Author: becky rttavi@aol.com
Rating: R
Disclaimer: I own nothing Roswell related. I do own my mind, but no one would
want that.
Pairing: I/K
Spoilers: Graduation
Muse #2- frivolous- sorcerer- enchantment- punishment
~*~
I feel the way his skin tenses as my fingernails rake his back. As much as I try to fight it, it still manages to send shivers down my spine. We both know that there is nothing real between us. We found each other because of close quarters and the need for companionship. That's it. Nothing more.
I moan his name and I think of another. I think of someone I miss; someone I love. It's not fair to Kyle, but we have reached a silent understanding. What we have is good. There are no ties, no fights over frivolous things, no arguments that the others have. We get by on what we're doing and for now, it
might be enough.
We keep our relationship a secret from everyone; although we're both aware that there are no secrets. Secrets are not an option when you live as we do. Discretion is.
Sometimes I wonder if this will ever turn into anything more. I know he wouldn't object, I can see that in his dreams. I'm able to push that part away from me no matter how hard it swells up inside. I don't have room in my heart to love two men.
"Isabel…"
He murmurs my name as he thrusts inside of me. My legs wrap around his waist gliding through the sheen of sweat that binds us.
"Kyle…" It's too easy to say his name when we're like this. Too easy to fall into a pattern of need.
Every night he shares my bed. Sometimes we are intimate and sometimes we just hold each other until the morning comes. In the scary life we lead, this is my escape. This is my land of enchantment where nothing can go wrong. This is my release from real life and I know Kyle feels the same way. He's just as scared as the rest of us, but he hides it better behind his classic smirk and quick comebacks.
But he lets that persona fall when we're together. He lets me in so I can see what Kyle Valenti is really all about. But I try not to look too hard because it may change everything. I may see him for who he really is and it may change things. I may see him as he sees me. I may try to not run from my fear of falling in love and accept the punishment for the betrayal of my husband. The penalty for being who I am.
Then the daylight comes; we change our faces and actions like magic. We act like nothing has ever happened between us. We pretend that we don't share a bed every night. We focus our energy on the task at hand like we're supposed to. We save the nights for us and our passions. We savor the energy that fills the darkened skies. We long for the time when night takes over and folds down on the sun where everything is too visible.
Like a sorcerer casting a spell on the darkness of night, we fall into another world. An abyss of imagination and desire. As I feel him inside of me, his sweat dripping on my breasts, I think that maybe tomorrow I'll try to hold his hand during the day and see what happens.
But then I know I won't. What we have needs to stay cloaked in the dark. In an upside down world where nothing is at it seems everyone needs something to cling to. For me, it's the life that comes out at night.
end
