Author: becky rttavi@aol.com
Rating: R probably for profanity because I'm writing it :)
Distribution: Ask first, always.
Pairing: Future  M/M
Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with Roswell or the characters of Roswell. I don't profit from anything.
Spoilers: Not sure yet, probably S2
Feedback: send to rttavi@aol.com
Dedications: To Susan & BobbyC who stopped me in my first attempt. Whew!



Part I


Maria DeLuca spun on her heels as she walked into the normally dingy apartment of her longtime boyfriend Michael Guerin. Her head swiveled from side to side taking in the apartment.

"Oh God," she put her hand to her mouth. "Michael!" She yelled as her heart began to pound.

Michael rushed out of the bedroom in boxer shorts, his hair tousled from sleep. "What!"

"Someone broke in and cleaned your apartment," her voice quivered. She pointed to the other side of the room. "And they left a Christmas tree behind!"

Michael sighed and licked his lips. "You're very funny DeLuca." He shook his head. "What are you doing here? Is it even dawn yet?"

"Almost noon, my dearest." She nodded towards the tree with a scattering of ornaments on it. "So, who did it? Cleaned and decorated?"

"I did," he stifled a yawn.

Maria fell to her knees and raised her arms to the air, "Behold! A Christmas Miracle!"

"Are you almost done?" Michael fought the smile.

"Almost," Maria stood and whistled low. "Alrighty, I'm done. So, what gives? Did you get bit with the Christmas bug or what? Where'd you get the tree from?"

"I went out after you left last night and stole it," he shrugged and walked into the kitchen.

Maria followed on his heels. "You [i]stole[/i] a Christmas tree? You can't steal a Christmas tree. That's like, the big wrong thing to do for the Holiday's!"

He shrugged and went about making a pot of coffee. "I thought you'd be happy."

"You thought I'd be happy?" Maria demanded; her voice softened, "You mean you did it for me?"

He looked over his shoulder at the woman he had given up a world for and nodded.

"That is so sweet!" She cooed and walked towards him with her arms outstretched. She embraced him and kissed the scruffiness of his unshaven cheek. "Seriously, Michael, that may be the sweetest thing you've ever done. Ever."

He kissed her forehead and wrapped his arms around her waist. "For you? Anything."

"Do you mean it?" She looked up into his eyes and saw the truth. He did mean it. Anything for her.

"Yeah, I mean it." He nodded. He looked past her into the living room at the little tree and handful of ornaments on it and took a deep breath. The absence of presents underneath was unnerving. "Tomorrow's Christmas."

"I know," she smiled. "That's why we're going to celebrate Christmas Eve tonight." She thumped him lightly on the chest. "I have a few things to pick up and then we're going to The Crashdown. Everyone will be there and it'll be a little happy alien Christmas shin-dig."

"Shopping? We're going shopping?"

"Don't you ever listen to me? We planned this last night," she smiled.

"The only thing I remember about last night was you being naked. I didn't hear any words."

She rolled her eyes. "Get a shower, get dressed and let's roll. Maybe tonight I'll show you what the true meaning of Holiday cheer is all about."

Michael halfway smiled at her and followed directions. He showered, the whole time thinking about Maria and how lucky he was to have her in his life. For her to be his life. He couldn't imagine spending his life with anyone other than her. The small gift-wrapped ring box in his nightstand was her present and he smiled. The box had been hidden under various magazines for the last two years. He thought about giving it to her before but didn't. He decided on a lame locket last year and was still debating between a weekend getaway or nothing for this year. He was almost positive he was going to give the ring to her in the morning. Almost. He thought about how surprised she would be. Six years. For six years he'd done nothing but breath, sleep and dream about Maria and now he was going to propose to her. Maybe. The timing was perfect. The shock on her face alone was going to be enough for him. The smiles and tears when she accepted. The promises he was going to make her. The promises he was going to keep. Michael Guerin couldn't imagine his life without Maria DeLuca in it.

This was going to be the best Christmas that he could remember. The stolen tree in the other room had won her over. He had stolen it for her; everything was always for Maria. If only he could decide whether to give her the ring or not.

He changed into jeans, boots and a button down shirt over a black T-shirt. As he wiped the condensation off of the mirror he thought more about Maria. All the crap he'd put her through for the first couple of years they were together. All the tears because of him. All the heartache he had caused. Now was the time to make it up to her. Now was the time to set the record straight and make sure she knew exactly what he thought of her.

He found himself whistling a Christmas carol and nearly choked on it. As he shaved, he wondered what his life would have been like if he wouldn't have met Maria. If she wouldn't had fallen in love with his brusque exterior and saw the real him through the pretenses of bad ass. He wondered how his life would be if he had never grown close to her and allowed her to grow close to him. If they had never fallen in love.

He slapped on some non-smelly after-shave and walked back into the living room. Something was wrong. Something was off. Maria was gone. The tree was gone. The apartment was in total disarray.

"Maria?" He called out, his voice shaky. "Maria?"

Nothing. He walked from room to room and there was no evidence of her. His heart began to pound when he went back in the bedroom and looked in the nightstand drawer. The box was gone. The framed picture of the two of them together at Graduation was gone. He turned to the closet and pushed clothes aside, the few clothing items she kept there were gone. There was not a trace of evidence that Maria DeLuca had ever been there.

"Oh shit," Michel ran his hands through his hair. "This is not good."

He tried to control his breathing as every imaginable scenario played out in his mind. Maria was gone. Everything connecting him to Maria was gone. He thought about the hesitation in the bathroom; the wondering what his life would be like without her in it and shuddered.
*          *           *

Part II.


Michael took a few deep breaths and looked around the apartment again. No sign of Maria. He walked on shaky legs to the kitchen and looked in the sink. Her favorite coffee cup with the dancing flowers on it was gone. He opened the refrigerator door and held his breath. Her stash of bottled water was gone.

"Oh shit," he whispered. Walking purposely through the apartment. The ring was gone. The picture was gone. Her clothes, mug and water, all gone. "Shit!"

He looked out the window in the front door for her car. Gone. Putting on a jacket, he darted from the apartment and immediately started to sweat. He took the jacket off and ran back to the door. He tossed the heavy fabric inside and jogged back to his bike. He didn't remember it being so warm when he had gone to bed the night before. Now it felt like it was a hundred degrees out. He got on the motorcycle and let it roar to life.

After looking closer at the metal gas tank between his legs, he noticed the rust and chipping paint. "What the fuck?" He ran his hand over the roughness and shook his head trying to remember when exactly his only prized possession had begun to rust and chip. "Something is wrong in Roswell."

He felt the hot air as it blew through his hair giving him the relaxation he needed. He hadn't worn a helmet on a bike since he'd turned eighteen and the helmet laws no longer applied to him. Speeding through the sunny town his mind began to try to knit together what exactly was going on. How had he pissed Maria off so much that she would take everything of hers and leave? But the ring? The ring was a mystery. She didn't know about the ring. He shook his head; maybe he had just missed it in his feverish scanning of the drawer. After all, it was hidden.

Accepting the rational for the ring, Michael pulled up the walk of the DeLuca house. He knew Amy hated it when he parked the bike on the walk, but this was an emergency. He had to know why Maria just left. He walked to the door and noticed the lack of a wreath on it. He was sure there had been one there yesterday. He knocked rapidly and waited. Nothing. No one was home. No cars in the driveway should have tipped him off. He peered in the window and caught his breath. The Christmas tree Maria had slaved over was gone.

"Did I miss Christmas?" He asked himself out loud. "Did I slip in the shower and miss the whole damn thing?"

He turned around and looked at the neighboring houses. There were no Christmas lights hanging from gutters. No mechanical reindeer bowing their heads into make-believe pools of water. No jolly plastic Santa's. No hideous plastic candles lining the walkway of the house next door.

"I did, either I slept through Christmas or I just stepped into the Twilight Zone," he tried to do a Rod Serling impersonation but it fell somewhere in between Rodney Dangerfield and Jack Nicholson.

With raised eyebrows and the desire for sunglasses he walked slowly back to his bike. As he swung one leg over the metal, he noticed his boots had worn through on the sides.

"Son-of-a-bitch!" He let out a deep breath and turned the key. Feeling the vibration between his legs, he maneuvered the bike off of the DeLuca walkway and back onto the road. "Max." He said and nodded to himself. Max usually had answers for things. Michael knew most of the time that Max made up the answers, right now he didn't care. Anything was better than the not knowing bit.

He steered through town and noticed the absence of gaudy Christmas decorations on the lampposts. No banners hanging over the street declaring the time of the Christmas parade. Nothing. It was just like any other time of the year in Roswell.

Michael ignored traffic laws and nearly laid the bike down twice on his urgent ride to the Evans house. He kept his figurative fingers crossed that Max would be there. He pulled up in the driveway and knew at once that no one was home. The darkened windows and lack of automobiles were a dead giveaway. The Christmas lights that had been hanging from the gutters since Thanksgiving were gone.

"Damn it," he muttered under his breath and glanced at his watch. After three. After three? He shook his head remembering that Maria had told him it was almost noon when she woke him up. He couldn't imagine how it took three hours to shower and freak out about Maria's sudden disappearance. He looked up and down the street with the slim hope Max Evans would turn the corner.

Michael only waited a few minutes before taking off out of the Evans' driveway. His next stop was the Parker's. If anyone knew why Maria was pissed off, it would be her best friend Liz.

The engine roared down the residential street as Michael kept nervous hands on the sweat-slicked handlebars. He pulled up in front of the café owned by Liz's parents and saw Max's car parked out front. After a sigh of relief, he kicked down the kickstand and walked through the front door of his own place of employment. The bell ringing over his head announced his entrance, but no one seemed to look up. He glanced around noticing all the cheesy alien-theme Christmas decorations were gone. His breath caught as he looked around the half-filled café. The back of a bobbing head in a booth caught his attention. It was Max and he was laughing.

Taking long strides across the room he reached the booth and faced his life long friend. Max was sitting alone with a paperback book in his hand; he was smiling.

"Michael?"

He slid in across the booth from Max and controlled his breathing and tried to think of the right words. He didn't want to come across as sounding like a jackass.

"You okay?" Max asked setting his book aside. "You look like you've seen a ghost."

A ghost? Michael laughed widening his eyes.  "Where are all of the decorations?" He pointed above his head with his index fingers.

"Decorations?" Max asked slowly as he raised his eyebrows. "Decorations for what?"

"Uh…" Michael's heart began to pound. "Christmas?"

"Christmas? They don't usually go up until around Thanksgiving. Are you okay?"

"What day is it?" Michael asked wiping his sweaty palms on his jeans.

"October nineteenth." He glanced at his watch. "Aren't you supposed to be in class?"

"Class?"

"Your GED class?"

"GED?"  Michael shrugged and ran his hands through his hair. "What are you talking about Max?"

"Oh God, did you quit again?" All the joviality in the conversation was gone. "How many times can you take it and quit before you can't go back?"

"I'm not taking a class…"

"So you never went? What do you think you're going to do with your life without a high school diploma or a GED? No wonder you can't hold down a job."

Michael leaned back in the booth. "Where's Liz?"

"Liz? Why? Did she tell you she'd tutor you again?"

"Dude, I don't know what the fuck you are talking about okay? I just need to talk to Liz and find out what happened with Maria." He splayed his damp hands on the table.

"Maria DeLuca?" Max shook his head, his eyes narrowed.

"Yeah, Maria DeLuca." He heard the panic in his voice.

"Why would you want to talk about her?"

Michael felt his head swim.
*         *            *


III.


"Why would I want to talk about Maria?" Michael repeated. "Because she's my girlfriend, maybe?"

"Your girlfriend." Max nodded. "Are you on something? Did you get a hold of some alien smack or something?"

"This whole fucking town is high, Max. I just have to find Maria and then we can get this whole thing cleared up. Is she singing tonight? Do you know?"

"Uh…No. But she might be waiting tables." Max shook his head. "Do you have a fever?"

"She hasn't waited tables in a couple of years. She sings a couple nights a week across the street, remember?" Michael was losing his patience and wondering why he hadn't lost it long before now.

"She sings." Max nodded. "Michael, I don't know what's going on with you but you're obviously in some type of mental breakdown. Maybe I should…"

"I'm not crazy, Maxwell." Michael's eyes were wide and he was pretty sure he looked crazed. "Just things aren't exactly right around here today. You know?"

"No Michael. I don't know. Why don't you tell me."

"I'm trying," Michael said slowly. He wondered how he was going to make Max Evans understand what he was going to tell him. Where had Christmas gone? Where had Maria gone? "When I woke up this morning it was Christmas Eve. About an hour later it was today, October whatever. Maria was gone, all traces of Maria were gone from my apartment."

"Maria's never been to you apartment."

"Yeah, okay. Just fucking listen to me. I don't know if this some type of joke or some alien-related thing, but nothing is how it seems."

Max narrowed his eyes and sat back. He nodded; he was willing to listen.

"I'm a supervisor for the security firm I work for. I still work here one night a week, on Sundays. I have been seriously dating Maria DeLuca for six years. I graduated from high school four years ago and until this morning, I had a picture of Maria and I at said ceremony. Maria sings three nights a week at the jazz place across the street. She also works at the junior college in the mailroom and takes voice lessons." Michael said his soliloquy slowly and tried to read his friends pained expression. "Does any of that sound familiar?"

"Uh…No. You didn't graduate with us Michael. You haven't worked here since high school, when you got fired. You've had maybe thirty different jobs in the last four years and Isabel has paid your rent for you for the last two months because she feels sorry for you. You and Maria DeLuca have never even been friends, let alone date. You've dated, and I use that term loosely, dozens upon dozens of women. However Maria DeLuca, not one of them. Maria still works here part-time and I don't think she's sung anything in years. She goes to school and will be graduating at the end of this semester with a degree in art history."

Michael shook his head. No. "This is crap. Where is she? Where is Maria?"

"I don't know," Max looked around nervously. "Why don't we go back to my parents house and see if things get clearer?"

"Things are clear!" Michael slapped the tabletop causing the patrons around them to stare. "Things are crystal fucking clear. She's…" Michael didn't want to go with the 'Maria's just pissed off' thing anymore. There was more to it now. It wasn't just Maria; it was everything. Everything had shifted about forty-five degrees and it was settling on the axis. "Fuck!"

"Michael, something is wrong with you."

"Nothing is wrong with me, it's everyone and everything else." All control he had of his voice was gone. "I just have to find Maria and everything will be okay. I'm not crazy, I swear I'm not crazy. You're Max Evans and your sister is Isabel. You've been dating Liz Parker forever and you're getting married sometime next year. You graduated college and you and Liz are saving up for a house. You work for some freaking accounting firm and Liz is going for her Masters."

"Okay, you got Liz and me right…" R>
"I'm getting everything right!" Michael slapped the tabletop again. He looked to the front door as it opened. The sight of long brown hair and almond shaped eyes came into view. The almond shaped eyes rolled as they set on Michael. "Liz!"

"Michael," Liz Parker slung her backpack on the other side of Max and sat down next to him. "So. Michael. How are you?"

"He's not doing so good," Max answered for him and gave Liz one of those obvious 'go along with me' looks.

"I'm doing just fucking fine," Michael laughed sarcastically. "Where's Maria?"

"Maria DeLuca?" Liz asked with arched eyebrows.

"Great, you too. Yeah. Where. Is. Maria?" Michael asked again.

"I don't know. Why do you want Maria?"

"Because they're dating," Max interjected with a slight shrug.

Liz laughed out loud and covered her mouth. "I'm sorry. You're what?" She looked at Michael. "Dating? You and Maria?"

Michael rubbed his face and was finding it increasingly harder not to yell at the people across from him.

"Seriously Michael, are you on something?" Liz asked.

"After every weird thing that has ever happened to us, why are you people questioning me like this?" He demanded looking back and forth between Max and Liz. "All the fucking weirdness we've been through and suddenly I'm crazy?"

"Michael," Liz sighed. "You're making absolutely no sense at all. I mean, Maria? My friend Maria."

"Maria and I have been together for six years." Michael smiled but there was no happiness in it. "Something happened this morning when I was in the shower and now it's all different. Nothing is right. Christmas is gone, or hasn't happened yet, I don't know."

"Christmas?" Liz looked to Max for help but only got a shrug.

"Yes Liz, Christmas. Deck the fucking halls and Rudolph? Sound familiar? Maria and I were going to go shopping and then meet the rest of you here for a Christmas Eve party." As the words tumbled from his mouth he wondered if he really was crazy. He wondered if everything Max had told him was true and he'd been living in some type of dream world. He shook his head. He wasn't crazy. "No."

"No what?" Max asked.

"No this isn't happening. None of this is happening. I didn't just make up the last six years of my life. I didn't make up that Maria and I fell in love. I didn't make up that I have job and I graduated from high school!"

He saw the look of concern transpire between Max and Liz and didn't like it. Not at all. They didn't believe him. They didn't believe a single word he was saying.

"Oh, shit." Michael eyes widened. Nothing is as it seems. He ran his sweaty hands through his already damp hair. "Okay. This is just a big mistake." He stood up and nodded. "I'm crazy and you guys are sane…" He trailed off as a familiar pair of normally bright but now dulled eyes came into view. "Oh…"

Maria DeLuca walked through the front door of the café in uniform. A backpack slung over her shoulder. Her hair was short, the length barely hitting her earlobes. The long mane that Michael loved to run his hands through was gone.

"Maria," Michael whispered as she neared the table.

With barely a nod of acknowledgement to Liz, Maria cruised by and into the backroom out of sight.

"Is that how all your girlfriends treat you?" Liz giggled.

Michael wanted to slap her, but refrained. He turned away from the booth and only stopped when Max grabbed him by the wrist.

"Where are you going?" Max demanded.

"I want to talk to Maria." He looked down and noticed the moisture of perspiration seeping through the cotton of his shirt. He was sure it was probably visible under his arms as well.  He shook off Max's hand and took a step towards the backroom.
When he had almost reached the swinging door, it swung open and Maria DeLuca walked out nearly running into him.

"Maria." His voice was barely above a whisper.

She stopped in her tracks and faced him, looking up into his eyes. "Yeah." She sighed and put her hands on her hips. "What?"

"Maria," Michael's words were breathy; the undertone of a nervous laugh was beneath them. "You cut your hair."

She absently reached up to her head. "Yeah, like ten years ago. Did you need something?"
*        *        *

IV.


"Uh…" Michael stammered on the other words that were getting jumbled in his mouth. The way Maria looked at him, the lack of connection he felt with her made his stomach queasy.

"So, did you want something?" She asked with obvious annoyance and arched eyebrows. He reached out and touched her arm the way he had a million times before. This time, she drew her arm back in a jerky motion. "What are you doing?"

"Maria. It's me." His words were light in his mouth, very similar to the feeling in his head.

"Yeah, I see you, what do you want?"

"Maria, we have to talk. Something strange is going on." His eyes shifted towards the backroom. "Can we talk? Alone?"

"About what?" She glanced nervously around him towards the booth that he had come from.

"About us." His brow wrinkled as he fought the urge to touch her face.

"Us? What are you talking about?"

"Maria, please." He motioned towards the backroom again. "Please."

He could see her thinking about it before she finally nodded and turned on her heels. He followed her through the swinging door and took a deep breath.

"So what's going on? You don't want your old job back, do you? Because I can't help you there." She stood with her hands on her hips.

He shook his head. "Tell me you remember me."

"Remember you?" She tilted her head to the side.

"Tell me you remember…Us."

"Us. As in you and me?" She shook her head. "Okay. I think this may be the longest conversation we've ever had."

"No," he ran his hands through his hair and then wiped them on his jeans. "No. Maria, listen to me.  This morning when I woke up it was Christmas Eve and we were going to go shopping. Then everything changed and I'm in some type of alternate reality where nothing is right! You and me. We've been together for six years-"

She took a step back from him shaking her head. "No."

"Yes. I love you Maria and you love me! We've been through everything and managed to stay together and now it's fucking October and nothing is right! You have to listen to me. You have to believe me! I was going to propose to you in the morning!"

"I don't know what you're on, but you're scaring me." Her voice quivered. "I don't even really know you! You're just Max's creepy friend."

"You don't remember the first time we kissed? You don't remember the first time we made love? The night before I was leaving this fucking planet? You don't remember how I stayed here for you?"

Maria shook her head slowly. "I don't know…"

"You were outside the Granilith, you were there to tell us that Tess killed Alex-"

"Alex?" Her voice dropped. "Grani-what?"

"Don't you remember that either?" He struggled with his emotions. "Tess mind warped Alex, Maria."

"Alex was killed in a car accident," she said slowly. "Tess? Tess Harding? Are you high or something?"

"You were there with Liz, you figured it out with Kyle! Remember?"

"Kyle Valenti?"

"Damn it Maria! You're the only one I can turn to. You have to remember us. I can't lose you. Not like this…"

"I don't know what the hell you are talking about, but you're freaking me out." She tilted her head to one side. "Why don't you go take your sweaty self back out there and play with your friends. Maybe Max can help you in this alternate reality you think you're living in."

"I'm not crazy Maria," he sighed. "The locket I gave you for Christmas last year," he pointed to a chain around her neck as his eyes lit up. "You never take it off!"

Maria pulled the silver chain up out of her uniform shirt and showed Michael the crystal hanging from it. "Go away, I have to work."

He closed the distance between them with one step and grabbed her arms. "You have to remember Maria. You have to remember us!"

"Let go of me," she broke away from him. "I don't know anything about you! I don't know what kind of drugs you're on. I don't know anything about what you're telling me. You're not making any sense; so just go away and leave me alone!"

The swinging door began to swing in, Michael raised his hand towards it, seemingly freezing it in its place. A startled "hey!" came from the other side.

Maria backed away from him as far as she could until she hit the wall on the other side of the room. Her mouth gapped open, her eyes were wide.

"What did you do?" She whispered.

He walked towards her and saw something in her eyes he'd never seen before. Through all the years and all the emotions, this was new. Fear. She was scared of him.

"I don't want to be interrupted," he whispered.

She pointed towards the door. "How did you…?" He closed in on her and she screamed.

"Oh shit, don't scream." He cringed and raised his hands towards her.

"Don't touch me!" She screamed again and put her hands over her face.

Michael looked around the small backroom nervously. The swinging door swung open and Max Evans barreled through followed by Liz. Liz went to her friend's side while Max grabbed Michael by the arm and pulled him back towards the door.

"Maria!" Michael called over his shoulder as Max led him through the door back into the restaurant.

"What the hell were you doing in there?" Max demanded as he still led Michael by the arm outside of the café. He released him once they reached the sidewalk.

The scorching sun hit Michael with a vengeance as he felt the sweat run in rivulets down the back of his neck.

"Damn it Michael, answer me!"

"I was talking to her," he focussed in on Max through squinting eyes.

"Why was she screaming?"

"I kept the door from opening while we were-"

"Powers?" Max interrupted. "You used your powers in front of her?"

Michael opened his mouth to speak then shut it as the realization that Maria didn't know the big alien secret dawned on him.

"She doesn't know." He stated and looked to Max. "Maria doesn't know."

"No, she doesn't know." He snapped. "God, I don't know what's wrong with you today but you're being stupid. You used your powers in front of Maria, you're in some kind of dream world, how the hell am I supposed to explain what you did in there? I can't keep you out of trouble anymore Michael; we're too old for this Peter Pan bullshit. You have to start acting responsibly. God, look at you, you're a mess! When I tell Isabel…Man!"

"So I guess you don't know about Alex either, huh?" Michael's eyes were still narrowed but it wasn't from the sun anymore.

"Alex Whitman?" Max sighed. "What about Alex?"

"That Tess killed him." He tried to sound as nonchalantly as he could while putting the pieces of the puzzle of the day together.

"Tess?" Max laughed. "You're having problems Michael. Severe mental problems. I can try to--you know, if you want."

"Oh no," he shook his head and saw the beads of sweat drip off the ends of his hair. "You're not touching me. We were all leaving for home, remember that? Liz, Maria and Kyle showed up-"

"Maria hasn't been there. Neither has Kyle."

"Okay," Michael nodded. If Maria didn't know about them, then her part in everything that happened was gone. He licked his lips as the edges of the puzzle began to interlock. "So why didn't we go home? Why did Tess go alone?"

"The deal Nascedo made? Remember? Our certain death if we returned. Does any of this ring a bell?" Max's voice was low, almost a growl. "You were pissed, but you stayed here with Isabel and me."

"The deal…"Michael almost smiled. "Right."

"Okay, look, Michael. You're obviously delusional." Max shook his head.

Michael shrugged. He wasn't liking this reality all that much.

"You know Michael," Max kicked at imaginary rocks on the ground. "You've…"

Michael didn't hear whatever else Max was going to say to him. He walked towards his bike and let it snarl to life when he saw Max approaching out of the corner of his eye. He revved the engine to drown out Max's words and took off down the street in search of answers.

*           *             *

V.


The heat pounded on his back as Michael Guerin rode his motorcycle through a world he didn't know. The safety and familiarity were gone. Everything was different now and he had to know why. He had to find out why this had happened to him. Was it to show him what his life really would be like if Maria wasn't in it? Was it a dream that he just couldn't wake up from or was this reality and he really was crazy? If this was the power of something greater, then he thought he could deal with it. Hell, he was pretty sure he could even understand it. But why in the hell was it October?

Although he knew Maria had always been an important part of his life since he'd met her, he had no idea how much she figured into the rest of the world. Without Maria in his life, in the lives of the others, everything changed. He reflected on the importance of her being there. Not just as his girlfriend, but for just being Maria DeLuca.

The rules changed. Liz never told Maria about the big alien secret, she wasn't privy to all the goings-on in their secret society so all her ideas and plans were non-existent. He knew it would take hours if not days or weeks to sift through everything that Maria had been a huge part of to determine this outcome. The one thing that was prevalent in his mind was Alex Whitman.

No one knew the truth about him. Nothing changed in this reality except for Maria. The others didn't know that Tess had killed Alex. Without Maria, Liz never figured it out by herself. Without Maria, he realized, he was ready to leave the planet and not look back.

"Damn," he muttered under his breath while wiping sweat away from his eyes. [i]Why is it so damn hot?[/i] He soared down the seemingly familiar streets, the hot wind whipping in his face.

The bike seemed to have a mind of its own as he pulled into a parking spot at the park. He was off his bike and pacing within seconds. Trying to piece together everything that had happened since he saw Maria this morning.

"Okay," he said out loud and wondered when he had taken to talking to himself out loud. "In the shower and everything is cool. Out of the shower and I'm in hell. In shower good. Out of shower bad. Come on Guerin, you can get it. You can do this. You can figure this out. It's some type of test. It has to be test. Or I've been brainwashed. No, wait, I've been mind warped!" He turned around quickly to surprise whoever was in back of him, but there was no one. "Great. Paranoia at it's best.

"It's October something, not Christmas and I'm a big loser. That's just fucking great. I do everything I can to make something out of myself and I end up not only in loserville, but as the fucking king of it. Watch out Maxwell, your king has got nothing on mine."

He paced back and forth and new he must look like the stereotypical crazy man to the passer-bys on the street. Hell, he thought, shouldn't matter in this realm. I'm already an uneducated, unemployed, womanizing loser; does it really matter if we throw in a little crazy too? Fuck!

The sweat had begun to drip off his arms; his legs were starting to stick to the inside of his jeans. Why? Why was this happening? Was it really to show me how important Maria is, because I already know how much she gives and gives and never takes in return. The thoughts meandered through the mind he thought was still his own. I would have turned out like this without Maria in my life. Without Maria, I ended up like this and I don't like it.

He kicked at the dirt under a picnic table and ended up kicking the metal bar underneath the bench instead.

"Fuck!" He hissed and kicked the table harder. He ran hands through sweat soaked hair. "I want my life back," he looked to the sky as he spoke. "She's so important to me. I want my life with Maria back!"

He closed his eyes and waited to be transported back to the reality he had fallen in love with. With hope in his heart, he opened his eyes. Nothing was changed. It was still hot. He still had sweat dripping off of him. He glanced to his bike and saw the sun glimmering on the rusted metal.

"Son-of-a-bitch!" He kicked the table again and decided to go to the place where it all started. Home. He got on the bike and after a couple attempts, it howled to life and he cruised back the way he had came. As he passed the Crashdown he noticed Max's car was gone. What he didn't notice was a blond haired splendor watching him ride by from inside the café with her hand on the window.

He sped home and noticed the changes as soon as he walked to the door. The door he had painted in the spring was now reduced to peeling pain and chipped wood. He saw the trash on the porch knowing it hadn't been there in his world. He opened the door and walked into the dank stale smell that it hadn't had in years.

Instinctively, he looked towards where they tree had stood that morning to see it was still no longer there. He checked again on the picture on his nightstand and the ring buried in the drawer and came up empty handed. He walked through the kitchen. The mug was still gone and so was the bottled water.

"This is so wrong," he mumbled as she scanned the refrigerator after deducing her bottled water was indeed gone. The bareness of the shelves, the lack of food and beverages was just one more sign that this was a bad place to be.

He slammed the door shut and heard the few jars inside clang together. He took a deep breath and walked into the bathroom. This is where it all started, he mused stripping out of his sweaty attire, and maybe this is where it gets back to normal.  He turned the faucets on.

He stepped under the water and nearly went into shock. The hot water was less than non-existent. He grabbed at the knobs and turned the cold water off completely and the hot side on full blast. Still cold. Ice cold.

"This is just not my day," he shrugged and took the quickest shower in the history of quick showers. He grabbed his robe from the back of the door and saw the pockets were ripped through. "Damn."

He walked into his bedroom and wasn't surprised to find it in total disarray. He assumed it had probably been like that when this montage of eerie happenings had taken place, but he had failed to notice. The blankets on the bed were tossed haphazardly around and the sheets beneath were ripped. He took a closer look at the sheets and they looked very familiar. They were the same sheets he remembered Maria burning in the grill outside at least three or four years ago. She had hated those sheets.

He futilely looked again for the ring before dropping the robe and grabbing clothes out of the closet. He dressed in jeans with holes in the knees and a T-shirt so thin and faded had it been white and not black he wouldn't have been able to wear it in public. He put socks with holes in the toes on and then replaced the boots.

He looked at himself in the mirror and shook his head at his reflection. At least he had quit sweating, momentarily at least. He walked into the living room and a knock at the door almost propelled him into a screaming fit. Taking a deep breath, he opened the door.

"Liz." He said flatly.

"Yeah," she pushed her way in and looked around the apartment. "God, don't you ever clean? You know, we can do this somewhere else if you want."

"Do what?" He closed the door and followed her inside.

"Study for your GED." She raised her eyebrows and rolled her eyes. "You know, I do have better things to do with my time. Max said it was going to be useless today since you're all 'confused guy' but I promised I'd help you pass so…"

"Why didn't you ever tell Maria about us? I mean about the whole alien thing?"

"Maybe because you said you'd slit my throat if I did?" Liz smiled bitterly. "Remember?"

"No, I don't remember."

"Do you want to do this later? Maybe at the Crashdown or something?" She looked hesitantly down to the threadbare cushions on the couch.

"No," He shook his head as a new idea was forming. "Why don't we talk."

"Is this going to be about Maria? Because you really freaked her out today."

Michael nodded slowly. "Yeah Liz, it's going to be about Maria and how you can help me."

Liz sighed and rested against the arm of the couch.

*         *           *

VI.

"Help you do what?" Liz sighed and shifted her weight uncomfortably.

"Liz, listen." He smiled at her awkwardly. "I'm sorry about that whole slitting your throat thing."

"It was a long time ago," Liz shrugged.

Michael wondered if in this fucked-up world, he had ever apologized or not. Somehow he doubted it. This Michael, he was learning, was a complete jackass.

"Yeah, well, sorry." He nodded and began to pace in front of her. "You know what I was saying earlier at the Crashdown? About it really being Christmas?"

"Are you going insane? I mean, seriously, are you? Because if this is some freaky alien-type thing-"

Michael shook his head. "No Liz, I'm good, but I have a dilemma."

"A dilemma. Do you know what that word means?" She asked with such innocence that Michael closed his eyes instead of closing his hands around her throat.

"Yes Liz, I know what it means." He weighed his words carefully. He knew he had to get her to trust him. "This dilemma I'm having? Maybe you really can help."

"Do you want me to set you up with Maria? Is that what all this is about? You said you wanted help with Maria." She shook her head. "You are so not her type. She would never date someone like you."

"Oh my God, can you shut your fucking yap for twenty seconds or not?" He yelled as his patience bore a hole right out of his body.

"I'm gone," she stood up straight and started towards the door stopping only when she felt Michael's hand on her wrist.

"Wait," the word was soft.
>Liz looked at him through narrowed slits for eyes. She rested one hand on her hip and let out a deep breath. "What?"

"Will you stay here and listen to me?" He let go of her wrist. "I think you might be the only one who can help me."

"Why me, Michael? You hate me most of the time, so why me?"

"Because you're Maria's friend and I think I know what's going on." He walked back into the living area of the room and waited with bated breath until he heard Liz follow and drop her backpack on the floor. He turned around faced the ever so inquisitive eyes of Liz Parker. "Will you hear me out?"

She nodded and motioned towards the kitchen. "In there because I'm not sitting on this sofa."

Once seated at the not nearly as dirty kitchen table, Michael started his story. He told Liz about the morning as he remembered it. About the time with Maria and how he was figuring out if he was going to propose to her or not. He told her about his life and how he had taken a boy without any hope of a future into a man who had earned respect. The more he talked, the more he felt Liz might be believing him. If anyone could believe him, it just might be Liz. Who else had their entire life submerged into  alienology? Well, he wasn't quite sure who else in this reality, but he knew the drama trauma that was called 'Max and Liz' would always be the same in any realm.

"So, what you're telling me…" Liz looked off and raised her eyebrows. "Where you say you're really from, I told Maria everything and she's been a part of all the alien stuff since the get go? That you and her hooked up and are still together, right?"

"Right," Michael stretched out the word. "Can you believe me?"

"I wanted to tell her," Liz said in a voice so soft Michael had to lean forward to hear her. "We've never been as close, you know, since that day. I hate hiding all this from her. Alex stumbled into it by accident, but Maria…"

"I'm sorry," Michael reached across the rickety table and touched the top of her hand with his palm. "I swear, I live in a different place and I want to get back to it. Will you help me? Will you believe me?"

Liz nodded. "I'll help you Michael. I don't know why or how, but your world sounds a lot better than this one," she smiled. "In your world Maria's happy and has friends. In this one, she's alone a lot because of all the secrets."

Michael let out a deep breath. "Thank you."

Liz shrugged and almost smiled. "Where do we start?"

"Wanna hear my theory?" Michael raised an eyebrow as his 'theory' formed. Liz nodded. "Okay, I went back from December to October, right? Well, I did. I was wondering what my life would be like without Maria in it. Everyone's lives are so different because of her, she offered so much and I never really appreciated it. I guess I was taking her for granted thinking that she'd always be there and it didn't matter what I did, Maria would be there. Period. She'd always love me no matter what. Now, I think I've not only slipped into some other scenario but there has to be a reason and I don't think it's just to see what my life would be like. I think there's more to it. This time is significant somehow, I just don't know how yet."

"This is the boring time Michael," Liz raised her brows. "You know, you're not the same, I can see that. Just in what you say and how you say it. After everything that's happened to me and to us, I do believe you Michael Guerin. I actually believe every word you're telling me."

"Really?" He chanced a smile.

"Yeah," she nodded. "The Michael I know would have been acting like an ass the entire time I was here. Your words have depth, a more…Human quality."

Human quality, Michael mused. He cocked his head to one side and laughed. "Thank you Liz Parker."

"You're welcome. So about this time being significant, I don't see how or why. I mean it's what? Two months earlier than where you're from... You know what? I don't think I understand a single bit of this. Everything is parallel, right? If it happened there it happened here."

"So I'm here to…" His eyes lit up. "I'm here to stop something? Or start something? I'm here for a reason, Liz."

"Maria." Liz said the name softly. "She's lonely Michael. She doesn't have other friends and the ones she does have lie to her. Sometimes my heart breaks for her. If I hadn't been scared that you really would have slit my throat, I would have told her. I bet everything would have been easier with Maria involved. You know?"

Michael opened his mouth to speak; he wanted to tell Liz about Tess and Alex. He wanted to tell her the truth about Tess. The truth she never figured out because Maria wasn't there to help. "Everything is better with Maria around," he licked his bottom lip. "I don't know if we should mention any of this to Max-"

"Hell no." Liz shook her head. "That would not be the best idea in the world. He thinks you've seriously lost your mind. He wouldn't believe any of this…"

"Like you do."

"Like I do." Liz agreed. "Okay, so I guess we can forget about studying for the GED, huh? Let's get back to the parallel thing. Something is going to happen here and that's going to affect the outcome there, your place." She nodded. "It's like [i]Back to the Future[/i] in a way."

"Yes!" Michael pointed at her. "I think. All I know is I want to get back to my place and propose to Maria and spend the rest of my life with her."

"So we have to figure out why you're here. It obviously has to do with either you or Maria."

"Maria." Michael said the name of his lover. "It's always Maria."

"Okay, Maria. I don't know what to tell you Michael. She's just Maria DeLuca. Maria in the dark about the alien happenings around Roswell. Maria in the dark about everything."

"Maybe it's time to shed a little light?" He shrugged and raised his eyebrows with a devilish grin on his face.

"Maybe," Liz grinned back at him. "Maybe."

*         *            *

VII.


"Okay," Michael nodded and rubbed his hands together. "So we tell Maria the big bad secret and see what happens?"

"By shedding a little light, I don't think that's exactly what I meant." Liz shook her head. "I think Max and Isabel would go ballistic at this point in time."

"Right," Michael said slowly. "Okay, then what? What's the plan?"

Liz laughed. "Plan? I don't have a plan, I thought you would have a plan."

He let out a deep breath. "Hey, I came up with the theory, okay?"

"Fine." Liz rolled her eyes. "So we're going solely on the theory that you're here to stop-"

"Or start."

"Or start something that will affect how your so-called parallel life is." She nodded. "Right. Okay. Now what?"

He ran his hands through his hair and let out a deep breath. "You're the smart one, I was banking on you figuring something out."

She nodded. "Like…?"

"Shit Liz, I don't know. How is Maria? I mean is she happy?" Michael remembered the dull eyes he had looked into at the Crashdown.

"Happy? Maria is Maria." Liz shrugged. "I mean, she's okay. Her life is pretty average. Normal. Very anti-Maria actually." She got a far away look in her eye. "Very anti the old Maria. The Maria that I grew up who had stars in her eyes. The Maria that was around before I founded the 'I know an alien' club."

"Tell me about her," Michael's words were soft. The thought of hearing about a different Maria was unnerving. He knew the real her, not the imitation that was here.

"She always had the stars in her eyes, ever since we were little. We made big plans and had big dreams for our futures." She sighed heavily. "I was going to be a famous science girl and Maria was going to be a singer-"

"She is one!" Michael interrupted. "A few nights a week she sings at the jazz place across the street from the Crashdown!"

"In your world," Liz corrected. "In this one, Maria hasn't sung anything in years. She gave up on her dreams. I think that was right about the time that I found out about you guys. That's when we drifted apart. I had to though. You were so adamant about her not finding out that I didn't have a choice. I had to let Maria slide."

"Alex found out, though."

"Yeah, but it was different." She shook her head. "And now Alex is dead. Maria's safe from everything…"

"Except herself." Michael said slowly.

"Except herself," Liz repeated. "Oh…"

"Oh what?"

"I don't know," she rubbed her head and Michael could almost feel the frustration. "You're just bringing up a lot of things I pushed so far away from the surface a long time ago. I miss her Michael. I miss Maria. Are we still friends in your world?"

"The best," he smiled hoping to ease the tension. "Seriously. You two are inseparable. The five of us, you, me, Maria, Max and Isabel get together all the time. That's where we were going tonight, to meet for Christmas Eve at the Crashdown…"

"We're still close, that's good to hear Michael. I'm glad that somewhere in this crazy world that Maria and I are still friends."

"I'm a real dickhead, aren't I?"

"Yeah, you are. Well, the other you is. You…You don't seem too bad. You're kind of like the Michael I wish we had around here."

He nodded slowly and noticed a twinkle in her eye. Something about that twinkle was unsettling to him. Then he remembered that [i]everything[/i] was unsettling right now.

"Liz…" He snapped his fingers on the verge of a thought. "Do you think there's another me? I mean do you think I switched places with myself and jackass Michael is with my Maria right now? On Christmas Eve?" Alarm shot through him.

She shrugged but Michael saw that twinkle again. Not exactly unsettling this time, but not quite comfortable either.

"Anyway," Liz turned away from him nodding. "So, I guess we should get started on this mission to stop, or start, something, huh?"

He returned her nod but narrowed his eyes at her. Liz Parker wasn't acting like Liz Parker.

"Why did you come here? I mean today, why are you here?" The tone was accusatory, but he didn't seem to care.

"To help you study Michael. That's the only reason I ever come here. Now back to what we were talking about. Do you think you should go to Maria? I mean…She is the reason for everything, right?"

"She's the reason I breath," he pursed his lips.

"Well, let's go back to the Crashdown and see what happens. Maybe she'll be more receptive since you're not all sweaty."

Michael agreed and followed the brunette out of the dank apartment. He cast a glance back over his shoulder envisioning the joyous face of Maria DeLuca and the stolen Christmas tree.

*        *         *

"She's been ignoring us for about three hours Liz." Michael noted working on his fourth soft drink heavily splashed with Tabasco.

"She keeps looking over here," Liz smiled.

"She probably wonders what in the hell you're doing sitting here with a scum bag like me." He shrugged.

"She's looked at you more times that at me," she kept her voice low. "Talk to her, she gets off work in a few minutes."

"And say what?"

"She's the woman you say you've been in love with for six years, I'm sure you'll find something to say."

Michael opened his mouth to speak then changed his mind. Liz was right, he mused, she is still Maria DeLuca. He stood and straightened his shirt. Without time to back out, he marched across the café and confronted Maria as she held a tray of dirty dishes.

"Hi." He said and nodded once.

"Hi," she said expectantly.

"I'd like to go out with you when you get off work."

"Why?" She narrowed her eyes.

Michael saw a glimmer of that DeLuca attitude and smiled. "Because, you and me? I think we'd make a good pair."

"Are you still high?" She shifted the weight of the tray from one arm to the other.

"No, I'm not high. I wasn't high earlier, I was just…Confused." He didn't want to make an ass out of himself again. "So, do you want to go out with me? Maybe get some coffee or something?" His heart began to pound as he saw the wheels turning. She was considering it!

"Okay."

"Cool," Michael grinned and wondered if he looked as dorky as he felt.

"There's a jazz place across the street…" She blushed and Michael felt his knees go weak.

"Great, I'll wait for you. Here. Okay?"

"Right there?" She nodded to him. "I mean, you might get in the way." She smiled and immediately tried to hide it. "I'll be a few minutes. Okay?"

He nodded and walked back to the booth.

"Well?" Liz asked as he sat down.

"We're going out after work." He said proudly.

"Good," Liz smiled.

Michael watched her as the thoughts he couldn't put together earlier were starting to flood his psyche. There was something strange about Liz Parker. If nothing else, today he had learned that things are not always as they seem to be…
*        *        *

VIII.


"Ready?" Maria approached the table and raised her eyebrows. She was dressed in jeans and a loose fitting white T-shirt. She looked at Liz and shrugged.

"Ready!" Michael jumped up and looked to the one person who believed him. "Liz, I'll talk to you later?"

"You can bet on it." Liz smiled. "Have fun."

Maria walked away from the table and Michael followed. He looked over his shoulder and caught Liz smiling with the twinkle. He shook his head and followed Maria out of the café. Once on the sidewalk, she turned to him.

"What are you doing?" She demanded.

"What do you mean?"

"Why are you asking me out? Why are you even talking to me today?" She shifted her backpack from one arm to the other. "And don't start on that stupid story you were babbling about earlier. I just want to know if this is some type of joke or something."

"A joke?" Michael repeated. "It's not a joke. I just thought we might have a good time together."

"I'm not easy," she shook her head. "If you're just looking for a piece of ass then you are so barking up the wrong tree!"

"No, no!" Michael held his hands out in front of him, "That's not what I meant. Not at all. I just meant that we might have a good time hanging out together."

She nodded and proceeded to walk across the street with Michael on her heels. She didn't wait for him, but pushed the door open to the club and walked in letting him catch the door before it closed. He followed her and took a deep breath as she walked to a round table and sat down. She slid her backpack under the table and immediately ordered a drink from a passing waitress. When Michael ordered mineral water, Maria stared at him.

"You don't drink?"

He shook his head. "Nope. Not at all."

"I'm surprised, I thought you'd be a big drinker." She shrugged and cast her eyes towards the small stage. "The woman singing tonight, Violet, she's good."

"Do you ever sing?"

Maria looked startled at the question. "Me?"

"Yeah, you." He grinned crookedly seeing the surprise on her face. "You do sing, right?"

She shook her head. "No. I don't."

"You used to."

"How do you know that? What are you, some kind of stalker?"

"Let's just say I keep my ear close to the ground."

She shrugged but didn't answer his question. "What happened in the Crashdown today? I mean, the door thing? How did you do that?"

Michael's brows knit together while he searched for a plausible answer. "I didn't do anything, really. Maybe it was one of those coincidences, you know?" She nodded but he could see she didn't believe him. "I don't know Maria," he ran his hands through his hair. "Forget about it okay?"

She turned her attention to the stage as a woman in black velvet walked into a dull spotlight. Maria slipped into a trance as she watched and listened to the woman's smoky voice doing a rendition of  Billie Holliday's 'Nobody'.

When life seems full of clouds and rain
And I am filled with naught but pain
Who soothe my thumping, bumping brain
Nobody

Michael watched as Maria's formerly dull eyes sparkled. Her hands clasped under her chin listening to the solemn words from a lonely woman.

When winter comes with snow and sleet
And me with hunger and cold feet
Who says, "Here's two bites, go and eat!"?
Nobody

He watched her lips move with the words and he felt the pain she had inside of her. She was alone. Maria DeLuca was alone.

You know that I ain't never done nothin' to nobody
I ain't never got nothin' from nobody, no time
And until I get somethin' from somebody, sometime
I don't intend to do nothin for nobody, no time

The dimmed lights of the darkened bar tried to hide the emotions that Maria was trying to hide herself, but Michael could see them. He could see everything about Maria while the mysterious words filtered though the walls.

The edge of reason was so close he could almost taste it. This wasn't just about him; he acknowledged and wanted to jump up and down. This was also about Maria!

Holy shit. All this isn't just to show my dumb ass what my life would be like without Maria in it, it's to show me how much I mean to her!

The songs ran together as Michael focused his attention on the newly discovered thoughts. He was there for a reason, a reason he never saw coming. He grasped the reality he would have if it wasn't for Maria and it sucked. Now he saw the reality Maria had without him and frankly, it sucked too. He didn't realize the singing had stopped until he heard the applause from the small crowd.

"Did you like her?" Maria asked with something new glimmering in her eyes.

"Yeah," he shifted uneasily in his chair. "It was nice. Good. It was great!"

"You weren't even paying attention were you?" She laughed and covered her mouth with her hand.

"I was," he nodded and pursed his lips. "Why are hiding your smile?" She shrugged and Michael watched the deep redness climb up her neck visible even in the darkened room. He touched her hand and lowered it from her face. "Don't hide it, it's beautiful."

"Why are you being so nice to me? I thought you hated me." Her voice was soft; her words held mountains of hurt.

"I don't hate you," he grimaced wanting to tell her how much he loved her but knowing that he couldn't. "I never hated you."

"What do you want from me? I mean, I'm here with you right now because I didn't have anywhere else to go; but now what? What am I supposed to do now?"

"Trust me?" He smiled and gave her hand he was still holding a gentle squeeze.

"I don't even know you, why should I trust you?"

"Do you have anyone else?"

She shook her head. Her smile was bitter. "No Michael Guerin, I don't have anyone else to trust."

*           *             *

IX.


Michael nodded and felt the hurt in her voice. He started to stand up still holding her hand. "Dance with me."

After a moment of hesitation, she stood and bit her lower lip. She nodded and let herself be escorted to the small dance floor. Soulful piano backed by saxophone drifted through speakers set in the ceiling as Michael led Maria by the hand.

Several other couples dressed in club attire joined the couple in denim and cotton, but no one seemed to mind or even notice. Michael pulled her into him wrapping his arms around her. He smiled when he felt her timid hands encircle his waist.  

"Why can I trust you?" She whispered avoiding his gaze. She stared straight ahead into his chest.  

He licked his lips and looked down at the top of her head. "Because I can promise you that I won't hurt you."

She nodded slowly and looked up into his eyes. "Why me?"

"Because it's always been you," his brows knitted together in slight frustration. All he wanted to do was kiss her. He saw the corners of her mouth turn up before she looked back down. He tucked his finger under her chin and raised her face back up. "Don't hide Maria."

She smiled again and Michael thought it was beautiful. Without thinking, he leaned in and kissed her lips.

"Don't," she whispered and turned her head away from him but didn't let go. She rested her head against his chest as the music filled her.

Michael closed his eyes and held her tight against him. Holding this Maria, letting her know how important she was might be the only thing that could get him through the state of confusion he was in. A momentary salvation.

As they glided together on the dance floor, each seemed to be lost in their own world. It wasn't one that they shared together, but two separate ones waiting to merge. The thought before the action; the nuance of a new path into the unknown.

"I should go," Maria finally broke away from him. "I still have some work to do for school."

Michael led her back to the table and picked her backpack up off the ground. "Can I see you again?" He caught her blush and warmth spread throughout his body.

She nodded taking the backpack from him and slinging it over her shoulder and turned towards the exit. He touched her arm and she turned back around, the previously hidden smile wasn't hiding now. "Tomorrow?" Her question was barely above a whisper.

He grinned and nodded before following her out of the club. He followed her across the street to the Crashdown and her car in the parking lot. He walked a few paces in back of her listening to her hum. The humming was so close to words. He knew the tune, but couldn't find the words to go with it.

"What's the name of it?" He asked.

She swung around to face him, the look on her face told him she had forgotten he was even there. "Name of what?"

"What you were humming."

"I wasn't humming. I don't hum." She reached her car and unlocked it; she opened the door and threw her backpack inside before facing Michael again. "Thanks."

"Tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow. We can meet here if you like." She looked around nervously.

"Dinner. Can I take you to dinner?"

She nodded and got in the car. Michael watched as she pulled out of the parking spot and stared after her long after the taillights were nothing but a distant memory.

"Michael." A voice came from behind him.

"Jesus! Shit Liz!" Michael put his hand to his heart as he turned around. "You almost gave me a freaking heart attack! What are you doing here?"

"I was inside helping my dad with the books," she smiled. "How'd it go?"

"Great," he let his panic slide into the warm feelings of Maria DeLuca. "It went really good."

"Was she happy?"

He nodded, "Yeah. She was happy." The nod was full of confidence.

"Good," Liz grinned.

"We're going to go out to dinner tomorrow night."

"And the next night?"

"I don't know," Michael looked at her strangely. "I hope that I won't even be here that long."

"But if you are, if we can't figure this out…"

Michael opened his mouth to speak, but then closed it. The urgency in Liz's demeanor bothered him.

"Michael."

"I'll still want to see her," he shrugged. "She's still Maria no matter what hell I'm stuck in." He watched as Liz's shoulders relaxed.

"Great," Liz nodded. "Well, I better get home. We'll talk tomorrow?"

He nodded and watched her walk away.

*        *        *

As Michael walked into the familiar surroundings of his apartment he wanted something different. He wanted his life back. It had become clear to him that he was being shown what his and Maria's lives would be like without the other in it and it was troubling. He was living in squalor and Maria was unhappy and alone. He guessed in a sense he was alone too. Sure, there was the big alien connection, but his heart was alone.

He sighed and began to clean the apartment the same way he had in his world. He changed the sheets on the bed and threw the old ones away. He got his laundry together and took out the trash. He washed the dishes and even scrubbed the kitchen floor.

When he was done, he looked around his surroundings and smiled. "Okay Guerin, if you're stuck here then you might as well make the most of it."

When Michael Guerin went to bed that night he did something that he hadn't done for a very long time, maybe ever. He prayed. He prayed that somehow, someway, he would be able to go home again.

*        *        *
X.

The phone ringing woke Michael up. He reached for the offending noise and pulled the receiver under the blankets with him before saying anything. "Yeah."

"Michael?" The voice was painfully familiar. Maria.

"Hi."

"It's Maria. Maria DeLuca. From last night?"

"I know who it is," he pushed the covers off of him. The absence of a framed picture next to the bed was a gentle reminder that he wasn't back in his world. Not yet.

"Okay, well, I just wanted to know if you still wanted to go out to dinner tonight? It's getting late and I didn't hear from you and I wasn't sure…"

Michael looked at the alarm clock next to the bed. It was almost three in the afternoon. He had slept for over twelve hours. "Oh God, I didn't realize it was so late."

"If you don't want to-"

"Oh no, I do." He sat straight up and sighed. "I guess I just kind of overslept a little."

"I didn't mean to wake you up…"

"S'alright," he smiled hearing her blush over the phone. "Six. I'll meet you at the Crashdown at six?"

"Sure…I um…got your number from Liz. I hope it's okay that I called…"

"Yeah Maria, it's okay."

When he hung up the phone he was thrown back into the murky reality known as the 'could've been' life of Michael Guerin. He got out of bed and stumbled into the bathroom to shower. After letting the lukewarm water pelt his body until it grew too cold to stand, he got out and dressed in what clothes he found in the closet that didn't seem to be in need of any repairs or cleaning.

When the knock at the door came, he had been almost expecting it. He let Liz Parker inside and watched her carefully.

"Maria called me a little while ago for your number," she grinned. "Did she call you?"

He nodded slowly. "To confirm our date."

"She sounded different on the phone today."

"How?" He raised an eyebrow and watched her speak.

"She sounded happy, I mean, like she was actually looking forward to something. Like your date tonight."

"Good, I know I'm looking forward to it too." He nodded. "So, did you figure anything out yet?"

"No…Did you?"

He caught the subtle baiting and went along with her. [i]It couldn't hurt anything, right?[/i] "I might have. I thought this was all about me. I thought I was sent here, wherever the fuck [i]here[/i] is, to show me how crappy my life would be without Maria in it…Right? Well, the more I pay attention, the more I realize that it's not just all about me. It's about her. Apparently her life hasn't been all that great without me either.

"I always thought that I was the one who dragged her down, threw her into this life of unknown alien spy games and uncertainty." He ran his hands through his damp hair. "I never realized that I played such an important role in her life."

Liz smiled and turned away towards the window, but not before Michael caught that damn twinkle. He wasn't sure at this point if the twinkle was a real glimmer of light or just his already screwed up mind playing games with him.

"So, how is that sounding?" He asked as Liz Parker turned back around to face him.

"I think it's sounding like you might be dead on Michael," she grinned. "Keep it up and maybe you'll find your way home."

"What do you know Liz?" He asked after reciting something about going around a mulberry bush in his head.

"Me?" She pointed to herself in mock surprise. "I know nothing. I know everything. I don't know what I know."

"Could you be more obscure?"

"True love is hard to find and sometimes if you take it for granted it might go away."

"I never took her for…" he said the words slowly. "Who are you?"

"I'm just Liz Parker," she smiled as she walked to the door.

He watched her leave the apartment and knew less than when he started. Shaking his head after her he paced the apartment waiting until the time he could leave to go meet Maria DeLuca. As he paced he tried to put words to Maria's humming. They were so close…The chorus! He knew the chorus; he'd heard it a million times before. Not the rest of the song, but the chorus. If he could only put words to the melody.

*        *        *

He saw her waiting for him outside the Crashdown, leaning against her car. She looked nervous and clutched her purse against her chest. Dressed in black pants and a black short sleeved shirt she took his breath away.

"Hi," he approached her after parking his bike against the building in the alley.

"Hi," she smiled and instinctively raised her hand to cover it; then lowered her hand. "Hi."

"That's better," he outstretched his hand to her and smiled when she took it.

"Where are we going?"

He shrugged and took her car keys from her hand. "I'll drive." He let her in the passenger side of her car without protest and then got behind the wheel. A plan he had worked on minutes before leaving to meet her was set into motion.

He glanced over at her as he pulled into the parking lot of a grocery store. After telling her to wait, he ran inside and returned a few minutes later toting a couple of brown paper bags with him. He ignored her questioning eyes and put the bags in the backseat.

"So…" The nervousness in her voice was obvious. "Um…Where are we going?"

"A surprise," he grinned as he turned on the highway out of town.

"Where are you taking me?" She demanded.

"It's okay Maria," he slowed down and looked in her eyes and allowed her to look in his. "I told you, you can trust me."

She nodded and faced front, a small smile playing on her lips. Michael noticed the death grip on her purse had loosened, her whole body seemed to give way to relaxation.

The drive wasn't too long, but it was silent. When he pulled off the main road and into a State Park parking lot he saw the uncertainty flash across her face. He parked the car and retrieved the bags from the backseat before looking at her again.

"It's okay," he smiled.

"I thought we were going to go to dinner…"

"We are. How about a picnic?"

She nodded and broke into a huge smile. She laughed as she got out of the car and met him on the other side. "Thank you, Michael."

"You don't have to thank me for anything," he led her towards a picnic table overlooking a manmade lake.

"Yeah, I think I do." She didn't offer more than that and he didn't ask.
*           *           *

XI.


Michael spread the layout of food on the table. He had bought her favorites and felt the warm feeling inside as her eyes lit up.

"How did you know?" She asked. "Did you ask Liz?"

He nodded slowly afraid that she might lean towards the stalking again if he told her he just knew, or worse yet, he remembered. Now that she was beginning to trust him, he didn't want to do anything that would betray that. Not now. Not ever.

They ate in an inviting silence; each of them stealing glances at the other when they could. Michael found his glances to be lingering; he couldn't take his eyes off of her. The new sparkle of life was so obvious. She had thanked him and he hadn't pushed it. He had a pretty good idea that whatever she was thanking him for had been big and it hadn't cost him anything. He wasn't doing this because he had to; he was doing this because it was the only thing he knew how to do. It was what he wanted to do.

By the time they were done snacking on the various snackable finger foods Michael had chosen, Maria looked as relaxed as he'd seen her so far. She seemed to have not a care in the world.

The sun was almost gone casting a glimmer of orange on the lake below them. The bluffs sparkled in vibrant hues of purples and greens and Michael Guerin was falling in love with a woman that he had already loved for six years. Seeing his Maria in this aspect made him appreciate her even more. He couldn't wait to get back to his home and slip that ring on her finger and beg and plead for her to marry him.

"Do you want to take a walk by the lake?" Maria asked in a voice so timid that Michael wasn't sure it was even more than a whisper. The straightforwardness and stubbornness of his Maria DeLuca had been replaced by shyness and demureness in this one.

"Sure," he extended his hand to her and they walked side by side down the slight incline to the lake. A worn path in the dirt made by other couples and fishermen over the years was their guide.

"It's so beautiful here," she sighed.

"You're beautiful," he murmured and stopped walking. He faced her and waited for her to face him. "You are a beautiful person Maria DeLuca, both inside and out."

"I don't usually feel very pretty." She admitted and faced the ground. Again, he lifted her chin with his finger to face him. "I don't usually feel like very much."

He saw the effort it had taken her to admit that to him and he was in awe. "Why?"

"I don't know really," she closed her eyes in an extended blink. "I guess I feel alone a lot of the time. I don't have many friends and the ones I do have, well, I think they lie to me, like, all the time." She shrugged. "Which is fine, you know, I don't really need friends."

"Maria, everyone needs someone."

She turned away and started walking. Michael strolled next to her filled with the triumph of breaking down a wall she had built around herself. His memories of his life with Maria were staggering. All the good and bad times they had been through together only had one thing in common: they had been together and that was how they got through them. When he told this Maria that everyone needed someone, he hadn't been lying. She needed him just as much as he needed her.

He tilted his head to one side when he caught her humming again. The hum was the same melody as the night before, the sounds so close to words. The words that were so familiar to him. He didn't want to interrupt her; he just wanted to listen to her. She stopped humming as abruptly as she had started.

"Why'd you stop?" He asked never breaking their stride.

She shrugged, her vulnerability obvious in her stature.

"Why'd you quit singing?"

Another shrug.

"Maria, your voice is beautiful…"

"When have you ever heard it?" She asked briskly. "When did you ever hear me sing?"

"In my dreams," he raised his eyebrows at her hoping the idiocy of his statement would make her smile. It worked. "Seriously, why don't you sing?"

"I gave it up when I realized that it would never get me anywhere." Her answer seemed honest enough.

"But you loved it." A statement, not a question.

"Yes Michael, I loved it," she sighed. "When I was little all I wanted to do was to grow up and be a singer. I would sing every chance I got. In school, at home, in my room all by myself. I would sing everything I could find the words to."

"Then?"

"Then one day I thought my friend got shot and everything in my life got turned upside down."

"Liz."

"Right, you were there with Max. From that day forward, nothing in my life has been right. Everything has been off just a little bit." She didn't face him as she spoke. "One of my best friends was killed, but you know that too because I remember you were at the funeral. Somehow you were his friend too. I don't know anything anymore Michael. Life's been too hard for a long time. I feel like an outsider looking in. Sometimes I just want to give it all up-"

"No. Never give up. Never give up on anything you really believe it," he said the words as if someone was holding cue cards in front of him. "Whatever you believe in will happen, sometimes it just might take awhile. Follow your dreams and follow your heart. They may lead you down some rocky roads, but in the end? You'll get exactly what you deserve."

"You're a very philosophical person, I wouldn't have guessed that about you."

"Yeah, me either." He said under his breath. He let out a deep breath and brought her hand to his mouth. He kissed the back of it and looked into her eyes. He saw the glimmer of the real Maria DeLuca that was hiding in this shell.

"It's okay to kiss me," she lowered her head slightly then looked back at him. "If you want."

"I want," he released her hand and pulled her into him meeting her waiting lips with his. The kiss was tender without being too invading. Sweet without being aggressive. Michael surprised himself when he broke away from her first. "Wow."

"Yeah, wow." She grinned and tugged on his hand. "Let's finish our walk."

He smiled and followed her. She started humming again and let a small smile escape. He didn't say anything to her this time; he just listened as the melody took shape in his mind. The melody had some words to it, not in her voice, but in his mind. He knew what she wanted now, he heard it in her humming, and he was going to make damn sure she got it. Excitement surged through him as the plans for their next outing began to form in his mind.

Darkness enveloped them as they made the trek back to Maria's car. He let her in and then got in himself. Holding her hand as he drove, occasionally looking over at her and the smile that seemed to be permanently present on her face, Michael knew his work here was almost done.

As they neared the Crashdown Maria sighed. "I guess I should probably go home."

"Already?" Alarm was present in his voice.

"I have some things to do, you know," she stuttered. "Honestly?"

"Always." He pulled the car into a parking space.

"I want to go home and rethink things," she looked at him and nodded. "Tonight was…Well, let's just say it was important to me."

"It was important to me too," he admitted although it may have been for different reasons than hers.

"No, Michael, some of the things you said to me tonight? They made me think and now I really have to rethink a lot of things. Alone."

He nodded, "I understand. Tomorrow? Can I please see you tomorrow?"

"I have school…"

"After school, tomorrow night?"

"I have to work."

"Liz. Liz will work for you."

"You don't know that."

"Yeah Maria, I do." He opened the car door and got out meeting her in front of the trunk. "So can I see you tomorrow night?"

"If Liz-"

"She will, I promise."

"Then yes Michael Guerin, you can see me tomorrow night." Underneath the pale glow from an aging streetlight, Maria DeLuca was shining with something that she hadn't held for a very long time. Confidence.

Michael saw the confidence and felt some of it himself. He was seeing what he didn't think he'd ever see. He was seeing the path their lives took on together. He was watching as Maria DeLuca fell in love with him. He rested his hands on her shoulders and tilted his head before leaning in to kiss her. The kiss was short, but it was long enough to let Michael know he was doing the right thing.

"Good night Michael." She stepped past him.

"Good night Maria." He watched her as he had the night before. When her taillights were gone, he spun around expecting to see Liz Parker. But she wasn't there; he was alone.

He walked to his bike, revved the engine to life and went back to the apartment he called home.
*          *           *

XII.

When Liz Parker didn't show up at his door or call, he assumed he was doing the right thing. He had a suspicion that there was a lot more to Liz than what met the eye. Liz wasn't acting exactly the Liz that he knew, or any that he thought might exist elsewhere.

"Okay," he began talking to himself as he paced the length of the room. "So you're still stuck in this freaked out place living a life that isn't really yours, well, it kinda is, but not really. Fuck!" He ran his hands through his hair as the seconds felt like hours. "I think I know why I'm here, once again, wherever the fuck [i]here[/i] is. I think I'm here to see that our lives, Maria's and mine are meant to be entwined.

"We balance each other in our own special way and I never realized it until now. Without Maria, I'm a mess and without me, Maria's not quite the same either. She's the yin to my yang…Christ, now I sound like Valenti." He laughed out loud as he walked to the bedroom. He stripped down to his boxers and slid underneath the coolness of clean sheets.

It was still early in the evening, but Michael wanted to sleep. The way his mind worked, he figured the longer he slept, the sooner the time would come when he could get back to where he came from and leave this…this place for good.

"It's not real…" The recognition of his journey came to him as sleep took control of his mind and body.

*        *        *

With the early afternoon heat wave already in full effect, Michael Guerin opened his eyes and squinted into the blinding sun coming in from the window. He looked at the nightstand for the picture from graduation, but it still wasn't there.

Swearing, he got out of bed and made his way to the shower. The coldness of the water felt good on a day when the temperature was already nearing a hundred.
He slipped on a bathrobe he was sure Maria had made him get rid of and walked to the kitchen. Making a pot of coffee he tried to remember the thoughts he had before he fell asleep the night before.

The knock at the door wasn't a surprise and he knew it would be Liz. He let her in and offered her a cup of coffee. She declined and perched herself on the countertop facing him.

"Last night?" She asked with her eyebrows raised. "Everything go okay?"

"Last night was great," he smiled pushing aside his suspicions about Liz Parker. "We had a picnic at the lake and then went on a little stroll…I guess you already know all of this?"

She shook her head as a visible sign of sadness came over her face. "No, Maria doesn't tell me things like that too much anymore. I told you, we haven't been close in a long time."

"Right, well, it was a great night. Anyway, what are you doing here?"

"Maria asked me to work for her tonight."

"I know, did you tell her you would?"

"Nope. I have plans," she smiled as his jaw dropped. "Of course I did, don't be such a nimrod. So, you'll be together tonight then?"

"Uh…Yeah. Why?" He raised an eyebrow completely away of his suspicions.

She shrugged. "Just making sure that you're on the right track with her."

Michael nodded and knew she was lying. Whoever, or whatever, Liz Parker was, was lying but he didn't sense a feeling of dread or malice when she spoke. He opened his mouth to speak but closed it when he saw that damn twinkle. He rubbed his eyes and wondered if he still asleep. Hell, he wondered if he really did just slip in the shower on Christmas Eve and was now in a coma.

"So am I? On the right track?"

She hopped off the counter and nodded. "I think you already know the answer to that Michael Guerin."

"So that's a yes Liz Parker?" He asked crossing his arms over his chest.

"Like I told you before, sometimes true love can be taken away if it's taken for granted. Maybe you're one of those special people who get a chance to see what happens and maybe fall in love all over again."

"Liz, I don't understand."

"Okay," she sighed. "When you're lucky enough to find true love, you have to make sure you don't abuse it or ignore it. When you find that certain someone special in your life, the one who means more than breath to you, hold on Michael. Hold on and don't ever let go."

He watched her walk out of the apartment and wondered if he'd see her again.

*        *        *

Michael spent the remainder of the afternoon mostly on the phone setting up his date with Maria. He even managed to call Maria and tell her he'd pick her up at her house, well, he'd drive over there and then they'd take her car. Tonight was not the night to go out on a motorcycle. After ignoring her questions about telling her to dress 'pretty' he hung up and went back to his plans.

Most of the people involved had been more than eager to help out. Maria DeLuca had a lot more people in her corner than she thought.

Plans were made, actions were set into motions and tonight was going to be special. Tonight was going to be full of surprises and happiness. Michael Guerin had planned a night to let Maria DeLuca know exactly how much she meant to him.

As the time neared to go to the DeLuca house, he dressed in a pair of black pants he found in the back of the closet. A funny feeling of familiarity came over him when he remembered putting them there after Alex's funeral. He hadn't worn them since. A white shirt and black silk tie completed the ensemble. He knew his Maria would love it, he hoped this one would too. This, after all, was the night. The night Liz seemed so sure he needed to be still here for. The night that he felt in his gut was his last night.

He walked outside and his shoulders sagged when he saw Liz's car out front. As he locked the front door he noticed an envelope taped to it. With a suspicious mind he opened it and slid a set of car keys out. He fingered the keys and read the note:

Pick her up in a car, Michael. She deserves a first class treatment tonight. Liz.

He shrugged and walked to the car and got in behind the wheel. On the passenger seat was a single white rose. He halfway smiled at the gesture and pulled out onto the street. He parked Liz's car in the driveway of the DeLuca house and took a deep breath before getting out of the car. Butterflies in his stomach were telling him this was it. This was the night that was so important, but he didn't have a clue why.

Things Liz had told him and what he had come up with by himself were racing through his mind. Sitting in the car, he replayed the events and came to a single conclusion. True love. Once you find the one who shares your soul, don't let them go. With a nod, he got out of the car and walked to the front door. He wrapped lightly on the door and took a step back when it opened.

Maria stood in the open door way in a black dress that clung to her curves hitting her right above the knee. The scooped neckline pitted black against the milky whiteness of her skin. Michael was speechless.

"Hi," she smiled and stepped out onto the porch.

"Hi," he stuttered the word and took her arm. Walking her down the steps he noticed a difference in her gait. He opened the car door for her and reached inside for the rose. He handed it to her and saw her entire face light up. He closed her door and walked around the back of the car adding a little skip somewhere around the trunk. He got in and looked at his date. "Liz let me use her car…"

"I can see that," she grinned and admired the rose again.

Michael drove to their destination and parked the car.

"The jazz club? Again?" Maria asked quizzically as Michael offered his arm to her as she got out of the car.

He nodded and led her inside. The hostess smiled at Michael and led them to a table near the stage without a word. Michael pulled her chair out for her and clasped her hand across the small table. She laid the rose in front of her.

"This is nice," she looked around at the larger than normal crowd. "I don't know who's singing tonight though."

Michael wondered if he had the same twinkle in his eye that he always saw in Liz's. He shrugged and brought her hand to his lips. "I heard it's someone pretty good."

Time stood still as the gazed into each other's eyes. Michael saw why he loved her so much. He saw their worlds collide in a frenzy of panic and passion. The truest meaning of miracles was right in front of him for so long and he never realized it. How two people from different worlds, literally, could find each and end up needing each other as much as they did.

They were drawn back into reality as the owner of the club stepped on stage. In a dark suit and under a soft spotlight he spoke to the audience. "We have a special guest tonight making her debut here. Please, join me in welcoming Maria DeLuca!"

The color drained from her face as she gaped between Michael and the stage. She shook her head slowly. "Michael…I…"

"You can do it Maria, it's what you were meant to do," he urged. "Please."

She took a deep breath and stood up. She crossed the small parquet dance floor with strides full of confidence, her head held high. She walked up the steps and onto the stage. She strolled over to the microphone and looked out into the crowd. She smiled nervously until her eyes fell on Michael Guerin, then her smile turned genuine.

Music started playing and she grinned. She closed her eyes and swayed with the opening chords of the song she'd been humming for so long.

"There's a saying old, says that love is blind
Still we're often told, 'seek and ye shall find'
So I'm going to seek a certain lad I've had in mind

Looking everywhere, haven't found him yet
He's the big affair I cannot forget
Only man I ever think of with regret"

Michael rested his elbows on the table as he listened to the words he never knew before but would cherish always.

"I'd like to add his initial to my monogram
Tell me, where is the shepherd for this lost lamb?

There's a somebody I'm longin' to see
I hope that he, turns out to be
Someone who'll watch over me"

He felt her soul in the words she sang. His mind reeled as he understood what a difference in Maria's life he had made.

"I'm a little lamb who's lost in the wood
I know I could, always be good
To one who'll watch over me

Although he may not be the man some
Girls think of as handsome
To my heart he carries the key"

She swayed with the microphone stand in front of her, her eyes never leaving Michael. He was awed by her.

"Won't you tell him please to put on some speed
Follow my lead, oh, how I need
Someone to watch over me

Won't you tell him please to put on some speed
Follow my lead, oh, how I need
Someone to watch over me
Someone to watch over me"

As the song ended Maria was met with enthusiasm from a crowd she didn't know, a crowd who didn't owe her anything. She smiled under the soft glow from the spotlight.
Michael rose to his feet and clapped louder than anyone. He thought about whistling but decided against it.

It was tonight. Tonight Maria DeLuca came to life.

When she rejoined him at the table, she threw her arms around his neck and smiled up at him. "I can't…Oh Michael…That was…Thank you." She stood on her toes and kissed him. "I'll never be able to thank you enough."

"This is all the thanks I need, Maria." He mumbled into her hair.

As the night wore on, Michael watched Maria in the suspended state of life. There was more to life than the dullness she sustained. He had shown her that and she had proved it to herself.

Walking hand and hand out of the club Michael knew the better part of his mission was over. He had given away himself. The selfishness he had a tendency to overtly show was gone. The self-centeredness he didn't mean to act on but usually did had disappeared the moment that he understood Maria got what she sang about. She finally had someone to watch over her.

He held her hand as he drove her home. When she opened the door to get out of the car at her house she kicked over her purse and laughed. Michael sighed; it was such a beautiful laugh. He walked her to the door and kissed her goodnight with the sudden knowledge he wouldn't be seeing her again. He tripped over a crack in the sidewalk as he walked backwards to the car not wanting to take his eyes off of her.

With a wave, he got in the car and pulled out of the driveway. He didn't look back. He drove with the radio off back to the apartment and wasn't surprised in the least to see Liz waiting for him on the front porch. He opened his car door and noticed ripped pieces of paper on the passenger floorboard. He gathered them up and figured they had fallen from Maria's purse.

He walked to the front and smiled at Liz. "Thanks for the car." He tossed her the keys. He opened the door and knew she'd follow him in.

"So, everything went good tonight." She didn't ask, it was like she already knew.

He nodded. "Yeah Liz, everything went really good…" He watched her carefully not knowing what to expect from her anymore. For one thing, things are not always as they seem.

"Good."

He dropped the pieces of paper from his hand on the table and recognized Maria's writing. Liz watched over his shoulder. "I think they fell out of her purse…"

She nodded and watched as Michael put the pieces together.

"Oh God…" Michael brought his hand to his mouth as he read the chilling words in front of him:

I don't know who to send this to, so maybe I'll just leave it lying around. For a long time I've been alone. Too alone for my own good, I think. I fell out of my circle of friends and never quite fit in anywhere after that. I don't have anyone to confide in anymore, even though I don't really have anything to confide anyway. Life is too tricky for a simple girl like me. I wanted to be a part of something and I can't find a way in. It's over for me, close the curtain; Maria DeLuca is about to leave the building. I'm sorry, I never meant to disappoint. All I ever wanted was someone to watch over me. Maria.

Michael looked over his shoulder at Liz and saw that damn twinkle. "Maybe now you've saved her twice." She arched her eyebrows and smiled.

He nodded and turned back to the paper in front of him as the words faded. His heart began to race and he looked back to Liz but she was gone. "Liz?" He called out and walked to the front door, her car was gone.

He took shallow breaths as he heard a voice; "it's not real." It took a minute to realize that the voice was his own.

He ran his hands through his dampening hair and walked into the bathroom. His shirt was sticking to him like a second skin. He stripped and turned on the water for the shower. Stepping in the cold stream, it began to warm.

*        *          *
XIII.


Michael sighed as steam rose around him. He went back over everything he had done in the last couple of days from walking into the unknown to Liz Parker and her mysterious eye thing to the vanishing words on the horrific note from Maria. Nothing made sense. Nothing except for one thing, what he had told himself; "It's not real."

He turned off the water and got out of the shower, after wrapping a towel around his waist he wiped the condensation from the mirror and looked at his reflection. He looked into the eyes of a better man than he used to be. A more compassionate man than he ever thought he could be.

"This is it Guerin," he said to his reflection. "Everything has told me that this was my last night here. Liz said I saved Maria twice, what exactly she meant by that, I don't know." He shook his head. "No, I do know! I'm not stupid, I know exactly what the hell she meant with her fucking twinkling eyes and mysterious monologues! Ha!" He laughed heartily throwing back his head and holding on to the sink basin for support.

"Oh God! Two times! I showed Maria, not mine but the other one, that life was worth living that she wasn't alone! She needed me to be there, she needed someone to watch over her! I mean, not only did I watch over her, someone's been watching over me! I was there, but it wasn't really her. There aren't two realities. Only one, mine. Someone up there was showing my dumb ass that I take her for granted. I don't mean to, but it happens.

"I should have proposed to her last year, hell three years ago, the day I met her, who knows?" He began to pace the tiled floor. His words streamed out in a frenzy. "It's not all about me, it's about her. I don't drag her down; she needs my life and all it's craziness as much as I need her life and all the saneness! I saved her from a life of the ordinary and she saved me from a life of…Whatever the fuck it would have been like, all I know is that it would have sucked."

His laughter became more maniacal as his pacing in the confines of the small bathroom became awkward.

"That's it. I was given the chance to see how the other way would have been and I didn't like it, oh God, did I not like it. Screw it, when I get back to my place, that ring will be on her finger in a matter of seconds and I will never, ever take Maria DeLuca for granted ever again. I swear to all things holy.

"Liz Parker, damn. Of course it was Liz who was there to show me! Who else would I have trusted that had Maria's best interest at heart? She may get on my nerves but Maria will never find a better friend than Liz." He shook his head.

He stepped out of the bathroom and rummaged through the drawers of the dresser for something to wear. He dressed in jeans, a black T-shirt and slipped a button down shirt over it. As he sat on the bed to put his boots on, he had the strange feeling of déjà vu. Lacing up the boots, he felt different.

He looked over his shoulder to the nightstand, his heart leaping into his throat. Beside the alarm clock was a picture of him and Maria at their high school graduation, arms slung over each other and all smiles.

"Oh God," his heart raced as he scurried across the bed to the picture. He picked it up and touched the faces. "Oh God." He set it down and with shaky hands opened the nightstand drawer. Rummaging around in it for a few seconds, his hands found what they were looking for. He pulled the little gift-wrapped box into the light and held it up. "Oh God."

On shaky legs he stood and promptly tripped over blankets that had spilled onto the floor. "Shit!" He gathered his composure and opened the bedroom door. As he walked down the short hallway, the first thing that came into view was a stolen Christmas tree with a scattering of ornaments on it. The next thing he saw was Maria DeLuca standing with her hands on her hips, ruby red lips parted in a smile.

"Damn Michael, something strike you as funny in there?" She asked with arched eyebrows. "You sounded like your very own laugh track."

"Maria?" He said her name slowly as he walked to her. "You're you, right?"

"Uh…" She took a step back from him. "Yeah. And you are…?"

"Oh God, don't you know me?" The words were deflated as his shoulders sagged.

"Michael, what the hell is wrong with you? Did you slip in the shower and hit your head?" Her smile broadened as she stepped towards him wrapping her arms around his waist. "What's with the George Bailey routine?"

He looked at her face and saw the Maria he had spent almost every day with for years. "Maria I've missed you so much!" He declared and buried his face in her long flaxen hair. "You have no idea…"

"Yeah, those twenty minute showers can be killer. What the hell is wrong with you?"

"Twenty minutes…" He looked around the room. "It's still Christmas, right? It's not October?"

"October?" Maria stepped back from him, the amusement in her eyes turned to worry. "What about October?"

"I…" He paused on his words debating if he wanted to tell her about his unexplained road trip into a different reality. A reality he hadn't fully understood until minutes earlier. He decided maybe he better not bring it up right away. Maria understood a lot, but this…Not right now. "I don't know."

"What about October, Michael?" She asked more adamantly this time, the worry turned to sorrow. "Michael…?"

"October," he said the name of the month slowly. October. Why did Maria look so sad about a fucking month? He searched his memory trying to place any importance in the month. He came up empty. "Maria. What happened in October?"

He watched as her sunny face became clouded. It wasn't his charge to be tossed into October, it really had been all for Maria. Something must have happened to her during that month…

"Michael, it was a month, okay?" She smiled through obvious darkness. "Come on, we've got things to do."

His fingers tightened around the gift box in his hand and he knew. "October was a bad time for you, wasn't it?"

She nodded and looked away.

"But you never told me anything was wrong," he stepped closer to her.

"I didn't…"

"Want to burden me?" he asked while a smile played on his lips. "Why Maria, why didn't you want to tell me anything? You know I've always been here for you."

She nodded and sighed. "I just fell into a rut and I thought there was no way out. I didn't feel worthy of…Of anything."

"October twenty-first," he said the date after a few seconds of calculation and watched as her eyes widened in shock. "That was the day wasn't it?"

"How did you…? Michael?" Tears hovered on her eyelids.

He wrapped his arms around her and squeezed. "You don't even want to know, Maria. I wasn't paying attention to you; I was probably acting all self-absorbed and never knew there was a problem, right? You can answer me honestly, I won't get mad."

"Yeah," she bit her bottom lip. "Just a few days when I thought the world sucked and I didn't think you'd listen to me. I didn't think anyone would listen to me. I had all these crazy thoughts running through my head."

He buried his face in her neck and kissed it. "I'm sorry."

"It's not your-"

"Maria," he pulled away from her and cupped her chin with his hand. "Listen to me. Let's just say that twenty minute shower showed me that I've been taking you for granted and I swear to God I'll never let that happen again. Ever."

"Michael…"

"No, I thought you'd always be there for me and I guess I see now that I always haven't been there for you. But from this day forward, I swear, with God and all persons with twinkling eyes as my witnesses, I will always be there for you. I'll always be the one you can come to for everything."

She laughed and wiped away the still tears. "You're acting nutty."

"I am nutty!" He laughed.

"That's why I love you Michael Guerin."

"And that's why you have to marry to me," he handed her the gift box and saw the confusion and excitement in her eyes. She looked back and forth between him and the box and finally ripped the paper off and threw it on the floor. He watched as her eyes lit up and with shaking hands, pulled the ring out of the box. "Maria DeLuca, I won't get down on one knee because that's normal and there ain't nothing normal about this relationship! And I don't care if it takes me all night to convince you, I'm not taking 'no' for an-"

"Yes Michael!" She shouted and jumped into his arms throwing her arms around his neck. "Oh God, yes!"

He smothered her face with kisses and spun her around the room. "I love you Maria."

After minutes of hugging, spinning and kissing, he set her down and slid that ring on her finger. "It's beautiful." She held her hand out and admired it. "So beautiful."

"You're beautiful," he said quietly as his entire body filled with the sensation of balance. "You're my yin."

"I guess then, you're my yang." She smiled and laughed. "We gotta go, I can't wait to go show this off to everyone tonight!"

Michael followed her to the door and opened it for her. He took one last look around his apartment and grinned before closing the door.

*        *        *

After a few hours of shopping and stopping by the DeLuca house to show off the ring and tell Maria's mother the good news, Michael and Maria eventually began the short trek to the Crashdown. Michael held her hand tight as he drove her car down the streets filled with Christmas lights and decorations.

She began humming and Michael hit the curb on a turn. He slammed on the brakes and stared at her. "What are you humming?" He asked, his eyes wide.

"Are you okay?"

"The song Maria. What was it?"

"Okay, it's 'Someone to Watch Over Me.' Why?"

"Why are you humming that? I've never heard you…"

She shrugged. "Just kind of popped in my head. I guess maybe because that's what I have in you, someone who'll watch over me."

His smile was replaced by a laugh and without saying anything else; he drove to the Crashdown and parked out front. Holding her hand, Michael escorted his new fiancée into the place where it had all started for them.

He made the announcement to their closest friends and reveled in the attention and congratulations bestowed on them.  As he held the hand of the only person he'd ever truly loved and looked around at the faces of those he held close to him, he sighed and smiled at what he liked to call his Christmas Revelation.

A quick glance at Liz was all it took. She winked at him and had that damn twinkle in her eye.

the end

*         *          *

Wishing you all a very happy & safe holiday.    becky


beckyrocks.com