Author:
Aleah
Rating:
PG-13
Pairing:
Michael/Maria, Maria/Alex
Improv
#8: lilac -- amuse -- savor -- sky
Disclaimer:
I don't own
alive
and Jesse would not exist.
The
first time I saw her was at her......well, I guess it was the equivalent
of
a coming-out party on Earth. I had
to go, because my father and her
father
grew up together. I hated it at
first, because my suit was itchy and
my
shoes were uncomfortable. But then I
saw her, and I instantly stopped
complaining.
Her
dress was lilac. No, wait, it was
darker than that. More like violet
or
royal
purple. It's not important.
So
anyway, the party was naturally held at the Antarian equivalent of a
country
club. The thought of either of us at
a country club now amuses me so
much
that sometimes I wonder if maybe I'm imagining all of this and none of
it
really happened. Hey, you probably
know, right? I wish I could ask you.
She
didn't look like she was having such a great time either.
Until she and
her
escort started dancing, that is. It
took me a little longer to remember
who
he was. Now I wish I hadn't.
It
only made me feel worse.
I
remember seeing them together, and I knew right then and there that I could
never
have her.
And
I never did.
But
you probably already knew that, right?
I
know history isn't going to repeat itself. Thanks
to you, it's not even
possible.
Did you think you were helping or something?
Helping me? God, if
you
could see how wrong you were.
When
I found out what you'd done -- except I didn't know you'd done it yet --
the
first thing I felt was relief. That
knowledge haunts me every day. I
was
so stupid and selfish. So were you.
Anyway, I was relieved because I
thought
the forces of the universe were cutting me a break, letting me have
what
I needed. Letting me get to be the
one to savor her this time.
I
should have known better.
I
did get to have her. But she still
managed to slip away from me. And
that
only
reinforced what I've always known anyway.
Even
if our souls travel throughout the universe together for the rest of
eternity,
I will never have her. The ending
will always be the same.
And
you thought you were changing it.
You
did, actually. By doing what you
did, you changed the ending to everyone
's
stories but ours.
For
as long as I've remembered it, I was always worried that one day Alex
would
wake up from his stupid infatuation with Isabel and remember the
feelings
he and Maria had shared on Antar. Now,
because of you, I know that
will
never happen.
But
the funny thing is, it's still going down the same way.
I
can never have her.
Only
now I almost did.
But
she still knows instinctively that there's something better out there for
her
than me.
What
she doesn't know is that he's been stolen from her forever.
By
you.
So
I just want to know, why did you do it? Why
did you choose him? Was it a
random
pick out of the four of them? Did
you figure that we wouldn't suspect
you
in the way we would have if it had been Liz or Kyle?
Or
was this your twisted. demented way of trying to help me before you left?
Well,
I have to tell you, you were completely wrong.
You
didn't help me.
You
didn't help anyone.
You
did nothing but shape and mold our lives so that we'd all end up alone
and
miserable. Is that what you thought
about as you blasted off into the
sky
alone except for the life inside you?
Or
were you looking foward? To going
back to Antar, to having Kivar welcome
you
with open arms? Did he even do that
at all? Or did he take the
granolith
and Max's son and lock you up for the rest of your life?
Do I even
care?
No, not really. I just want
to know.
Anyway,
the reason I hate you so much is simple. It's
not because you're a
traitor
who was planning to lead us to our deaths the whole time you were
here.
It's not because you took Max's son back to the leader of our enemies.
It's
not even because you killed Alex.
It's
because you killed Alex and took away Maria's only chance of happiness.
I
know it was a waste of time and paper, to write down all the things I want
to
know but can't ever find out. But
don't worry, Tess. If you ever come
back,
I'm going to give you this letter and watch you read it to make sure
you
don't skip a single sentence.
And
then I'm going to kill you.
Not
for the pain you caused me.
I'm
used to that.
Because
you destroyed Maria's whole life, and she doesn't even know it.
The
funniest thing is, the word destiny was like your montra when you first
came
here.
But
the only thing you ever accomplished was destroying hers.
So
in the end, you were the one who screwed up everyone's destiny for good.
And
the thing I want to know the most is this.
Do you even know?
