurred vision and trembling lips; the tears were beginning to dry on his still flush cheeks. He wore an aura of sadness as another man would wear a coat.

"Michael," Isabel said his name again and tried to make the connection with him that she's always been able to do before. "I'm here for you, Michael, but I can't help you if I don't know what's going on. What happened in the woods?"

"I killed her anyway," he whispered and sank further into her arms.

* * *
Kyle raced through the house; quasi-relief swept through him when he saw Maria curled up on her bed. Taking a deep breath, he stepped into her room and looked at the woman who had seemed so alive today, for the first time in years. Whatever had happened in the woods had reduced her back to the scared woman, trembling, curled into a tight ball.

He took three steps towards the bed before he heard her quiet sobbing. He sat next to her and then stood back up quickly when she turned, fear in her eyes. He watched as the recognition filtered back into her eyes and he sat back down.

"Maria," he said her name softly and waited for her to turn into him, like she always did. He held his arms open for her and waited for her to crawl into his lap like she had so many times before.

She curled her thin body against him and let her tears soak through his shirt. He wrapped his arms around her and damned himself for even considering the idea that things were going to be better. He should have known nothing was that easy.

"Maria," he kissed her cheek and rubbed her back. "What happened?"

She shook her head and began to rock gently back and forth. Back and forth.

"You know I'm here for you, but I can't help if I don't know what's going on," he envisioned an outraged Michael on the deck and Isabel holding him back. He hoped his imagination was wrong.

Maria looked at him with tears balanced on her eyelids and shook her head.

As much time as he had spent with Maria over the years; he felt he was getting good at reading her and what he read was scaring the hell out of him. The anger he was expecting wasn't there. Sadness ravaged her. Through all the years and times of pain, he couldn't remember seeing such an incredible sadness in her eyes. It was different from all the times he held her hand while she was in the hospital. Different from the times she came down from a high and decided to reevaluate her life in a murky mindset. There was only one other time he had seen her with this kind of sadness and he wanted to scream when he made the connection.

"Are you sure we're doing the right thing?" Kyle asked as he stood on the DeLuca front porch next to Isabel.

Isabel looked at him and shrugged. "I don't know anything anymore Kyle, my whole world had changed. I guess everyone's has, but Maria…" She shook her head and wrapped on the door with her knuckles. "She needs someone, she needs us."

Kyle nodded and stuffed his hands in his pockets. "I hate to see her…You know, like she is."

"I know," Isabel knocked again. "I just wish I knew what the hell happened with Michael."

"Why would he just take off?" Kyle knocked on the door as a sinking feeling invaded him. "Shit," he pushed the door open and ran into the living room with Isabel on his heels. "Maria!"

Isabel ducked through the beaded curtain leading into the hallway; Kyle was at her side. They reached Maria's bedroom and saw her.

Splayed on her bed in nothing but a pair of underwear, her head hanging off one side, Maria DeLuca was dying.

"No!" Kyle screamed and cradled her against him.

Isabel saw the pill bottle on the floor and reached for the phone. "Max."

"Maria…Maria…"Kyle cried her name holding her limp body against his warm one. He looked to Isabel as she took the spot on the other side of Maria. "Why?"

Isabel shook her head as tears rushed down her face. "Max is on his way," she touched Maria's neck and couldn't find a pulse. She wasn't sure if she'd even be able to over the beating of her own heart.

The minutes ticked by like hours until they heard the front door open.

"Isabel?" It was Max.

"Bedroom," she shouted as she heard his footsteps. "Hurry!"

Max Evans appeared in the doorway, his eyes darting from one face to the other before settling on Maria DeLuca. He pushed Kyle away and knelt next to her. "What happened?"

"Pills, Max," Isabel stood up next to Kyle and gripped his arm. "She took a lot of pills."

Max placed his hand over Maria's naked chest, ignoring the smooth curves of her breasts; his other hand touched her mouth. A slight gasp of air escaped her full lips and Max made the connection to her he needed.

His eyes burned as he saw Maria's life through her eyes. He pulled away from her and collapsed on the floor, Isabel went to his side as Kyle gathered Maria up in his arms.

Maria DeLuca looked around the room and saw Isabel and Max Evans on the floor and knew what had happened. She turned her head up to Kyle and parted her lips. "Why?"

Kyle saw the sadness of bringing her back, again. His soul cried.

* * *


Chapter Thirty Five

"You killed…?" Isabel's head swam. Hearing the words come from him had sent shivers down her spine. "Michael! What are you talking about?" She demanded her voice full of fear. She forced him to look at her. "Michael?"

He shook his head and closed his eyes; something dark was taking over his body. On the balmy night with citronella hanging over them, Michael Guerin seemed to go into shock.

His eyes rolled back in his head and his body shook. Isabel panicked and waved in the direction of the sliding glass door trying to get Tess's attention. She saw the bouncy blond curls and knew Tess was facing the other way, into the rest of the house. Isabel slipped off a shoe and threw it at the door.

She watched as Tess jumped and then ran towards the door; the blond slid it open and rushed over, immediately dropping to her knees.

"Help me get him inside," Isabel panted. "I think he's in shock."

Tess nodded and put one of Michael's arms around her neck and pulled him off of Isabel. The two women halfway carried and halfway drug Michael inside and to the couch. Tess covered him with the blanket from the back of the sofa while Isabel held him.

"What's going on? Should I call Max?" Tess paced nervously in front of them.

Isabel shook her head. "Something happened out there with Maria and…" Isabel wiped away a new tear from her face. "He said he killed her."

Tess shook her head in confusion. "Maria? What's he talking about?"

The other woman didn't have an answer. She didn't have an answer for anything. "Is she okay?"

Tess shrugged, "They haven't come out of her room. Should I go check on them?"

Isabel nodded and pulled Michael's body closer into her. She closed her eyes and ran the back of her hand down his cheek. "Michael, come on, don't do this to me now. Please!" She begged into his hair and kissed the tip of his ear. "Not now Michael, not now…"

* * *

Tess stood quietly in the doorway and looked in at her boyfriend and Maria. She tried to get Kyle's attention without disturbing them by waving her arms in the air. Both Kyle and Maria turned to her.

"What's wrong?" Kyle asked tightening his grip on Maria.

She looked over her shoulder and licked her lips. "It's Michael, he's like in shock."
She watched Maria's face pale. "Maria, are you okay?"

Maria stared at her as if she didn't understand what she was asking of her. The words were hanging in front of her like a curtain. Am I okay? She asked herself. I'm not physically hurt, not really mentally either. Not as much as I thought I would be. Not as much as I hoped I would be.

"Yeah, Tess. I think I'm okay." Maria said softly with a slight nod of her head.

Kyle looked down surprised at the woman in his arms. The trembling woman who minutes before was curled up into a ball of fear. He knew he shouldn't be surprised by anything Maria did anymore.

"Is he okay?" Kyle asked and felt Maria's body stiffen.

"I don't know," Tess ran her hands through her hair pulling it up into a ponytail. She reached for a rubberband on the dresser and secured it. "He's in the living room with Isabel."

Maria maneuvered herself off Kyle's lap and smiled. "It's okay Kyle, go see if you can help."

Kyle got off the bed and watched her carefully. "Are you sure?"

Maria wiped her eyes and nodded. She scooted back on the bed and grabbed a pillow against her chest.

Kyle followed Tess out of the room with a quick glance over his shoulder at Maria.

"What the fuck is going on around here?" He mumbled to himself as he stepped into the living room and his eyes fell upon the couch.

Isabel was next to Michael, holding him against her body; the blanket was covering them both. Michael's eyes were closed and his body was visibly shaking from underneath the blanket.

"What the fuck is wrong with him?" Kyle asked stepping closer. "Iz?"

She looked up at him and shrugged. "I think he's in shock."

"Shock?" Kyle ran his hands through his hair. "Shock from what? What the hell does he have to be in shock from?"

"I don't know what happened out there…" Isabel whispered. "How's Maria?"

"Surprisingly okay. I think." He let out a deep breath. "I don't know. All I know is that this is turning into the biggest cluster-fuck I've ever seen in my life. You know, I thought my life was a little bizarre, the whole me-knowing-aliens part of it, but this…This is…"

"Maria," Michael's voice was barely above a whisper. "Where is she?"

"She's in her room," Isabel answered and touched his cheek.

Michael fought to sit up, throwing the blanket to the ground. "What? What happened?"

Isabel, Kyle and Tess exchanged looks. Isabel was the first to speak. "I thought you were in shock."

"I'm not in shock," he swung his legs off the couch and sat up straight. "I have to see Maria. I have to tell her…"

"Why you left?" Kyle finished the sentence for him. "Is that what happened out there? Did you tell her why you left?"

"I started to," Michael shook his head as if trying to literally clear it. "It went all wrong, I didn't do it right."

"Michael, you scared the hell out of me!" Isabel touched his shoulder. "You said you…" She looked at Kyle for a second before turning back to Kyle. "You said you killed her."

"I did," he stood up. "I have to talk to her. Now."

"I don't know if she wants to see you, " Kyle crossed his arms over his chest and stood with his feet a foot apart.

"I'll see him," Maria stood at the corner of the room, her body hidden in the hallway. "He needs to explain."
* * *

TBC becky